Susannah took his hands. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. I'm right here. You're in my office. Frank and a very nice tech named Angelo are here. You're safe, Todd." Susannah was surprised he hadn't called out for Viki or Sam as he usually did when he surfaced. She hoped he wasn't still presenting as psychotic.

*****

In the outer office, Sam and Viki heard Todd's screams. Viki started to get up.

"It's okay. Susannah will call if Todd is in trouble." Terry's voice was reassuring. It was also firm, clearly giving the message that Sam and Viki should not interrupt the session.

*****

"Doctor Hanen, please don't leave me!" Todd begged.

"Todd. I'm here for as long as you need me. You don't ever have to worry about that." Susannah squeezed his hand as she gave him her word.

"I remember! He threw us out. That bastard threw us out into the snow. My mom only had on this thin robe and no shoes. She was so cold and she was worried about me. She wanted to keep me warm. Oh God! She was worried about me. Mama! Mama!" Todd cried as if his heart were breaking.

Susannah, Frank and Angelo exchanged looks. They were all amazed that Todd was sharing Storm's memory. Susannah's heart raced. She had to be very careful with this opportunity that Todd was giving her.

"I love Mama so much. I miss her so much. Oh God. I want my mama. I wanna be with her again. She told me she'd take me with her. She promised. She promised!" Todd kept repeating, as Storm had.

"It hurts when someone doesn't keep a promise," Susannah acknowledged.

"I love my mom. It's so safe in her arms. It was so cold, but she held me and made it all right. Please! I want my mama. Please!" Todd's body shook as huge sobs racked through it.

"Todd, do you want me to hold you?" Susannah asked.

"No . . . yes! Yes, ohhhh!" Todd cried out.

Susannah took him in her arms. She stroked his head. "Shhhhh. It's safe to remember. No one is going to hurt you. It all happened a long time ago."

"It feels like it's now. It feels like I was just with my mama." Todd rested his head on Susannah's shoulder as he continued to cry and remember.

"I know it feels like it just happened. That's the way memories can be sometimes. It's called a flashback. I promise. You are safe here. You can remember and nothing will hurt you." Susannah rubbed his back.

"My dad was screwing around behind my mom's back. That miserable bastard! I heard him. He was talking to some woman about all the things they did. I hated her." Todd pulled away from Susannah. "IT WAS MY FAULT!" Todd wailed.

"What was your fault?" Susannah asked.

"The phone. I wasn't allowed to pick up the phone. It was a rule. I broke the rule. I was wondering how bad it was gonna snow and if there'd be school the next day. I was gonna call the weather. I heard him talking to her. I heard what they were talking about. I couldn't help it. I was so surprised. I didn't think to put the phone down. Mama came downstairs. She'd been drinking. She must have seen something was wrong. She took the phone out of my hand and she listened. She wasn't thinking straight or she would have known better than to go after him like that. She was so angry. She ran in and pulled the phone out of his hand. She started to scream and curse at him."

Todd's tears increased. His chest heaved as he choked on his sobs. "I'm such a coward. God! I'm such a coward. He's right. I'm a wimp. I act like a frightened little girl. I hid under the table. I knew he was gonna hurt her and I hid under the table." Todd's voice was filled with self-loathing.

"Todd, you were just a little boy. There was nothing you could have done to protect your mother. She was a grown woman and your father was a grown man. A very big grown man."

"No! I was all she had once her father died. I should have protected her. Mama! Mama I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mama! Please. I wanna see her. I wanna tell her I'm sorry. Please find her for me." Todd reached out desperately. He threw his head back and wailed. "Mama! Mama! Please! I'm sorry! Tell me what I did! Was it because I didn't help you? Was I bad! Mama, please tell me what I did. Mama, please! I'll be good. I'll try harder. I'll protect you. I won't be a coward and a wimp. Mama pleeeease!"

Todd's pleas tore into their hearts. It had been a while since Todd had this reaction. Susannah glanced at Frank and Angelo. They had tears in their eyes as she did in her own. Susannah didn't know if he was still aware of where he was. "Todd, can you hear me?" Susannah asked gently.

