Kevin continued. “There’s been an accident. It’s Dad and Jess.

*****

Viki continued to stare at Kevin with terror in her eyes. “A-an accident?”

Kevin held onto Viki’s hand tightly. He nodded. “Jess and her boyfriend were with dad in his car and they were hit by a drunk driver who came at them head on.”

“Oh my God,” Viki squeezed Kevin’s hands. “How bad?” she asked in a low fear filled voice.

Kevin was trembling slightly. “It’s bad. Jessie’s boyfriend was killed and she and dad are in extremely critical condition.”

Sam turned as pale as Viki when he heard.

Susannah came rushing from her office. Kevin had told Janet to get her because he had some very bad news to give his mother.

“Oh my God, my baby,” Viki cried out. “And Clint . . . oh God, Clint. Wh-who’s with them?” Viki managed to get out.

“Mom, that’s just it, no one is right now. I called Grandpa and he’s getting his jet ready. He called Uncle Bo. He and Renee and Bo and Nora are going there, and so am I. I know how terrified you are to leave Todd, but . . .” Kevin started to cry. “It sounds like we need to get to dad and Jess right away if we want to see . . .” Kevin couldn’t continue. His body shook with sobs.

Viki wrapped her arms around Kevin. “Jessie and Clint won’t die. You listen to me,” Viki said firmly. She lifted Kevin’s face until they were eye to eye. “They will not die,” she repeated. “You call Asa and tell him that we’ll be going to Arizona with him.” Viki turned to Susannah. “I need to see Todd. He loves Jessie very much. He needs to hear about this from me and he needs to understand why I have to leave.”

Susannah was proud of Viki for her take charge attitude. Viki always amazed her. “Yes, Todd does need to hear it from you.”

“Kevin,” Viki asked. “Has anyone called Joey?”

Kevin nodded. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I did. He and Kelly are flying to Arizona on the first flight they can get.”

“How long do we have before we leave?” Viki asked.

“At least three hours, because of the fog,” Kevin responded. “Grandpa was cursing out everyone from the pilot to Mother Nature and told them he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the fog. It didn’t do any good. No flights are taking off. We still have to wait.”

Viki managed a small smile. It was typical Asa behavior. This time she wished he could have gotten his way. “I want to go home and pack a few things, including one of Jessie’s old dolls.”

“The one she always kept with her when she was home sick?” Kevin asked.

Viki nodded. “Yeah.”

Kevin hugged his mother. “Jess will tell you to stop treating her like a baby, right before she takes the doll and snuggles with it.”

“Yes she will,” Viki agreed. Tears filled her eyes. “Yes she will.”

Sam who had been sitting in silent shock through all of this finally said, “I’ll go with you. Todd will understand.”

“No,” Viki said firmly. “I will not leave him here without a parent.” Viki took Sam’s hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed it. “I know what leaving Todd would do to you. For you to offer means the world to me. I love you very much for it. I would not be able to stand it if Todd and the alters were left here without either of us. I want you to stay here with him.”

Sam nodded. “Clint is one strong cowboy and Jessie comes from Lord and Buchanan stock. They don’t come any tougher. They’ll be okay.”

“I know they will,” Viki said with as much confidence as she could muster. “Do you want to be with me when I tell Todd?”

Sam thought for a few moments. “No. I think this has to be between you and Todd.”

Viki kissed Sam’s cheek. “Thank you.” She turned to Susannah. “I’m ready.”

*****

Todd had stopped crying. He had rolled over on his back a few minutes ago. Damn it Delgado, you did this. You made me say those things to you. You couldn’t wait to run back to Kevin, could you! Todd thought angrily. He needed to blame Téa. Unconsciously, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep from hurting himself if he acknowledged that he was at fault. Todd stared off into space as he tried to push the image of Kevin holding Téa, kissing her head, and stroking her hair out of his mind. He kept trying to tell himself that he should be happy and relieved. If Kevin was the one who could finally keep Téa safe by keeping her away from him, he should be grateful to him. Unfortunately what Todd felt like doing was throwing Kevin across the room and bashing his head into the floor.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Frank that Todd was using coping skills to calm himself. He saw that Todd was taking deep breaths and tightening and relaxing his muscles. Frank heard Todd repeating his positive self-statements to himself over and over again. He was doing a great job using his coping skills to control his anger. Frank smiled. He was as proud of Todd as he would be of one of his own sons.

