Previously..."Mrs. Manning. I'm sorry to bother you, but Todd is asking to see you." "What!" Téa was sure she had heard wrong. "Did you say Todd wants to see me?" "Yes," Terry answered. "You mean Tom or Timmy or one of the alters, don't you?" Téa asked. She could not believe Todd would want her to see him. "No, it's Todd. He's upset and he is asking for you. Can I tell Doctor Hanen you'll be here?" "Yes! Of course I'll be right there," Téa answered without hesitation. Téa looked at her watch. I'll be there within half an hour," Téa confirmed. Her hands shook as she closed her phone. Téa knew this was an awful thing to do to her client, but there was no way in Hell she was about to tell Todd that she couldn't come to see him. Téa looked around for a moment. She went over to one of her colleagues. Grabbing the man's arm she pulled him aside. "Paul. I need you to do me a huge favor. I have to get to the hospital. There is a problem with my husband. I need you to appear before Judge Martin with Mrs. Gonzalez and tell him what happened and ask for a postponement. I'll owe you big time if you do this for me." "Téa," Paul sounded exasperated. "You already own me and half of the lawyers in Llanview big time for covering for you." Paul looked at Téa's desperate eyes. "Okay, go take care of your husband. Don't worry. Martin's easy going." "Thanks, I really do owe you?" Téa called to him as she was already rushing toward the elevator. Téa's heart and mind were racing. There was only one thought that kept running through her mind as she jumped into her car and started the motor. "Todd wants to see me. My God! Todd wants to see me."

*****

Susannah knelt down to where Todd sat, huddled against the wall in her office. He held his knees against his chest, tightly. His head was buried in them. The memories that flooded through Todd's brain had overwhelmed him. The thought of Téa seeing him the way he was still repulsed him, but something was compelling him to want to see her. The compulsion overpowered his fear and shame. He was having trouble remembering why, but right now all he wanted was to see his wife.

"Todd, Viki and Sam are right outside. Do you want to see them? Do you want them to be with you?" Susannah asked, cautiously. At first Todd didn't respond. Susannah wondered if he had gone into a trance state. "Todd, can you hear me?" She asked softly. "Sam and Viki are angry at me," Todd announced, his voice muffled by his knees. "Why do you think they're angry with you?" Susannah asked. "Because I'm a loser and a screw-up. I made him hurt Viki and she hates me?" Susannah knew he was becoming confused. He was half in and half out of reality, confusing the past with the present. She tried to redirect his attention back to the present. "Todd, no one hurt Viki. Viki is fine. She's right outside with Sam." "No, she went away and she won't tell me why. He hurt her and she was supposed to take me with her. She promised, but I was bad and she left me." "Who do you think hurt Viki?" Todd didn't respond. "Do you think Sam hurt Viki?" Susannah wanted clarity. She wanted to make sure Todd wasn't confusing Sam with his father.

"Sam went away. He thinks I'm a disappointment. He has a good son. He doesn't want a stupid, screw-up for a son." "Todd, Sam loves you very much. He would be proud to have you for a son. He's right outside with Viki. Sam will never leave you. Neither will Viki. They have been here with you from the beginning. They will never leave you. They want to see you. Is it all right?" "Is it really Sam and Viki? Are you sure they're not pretending to be Sam and Viki?" Susannah hoped he wasn't starting to experience another psychotic episode.

"Yes, I'm am absolutely sure. They love you Todd. They love spending time with you. They were out to lunch and they missed being with you and now they want to see you. It's safe to let them comfort you and be here for you. Is it okay with you if they come in?" Todd nodded yes. "I'm going to step outside to the waiting area that's right outside the door. I'm going to let Sam and Viki know it's all right for them to come in. I'll be right back. Okay?" Susannah did not want him to think she was abandoning him. He nodded yes again. She patted his knee and stood up and headed for the outer office.

Susannah filled Sam and Viki in, briefly, on what had transpired with Storm and Todd. She told them she would discuss it with them in detail, later. They were very surprised when told that Todd had heard Storm talking and that so many memories had come to the surface. Viki and Sam saw Todd huddled in a ball against the wall and immediately headed for him. "Sweetheart, it's Viki. Sam and I are here for you." "It's okay Pal. You're safe here," Sam added. Sam stroked Todd's head. Todd pulled away and scampered off to another section of the wall.