Todd held onto Susannah's hand tightly. He turned his head in the direction of her voice. "Please find my mama for me. Please tell her it's okay to come back to me. I'll be a good son this time. I won't let him hurt her. Please tell her I love her."

Susannah put her arm around his shoulder. "Todd, do you know where you are and who I am?" Susannah wanted to make sure he was oriented to place and person.

Todd stopped crying for a minute and thought about her question. "The hospital. Your office. You're Doctor Hanen. My mom says you have to show respect to people. You don't call doctors and teachers and ministers by their first name. Even if the teacher tells you to call her by her first name, you don't. It's not respectful," he whispered more to himself than to her.

Susannah remembered once, back when she first started treating him, asking Todd why he always addressed her so formally instead of calling her by her first name. Todd shrugged and told her that he wasn't comfortable calling her by her first name. She remembered how he had also told her how his mother taught him never to look in a lady's purse because it was private. She also remembered someone telling her that when Todd had held Rebecca Lewis hostage, he apologized to her for looking in her purse. Even under those circumstances, Susannah thought, he was still trying to be the good boy and please his mama. She knew most of the alters also still tried to please their mother in a similar fashion. Even Pete addressed her formally.

"Am I in your office?" Todd whispered.

"Yes, honey. You're in my office." Susannah hugged him to her. "Can you feel me holding you?" she asked tenderly. He nodded. "You are safe here, Todd. We will never let anyone hurt you. Everyone here cares very much about you. Sam and Viki love you so much. They love you with all their hearts, as if you were their child."

Todd seemed to be calming down. Some tears trickled down his cheeks. "I wanna be with my mom."

Very gently, Susannah said, "Honey, I know you do, but your mom is dead. Do you remember that?"

"No . . . no. She's . . ." Todd buried his head in Susannah's shoulder. Huge sobs tore through his thin frame. Todd was starting to grieve for his mother. Susannah offered silent comfort. She waited until he was ready to talk. "I hate him! Why did he treat her like that? She tried to be so good to him. She tried to look nice for him, and cook what he liked. She kept everything quiet the way he liked it. She kept the house so clean. He hated messes. He always wanted everything in order. You couldn't move his stuff. If it was an inch out of the way he left it he would notice. It would be okay until he came home. When it was just my mom and me it would be okay."

Todd was calming down. He stayed snuggled in Susannah's arms. "Tell me some of the good memories. What did you and your mom do when it was just the two of you?" Susannah coaxed.

A small smile came to Todd's face. "When I was really little, she would make me breakfast. My mom made the best French toast. She would have breakfast with me. She'd play word games with me. She'd tell me I was smart because I was good at it. She'd tell me stories about when she was a little girl and how much fun she had with her dad. My Grandpa Tom was really nice. He was good to my mom. He was good to me too. Then she'd help me get dressed. She let me pick out what I liked to wear, even if it didn't match. She would have to make sure I was dressed okay before my dad came home, but during the day she let me wear what I liked."

Todd's body relaxed as he continued. "Most of the time we went out back to play. Mama didn't like to go far from the house because he got mad if he called and she wasn't around. He made her tell him, in advance, if she was going to the supermarket. He had to know where she was." Todd's expression turned wistful. "Sometimes, she would take me out anyway. She took me to the zoo and the park and . . . I don't remember. There was someplace else she used to take me, but I don't remember."

Susannah was pretty sure it was on picnics to Paradise. She did not want to bring that up now. Todd's mind was protecting him from remembering that and this was not the time to push it. "It sounds like you got to have some wonderful times with your mom," Susannah stated.

"My dad would always spoil it. Even when he wasn't around he would spoil it because she was so afraid all the time. She always kept looking at her watch. It was like he was always watching and hearing us."

Susannah remembered what some of the alters told her about Peter telling them that no matter where they were he could always hear and see them.

"My mom was so pretty. She had beautiful hair. She would let me brush it."

"You enjoyed brushing your mom's hair," Susannah restated.