Both Todd and Frank were surprised to see Viki walk into Todd’s room. They both immediately knew something was wrong when they saw her face.

Todd sat up straight. In some ways he knew Viki better than anyone on the face of the earth. The bond they shared ran deep. “What’s wrong?” Todd asked as soon as Viki approached his bed.

Viki sat down next to him on the bed. She took Todd’s left hand in both of hers. “Jessie and Clint have been a car accident.”

Todd grew paler than usual. He looked into Viki’s eyes. “They’re hurt bad, aren’t they?”

“Yes. It’s very serious.”

Todd turned to Frank. “You get Doctor Hanen here and tell her she’s gotta let me out.”

“No,” Viki said gently. “Sweetheart, I know you want to be there for Jessie and for me, but . . .”

Todd’s eyes brimmed with tears again. “But I’m too crazy to be there for my own family.”

“No. I want you there very much and I know Jessie would too . . .”

“You’re afraid for me to be around her or out of the hospital because of what happened before and what always happens,” Todd interrupted again. “You don’t think you can trust me to control myself and not hurt someone. You think those million people that run around inside and outside my head will come out and embarrass you or that I’ll fall apart.” Todd looked away. He felt deep shame. “I’m strong Viki. You’ve always been there for me. I can be there for you. I promise I’ll stay strong. You don’t have to be afraid that I’ll let you down.”

“I have no doubt whatsoever that you will stay strong and be there for me if you come to Arizona. You have been there for me when I’ve fallen apart, many times.” Viki rested her hand on Todd’s arm. He continued to look away from her with his head hung in shame. “Todd, of everyone in our family, you are the one I would most want with me at a time like this.”

Todd finally lifted his head and looked Viki in the eye again. “Then I don’t understand. You’re my guardian. If you tell Doctor Hanen to let me go, she has to, doesn’t she?”

“Yes, I imagine she does. Sweetheart, that’s not the problem.”

“It’s because I’m too dangerous to be around people unless there are lots of people around to stop me from hurting someone.”

“No! That’s not it at all,” Viki said firmly. “Asa’s going to be there. Clint is his son. You know the way Asa feels abo . . .”

“Asa hates my guts,” Todd cut Viki off again. “You’re afraid I’ll give him another heart attack if I’m there.”

“Something like that,” Viki admitted. “Things are going to be very difficult. Asa’s not a young or well man. It’s Asa’s reactions I’m afraid to trust, not yours.”

Todd wasn’t sure if Viki was telling him the truth or trying to spare his feelings. He did know that he didn’t want to make things harder on her. He hated himself even more for not being able to be there for Viki and Jess.

“Sweetheart, I hate to leave you.” Viki meant that from the bottom of her heart. “I love you. You are every bit as much my precious child to me as Jessica, Kevin and Joey.”

Todd’s eyes met Viki’s. He prayed what she said was true. He wanted to hug Viki so badly. He held back. “Viki, you gotta go be with Jess. She needs her mom to be with her.”

Viki’s eyes shone with love for her brother. She kissed Todd’s forehead. “I am going. That doesn’t mean I have to like leaving you.”

“I’m okay. I’ve got like a gazillion people here. Jessie’s dad is hurt too. She needs you more than I do now.” Todd hung his head in shame again. “I’m sorry that I can’t go and be there for you and Jess.”

Viki lifted Todd’s head by the chin until their eyes’ met. “You will be there for me the way you always are, right here.” Viki placed her hand on her heart. “I know how much you love Jessie and she knows it too.”

“She’s not too bad for someone who’s half a Buchanan,” Todd quipped. He turned serious again. “You tell Sam I want him to go with you.”

“No, Sam wants to stay here.”

