Get it Back ~ Chapter 13

Blair walks up the path to the front door of her aunt Dorian's mansion, her home away from home...a place to crash when things weren't working out elsewhere. When Max booted her and Starr from the Buchanan estate (like he really had the power to do that, not even being a real Buke himself...but anyway), she came back to Dorian's. Same thing when things went sour with Todd, this time and last. She sighs, as she pulls her coat around her, thanking god that her aunt was so agreeable about the constantly revolving door, between herself and Kelly. One of these days the two of them would get it right...and finally be able to move out for good.

She gives herself a quick once-over before getting the keys out, straightening her clothes, giving herself a sniff...making sure she doesn't reek of Colin's cologne. Then she unlocks the door and steps in, dropping her keys on the big table...making a face as she looks around, because the place is unusually dark. Starr's babysitter should have left some lights on...

"Heeeeyyy...I'm back, you guys!!" she yells, expecting to hear someone yell back down to her from upstairs...but they don't.

Blair starts turning lights back on, in the foyer, on the staircase and in the living room. She walks back to the base of the stairs, looking up.

"Sweeeeetieeee?? C'mon down! I know you're not asleep already...it's not THAT late," she mumbles, checking her watch. Amazingly enough, it hadn't taken her long to get back home...her little tryst with Colin had truly been a 'quickie.' Quick, but god-DAMN, it was good, she thinks, grinning to herself as she runs a hand through her short, spiky hair. She almost gets lost in remembering, but then realizes that no one has answered her yet. She sighs again, then trudges up the stairs to Starr's room. She opens the door, half-expecting to see them in front of the TV, ignoring her...but...no one's there. Blair takes a quick breath in, as motherly worry sets in. She races back down the stairs to her purse, grabbing her cell phone and dialing.

*****

The cell phone in Starr's babysitter's purse starts ringing, and the girl looks over at Starr and Tea, who have sequestered themselves in a corner booth. Starr looks over at the sound, giving her babysitter an emphatic shake of her head.

"Not yet!" she yells. "I'm not ready!"

The babysitter sighs, giving Starr a knowing look. "It's gettin' late, Starr...your mom's not gonna be too happy with me," she replies, about to answer the phone.

"Just tell her I wanted to eat out...blame it on me! Please, Suzanne??? Pleeeeease???"

Suzanne glances at Tea, who just shrugs...then she sighs, flipping open the mouthpiece.

"Uh...hello?"

Blair lets out a hard, relieved breath. "Oh, jesus...THERE you are! It's Blair...where ARE you guys??"

"Oh, hi, Mrs. ... uh...Manning...I'm so sorry, I forgot to call. I figured we'd be right back, but, uh...Starr decided she wanted to eat out."

On her end, Blair does a take. "Really? But..." she starts, trying to go over things in her head, but frankly, the events of the last two hours are still fogging her brain. She shakes her head, trying to clear it.

"...uh...well..."

"Everything's okay, Mrs. Manning, really. Starr's just sitting here, eating like a pig," Suzanne interjects, and Starr runs over to grab the phone.

"Hi, Mom," Starr says, pretending to have a mouth full of food.

"Sweetie, what're you doing? We got tons of stuff here."

"I know, but...chew, chew...I didn't know when you were coming home. I was STARVING, Mom...couldn't wait anymore. Besides...I'm sick of being cooped up in the house all the time." Chew, chew, chew...Starr keeps making the fake chomping noise, hoping her mom will just let it drop.

"Well...okay...as long as everything's alright. But you'd better get your butt back here FAST, y'hear me? It's been a rough couple of days, you know that." Blair replies, not so much worried about what Starr's doing, as she is about where Todd might be at the moment.

"Yeah, I know...we won't be long."

"Alright...and Starr?"

"Yeah?"

"DON'T make a habit out of this. I need to know WHERE you are, ALL THE TIME, got it??" Blair says, strolling back over to the table.

"Yes, Mom," Starr replies, respectfully.