"Yeah," Todd whispered. "My dad hated me doing it. He used to say I would grow up to be a fag. He . . . " Tears started down his cheeks again. "He hated me so much. He hated everything about me. Why! What did I do to make him hate me so much? I tried so hard to be a good son and not disappoint him and not give him heartache. I tried to make him proud of me. I would have done anything to make him proud of me. I used to lift weights until my hands were bleeding. I worked harder to be a good football player than anyone. I forced myself to eat until I'd almost throw up so I'd get bigger. I tried to do whatever I thought he'd like. I said what I thought he'd want me to say. I treated people the way I thought he wanted me to treat them. I could never get it right. I'd always screw up. I always ended up making him hate me even more than before. I just can't do anything right. No matter what I do, I mess it up. He hated me and she left me and neither of them would tell me what I did. Did I do something so bad they can't tell me?"

"No. Absolutely not!" Susannah stated firmly. "Todd, listen to me. You were a wonderful, smart, gifted and loving little boy. You did nothing wrong. Your parents had very severe problems that you had nothing to do with. They would have been the same way to any child." Susannah was trying to quickly decide if this was the right time to tell him that his parents had adopted a little girl before him and had abused her as well. Before she could decide, Todd continued.

"My mom was so sad all the time. Especially after my Grandpa Tom died. She was always crying and drinking. He used to make fun of her when she cried for her dad. That bastard! I hate him. He wouldn't let her cry for her dad and he wouldn't let me cry for her." Todd looked surprised by what he had just said. "He wouldn't. He wouldn't let me cry for her." Todd jerked his head to the side. "Ohhhh, I'm not supposed to cry. I'm not supposed to cry."

"When weren't you supposed to cry?" Susannah pressed gently.

"After she left. He'd slap me if I cried for her. He'd slap me and . . . no!" Susannah knew Todd had been on the verge of remembering some other torture Peter had inflicted on him. His mind had quickly protected him from it.

"Shhhh. You're okay. You're safe," Susannah reminded him. She tightened her grip on him a little.

"Even after she died, I wasn't allowed to cry. Sometimes I'd have nightmares and wake up crying for her. He would make fun of me. I once heard him imitating my crying over my mom to one of his girlfriend's. She was laughing at me too. She pretended to like me. Then she laughed at me too. I hate her. I hate all of them. I wanted my mom," Todd wept.

Susannah noticed that he had quickly replaced what may have been an excruciatingly painful memory with one that, while very painful, was bearable.

"It hurts so much to talk about my mom," Todd allowed.

Susannah rocked him gently. "You've done such a good job today. Do you know how proud of you I am? How proud of you we all are?" Susannah praised him.

"It felt good inside. Before I came out," he admitted.

"Todd, what's the last thing you remember before you came back just now?" Susannah posed.

He thought for a few moments. He looked surprised. "I heard a little boy talking about this. He talked about it like it happened to him. Like she was his mama."

Susannah closed her eyes and smiled to herself. She, Frank and Angelo made eye contact. They all knew how important this was. Todd had taken another crucial step. "Were you able to see the little boy?" Susannah asked.

Todd shook his head. "No, I just heard him."

"Do you remember where you were or what you were doing before you heard him?"

"I was . . ." A look of longing appeared on Todd's face. "I was with him."

"Him?" Susannah asked, even though she surmised Todd was talking about Goodone.

"He has such good eyes. There's so much love in them." Todd closed his eyes. The good memories flooded through him. "It's so warm when I'm with him. It's so safe."

"Todd, do you remember his name?"

He thought for a minute. "Papa. I call him Papa." Todd began to tremble.

"What is it? Are you remembering something else?" Susannah pressed. Todd's trembling increased. "Frank would you hand me that blanket?" Susannah pointed. Frank handed it to her. Susannah let go of Todd for a moment so she could wrap the blanket around him.

"No!" Todd reached out frantically. "Please. Don't leave me! Please!" Todd begged when he felt Susannah loosening her grip.

"Shhhh. It's all right, honey. I'm just going to put this blanket around you. I'm not going anywhere. Shhhhh," Susannah soothed.

She pulled the blanket around Todd's still trembling body and then held him tightly. "Is that better?"

He nodded slightly. "He made me leave him." Todd whispered.

"Who made you leave him?" Susannah was confused.