Todd started to shake his head in protest. “No! You tell Sam to go with you. You can take my jet.” Todd swung his feet over the side of the bed. He turned to Frank again. “I need to call my pilot and start making arrangements.”

Viki took both of Todd’s hands in hers. She knew Todd would handle this with strength. She also knew that as ill as he still was, she could depend on him. He would always come through for those he loved. Viki’s heart felt like it would burst with love for her baby brother. “Sweetheart, that won’t be necessary. Kevin is going and so are Bo and Nora. We are going on Asa’s jet.”

Todd thought about it for a minute. “My jet is bigger.”

Viki managed a smile “I think we can make due with Asa’s.”

Todd ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay, Sam can still go. I know you and he are like . . . you know . . . like a couple. He should be with you.”

“Sam is not exactly Asa or Clint’s favorite person either and Jessie hardly knows him. I think it would be better if he stayed here.”

Todd thought about what Viki said. “Yeah, I guess you don’t want Asa to keel over and croak while fighting with Sam either. How would you explain that to Clint and Jessie when you see them?”

Viki’s smile broadened slightly, despite her terror and pain. Viki was so thankful to have Todd in her life. Only Todd could get a smile out of her at a time like this. “It would be difficult to explain.”

Todd reached out and gently stroked Viki’s cheek for a brief moment. “Jess is one of us. She’s not gonna let some stupid car accident stop her this time any more than it did when she got hurt in Marty’s car.”

Viki brought Todd’s hand to her lips and kissed his palm. “You gave me back my daughter that night. You gave Cord and Tina their son back too.”

Todd shrugged. “No big deal. Jess, CJ, Sarah, you, even me . . . it ain’t so easy to get rid of us. Victor was a miserable rotten bastard, but he did give us tough genes. Jess is gonna be okay,” Todd said firmly. “And Clint has those Buchanan cowboy genes running through him, he’s too dumb to die,” he added.

Viki smiled again and then turned serious. “I love you. I know it’s difficult for you to hear and believe. I love you more than I thought it was possible for me to love.”

Todd and Viki stared into each other’s eyes as tears welled up for both of them again.

Todd looked away. He couldn’t handle the emotion. “You tell Jess she’s still the only Buchanan I can almost stomach.”

“I will,” Viki promised. She prayed that she’d get the chance. “I’ll call here and let them know how to reach me. If you need me for anything, even if it’s just to talk, I want you to promise me that you’ll have someone call me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Todd tried to brush off Viki’s concern. It touched him deeply and he didn’t want to lose it in front of her.

Viki stood up. She felt like she was leaving part of her heart behind.

“Hey Sis,” Todd looked away from Viki as he spoke. “Even though I’m . . . you know . . . Looney Toons . . . that don’t mean that you can’t count on me if you need something or someone to talk to too. You can call here and have someone get me.”

Viki stroked Todd’s head. “Look at me,” she gently requested.

Todd looked up into her eyes. “I have never doubted that. I know I can always count on you.”

Todd swallowed hard. It was getting more difficult for him to keep his emotions at bay. “You’d better get going before Asa leaves without you,” he managed to get out.

“The plane won’t be leaving for at least a couple of hours because of the fog,” Viki explained. “I do want to go home and pack some things before I go to the airport.” Viki saw Todd shiver. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just hate fog. It gives me the creeps. I guess it’s just as well I’m not going with you. Me, bad weather and jets are a really bad combination.”

“Yes, they are,” Viki managed another smile as she acknowledged Todd’s unfortunate past with airplanes and inclimate weather.

Todd stood up and faced Viki. “You’d better leave. Driving will really suck too if the weather is bad.”

“I am. I’m leaving in a few minutes,” Viki replied.

Todd and Viki stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds.

Viki wanted to keep it light. She couldn’t. She took Todd’s face between her hands. “I never stop thanking God for giving you to me. I have loved you from the first day I ever laid eyes on you.”

“Huh? Are you confusing me with one of those royal Buchanan boys of yours?”

“No . . . I . . .” Viki had no idea what made her say that. “I meant from the moment I found out you were my brother.”