"Okay. Put Suzanne back on."

"Okay...bye," she says, handing the phone back to Suzanne, who shakes her head at the little girl, amused. Starr rolls her eyes, then walks back to the corner booth, where Tea sits, looking at her with the same face.

"What?" Starr asks, with a shrug.

"YOU are really somethin'," Tea says, with a small laugh.

Starr grins, as Tea lifts her hand to support her chin. Starr suddenly notices the bandage around her wrist, and makes a face, like she didn't really notice it before. She walks over to Tea, reaching up to grab her arm...and Tea, not knowing what she's doing, lets her. When she finally realizes what the girl is looking at, she sighs.

Starr gives her a questioning look. "So...you cut yourself here? On purpose?" she asks, lightly drawing a finger across the bandaged area.

Again, Tea has to nod...not really knowing what else to do. Starr looks over at her other arm, and sees the similar bandage...then she looks at her questioningly.

"Why'd you do that?"

Tea swallows hard, having no answer...at least, not one that a kid her age would understand. She sighs again. "Well...all I can tell you is that...I was...I was really sad," she says, turning in the booth and leaning over, to be more at eye-level with Starr. "In fact, I was SO sad, that...I didn't think I had a reason to live anymore."

Starr takes that in, as well as she can, processing the information...but not really understanding it. Instinctively, though, it makes her sad, too...always remembering Tea as being a pretty happy person, most of the time.

Her brow knits tighter. "But...WHY...why did you think that?" she asks, and Tea sighs heavily.

"Well...things didn't go so well between your dad and me...and...I guess I just...uh..." she stutters through, finally shrugging. "...I guess I just lost any hope I had that it would ever work out."

Again, Starr tries to process the complex data...then she tilts her head a bit. "So...you and Daddy fought?"

Tea does a take at that, not quite sure how to answer. "Well...yeah, we did, but..." she says, uneasily.

Starr sighs at that, and Tea makes a concerned face. "What?" she asks, seeing the little girl chewing on her lip, her eyes suddenly getting a funny, misty look to them, as she directs them back at Tea.

"I don't know...I'm afraid something bad's gonna happen with my mom and dad. They've been fighting too. I didn't see it, but...they've both been acting really weird. Daddy came to see me at school, and he doesn't usually do that. And then when Mommy showed up, they had another big fight. Mommy put me in the car, so I couldn't hear a lot of it, but..." she trails off, chewing her lip again.

Tea gently grasps her upper arms, shaking her a little, making her look back. "It's okay...go on."

Starr swallows hard, fighting the urge to cry. "I DID hear her say...something like, 'if you think you can slap me around and still be around Starr, you're high.'"

Tea's eyes grow wide at that, her mouth falling open. "Oh, god," is all she can say, as she quickly covers her open mouth. Starr's lower lip trembles, and her face twists up...but she sniffs, wiping the tears away angrily.

"And then...when we got home, I asked Mommy to tell me what was going on, but she wouldn't...all she said was stuff like, 'your father's a sick bastard who likes to beat up girls.' I mean, she says a lot of mean stuff when she's mad, but...she's never said anything like THAT before. I don't know, Tee...I think...I think something bad happened. I think Daddy really DID hit her."

Tea feels a tightening in her chest, as Starr repeats her mother's angry tirade, curse words and all, then stops to take a ragged breath and wipe her face again.

"So...I wanted to see you, 'cause...you were with Daddy for a long time. I thought you could tell me."

Tea's shoulders drop as she sighs...then she clasps Starr's hands tightly. "Tell you what?"

Starr takes a deep breath. "Tell me if Daddy's ever done that to YOU."

Again, Tea's eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. This was probably the one question she never expected to have to answer...not from Starr, especially not when she was still this young. Tea glances up at Carlotta, who's just standing there with a hand over her mouth.

"He still loves you, Tee...I know he does. He told me. So...if you tell me that he never did anything like that to YOU, then...then he couldn't have done it to Mommy, right?"

