*****

"Oh God! Oh God! Todd!" Blair cried out and tried to rush to Todd's side. Jeff blocked her way. "Let them work on him," he said gently. He saw that Blair was about to lose it.

"I didn't mean him. He thinks I was saying he was disgusting. He thinks I said the things his mother did. I have to let him know I didn't mean it," Blair cried hysterically.

"Blair, Todd won't be able to hear you. You need to sit down and calm yourself. Susannah and the nurses need room to work on Todd," Jeff explained calmly.

"She's there!" Blair pointed to Téa.

"She's off to the side and not in the way," Jeff explained.

Blair turned around and faced Sam, Viki and Kevin. Their faces were frozen in fear. Their eyes never left Todd. "It's not my fault," Blair whispered. She burst into tears again and buried her face in her hands. Jeff helped her to a chair.

"Eighty over fifty," Eileen called out.

"Pulse one twenty-five," Nancy said.

Terry came running back with some pillows and blankets. She and Susannah quickly placed the pillows under Todd's legs and covered him with the blankets.

"Get an IV started," Susannah ordered. "Normal saline. One liter."

Frank knelt down next to Téa. Her eyes were closed. She was on her knees, rocking back and forth, still saying some of the prayers she learned as a small girl. Frank placed his hand on Téa's shoulder. "Come with me. Let's go sit down," he said softly and gently.

Téa looked into Frank’s kind blue eyes. "Please don't let him die," she whispered.

"He's not going to die. Téa, it's going to be okay. Todd is in shock. He's being taken care of."

"His heart? Will this hurt his heart? The doctors said his heart is not as strong as it was." Téa's voice trembled.

Frank knew that Todd was at slightly more risk of going cardiac arrest than a patient his age with a perfectly healthy heart would be. "He's being watched closely. If he gets into trouble, we're ready. I don't think it will come to that. Téa." Frank held his hand out.

Téa took another look at Todd and then she took Frank's hand and let him help her up. Téa felt dizziness wash over her for a moment. Frank put his arm around her waist. "I'm okay. I'm okay," Téa claimed.

Frank led Téa to a chair and once again knelt down to be at eye level with her. "Do you want me to have Doctor Anderson paged?"

"No! I'm not leaving!"

"Would you like me to call down to radiology and tell them you'll need a later appointment?" Frank asked.

"Yes, please! Thank you, Frank." Tears trickled down Téa's cheeks.

Frank gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'll do that right now. Please try to stay calm. I know how frightened you are, but it won't do you or Todd any good if you get yourself sick again."

Téa nodded. She turned her eyes back to Todd.

"What's his pressure?" Susannah asked.

"Still eighty over fifty, it's not coming up," Eileen stated.

"Pulse is up, one-thirty," Nancy called out.

"Get the attending from cardiology up here. Have Doctor Williams paged," Susannah directed. She turned back to Todd. She held Todd's hand with her left hand. It was still cold and clammy. She stroked his head with her right hand. "Todd, you're safe!" Susannah spoke loudly. She hoped some part of his brain was able to hear her. "You're safe! You had a flashback. It was just a memory. No one hurt you now. Your father and mother are not here. There is no big knife. There is no knife Todd. It was a memory. It's not happening now. You are not stabbed. There's no blood. You're able to breathe just fine. Honey. You’re not stabbed. That happened a long time ago. Your mom loved you. She was upset with your father for what he had done to you and for what he made you do, not with you. Your mom hated herself for letting your dad hurt you. She didn't know how to save you and she became desperate. That's why she thought of sending you away. She wanted to save you. She wasn't strong enough to do it, so she thought about getting you out of harm's way. She never thought you were disgusting. Your family is here, Todd. They are all very afraid for you right now. That's because they all love you so much. They need you, Todd. They need you to be with them and they need your love."

Hearing Susannah's words cause Blair to cry even harder. She placed her face in her hands and wept loudly.

Jeff, who had been standing by her, in case he was needed, asked, "Blair, can I get you some water?"