Todd noticed that Viki had begun to tremble. “Sis, are you all right?”

“I’m just frightened,” Viki covered. She had no idea what was making her tremble or feel sick in the pit of her stomach. It felt different from her terror she was feeling over Jessica and Clint. “I’m scared to death for Jessie and Clint. I hate that we can’t get there right now. What if we don’t get there in . . .” Viki stopped herself from saying it.

Todd gently held Viki by her upper arms. “Jess is exactly like you and that old Lord lady you told me about . . . that pioneer relative of ours. She can survive anything. Besides, she’s got the prettiest hair in the family and she enjoys being a pain in the ass too much. She’ll be waiting for you when you get there.”

Viki stroked Todd’s cheek. “Jess and I aren’t the only Lords who can and will survive anything.”

“Yeah,” Todd whispered. He surprised Viki by encasing her in a hug. “If a guy has to have a big sister to boss him around, I’m really glad that I got you.”

Viki had no way of knowing that Todd suddenly realized this would be the last time he’d ever see her if Blair and Sam succeeded in getting him out of the hospital.

Todd kissed Viki on the cheek. “You know that love stuff you’re always talking about . . . I just want you to know . . . that I . . . that . . . that you’re like a mom to me and I . . .”

Viki brushed Todd’s hair off his face. “I love you too. I’m very proud of you. I love all my children so much it hurts, but you have a most special place in my heart.”

Todd fought with all his might to hold back his tears. He feared the pain he’d cause Viki if he went ahead with his plan. That thought was quickly replaced with Todd telling himself that Viki, like everyone else, would get over it and at least they’d all be better off and safe. “You’d better get going. If that fog clears, Asa’ll leave without you.”

A chill ran down Viki’s spine. She suddenly had a very bad feeling about leaving Todd. She wished she could take him with her. While Viki did believe what she told Todd . . . that his presence would be a problem for Asa . . . she also knew in her heart that Todd was not ready to leave the hospital, even if it meant getting to Arizona to see Jessica, perhaps for the last time. Viki stroked Todd’s cheek one more time. “I love you, sweetheart.”

Todd watched the door close behind Viki. He flopped back down on his bed. He turned his head in Frank’s direction. “You gotta meet my niece Jess sometime. She’s a tough kid . . . okay, she’s not really a kid . . . but she is tough. She’ll be okay.”

“If she’s like you and your sister, I’d say she has a pretty good chance of it,” Frank commented.

Todd nodded. He stared straight ahead. He couldn’t look at Frank and tell him what he wanted to. “Things happen. I mean like Jess was probably just coming home from school or the mall or whatever people do in Arizona and wham! So . . . um . . . I-I want you to know that I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. I know it’s your job . . . I . . . I still appreciate it. I want you to know that you did good by me . . . I mean someday if you ever start to think you screwed up . . . you remember that I thought . . . that I’m . . . I’m just glad you’re around and I’m sorry that I hurt you and Angelo and Eileen and that other nurse.”

“Apology accepted,” Frank spoke for all of them. He knew no one blamed Todd. Frank was concerned. Perhaps it was hearing about his niece and realizing how quickly things can happen to people, but there was something in Todd’s tone and demeanor that set off an alarm in Frank’s brain. Todd needed to be assessed for suicidal ideation. Frank was about to broach the subject with Todd when Sam came into Todd’s room.

“Hi pal. I know Viki told you what happened.”

“Jess is gonna be okay,” Todd stated firmly.

“Sure she is. She’s a fighter like you and Viki.”

Todd nodded. “Yeah,” he said almost silently. “Viki said she’s afraid you being there will kill Asa, same as me being there. That’s what she told you, right?” Todd tested Sam to see if Viki really felt that way.

“I know Asa doesn’t want to see my face there. That’s for sure.” Viki had quickly told Sam what she said to Todd before she and Kevin left for Llanfair.

“So . . .” Todd began uncomfortably. “You’re the only one left here who’s stuck with me.” Todd was wondering if Téa had come back to the hospital, despite what he’d said to her.

Sam sat down on Todd’s bed. “This is where I want to be, Boomer. I never consider myself stuck with you.”