Tea makes a strange face, at her somewhat pretzel-ized logic...letting out a breath that sounds confused. Starr waits, watching her face with anticipation, hoping for that 'no.' But as the seconds pass, she gets the distinct feeling that Tea's holding out on her...which suggests a different answer. Starr feels her insides dropping down with her growing uneasiness.

"Oh, no..." she finally whispers, after another tense moment, glancing down...and Tea blows out a breath, as if preparing to lift something heavy. Then she makes Starr look at her again.

"Okay...okay, just hold on a minute, let's...not get ahead of ourselves, alright? Now..." she starts, trying to think fast, words zipping through her head...trying to pick out the right ones. "...Starr...MY relationship with your dad...is NOT...the same as the one he has with your mom. So..."

"Yeah, but...he would probably do a lot of the same things, right? I mean, so just tell me. Did my dad ever hit you?"

Tea sighs hard, feeling like the walls are closing in on her...like she's being cornered into telling Starr the dark truths that only Todd should be telling her. She shakes her head, and it's Starr's turn to make Tea look at her.

"Please, Tee...TELL ME," she begs, desperate to know...and all Tea can do is put a hand over her mouth. Starr bites her lip, hard.

"He DID, didn't he?" she asks, but...looking at Tea's face, she knows. Starr pulls back from her, standing a few steps away, chewing her lip again. Tea rubs her face roughly, trying to get it together.

"Starr...um..." she starts, but the words are gone...if they were ever there in the first place. Starr looks back at her, with a mixture of confusion, sorrow and anger...and she doesn't know what to do now. Tea sees this...and she realizes, slowly...that if Starr is asking the questions, she needs to know the answers, no matter how young she still is or how awful the answers are. And she also realizes that...on some level, Starr still thinks of her as a source of truth. Right or wrong, Starr has chosen her...and now, she must live up to the standard.

Tea sniffs her tears back, wiping her face again. "Okay...um...yes."

Starr's eyes widen a bit, finally getting a definitive answer...though it's not the one she wanted to hear. She looks down for a second, then back up.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Tea instantly starts crying again at that. "Oh, Starr, honey...it's not your fault."

"Yeah, but...I don't know what else to say," she replies with a shrug, and Tea laughs a little. Starr steps back over, getting back in the booth across from Tea. She sits up on her knees, leaning on the table.

"What happened?"

"Well..." Tea starts, with a sigh, turning around in the booth to face her. "...we were...fighting, and..." she shrugs. "...and I said something that...I shouldn't have. We were both very, VERY angry, and it just...it got totally out of control."

Starr bites her lip again, taking it all in, her brain working overtime to comprehend it all. Tea wants to say more, but knows she's in a terrible, tricky spot now. Say the wrong thing, elaborate too much, and it could have repercussions that last the rest of the girl's life. God knows she may have said too much already...so she just waits...waits for Starr to ask something else.

Starr finally sighs, squirming around a bit. "So...it was his fault then...right? He got too angry."

Tea breathes deep, sitting back in the booth. "We were BOTH too angry, Starr. But..." she stops, realizing that no matter how she says this, Todd will come off as the bad guy. Things Todd should have thought of before, she thinks, with a shake of her head.

"...that day...was one of the worst days of my life. Your father and I...just...we both went crazy that day, and did things...nobody should ever do to anyone."

Starr wrinkles her brow. "What do you mean?"

Tea wags her eyebrows. "I mean...that...he hit me, and I hit him back. But...we never should have let ourselves get to that point in the first place."

Starr stares at her, trying so hard to keep up. But Tea can tell, she's confused. She sighs.

"I'm sorry, Starr. I don't MEAN to be vague with you, it's just that...adult relationships can be very...complicated things, and I'm not quite sure how to explain it all to you," she says, leaning in closer, folding her hands under her chin.

"The most important thing you need to know, is that violence in ANY relationship, it...it isn't right. It's NEVER right, and should never be tolerated. Do you understand that?"