Blair shook her head. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I wasn't talking about him. I'd never think that about Todd. I didn't think about what I was saying. Doctor Hanen and Viki told me about what happened the day Andy was stabbed and what Andy heard his mother say." Her fingers muffled Blair’s voice. "Oh God! I didn't think. I didn't think!" Blair waved her hands in the air as she said that and then cried into them again.

For a moment, both Blair and Téa looked up. Their eyes met. Blair looked daggers at Téa. She believed with all her heart that Téa's feelings for Todd were an act. The compassion Téa had felt for Blair a second ago vanished when she saw the hatred.

Kevin had been holding his arm tightly around Viki's trembling body as they stood near the nurses station. Viki watched silently. Even though he was terrified himself, Kevin whispered reassuring words to his mother about Todd's ability to survive and his inner strength.

Sam stood off in a corner. His jaw was tightly clenched and his eyes never left Todd. At the same time, Sam felt removed from the situation, as if he were watching it happen on a T.V. or movie screen.

"His pulse is down . . . one-ten," Nancy said with some relief in her voice.

"His pressure's coming up too . . . ninety over fifty-five," Eileen added.

"That's the way Todd. Come on. You're safe. You're not hurt now. That was a long, long time ago. No one is angry now. There is no yelling and no knife. Everyone here is very proud of you and wants you with them. Téa is not angry with you. There’s no anger, Todd, not from anyone. No one will hurt you. You did nothing wrong. Blair feels very sad because she accidentally said something that upset you. Viki and Sam are so worried about you. They all need you to come back to them. Todd. I need you to pull yourself back to us and open your eyes." Susannah noticed his skin was becoming dryer and slightly warmer.

Kevin noticed Susannah said nothing to Todd about him being there. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, but his feelings were hurt. He was as frightened for Todd as everyone else. More so, he was terrified for Timmy and Adam. He knew that whatever happens physically to Todd happens to them too.

Todd moaned softly.

"Open your eyes Todd," Susannah directed.

The attending from cardiology rushed onto the unit as soon as he was buzzed in. He headed straight for Todd. "What do we have?"

"Severe psychogenic shock. He's starting to come out of it though." Susannah went on to fill him in on Todd's history.

The young resident listened carefully to Todd's heart. "Sounds good to me. Let's do an ECG on him as soon as he can be moved to a bed. How's his pressure?" he asked Eileen.

"Ninety-six over sixty. It's coming up nicely."

Todd's eyes opened. He stared into Susannah's eyes. She immediately knew this wasn't Todd. Whoever it was looked confused and disoriented.

"Hi. It's okay. You're safe. No one here will hurt you. My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm your doctor. You're in a hospital. You've had a problem, but you're going to be fine now. You need to stay still for a few minutes."

"Okay," he whispered. He looked around. "Okay," he said again. His voice was flat and detached. He did not sound like a young child.

Todd's entire family said silent prayers of thanks. They all knew better than to rush to him. They allowed Susannah to access him.

"We need to take your blood pressure and pulse. It doesn't hurt to do that. Will you let us do that?"

"Yes," he responded calmly.

Once again they took his vitals, before they allowed him to move.

"BP is great. One-twenty over eighty," Eileen announced. Since Todd's and many of the alters' pressure ran a little low normally, this typical reading was a little surprising.

"Pulse is great too. Seventy-two and regular." Nancy added.

"You can move him to a bed. Do an ECG on him and I'll be back to check the results," the attending from cardiology said. He headed off the unit.

"You can sit up if you like," Eileen told this alter.

He pulled the blankets off of himself. He made no attempt to wrap a blanket around himself, so apparently he did not have Todd's physical or emotional need for a blanket. He followed directions. He sat up. He made no attempt to stand. He only did what he was told.

"Do you have a name?" Susannah asked.

He looked around again. "Where's my father?" he asked. He didn't identify himself. There was no fear or panic in his voice when he asked about his father. It remained void of emotion.

