*****

Timmy was still sleeping fitfully when Kevin and Tea arrived at the hospital. Sam, Susannah and Viki were talking quietly outside of Timmy's room when they saw Tea and Kevin waiting to be buzzed onto the unit. They all felt immense relief at the sight of Kevin. Viki could see by his wrinkled appearance that all was not well with her son. However, she was very grateful that Tea had figured out how to locate him. Kevin rushed over to where everyone stood. "How is he?"

"Right now he's sleeping. Dave is with him," Viki replied.

Kevin looked his mother in the eye. "Mom, I'm sorry. I promised him I would always be there when he needed me and I broke that promise."

Viki knew the reason Kevin had not been coming around was because he had been wrestling with his own demons. Still, she found herself feeling anger toward him for putting his own needs before Timmy's. Viki looked into her son's eyes. She could see the pain that kept him away. "You're here now. He needed you and you came. That's what counts," Viki pointed out and hugged Kevin.

Susannah took Tea aside. "Thank you. I am very relieved that you were able to find Kevin. I was becoming very concerned with Timmy's condition."

They all headed in to see Timmy.

"He's been crying and whimpering in his sleep," Dave informed them.

Kevin looked down at Timmy. He was lying curled up on his right side. He looked at Timmy's soft, young face. Even in sleep, it was tearstained. Kevin knelt down so he was eye level with Timmy. He gently stroked Timmy's head. Timmy's eyes fluttered open. "Hey buddy. I heard my bestest friend in the whole world wasn't feeling so good." Timmy stared at Kevin. It was as if he couldn't believe Kevin was actually there or he thought he was dreaming. "I missed you buddy," Kevin said softly.

"Kevin? Are you really here?" Timmy whimpered.

"Oh yes!" Kevin lifted Timmy to him. "I'm really here. I'm sorry I haven't been in to see you. I wasn't feeling right," Kevin explained. Tea had told him what they had been telling Timmy and also because it was true.

"Daddy told me you were on the weather," Timmy whispered.

Kevin smiled and hugged Timmy a little tighter. "Yeah Timmy. I was, but no more. I'm here for as long as you want me to be."

Timmy put his arms around Kevin's neck and rested his head on Kevin's shoulder. "Do you still like me?"

Kevin gently pulled back from the hug so he could look Timmy in the eye. "I love you Timmy. I love you more than anything."

"This much?" Timmy held his arms as wide apart as he could.

"Even more than that," Kevin answered.

"Am I still your bestest friend?" Timmy's chin quivered as he asked that.

"The very bestest in the whole world," Kevin assured him.

"I thought you went away forever," Timmy admitted.

"Never!" Kevin promised. He stroked Timmy's hair out of his face.

"Pinkie promise?" Timmy held out his little finger.

Kevin intertwined his pinkie around Timmy's. "Pinkie promise," Kevin said. He hugged Timmy to him again. He heard Timmy moan slightly. He pulled back. "I'm sorry, buddy. They told me you had stitches."

"I like your hug more than the stitches hurt," Timmy informed Kevin and continued holding on to him. After a while Kevin felt Timmy's body relax in his arms. He moved to rest Timmy against the pillows. Timmy clung to him tightly. "No! Don't go away Kevin!" Timmy was panicking.

"I'm not going anywhere, buddy. I thought you'd be more comfortable leaning back in your bed."

Timmy began to cry. "You promise you won't go away?"

Kevin realized it would take more than a pinkie promise to give Timmy a feeling of security. He knew that it would be his actions and not his words that Timmy would learn to trust. His actions had already betrayed his words and now he would have to prove himself to Timmy all over again. "I'm sorry I stayed away so long Timmy. I know it frightened you and you thought I wasn't coming back. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I want you to know it's safe for you to believe that I will never go away forever. I will always love you and you will always be my bestest friend in the whole world. Always."

Timmy finally relaxed his hold on Kevin and leaned back against the pillow. He looked up at Sam and Viki who were standing by the bed, opposite from where Kevin knelt. Timmy smiled a huge smile. "Daddy. Mommy. Kevin still loves me. He's still my bestest friend."

"Yes he is, baby," Viki confirmed. She stroked Timmy's cheek.

Timmy had so much to tell Kevin. He told him all about his stitches. He showed him how he could count in Spanish. He told him the Moose story Tea told him and that Blair and Auntie Dorian visited him. Kevin was a little taken back by the latter.

Susannah checked Timmy. He seemed to have just bloomed. "Sweetie, will you drink some juice so we can take off the IV and just leave the hep lock?" Susannah asked him.

"Can Kevin have some too?"

"I would love some juice," Kevin agreed.