Starr takes it in...then she nods, solemnly, leaning in too. "Yes."

"Okay. Now...if you understand that, then you know that...your father was wrong to hit me, and if he DID hit your mom, he was wrong to do that, too. No matter what. Because what that means, Starr, is that...your father has a serious problem controlling his anger."

Starr blinks at that, glancing away, then she looks back at her, ready to take in more.

"You still with me?" Tea asks.

Starr nods, though, her brow furrowed tight with concentration. Tea breathes deep again.

"Alright. Now...having said that, the other thing you need to know...and this is what makes it so complicated, is that..." she starts, finding herself unable to form the right words. Starr waits patiently, not wanting her to stop now.

"...there's a saying... 'it takes two to tango.' Ever hear that before?"

Starr thinks...then nods. "Yeah."

"Do you know what it means?"

The girl thinks again, hard...then she shrugs. "I don't think so."

Tea smiles, with a nod. "Alright. It means...that...in any relationship, there are two people, right? And...each person has a working brain and common sense. So...whatever happens in that relationship, whether it's good or bad, doesn't happen because of just ONE of those people."

She stops, gauging Starr's reaction...the deep set of her brow tells her she's probably lost her again. So she sighs again, backing up.

"What it means is...that...when bad things happen between a boyfriend and girlfriend, a husband and wife, or a mom and a dad...if they continue to stay together, even though they both know they probably shouldn't, then...the bad things can't be just ONE person's fault. Because they BOTH should know better. Does that make any sense?"

Starr moves her lip back and forth...then she shrugs, sheepishly. "Sorta."

Tea sits back, at a momentary loss. She thinks, and thinks...then...

"Okay...yes, it was wrong of your father to take his anger out on me like that. But...at the same time, I knew he was capable of it. But I was so angry at him, that...I didn't care, and *I* lost control, too. I pushed him by saying really awful things, things that...I knew would just make him angrier. So---"

"Ohhhh...oh..." Starr says, as something clicks for her. "...so...you KNEW that...if you said these things, he might...hit you...but you said them anyway."

Tea tips her head to the side. "Yeah...and in that PARTICULAR instance...to be fair, I would have to say that...I dared him to do it. So, while yes, it WAS his fault...it was also my fault, too."

Starr nods, very slowly. "Okay, but...does that mean that...it's ALWAYS like that? Does that mean that that's how it was with my mom and him?"

Tea sighs. "Not necessarily. Things are different for everyone...and like I said, the relationship he has with your mom isn't the same as the one he has with me."

"But...he's still the same person, right...? Whether he's with you...or Mommy."

"Well...yes."

"Then...then he COULD have, right?"

"Yes."

Starr swallows hard, thinking some more...then she looks at Tea again. "Do you think...my mom did what you did? Pushed him?"

Tea thinks, then shrugs slightly. "I honestly don't know, Starr. But...your mom and dad...they've known each other for a long time...and they know each other VERY well. Which means...they know how to make each other angry."

Starr chews on her lip again at that, nodding. "Yeah...you're right," she says...feeling things falling into place...a sense of understanding, at least a little. She sniffs, getting out of the booth, and walking over to Tea's side. Tea turns toward her, as Starr hugs her again.

"Thanks, Tee...I gotta go now," she says, simply. Tea shuts her eyes at that, hugging her tight.

"I'm sorry, Starr...sorry I couldn't tell you just good things."

Her head on Tea's shoulder, Starr plays with a strand of her hair, absent-mindedly. "I know...that's okay," she replies, finally pulling away. Tea offers a thin smile, pushing Starr's hair behind her ear.

"You gonna be okay?"

Starr gives her a mature nod...though it's clear she's worried. "Mmm-hmm...are you?"

Tea laughs a little. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

Starr nods again. "Can I come see you again?"

"You'd better," Tea replies, and Starr smiles. Then she starts backing away.

Finally getting up from the booth, Suzanne comes around and takes Starr's hand.

"C'mon, kiddo...we gotta jam."