"Do you mean Peter Manning?" Susannah wanted to be sure.

"Yes," he responded flatly.

Instinctively Susannah knew it would be all right to tell this one. "Your dad died several years ago. He had a heart attack."

"Oh," he said in the same detached way.

"Todd would know that his father is dead, so I don't think you're Todd. Do you have a name?" Susannah tried again.

"He's dead. I guess I can say it now." He would make brief eye contact with Susannah and then look away and stare off into space. He did not seem to be able to make prolonged emotional contact. "My name is Ritchie."

Susannah and the others were surprised. They heard that Ritchie had come out after Todd's body had recovered from the stab wound. From what they understood, he only came out when Peter went back to molesting Todd. They knew little about him other than one of the alters referring to him as behaving like a robot . . . void of emotions. This was the first time he'd been out since Todd had been hospitalized. Susannah thought he'd be much younger . . . six, like Andy.

"Hello, Ritchie. It's very nice to meet you. Can you tell me how old you are?"

"Seventeen."

"Do you remember how old Todd was when you first came out?" Susannah thought perhaps there was two alters named Ritchie. However, the Ritchie that had been mentioned would have been tied to this trauma.

"Six. Todd was six," he answered.

"How old were you when you first came out?"

"Six."

They realized Ritchie was one of the few alters who aged within the system.

"Thank you for answering my questions, Ritchie. You did a good job," Susannah praised him.

There was no response. Not even a smile.

"Ritchie," Susannah asked. "Do you feel dizzy or short of breath or sick in any way?"

He paused for a moment to evaluate himself. "No," he answered.

Susannah motioned Frank and Angelo over. "This is Frank," Susannah pointed. "And this is Angelo. They're going to help you up and take you to your room. Is that okay?"

"Yes." He stared straight ahead as he answered.

After checking again to see if standing made him lightheaded or caused any kind of irregular heartbeat, Angelo and Frank took him to lie down in his room. They would do an ECG on him as soon as he was settled.

*****

Susannah told them all there would be a debriefing in her office a little later, after Ritchie had been examined and the ECG had been done. Susannah made a point of asking Blair to please stay for it.

The ECG was done. Doctor Williams arrived. He examined Ritchie. He studied the results of the ECG, so there was no need for the young resident to return at this time. They were all relieved when he told them there had been no change since Todd's last ECG or exam. He didn't feel an echo was absolutely necessary. However, Viki insisted and Todd was scheduled for one.

Surprisingly, Ritchie had no reaction the exam. He showed no fear or anxiety. He followed direction and answered the doctor's questions with a "yes sir" or "no sir." When Terry told him he needed to eat and drink something, he replied "okay." He had no preference in choice of food or beverage and willingly ate the broth, grilled cheese sandwich, Jello and ginger ale that was brought to him. He ate at a reasonable rate, not slowly and carefully; the way some of the child alters ate. Also unlike the child alters, he did not look around anxiously as he ate . . . expecting some kind of punishment to be handed out by Peter. He stared straight ahead, or off into space. Susannah decided to push it and told him it was time to take his medication. Once again there was no reaction other than an "okay." He willingly took it all and drank all the water in the cup they handed him. When Susannah took the table away, and told him he needed to rest in bed for a while, again he replied with nothing more than another "okay." He turned on his side and laid his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and within minutes, fell asleep.

*****

Susannah had insisted that Téa be taken to the family lounge to lie down for a while. Frank had managed to get Téa squeezed in for a CT scan at noon. He had called Doctor Anderson and explained the situation and moved Téa's appointment with him too. Doctor Anderson shook his head when he got off the phone. He was concerned with the poor level of care Téa was giving herself. Sadly, he understood her position. Kevin had gone to the lounge with Téa. Téa protested, but both Viki and Kevin insisted. Viki told Téa she wanted to go in and be with Ritchie and she would not be able to relax unless someone was in the room with her.