Sam and Viki looked at Susannah. They didn't understand what was going on with him. "Todd, are you upset with Sam?" Susannah asked. Todd lifted his head from his knees. "He hates me!" "No! My God, Boomer! I love you. I love you with all my heart." Guilt washed over Sam. He knew Todd remembered his reluctance to touch him after Angel had gone inside and Todd had come out. "No! You don't want me to be your son. You don't want me to come home with you. You know I'm bad and a stupid, worthless, loser and a disappointment and a heartache and I deserve to be punished. Your son is good and that's why he got to have you for a dad. Viki hates me because I'm weak and stupid and I can't protect her and she gets hurt because of me. Viki's gonna leave and you are and Delgado hates me. She's not coming. She hates me. She should hate me. I wish I was dead!"

"Sweetheart, Téa is on her way here. As soon as she heard you wanted to see her she dropped what she was doing and headed over here. Téa has been waiting a long time for you to want to see her," Viki informed him.

As much as he wanted to see her, hearing that Téa was on her way caused Todd to become very afraid and nervous. He wanted to scream at them to keep Téa away from him and to never let her see him this way, but he had to see her. He didn't understand why. He was becoming confused. The reasons why he wanted to see Téa were becoming blurred in his mind. He only knew that he had to see her.

Tears started falling from Todd's eyes. He buried his head back in his knees. This time his shoulders shook. Susannah allowed Sam and Viki to handle this. Sam knelt down to where Todd sat, but didn't touch him. Guilt washed over Sam. He sometimes wondered how he could face Todd, knowing how he had failed him. He couldn't believe this wonderful young man thought that he didn't deserve his love. Sam knew it was the other way around.

"Todd, don't you know how much Viki and Téa and I love you. We are so proud of you. I'm the one who failed you. Do you know how much that kills me! Every time I think that I let you go back to that house I could kick myself. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. More than anything in my life I want to be a good friend and a good father to you." Sam placed his hand on Todd's shoulder. "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Todd shrieked and once again pulled away from Sam's touch. He moved even further down the wall.

"Frank! Frank!" Todd called out, panic in his voice. Frank walked to Todd and rested on his knees, beside him. "I'm here Todd. I'm right next to you." Frank was careful not to touch him. "You have little kids. I heard you. You have kids." "When did you hear Frank say that?" Susannah asked Todd. "I don't remember. I think it was before I woke up." Todd thrust his hand in front of him and called, "Frank!" Frank took his hand. Viki noticed the hurt look on Sam's face when Todd reached out for Frank while he had pulled away from Sam.

"Frank, Frank, Frank, do you love your kids?" Todd asked frantically, his words racing. "Yes, very much," Frank answered. "Because they're good and don't screw-up, right?" "Todd, I love my children no matter what. Everyone messes up sometimes. No matter what kids do, parents should love them," Frank gently explained. "No! If you're bad you get punished. If you mess up you pay the price. You have to be a man and face the discipline. Tell me! Tell me!" "Tell you what, Todd?" Frank asked, tenderly. "How do your kids get you to love them? Tell me! I'll learn it. I'll remember it. Please! What kind of things do they do to get to be loved? How do they keep from screwing up? Please! I made my dad hate me and my mom leave me and now Sam hates me and Viki's gonna leave and Téa hates me. Doctor Hanen's gonna leave and you and everyone. You're all gonna leave me! WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME WHAT I DID! HOW CAN I KEEP FROM DOING IT AGAIN IF YOU WON'T TELL ME WHAT I DID!"

"Todd, you need to calm down. You're becoming too agitated," Susannah calmly told him. "WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Todd screamed, in frustration and then buried his head in his knees again and started to cry. "Todd, dads and moms love their children, no matter what they do. If they don't, it's not the child who is at fault, it is the parent. Your mom and dad both had a lot of problems. There was something wrong with them, not with you. You were a great kid and you are a great young man. Anyone would be proud to have you for a son," Frank was not only assuring him, but he meant every word.