“Don’t call me Boomer,” Todd muttered. “You can go home. I mean to Viki’s or wherever it is you live now. You don’t have to be here around the clock.”

“I want to be here. Spending time with you is something I get great pleasure in,” Sam said truthfully.

Todd waved his index finger in the air. “Because I’m just the life of the party.”

“Because you’re an intelligent, funny and gifted young man,” Sam declared.

Todd looked into Sam’s eyes. It was clear to Sam that Todd didn’t believe him. “Did Viki or someone let everyone know what happened with Jess?” Todd asked changing the subject. What he really wanted to know was if Téa knew.

“I don’t think Viki had a chance to tell anyone. Is there someone you’d like me to call and tell what happened . . . some friends of Jess’ that you know or someone?” Sam asked.

“No. No one,” Todd said without emotion. Todd wanted to ask Sam if what Blair said was really true and that he was going to try to take him out of the hospital. He knew he couldn’t bring it up in front of Frank or anyone, other than Blair. Anxiety washed over Todd. “Can I go to the dayroom? I want to watch T.V. or something.”

“Sure buddy,” Frank agreed. “I’ll take you there and open the T.V. for you.” This was the first time Todd requested that since he’d been in the hospital. If Todd’s ability to concentrate had increased enough for him to watch television that would be a good thing. Frank still had an ominous feeling. Something was going on with Todd and it seemed to have nothing to do with the bad news about Jessica Buchanan that Todd just received.

*****

Once Todd was settled with Sam alongside him, on the couch in the dayroom, Frank asked Jeff to stay with him. Todd was on arm’s length again, since he lost it by the window. Frank went to Susannah’s office to tell her that something didn’t seem right with Todd.

Todd flipped through channel after channel, trying to concentrate. “News . . . stupid judge show . . . kid crap . . . dumb ass soap . . . wacko family airing dirty laundry . . . more kid crap . . . rerun of 60s shit . . . moron selling cookware . . . another stupid judge show,” Todd commented as he went from channel to channel. Finally he threw the remote down in disgust and announced, “T.V. sucks these days.” Todd walked over to look out the window.

“Sorry, Todd, no standing by the window,” Jeff cautioned.

“I’m not gonna do anything!” Todd protested.

“No standing by the window,” Jeff repeated firmly.

Todd moved away. “Fine! I’m not by the goddamn window! Okay! You can go now. I wanna talk to Sam.”

“You need to be at arm’s length right now, buddy,” Jeff explained. “I can’t leave the room.”

Todd looked like he was ready to explode.

“Use your coping skills,” Jeff reminded him.

“Fuck you!” Todd bellowed.

Sam saw Todd was escalating. “Todd will be all right alone in the room with me. Please wait outside.”

“I’m sorry Sam. Todd needs to be within arm’s reach of at least one staff member for his own protection.” Jeff hoped Sam wouldn’t make the situation worse.

“I wanna see Doctor Hanen,” Todd ordered. He started to leave the dayroom.

“Todd, you need to wait here,” Jeff called out. “I’ll tell Susannah you want to see her. Someone is with her right now.”

“Who?” Todd asked immediately. He thought it might be Téa and they were keeping it from him.

“Frank,” Jeff replied. “I’m sure Susannah will see you right away. Right now you need to sit down and take some deep breaths. Do you think you can do that?”

Todd glared at him. However, he did sit down and attempt his coping skills. Todd did not want to lose control the way he had earlier. He wanted to stay alert and in control in case Viki needed him or in case Téa came back, although Todd didn’t expect Téa to return. He believed he finally did it. He drove her away. He drove her into Kevin’s arms. What’s wrong with me? Todd thought frantically. I should be happy. This is what I want. Delgado safe . . . with someone normal . . . well, at least human anyway. God, I’m more of a monster than I thought. I should be happy. If I had one ounce of the goodness in me that Delgado sees I would be happy that she finally wants no part of me. Todd’s lips trembled as he tried to keep himself from crying.

“Act like a man.”

Todd sat straight up when he heard Saber.