"I'll go get it," Tea volunteered.

"No!" Timmy cried out.

"What is it, angelito? Didn't you say you wanted juice?"

"I don't want you to go away again," Timmy whined. It wasn't like him to do that.

"That's all right. I'll go get it," Viki offered.

"No! Mommy, not you either. I don't want nobody to go away." Timmy commanded firmly. This too was not a tone he had used before.

Susannah was afraid this was going to be a problem. Timmy was becoming overly anxious about anyone being out of his sight. "Sweetie," Susannah began. She sat next to him on the bed. "It's okay for people to go away for a little while. It doesn't mean they won't come back. You see that Kevin didn't really go away forever. He just went away for a little while and then he came back. So did Tea and daddy and mommy. Now, let Tea or mommy go get you your juice."

"NO!" Timmy shouted. They were shocked. No one had ever heard him raise his voice to anyone before. Susannah didn't want to press the issue right now. Timmy was just coming out of a major depressive episode. Susannah called Connie in and asked her to bring in two pineapple juices.

In his usual sweet tempered tone Timmy looked at Susannah and asked, "Can I get out of bed and go to the playroom?"

"Sure sweetie," Susannah immediately responded. She wanted Timmy up and around. Susannah had him dangle his legs over the side of the bed for a few minutes. He showed no signs of dizziness. Susannah and Kevin helped him stand up. They put his heavy robe on him.

When Timmy realized that Viki, Sam and Tea were going to stay behind in his room while he, Kevin and Susannah went to the playroom he balked. "I want you to come too!" Timmy's tone was more demanding than asking.

"Timmy. Mommy, daddy and Tea will be waiting here for you. Kevin and I will go to the playroom with you," Susannah said firmly.

"NO! I want them to come too."

Kevin looked at Susannah. He put his arm around Timmy's shoulder. "Hey, buddy. It will be too crowded to play if everyone goes to the playroom. Besides, I want you all to myself. I haven't had a chance for me and my bestest friend to play together for a while."

Timmy looked confused. He burst into tears. "They'll go way. Tee went away for a long time and then you did. No one will be here when I come back," Timmy sobbed.

Kevin never saw Timmy act like this before. He realized the damage he had done.

"I promise, pal. We will all be here when you get back from the playroom," Sam assured him.

Viki walked over to him and took him in her arms. She wiped his tears away. "I promise you, sweetheart. We will wait right here for you."

"Tee too?" Timmy whispered.

"I will too. I'll be here," Tea promised. She was concerned about this sudden development.

They could see that Timmy was not one hundred percent convinced. Nevertheless, he and left for the playroom with Kevin and Susannah. Susannah noticed that Timmy took Kevin's hand and didn't let go until they got to the playroom. Then he would either lean against Kevin or snuggle up to him or take his hand the entire time. He would point out the new cars and stuffed animals that he wanted to play with and would take Kevin's hand so they could walk over to them together. Timmy seemed happy and excited to have Kevin there to play with, but he would not stop clinging to him. Susannah also noticed Timmy was having difficulty with his coordination. It was most noticeable when he and Kevin played with the toy cars. Susannah was hoping he was just becoming a little frustrated by not being able to use his right hand. That and the fact that he had to be in some kind of physical contact with Kevin made playing with the new toy dump truck difficult. She hoped Timmy's fine motor skills weren't becoming impaired.

Timmy was getting cranky. Susannah looked at her watch. It was almost dinnertime anyway. "Timmy. How would you like to have dinner with Kevin tonight?" Susannah inquired.

"Can we have alphabet spaghetti?" Timmy remembered the game.

"I think we can arrange that," Susannah answered. She was happy that Timmy was willing to eat.

"You and Tee and mommy and daddy too!" Timmy ordered.

"Sweetie, I'm not sure if everyone will want that and Tea might not be able to stay for dinner."

"You promised me Tee would be in my room when I get back." Timmy started to cry again.

"Hey, buddy. She will be. She just might not be able to stay for dinner," Kevin explained. He put his arm around Timmy.

"Then I don't wanna eat!" Timmy exclaimed sharply.

This was so unlike Timmy. Kevin was beginning to wonder if Timmy had switched and someone else who sounded and answered to Timmy had come out. "We'll see if Tea can stay?" Kevin tried reasoning with him.

Susannah did not want to encourage Timmy to use mealtime as a bargaining chip. She realized that he was terrified of being left and felt powerless to stop it. She understood he was using whatever means were available to him to try to prevent it from happening. Still, she did not want to reinforce this behavior. "Timmy, Kevin will eat with you whether or not Tea can. Now why don't we go back to your room and you can wash up for dinner. I'm sure that mommy and daddy will eat with you and Kevin."