Blair glared at Kevin and Téa's backs as they headed for the lounge. She called the penthouse. The nanny told her Starr had eaten a good breakfast. She said Starr's temperature was normal and that she had played "hospital" with her dolls for a while, being a very good doctor to all of them. This had become a favorite game of Starr's since her visit with Todd. She was always a kind and loving doctor to them and she would then give them time in the playroom and a tea party for being such good patients. The visit with Todd and Téa and getting to meet Susannah and the staff had done Starr a world of good. Most of her fears about Todd had been put to rest. The nanny said Starr was now having a nap. Blair was relieved that she didn't have to rush home.

Viki and Sam had gone to sit with Ritchie while he was having his meal. He made little eye contact with them and answered questions with one or two word replies. After a look from Susannah that told them she didn't want them to push him, they told Ritchie they'd be outside if he needed them and they headed to the nearby lounge. Viki asked Sam if he wanted to go to the cafeteria for some coffee or something to eat. Sam shook his head. He had not been much more talkative than Ritchie. Viki had gone down there herself and told Sam she'd bring him back coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. Sam's response had been a noncommittal shrug. Viki lovingly squeezed Sam's shoulder and headed for the cafeteria.

As soon as Blair saw Viki leave, she headed for Sam. "Are you okay?" Blair asked.

Sam answered with a nod and continued to stare ahead.

Blair moved a little closer to Sam. "I hope you know that I was only trying to help Todd."

"I don't think any of us know how to help Todd," Sam replied in a monotone.

Blair saw Sam was still not good shape. She pushed forward anyway. "Sam, what was going on last night? What was that all about?"

"It was about my deluding myself into thinking that I had these great instincts all these years," Sam answered.

"I don't know what that means," Blair responded.

"It means that everything I think, do, say or believe turns out to be the wrong thing. It means that Todd and Viki might have been better off if I'd never come into their lives."

"Sam! How can you say such a thing? You're like a father to Todd."

"Yeah," Sam laughed sarcastically. "Todd never had much luck with fathers, did he?"

Blair saw that she would get nowhere with Sam when he was like this. She got right to the point. "You came to the penthouse last night because of something to do with Téa and Kevin, didn't you?"

Sam stared into Blair's eyes for a moment. He stood up and walked over to one of the windows that looked out over the city.

Blair followed him. She stood next to him. "Sam, please. Did something happen with Téa and Kevin?"

"Another delusion," Sam muttered.

"What? What are you talking about?" When Sam didn't answer, Blair tried to guess. "You've got something on them, don't you. You wanted to see the pictures of Téa and Kevin. Why? You discovered something. Tell me, Sam! It's important! You know I only want what's best for Todd."

Sam continued to stare, silently, out the window. Blair tried a different approach. "Sam," she whispered. "I saw them together this morning. I saw them waiting for the elevator. Kevin had his arm around her. He was hugging her. Téa put her head on his shoulder. They have no shame! Right downstairs! Here in the hospital!"

"Téa's sick," Sam said more to himself than to Blair.

"What? What do you mean she's sick?"

"She passed out last night. She's having some kind of complication from the fall. Kevin is helping her."

Blair took a moment to process this. "So you're saying her lovey dovey act with Kevin this morning was because she was sick?"

"He was probably helping her walk or balance or something," Sam muttered.

"Who told you that? Doctor Hanen?"

"No, Viki did. Téa was here today to have another CT scan and to see her neurologist."

This was not Blair wanted to hear or believe. "Sam, I know what I saw. He was hugging her!" Blair was panicking. She felt she was losing Sam's alliance. "Even if she is having some kind of . . . of . . . complications, that doesn't take away what she did to Todd today."

Sam turned around and faced Blair. For the first time his voice had some emotion . . . anger. "What she did! You're the one who said those things. You sounded like his mother! You're the one who sent him into shock!"