"Papa. He made me go to the tunnel. He walked with me and held my hand. We heard the little boy. He told me it was okay to listen. I told him I was afraid. He told me to come to you. He said you would be waiting for me. He said I was strong enough to come to you and it was okay to remember this. He said he would be there for me if I need him." Tears slid down Todd's cheeks.

"What is it? Tell me, Todd," Susannah gently coaxed.

"I want him. I want Papa and I don't know how to get to him. I don't know how to find him. He said he would be there if I need him. I need him and I can't find him." Todd's tears continued. He felt lost, alone and afraid.

"Maybe you can't find him now because you really need to be here for a while? Maybe you want to stay here and talk about what you remember, and feel the love of your family? Viki and Sam love you so much. They want to make you feel warm and safe. Maybe that's why you're not able to find Papa right now, hmmm?" Susannah suggested. She spoke in a low voice. Her mouth was close to his ear. She tightened her grip around him a little and gently rocked him.

Todd hung his head against Susannah's shoulder. "He said you would be there for me. You really won't leave me?" Todd asked, meekly, in a childlike voice.

"Never. I am here for as long as you need me," Susannah promised.

"Even if I do something bad?"

"Honey, there is absolutely nothing you could ever, ever do that will chase me away. I'm your doctor and I care very much about you. No matter what you do or say, I will never leave you. I promise." For the first time, Susannah felt that Todd, himself, was truly bonding with her.

Todd started to calm down. He then became anxious again. "What if I make you break your promise? What if I do the same thing to you that made my mama leave forever? No one will tell me what I did. How can I keep from doing it again if no one will tell me what I did? I'll end up doing it again and then all of you will hate me. You and everyone here and Viki and Sam and . . ." Todd’s breath was coming in gasps. He was working himself into a panic attack.

"Shhhh. Todd, calm down. Honey, you're getting yourself all worked up. Shhhh. Breathe slowly. Come on. No one is going to hate you, not ever. I know it's hard to believe a promise when so many promises have been broken to you, but you need to learn to trust us. We will never leave you, forever. I won’t ever leave you and neither will any of the staff. Viki and Sam will never leave you. They love you so much. They’re so proud of you. Shhhh. Take a slow deep breath. Breathe with me Todd. Come on, honey. Try to breathe with me." Todd mimicked Susannah's breathing. He soon started to calm again. Susannah stroked his head. "You're doing great, Todd," she praised him.

Todd held on to her. He allowed his head to rest on her shoulder again. "Do you think she hated me because I didn't help her? Do you think she knew I was a coward so she left? She said she'd take me with her, but she left. I was so scared to be left alone with him. Why did she leave? Was it because I didn't help her? Maybe she thought I didn't love her? Maybe she was ashamed to have such a wimp for a son?" Todd kept repeating these questions over and over again.

Susannah's heart broke for him. "Todd, your mom was abused by your dad. He's the one who made her miserable. I know it's hard to understand why she left you too. Your mom was afraid. She was too weak to fight anymore. She might not have been able to think straight. Maybe she really believed that she could get a little stronger and come back for you." Susannah did not want him to remember the last time he really saw his mom, right now. She knew that he was not ready for that, especially physically. Susannah also realized he had not remembered the rest of Storm's memory. He said nothing about finding a strange woman in his mother's bed or about what Peter did to him that night. Neither he nor Storm had been able to talk about that.

"It was so cold. My mom was so cold. I saw the snow coming down on her. She only had on this real thin robe. I hated him so much that night. How could he throw her out in the . . ." Todd suddenly stopped talking and pulled away from Susannah. A look of horror covered his face. "Delgado! Oh God! Delgado. Delgado! I-I . . . oh God! Get Delgado here. I wanna see Delgado. Please. I have to see her. Tell her to come. Tell her to come now! Please. I need to see Delgado. Oh god!" Todd was once again heading toward a panic attack.

"Todd, you need to calm down and listen to me. I will call Téa and tell her you want to see her. First you need to calm down." This surprised Susannah. She knew how much it upset him to have Téa see him in his condition. "Can you tell me why you want to see Téa?"