"I want Tee and you to eat with me too. Kevin, will you show Doctor Hanen and Tee how to play the alphabet spaghetti game?"

Kevin looked at Susannah. Susannah nodded. She would allow Timmy to have this security for tonight. "Sure I will, if Tea can stay," Kevin promised. He held up Timmy's left hand and looked at it. It was grimy from playing on the floor. "Now let's get back to your room and get this hand washed. You need very clean hands to play alphabet spaghetti." Timmy smiled lovingly at Kevin and allowed him to help him up.

Timmy was apprehensive as he walked back to his room. He immediately took inventory and looked relieved that all his loved ones were present. "We're gonna play alphabet spaghetti for dinner," Timmy announced.

"Timmy would like it if all of you could stay and have dinner with him," Kevin informed them.

Sam and Viki both told him how much they would love that. Tea wanted to. Unfortunately, she had to meet a client in a little while. "Angelito, I would love to have dinner with you, but I have to go to work. Someone is waiting for me."

Tears formed in Timmy's eyes. "Nooo! Tee. Don't go 'way." Timmy walked over to Tea and put his head on her shoulder. Tea hugged him to her. She was thinking that perhaps she could still catch Mr. Rodriguez before he left to meet her.

"Timmy, Tea will come back again. She's left and come back several times in the past few days," Viki reminded him. She saw that Timmy had put Tea on the spot.

"Noooo! I don't want Tee to goooo," Timmy whined.

"Timmy, I thought it could just be the two of us tonight, kind of like a buddy's night," Kevin tried.

Timmy continued to hold on to Tea. "Maybe I can . . ."

Susannah cut Tea off. She had an idea what she was going to say. "Timmy. Tea has to go to work. Viki, Sam, Kevin and I will all have dinner with you. It's all right for Tea to leave. She will come back."

"I promise I will. I'll come to see you first thing tomorrow morning," Tea assured him.

Timmy let go of Tea. He went to the bed and picked up Mr. Rabbit and walked to the corner of the room with him. Timmy sat cross-legged on the floor. He rested his cheek against Mr. Rabbit's soft fur and started to suck his thumb. They all exchanged looks. This was so unlike Timmy. Susannah sat on the floor next to him. She gently took his thumb out of his mouth. "Can you tell me your name?"

Timmy was surprised by her question. "Timmy," he answered and then asked, "don't you know my name no more?"

"Sure I do sweetie. I just wanted to make sure it was you," Susannah responded honestly. Timmy put his thumb back in his mouth. "Timmy, do you remember mommy telling you Tea has come and gone a lot over the past few days?" Timmy nodded. "Do you also remember that Tea always comes back?"

"Uh-uh." Timmy shook his head. "Tee wants to go away forever. Kevin too. Everybody is mad at me." Tears started rolling down his cheeks again. Timmy raised his knees to his chest and buried his face in Mr. Rabbit.

Tea motioned Susannah over to where she stood. "I can try to cancel out with my client tonight," Tea whispered.

"No." Susannah instructed firmly. "I don't want you to do that. This situation Timmy is getting himself into is not healthy. I think it's best you say goodnight to him and leave."

Tea was surprised that Susannah did not want her to give in to Timmy considering all he had just been through. She really wanted to try to get out of her meeting and make Timmy happy. However she reasoned that Susannah knew best. Tea crouched down to where Timmy sat. He had Mr. Rabbit resting against his knees and his cheek was wresting on Mr. Rabbit's chubby tummy. Timmy was once again sucking his thumb and staring off into space. "Angelito, I'm going to leave for work now." Timmy didn't respond. Tea kissed his head and then stroked it. "I promise I will be back tomorrow morning. I will have breakfast with you if you like." Timmy still gave no response. Tea stood up. She felt horrible. She really wanted to stay. Viki and Sam walked her to the door.

"He'll be all right. Susannah seems to think it's best not to give in to his mood." Viki comforted Tea.

Tea patted both Sam and Viki on the arm and nodded good-bye to Kevin and Susannah. She tried one more time. "Goodnight angelito." Timmy continued to stare into space. Tea left.

As soon as he heard the door shut behind Tea, Timmy started screaming and crying for her. Tea turned to go back in. Dave who had been posted outside the door stopped her. "Tea, did Susannah want you to stay or did she think your leaving was best?"

"She thought it best I go to work as planned. Oh God! Listen to him!" Tea heard Timmy's shrieks.

"TEE! TEEEEE! DON'T BE MAD AT ME, TEE! DON'T GO AWAY. TEEEEE!"