"They think I'm too crazy to tell me the truth," Todd thought to himself, "why can't I get it right like other people do . . . I'm cursed . . . I'm cursed! . . . Even God hates me . . . I'm meant to stay like this forever . . . There's no help for me . . . No matter what I do nothing will ever change for me . . . I have to be punished . . . It'll never stop . . . Never!" Todd's heart was racing as these thoughts pounded his brain. He did not hear Frank, and then Susannah call to him as his mind raced as fast as his heart. He couldn't stop the thoughts. They kept bombarding him. "Delgado . . . I have to see Delgado . . . Why? . . . Why do I have to see Delgado? . . . Why can't I remember? . . . She hates me . . . She'll think I'm disgusting . . . Pity . . . She'll pity me . . . I can't . . . I can't let her see me like this . . . I have to . . . I need to see Delgado . . . Oh God! Why can't I remember what to say to her. . . I had something I wanted to say to her . . . What's happening to me? . . . The drugs! . . . They're doing this to me with the drugs . . . It's part of my punishment . . . Asa . . . Asa and Bo and Kevin . . . Maybe Clint too . . . Why is Viki letting them do this to me? . . . I hurt her . . . I didn't help her . . . Now she's letting them do this to me . . . Sam don't want me to bother him . . . He has his own son . . . A good son . . . His son . . . Will, yeah, Will . . . Will gets it right . . . Sam goes home to him . . . Will gets to live with Sam . . . He doesn't have to be punished because he knows how to be good."

Todd was terrified. He didn't know what was happening to him. He wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to disappear into that seductive nothingness and then to find himself in Papa's arms. He wanted to feel the intense love and warmth and safety he felt inside. He heard the cries. "No! mama loves me!" "Not true. Mama lies!" "Mommy! I want mommy!" "Daddy, I'll be good! I'll be quiet" "Mama let him send us away." He hates us too. No one wants to be our daddy." "Always be polite and respectful. Mama don't like for us to be rude." "No daddy! No trunk! I'm not a skunk. I'm not a skunk." "Too many sheep! I want Mary's lamb, not the big sheep!" "I'm afraid of the dark." "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." "I want Téa to love me just a little." "The man tickled." "I didn't help Mama." "Shut up! Shut up! You stupid little bastards."

Todd lifted his head and threw it back so hard it hit the wall with a thud. He put his hands to his ears and screamed, "STOP IT! IT'S TOO NOISY! IT'S SO LOUD! BE QUIET! PLEASE! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Susannah knew something different was happening to Todd. The intrusive memories had triggered something. She wanted to allow him to feel it and to try to work through it, but she was concerned for his physical health. She was afraid that a seizure could be triggered at this level of excitement. Susannah was debating whether or not to help him with some sedation.

Téa had cautiously gone through several red lights and broken the speed limit, as she rushed to Susannah's office. She was grateful that she hadn't been pulled over by a cop. As she entered Susannah's outer office she heard Todd's screams. "Oh God!" She said out loud. Téa headed for the inner office. "Téa, wait!" Terry blocked her way. "Let me find out if it's still all right for you to see Todd." "He wanted to see me! I'm going in there!" Téa firmly asserted. "Téa, it's sounds like he's out of control. Just let me check fir . . ." Téa pushed past her, not giving Terry a chance to finish her sentence.

"Todd! Todd! It's me Téa. I'm here." Todd froze. He sat with his knees up to his chest. His head pressed to the wall. All eyes were on Téa, but she didn't notice. She headed for Todd and knelt down to where he sat.

"Téa, Todd is very upset. You need to wait outside right now and . . ." Todd cut Susannah off. "No! I want to see Delgado. I have to see her. Delgado! Delgado! Are you still here?" Todd got on his knees and sat back on his heels. He moved his head in a frenzied fashion, trying to determine if Téa was still there.