Starr goes along with her, quietly. Tea stands up, and she and Carlotta both watch them go...then, Starr stops in the doorway, turning back to Tea with a thoughtful look.

"Te amo, Tee," she says, simply, with an appreciative smile.

Tea has to cover her mouth again, shocked to tears by that little gesture. She nods back, after a second.

"Yo lo amo, mi estrella," she replies, with a wink.

Starr grins back, not quite understanding the words...but getting the idea. She nods again, then lets Suzanne lead her out. The door swings back and forth, eventually stopping, leaving Tea in dead silence. Covering her mouth again, she turns to Carlotta, who's still in shock.

"Oh my god, Tea...that was..." she says, shaking her head, unable to find an appropriate word.

Tea nods, her arms dropping to her sides, her head tilting back. She closes her eyes, and prays, silently...

Oh, god...please...tell me I did the right thing.

*****

Blair checks her watch as she comes out of the kitchen, carrying a box of crackers and a glass of wine. She sighs, hoping Suzanne is about to walk in with Starr, as she pushes the living room's double doors open. The light from the foyer splits the darkness of the room, falling on part of the couch...

...where Todd's been sitting for the last hour. He watches Blair with narrowed eyes, as she walks right by, not even noticing him there in the shadow. She puts her load down on the desk, turning on the lamp...then she picks up the mail and starts going through it, humming unconsciously.

Todd stands up, quiet as can be, as she stands there with her back to him. He breathes deep, not even sure what he's going to say or do. All he can do is wait for her to see him...and go from there. Blair stuffs another cracker in her mouth as she flips through the bills...then she tosses them back down, picking up the glass and drinking. She sighs as she turns around, about to take another big sip...when she finally sees Todd right there in front of her.

"OhSHIT!" she gasps, nearly jumping out of her skin as the glass falls out of her hand. The glass hits the floor with a dull ping, spraying red wine all over the creamy carpet, and her pants. She looks down at the mess...then back up at him.

"Get outta here...RIGHT NOW," she hisses.

Todd just stares back at her with his typical, unreadable expression...and Blair tosses her head back, indignant.

"Are you DEAF?? I said get the FUCK OUT!"

The words seem to just fly by him, around him...doing anything but affecting him. He takes one step forward, toward her, and she immediately backs up into the desk, pointing a warning finger at him.

"Goddamn you, Todd...stay AWAY from me!! Haven't you done enough damage already?!" she yells, watching his eye twitch at that. She looks him up and down quickly, trying to gauge his condition. He's in different clothes, and not too disheveled. He also doesn't have that glazed-and-crazed look in his eyes, so that had to be a good sign. But still, his being there without her knowing it, and his poker face...it intimidates her, just like it always has...that predictable unpredictability.

The silence between them is awful...heavy and immediately angry, as Todd stares into her for another moment. Then finally, he blinks, and Blair thinks it may have been for the first time in a whole minute.

"Did you tell her?" he asks, his tone so hushed compared to her volume.

Blair makes a confused face at that...then she straightens up, realizing what he means. "Tell her what?"

Silence again for a second...then: "You know damned well WHAT," he replies, still quiet.

Blair folds her arms, hesitating for a bit. Then she sighs. "No...I DIDN'T tell her. Not yet, anyway."

He takes that in, glancing away from her for just a second. "Where is she?"

"She's not here."

"WHERE...is she?" he repeats, with the slightest edge of impatience...and Blair's eyebrow cocks slightly.

"She's out with Suzanne...and I don't know when she'll be back."

"Don't bullshit me, Blair."

She laughs, humorlessly. "I'm NOT bullshitting you, TODD," she fires back, sarcastically...and another awkward silence passes before she sighs, leaning back on the desk.

"And y'know...I haven't changed my mind any in the last two minutes. Get out."

He shakes his head at her. She nods. He shakes his head again...and she laughs louder this time, that same stinging, acid laugh.