Dave blocked Tea's way back into the room. "Susannah knows what she's doing. I know how painful it is for you to walk away from that, but if you go back in it may make the situation worse," Dave explained gently.

"I don't know why he's acting like this. He's suddenly terrified that we are all going to leave him."

"Most likely it has to do with his fear of abandonment because of the way his mother left him. Don't worry. We'll find out for sure. Tea, don't torture yourself like this. Just leave. He'll be all right. We'll take care of him." Dave felt compassion for her. He knew that Timmy's screams and cries were like a knife in her heart.

Reluctantly, Tea headed for the doors. She could hear Timmy's screams and cries all the way down the hall. She hesitated for a few moments. "Am I hurting you, angelito?" Tea said to herself. She then took the final steps to the doors and waited to be buzzed out. Once on the other side of the doors she could no longer physically hear Timmy screaming. She could still hear him in her head. Tears poured down her cheeks as she waited for the elevator. She was grateful it was empty when it came. Tea headed for her office. She was still not sure she was doing the right thing.

Timmy had gotten up and tried to get out the door to go after Tea. Kevin stopped him and held him tightly. He did not want to Timmy to have to be restrained. Timmy tried to get away and get to the door at first. Finally, he snuggled into Kevin's arms. Kevin slowly eased himself and Timmy down to the floor. Timmy continued to sob. He stayed snuggled in Kevin's arms. Slowly, his sobs turned to whimpers. His right cheek rested against Kevin's arm as he sat with his back to him. Timmy once again started to suck his thumb. He was regressing to the behavior of a child even younger than himself.

Susannah knew he was depressed and that may be causing some of this behavior. She was still very concerned. Viki and Sam looked to Susannah for some direction. Susannah started a conversation with them about a new CICU that was being funded by Asa Buchanan. She didn't want Timmy to feel all eyes were on him. After a while Susannah looked to where Kevin and Timmy sat. Timmy's tears and whimpers had stopped. He still sat in Kevin's arms with his cheek resting against Kevin's arm and he was still sucking his thumb. Now, he was rocking himself in a self-soothing fashion. Susannah knelt down to where they sat. "Timmy, are you ready to have your dinner?" He didn't respond. Susannah stroked his head. "Sweetie, look at me." Timmy stared off into space.

Kevin put his face close to Timmy's and whispered in his ear. "I think Doctor Hanen was really looking forward to learning how to play the alphabet spaghetti game."

Timmy looked up at Kevin. "Is Tee really coming back?"

"Timmy, I promise you she will. Tea wouldn't lie to you and neither would I."

"What if she gets mad at Todd or Tom? Then she won't come to see me again."

"That won't happen Timmy. I promise. Tea loves you very much. Did you know Tea is the one . . ." Kevin wasn't sure how to put it. "Tea is the one who helped me to feel well enough to come see you?"

"Tea made you feel better?" Timmy asked.

"She did. And you know what that means?" Kevin turned Timmy around so that they were facing each other. Timmy shook his head. "It means that Tea loves you more than anything."

Timmy smiled. He put his arms around Kevin's neck and hugged him. Kevin patted him on the back and announced, "I have a great idea. How about we get some alphabet spaghetti and we'll have teams. It'll be you and I, buddy, against Sam, Viki and Doctor Hanen. We'll see who can spell the most words and eat the most letters.

Timmy nodded eagerly. The dinner went smoothly. They all made sure that Timmy spelled the most words and they were happy that he ate nearly the entire bowl of pasta. They did notice that Timmy was having trouble spelling words he had previously learned. Kevin helped him and they found all the letters they needed for the words. While Viki was cleaning the sauce off Timmy's face and hand, Kevin made him a paper crown befitting a spelling champ. Timmy loved it and kept it on his head. Kevin explained that as the champ he gets a big dish of ice cream. Susannah did not want Timmy becoming upset by one of them leaving again. She asked Dave to ask someone to fill Timmy's bird dish with chocolate ice cream and bring it to Timmy. Since Timmy ate a full meal his evening feeding was held off. He would receive his dose of Zyprexa with his late night feeding. Susannah had changed his dosage and he was now receiving 5mg twice daily. Since Todd and possibly some of the alters were still experiencing psychotic episodes and since most of the alters were not experiencing severe side effects, Susannah was planning or changing the dosage to 7.5mg twice daily. She knew she might also have to change the Paxil. Todd and now Timmy, and from what Timmy said Andy, were still suffering greatly from depression. Susannah wondered if she would ever hit on the right combination of drugs. Between Todd and the alters finding the right meds for them was extremely difficult.

Secrets 76, Page 2