"Yes, Todd. It's all right. I'm here. I'm not leaving." Téa looked at Susannah as she said that. Todd's speech was still going a mile a minute. "Delgado! Delgado! I tried to find out what married people do. I tried to get it right. I messed up. They won't tell me. Delgado, they won't tell me. How can I get it right if they won't tell me! I don't know what to do. Everything I try is wrong." Todd ran his fingers through his hair and pulled it off his face. Todd was now speaking so rapidly he was having trouble catching his breath. "Oh God, Delgado, he told me puzzles were good. I got puzzles. That wasn't right. That wasn't right! I went to that inn with you and I messed up again. I can't get it right. Why can't I ever get it right!" Todd was speaking so quickly, it was difficult to follow him, but Téa managed to hear every word. Tea knew this was always on Todd's mind, he had said similar things to her before, but she had never seen him like this. She tried to tell him it wasn't true the last time he came out when she was there and he just didn't believe it. She couldn't stand it. It was killing Tea to see him like this. She didn't know how to get through to him. Todd lowered his head and began mumbling to himself. "I never get it right . . . They leave . . . They all leave. I'm such a loser . . . They hate me . . . They won't tell me how to get it right . . . They won't tell me what I did . . . It'll never get better . . . I'll never get it right." Téa realized he was losing his connection with her.

Instinctively, she took Todd's hands in hers. She noticed they were trembling and as cold as ice. Todd gasped when he felt her touch. He pulled back. Téa didn't let go. She held on to his hands tightly. "Oh, don't pull away from me. Todd, please don't pull away from me. Listen to me!" "I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT, DELGADO!" Todd shrieked in the direction her voice was coming from. Téa released his hands and grabbed him by the shoulders. She shook him slightly. "YOU GOT IT RIGHT! YOU GOT IT RIGHT! YOU GOT IT SO RIGHT THAT I LOVE YOU LIKE I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE. YOU GOT IT SO RIGHT THAT I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU. YOU'RE IN MY HEART AND IN MY HEAD AND IN THE AIR I BREATHE. EVERY PART OF ME IS CONNECTED TO YOU AND YOU THINK YOU DIDN'T GET IT RIGHT! I'M STILL HERE, TODD! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BUT YOU KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE LEFT BEHIND. I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU. YOU LEFT ME! I HATE YOUR ILLNESS BECAUSE IT TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME, BUT I DON'T HATE YOU. I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN I GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, TODD! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. I'VE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY I LOVE YOU. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO PROVE IT TO YOU!" Téa was screaming as loud as Todd had been.

"TÉA!" Both Sam and Viki shouted at her at the same time. Susannah and Frank pulled her away from Todd. Todd sat frozen. "Todd, it's all right. Téa is upset. Everything is all right. You need to go back to your room now. You need to rest. You can see Téa later." Susannah spoke calmly to him. She did not like where this was heading." Todd didn't budge. Téa stood close to him. She couldn't believe she had just done that. "Ay dios mio! Oh Todd, what have I done!" Téa thought to herself, panic setting in.

Angelo joined Frank and Susannah as they knelt next to Todd. He didn't seem to notice. Frank started to speak softly and calmly to Todd. "Hey buddy, come on, let's get you up." On a three count Frank and Angelo gently lifted Todd to his feet. Todd's expression was blank. He started to walk with them but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. "DELGADOOOOO! WHERE ARE YOU!" Todd shrieked.

"I'm here Todd. I'm right over here." Téa called out. Todd reached out his hands. Trying to feel for where Téa was. Téa looked at Susannah. Susannah motioned for her to go to him. Téa took Todd's outstretched hands in hers. "I've got you. Todd I'm here with you." Todd hated that he couldn't see her. He hated that she was seeing him like this. He was terrified that she pitied him and yet at the same time he was so afraid she would leave him or that he would do something to hurt her. Suddenly, Todd remembered what it was he needed to tell Téa. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.