"If you think...that I'm just gonna let you brainwash her, after what you did to me...you're WRONG, honey. You're in deep shit...up to here, you got me?" she says, her hand marking a spot way above her head. "And there's no way you're gonna just TALK your way out of it. So you can forget it!"

Todd runs his tongue along the inside of his mouth, flickers of rage running hot through his veins...but he breathes deep again, pushing them down, down, down. Calm...calm... he repeats mentally, like a mantra, shaking his head slightly.

"You don't get to tell Starr anything. That job...is MINE. ONLY mine."

She tosses a hard breath in his face. "Says who...YOU?"

"Yeah...ME. Know why? 'Cause it's MY fucking life. You didn't live it, Blair. You weren't there," he says, voice rising some, as he advances on her again, getting in her face. She leans back, but doesn't move...trying her best to look tough.

"You think you know so much about me, about MY LIFE..." he says, his tone calm...but also cold and condescending, as he looks her up and down. "...but really...you don't know SHIT. You never have."

Blair bites the inside of her lip...intimidated, but not out of the game yet. She squints at him. "Yeah, well...I never was particularly interested in hearing about your broken home, and I don't think Starr will be either...y'know why? Because it doesn't solve the problem, Todd. The problem is HERE AND NOW...not ten years ago, not twenty...NOW. And all your pathetic whining about your stepfather isn't gonna change the fact that YOU...are just as bad."

His eyes flash at that. She sees it, and suddenly wonders if what she said was wise...almost regretting it, but...she can't backpedal now, so, she stands firm. And while all this is going on, the front door opens, but they're too wrapped up in each other to notice. Suzanne and Starr step through, and Starr walks right into the living room, seeing both her parents there. She holds her breath, as she watches them stare daggers at each other, Todd only inches away from Blair's face.

"Did your stepfather MAKE you rape Marty?? Did he MAKE you stalk Nora and abandon your own child?? Huh?? Are you EVER gonna take responsibility for ANYTHING you've done...or are you gonna blame it ALL on him??"

Todd feels it inside him, that thin rope of calm, stretched to its limit...unraveling, faster and faster...

"You're a FUCKUP, Todd...and I WON'T let you have her. You are NEVER gonna get near her again, do you hear me??!!"

SNAP!

"Fuck you, Blair...you fuckin' BITCH..." he hisses, grabbing her arms suddenly...and she gasps, trying to squirm out of his hold.

"Get OFF!!" she yells.

Suddenly, a child's scream cuts through the air. "NO!! STOP!!! STOP IT!!!"

Both Blair and Todd freeze...instantly recognizing the voice...and both of their heads whip over, to see Starr, standing there, eyes wide, mouth open. Her chest heaves with hard, painful breaths, powering the stream of tears running down her face. Todd and Blair both are too stunned and humiliated to say anything...and all they can do is look on, as their beautiful child's face contorts, and her fists ball up with an anger she's never experienced. For a few more seconds, she's so mad she can't even get a word out...but finally, she makes herself talk.

"What...is WRONG WITH YOU??" she whispers loudly, at both of them.

Blair looks at Todd...Todd looks at Blair. He lets her arms go, finally, turning and moving toward Starr...who immediately backs away.

"Don't you TOUCH ME! GET AWAY!!" she suddenly yells at him, and Todd jumps back, scared shitless by her fury. Blair covers her mouth, still in shock, watching helplessly as Starr stands there in the middle of the room, crying hysterically...but not allowing anyone to come near her. The little girl wipes her face, uselessly...as more tears fall, wetting her face all over again. Then she shakes her head...with a horrible, accusatory look first at Todd, then at Blair.

"I hate you...I hate you BOTH."

With that, Starr turns on her heel and runs out of the room, blazing past Suzanne and rocketing up the stairs. A door slams hard on the second floor, shaking the whole house...then it dies, plunging the adults into a cold, empty stillness. Suzanne goes right up after Starr, leaving Todd and Blair alone again...

...and all they can do is stare at each other, shell-shocked and speechless.

To Be Continued