“Stop thinking about that precious wifey of yours and focus on what you have to do. Be practical. It’s for the best that Viki is away and you chased Téa out of your life. You don’t want them interfering when the time comes and Blair and Sam get you out of here. Blair, Sam and whatever Mickey Mouse staff Blair hired will be easy to con. You don’t want Téa and Viki in your life now. Look at the bright side. Téa will have someone to turn to after you’re gone. It’ll be harder on her if she still loves you when it happens.” Saber knew Viki and Téa would not be as easily fooled or controlled as Blair and Sam. “You’ve got to make sure that lady doc of yours stays out of the picture too. She has no legal rights, but she could try to keep you from doing what you know you have to do. You be a man Todd. For once in your life don’t be a little girl wuss. You know there’s only pain and suffering for you here and for everyone who’s close to you. Don’t blow the one chance you have to end the pain. Be careful. Don’t talk to Sam about this if anyone can hear.”

“Todd,” Susannah called for the second time.

Todd looked up at her from his chair. He looked dazed.

Susannah sat down in the chair next to his. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Todd said softly. He had a sudden urge to hug Susannah and have her hug him back. He knew this was also one of the last times he’d ever see her. The complaints Todd wanted to make left his mind. “You got any kids?”

“No, not yet,” Susannah answered.

“You’ll make a good mom when you do have some. You deserve to have good kids who’ll make you proud.”

“Thank you,” Susannah said gently. “If I’m lucky, someday I’ll have a son that’s just like you.”

Todd stared into Susannah’s eyes. “Don’t even say that as a joke.”

“I’m not joking. I would be proud to be your mom. You are a wonderful young man.”

Todd turned his head. He quickly brushed away the tears that splashed down his cheeks and faced Susannah again. “You’re also a really good doctor. It’s not your fault if you have a loser for a patient.”

“Todd,” Susannah began tenderly. “What’s going on? Can you tell me?” She knew Frank was right. Something was going on with Todd. He was presenting with covert indications of suicidal ideation.

“Nothing’s going on. I just wanted to tell you that. I guess Viki tells you that all the time. She’s not here so I’m telling you.”

“Are you thinking about suicide?” Susannah asked bluntly. She knew it was best to convert any covert thoughts of suicide to overt ones and get them out so they could be talked about.

Todd couldn’t believe Susannah could read him so well. He was shocked. “No!” He shook his head and lied. “I . . . it-it’s Jess. It’s what happened with Jess. Life is short. I wanted to tell you that. It’s no big deal. I mean you are getting paid a bundle to be a good doctor. So forget I ever brought it up.”

Susannah wasn’t buying this. “Okay. Then will you be willing to enter into a no suicide contract with me?”

“A what?” Todd asked.

“It’s like the contracts you made with us when you promised that you would let us know if you were hearing voices or feeling the need to hurt yourself or feel a seizure coming on.”

Todd continued to stare at Susannah.

She had his attention, so she continued. “Do you contract to tell someone if you have thoughts or plans of killing yourself?”

Todd didn’t want to lie to Susannah again. He cared deeply about her.

“You’ll end up destroying her just like you’ll destroy everyone else,” Saber whispered to Todd. “If you really care about her, you’ll tell her what she wants to hear and give her peace of mind. You know what it feels like to never have peace of mind Todd. Don’t you want better for those you say you care about?”

Todd nodded.

“Is that a yes?” Susannah asked, thinking Todd was agreeing.

Todd nodded again.

“Then I need you to say it,” Susannah said gently.

“Yes, I will tell someone if I think or plan to kill myself.”

Susannah sensed he wasn’t being honest with her.

“Honey, I know it’s difficult for you to see it. Things are getting better and they will continue to get better. I promise. Therapy is painful. We’ll take things slowly and at your pace. This is not the time to give up or to push people away.”

Todd glanced into Susannah’s eyes and quickly looked away again.

“Would you like to talk about Jess?” Susannah offered. “I know you love her very much.”

“Is she hurt bad enough to die?” Todd asked.

“Yes,” Susannah answered truthfully. “She also has excellent doctors and she is very young, healthy and strong.”