"I have to tell her. Please! I have to tell her. I WANNA SEE DELGADO!" he shrieked.

"Angelo, will you please ask Terry or Eileen to call Téa and ask her to get here as soon as she can?" Susannah directed. "Okay, Todd. Terry is right outside and she will call Téa. Now, I want you to try to calm down." Susannah put her hand on his arm. He pulled away and then pulled his body along the floor until he felt the wall at his back. Susannah looked at Frank and shook her head. She wanted Todd to try to calm on his own.

Todd pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in them. He was shivering. "Would you like to go back to your room and wait for Téa there?" Susannah asked.

She saw the slight shake of his head. She heard his muffled voice say, "I wanna stay here."

"Okay, you can wait for Téa here," Susannah agreed. Susannah picked up the blanket that had fallen off of him when he pulled away. "Todd, I can see you're cold. Will you let me put this blanket around you?" He nodded and pulled forward, slightly. Susannah wrapped the blanked around him. He pulled it tightly closed and buried his head in his knees again.

*****

Both Viki and Sam jumped up when they saw Angelo come out of the inner office. Once Todd had stopped shouting they were not able to hear what was going on inside. The next thing they heard was Todd shouting for Téa. They could not believe what they were hearing.

"Terry, the doc wants you to call Todd's wife and ask her to get here ASAP."

Terry turned to Viki and Sam. "Do you know Téa's office number?"

"Call her cell phone. She always has it with her," Viki suggested. She gave Terry the number.

As Terry called, Viki and Sam turned to Angelo. "What's going on in there? Is Todd all right?" Sam asked frantically.

"Yes. He had some very important memories and made some disclosures. He's a little upset now and I really need to get back inside."

"Can we go in and see him?" Viki pressed.

"I'll find out and be right back," Angelo offered. Angelo stuck his head in the door. Todd was still pulled into a ball against the wall. He motioned for Susannah to come to the door.

"Is Téa coming?" Susannah asked.

"Terry's calling her now. Sam and Viki want to come in and see Todd?" he informed her.

"I'll ask him." Susannah headed back to where Todd sat on the floor.

*****

Téa was in the hallway of the Landlord/Tenant court with one of her clients. The woman was three months behind in her rent because she had been out of work. Now, with her new job, she was able to start paying off the back rent. Her landlord was still trying to evict her. Téa was hoping that a deal could be worked out. When she answered her phone and heard it was Terry her heart started to beat wildly. She was afraid that Terry would not be calling her unless something terrible had happened. Téa's client noticed her go pale. Téa excused herself and stood off in a quiet corner so she could hear.

"Téa, I'm sorry to bother you." Terry apologized. "Todd is asking to see you."

"What!" Téa was sure she had heard wrong. "Did you say Todd wants to see me?"

"Yes," Terry answered.

"You mean Tom or Timmy or one of the alters, don't you?" Téa asked. She could not believe Todd would want her to see him.

"No. It's Todd. He's upset and he's asking for you. Can I tell Susannah you'll be here?"

"Yes! Of course, I'll be right there," Téa replied without hesitation. Téa looked at her watch. "I'll be there within half an hour." Téa's hands shook as she closed her phone. Téa knew this was an awful thing to do to her client, but there was no way in Hell she was about to tell Todd that she couldn't come to see him. Téa looked around for a moment. She went over to one of her colleagues. Grabbing the man's arm she pulled him aside. "Paul! I need you to do me a huge favor. I have to get to the hospital. There's a problem with my husband. I need you to appear before Judge Martin with Mrs. Gonzalez and tell the him what happened and ask for a postponement. I'll owe you big time if you do this for me."

"Téa," Paul sounded exasperated. "You already owe me and half of the lawyers in Llanview big time for covering for you." Paul looked at Téa's desperate eyes. "Okay. Go take care of your husband. Don't worry. Martin's easy going."

"Thanks, I really do owe you," Téa called to him. She was already rushing toward the elevator. Téa's heart and mind were racing. There was only one thought that kept running through her mind as she jumped into her car and started the motor. Todd wants to see me. My God! Todd wants to see me.

TO BE CONTINUED