"You only had your robe on. Delgado, you must have been so cold. I'm sorry. I tried to bring you your coat and boots. No, no wait. That wasn't you. Was it? Delgado? Was it you? Oh I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

For the minute, Téa didn't understand what he was talking about. Then it came to her. "Are you talking about the night you threw me out into the snow?" "It was you . . . It was her . . . It was you . . . It was . . ." Todd was starting to mumble to himself again. Téa was afraid for him. She gently squeezed his hands as she continued to hold them. "Todd, it was me. It's all right. I'm not still angry." "But you went away and you never came back. You tried to help me. You tried to keep me warm, you . . ." Todd pulled his right hand away from Tea's left. He reached out and felt for Téa's hair. He stroked his hand across it. "You have such pretty hair . . . I tried to bring you your coat and boots . . . No, not you. My mom." Todd's thoughts were clearing.

"Delgado!" Todd reached out for Téa's hand again. He held on to it tightly. "I'm just like him. I'm just like him. He threw my mom out into the snow. She only had on a robe and he threw her out. There was a storm outside and he threw her out of the house. I did that to you. I'm just like him. You hate me! You should hate me!" "Todd, listen to me. I don't hate you. I have never, ever hated you. I have been angry with you. I have been furious with you. I have not understood you, but I have never hated you. I love you. I think I understand what happened that night. I pushed you to do something you weren't ready for." Téa was not sure how much she should say to him. Her understanding of why he reacted the way he did that night was probably much greater than his. She had to be careful not to say too much.

"I remember some of it. Delgado, you . . . You made me feel like . . . " Todd's head shot up. He looked like he was seeing something. "She touched him. She put his hand on her breast and then she touched him. He was yelling at her. He was screeching that no one forces him. That he was the man and he was the one who decided when and who he was going to fuck." They noticed that Todd sounded uncomfortable saying that last word. Susannah wondered if some part of him was remembering his mother's admonishment about using foul language.

"Delgado, he called her a filthy whore. He told her she disgusted him. He said, 'look at you! Begging for it like a dog.' He told her they couldn't pay him to touch her. That bastard! He was cheating on her and then he humiliated her, and then he threw her out of the house into a storm." "Mama don't like us to use dirty words." They all noticed it was a child's voice that said that, as Todd dissociated for a moment. Todd shook his head, to clear it. "Who was that?" Todd shocked them with that question. Before anyone could answer him, the flood of memories continued. "Oh God, he didn't care what happened to her. Oh God, Delgado! I tried to help her. I tried to bring her a coat and boots, but he caught me and threw me out too. She was shivering. She was crying and shivering. She kept saying she couldn't believe he would throw her out into a storm. She kept repeating it over and over again. Delgado, is that how I made you feel? Did you feel like you couldn't believe I would do that to you? Did you think I didn't care about you? Did I humiliate you and make you feel like a dog begging and a dirty whore? Oh God, Delgado. Did I? Did I do that to you?"

Tears were streaming down Téa's cheeks. "Yes. That's how I felt," Téa admitted, in a choked voice. Todd pulled his hands back. He bowed his head and then fell to his knees and buried his head in his lap. His body was racked with sobs. Téa looked towards Sam and Viki. They were both crying. She looked to where Susannah, Angelo and Frank stood. Susannah nodded and motioned that it was all right for her to continue.

Téa got down on her knees. She put her arms around Todd. "No! Don't touch me!" Todd cried and pulled away. "I'm like that miserable bastard. That's why you hate me. I hurt you. I hurt everyone. That's what I do. That's why you hate me. That's why I threw you out in the snow, because I'm just like him. That's why you went away. She went away too. It wasn't long after that she went away forever. She promised she'd take me but she must have known I was just like him so she left without me. She left without me. She left without me!" Todd's breathing was becoming erratic. "She left without me," he repeated in a whisper. "Todd, your mother was scared. She was afraid of your father, not of you. She loved you." Téa looked towards Susannah again for reassurance that she was saying the right thing. Susannah motioned for her to go on.

"She was afraid Todd, she was afraid," Téa continued. "I was afraid too! I was so afraid of him. I wanted to get away from him. I would have given anything to get away from him!" "I know. What she did was wrong. Being afraid is no excuse for her leaving a little boy in that situation. I just want you to know that she didn't hate you. She loved you. I know how easy it is to feel your mother doesn't love you when she walks out on you." Téa gently rested her hand on his arm. This time Todd didn't pull away. Once again tears fell down his cheeks.