“Typical,” Todd murmured.

“What’s typical?” Susannah asked.

“That someone good like Jess . . . someone everyone loves . . . who never hurt anyone . . . who deserves to have a long good life would get taken and someone like me would be left.”

“There is not one person I know who would want to see you in Jessica’s place. Your family loves you as much as they love her. They would be devastated if anything happened to you.”

“Okay, I don’t wanna talk anymore,” Todd said softly.

“You don’t have to.” Susannah patted Todd’s knee and stood up. “I’ll be in my office if you change your mind.”

*****

Viki stood in Jessica’s room with the doll she planned to take in her hand. She lovingly stroked the doll’s hair. “I think Jessie will be happy to see you. It’s been a long time.” Viki burst into tears. She sat on her daughter’s bed. “Please baby, hold on. Mommy’s coming.” Viki quickly pulled herself together. She knew if she let go now, she would never make it through this. Viki felt like she was being torn in two. She wanted to be with Jessie and she was terrified of leaving Todd. She had a feeling of dread. She felt as if she would never see either of her beloved children again. Viki heard Kevin arguing with someone on the phone and then storm out of his room. She heard him knock on the door to her room. Viki stuck her head out of the doorway to Jessica’s room. “Kevin, I’m in here.”

Kevin walked into his sister’s old room. He looked around. Tears sprung to his eyes. “I can still see her in here.”

“And you will again,” Viki said with a certainty she tried to feel. “Jessie was supposed to come home for a month in July and she will. I spoke to the hospital in Arizona about ten minutes ago. They said Clint and Jessie are still holding on. They are both still in surgery.” Viki’s voice cracked with the emotion she was holding back.

“I know Jessie will be here as planned Mom,” Kevin said with as much false certainty as Viki. He took his mother in his arms and hugged her tightly. “Joey said he was going to come home for a couple of weeks then too. We’ll all be here . . . just like always. You’ll have all your kids in the house again. Who knows, maybe Todd will be well enough to come home for a few days.”

Viki pulled back and nodded. She stroked Kevin’s cheek. She loved him for thinking of Todd as part of the family and Llanfair as his home too. Viki knew they both had to stop thinking about this right now and keep themselves together. “Were you just arguing with someone?” she asked.

“Rachel. I don’t know what the hell is going on with her. Just when I thought things were getting better between us . . .” Kevin thought for a few moments. “Will you be all right alone here for about an hour?”

“Yes, of course I will be. I’d like to shower and change before we leave.” Viki knew she wouldn’t want to leave Jessie’s side, other than to sit with Clint, once she got there. “Are you going to see Rachel?”

“No. I’m going to see Susannah. I can’t get a straight answer from Rachel. Maybe Susannah will be willing to give me a clue. I want to make sure things are straight between Todd and me too. I think Blair’s been filling Todd’s head with her paranoid crap.”

“Honey, Todd had a highly emotional day today. Maybe it’s better to let him be for now. He was very upset over Téa and Jessie and upset that he couldn’t come with us.”

“He does love Jess,” Kevin acknowledged. “Don’t worry. I’ll ask Susannah first. If she thinks I shouldn’t see him, I won’t.”

Viki kissed Kevin’s cheek. “Thank you and thank you for understanding that Todd is one of my children and that he belongs here.”

“I care about Todd. You know that. I’ll admit I still get pissed at him and he can push my buttons like no one else, but I do care about him very much. I would never deliberately hurt him again. I want him to have the home filled with love that he never had.”

“I know honey. I think checking out your visit with Susannah first is the best way to go. Have you spoken with Asa or Bo? Is there any chance we may leave sooner than expected?”

“No. I wouldn’t go to the hospital if there were. The fog is still bad. Grandma says Grandpa tried to find another pilot to fly us there. No one will do it until the fog lifts at least a little.”

“Be careful driving to the hospital,” Viki cautioned.

“I will. I’ll be back in about an hour or so to take you to the airport. I’m all packed so we can leave as soon as we get the go ahead.”

Secrets 126, Page 2