Tears formed in Blair's eyes. "I wasn't talking about Todd. You know that, Sam. I was trying to protect him from them. Todd was already in trouble when I got here. I saw him through the door. She was hurting him. He was sitting and rocking himself and she was hovering near him, making it worse. None of you were lifting a finger to help him. You all just stood or sat around letting her do whatever she wanted to him."

"He was starting to come out of it. Téa was talking to him and he was starting to come out of it."

"Come out of what! Some kind of episode that Téa drove him into in the first place!" Blair could not believe Sam was saying this. "I saw what she did. Todd is sick and she's still trying to get into his pants."

Sam glanced at Blair and then looked away. "Todd kissed her. It wasn't Téa. He kissed her."

Blair once again felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. "Was it an alter . . . was it Rodd?"

"No, it was Todd. He had a very hard day. There was a problem when he woke up. I-I . . . I can't talk about it now. You can as Susannah or Viki what happened. Todd had a breakthrough. He let me hold him and comfort him. Susannah was good with him. Then he found out Téa was here and insisted on seeing her. She helped him. She helped him to talk about things. Todd connected with her. He kissed her and then became upset . . . it was connected to a memory he had . . . he . . ." It was getting harder for Sam to focus and organize his thoughts.

"So what are you saying? You got a hug from Todd and everything's all right with the world? Téa sends Todd into some kind of withdrawal from reality or psychotic episode and then she becomes the hero of the hour for getting him back?"

"Blair it's not . . . maybe I've been wrong about things? Maybe you have too?"

Panic tightened the muscles in Blair's body. "No, Sam! We haven't been wrong. Don't let them fool you. Todd's life can be at stake. Maybe Téa was sick today? What about all the other times? Was she dizzy when she was standing half naked in her doorway, hugging Kevin? Was she sick when she and Kevin sat toasting themselves in the park for making a fool out of Todd? What about the way Todd is treated here? What about Adam? Is it suddenly all right for them to drug Todd and tie him down? Is it all right for them to torture Adam to get him to perform like a trained seal? What about Doctor Hanen? I heard she and Nora are not on the outs. They're close! Do you think Nora and the Buchanans have forgotten what Todd did to them and what they think he did to them? Do you think that miserable old bastard, Asa, has forgotten that he almost died because Todd took him hostage?"

Sam faced Blair. "I don't know. I don't know what's true and what's not true anymore. I know Viki loves her brother more than her own life. I know that's true."

"I never said she doesn't. She also loves Kevin, and Téa has managed to convince Viki that she's like some kind of daughter to her or something," Blair said with some jealousy in her voice. Blair would never admit it to herself, but she was not only jealous of Téa's relationship with Todd, but also her relationship with Viki. Blair had never felt close to Viki. Blair always felt threatened by Todd's closeness to Viki and Jess. Blair wanted Todd to herself. She wanted to make sure that she, and then she and Starr would always come first to him. In addition to that, she never truly forgave Viki for not telling her Todd had come back from Ireland or for taking Starr to see him without telling her. She knew Viki had encouraged Todd's marriage to Téa and saw that as betrayal. She also believed that by encouraging his relationship with Téa, Viki was, in part, responsible for her losing Starr to Todd and Téa. Once Todd had come close to death again, and Blair realized that she still loved him and wanted him back, all the anger she felt with him for leaving her because of his need to make things up to Marty and then the kidnapping, and Todd taking Starr away from her, had been transferred to Téa. Rationally she knew that Téa was not in the picture and had no connection to Ireland or the kidnapping. She did not specifically blame her for those events, but took her cumulative anger and placed it on Téa.

Sam squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his temples. "Blair, I can't talk about this any more right now. I'm not saying you're wrong about everything and I'm not saying you're right. I'm saying I don't know what's true and what's not true anymore. I'm going to the lounge near Susannah's office, if anyone asks. She wants to talk to all of us in a little while anyway." Without another word, Sam left Blair standing there.

Blair nervously sucked on her fingernail. She didn't like the way this was going. "I do want what's right for him. I know they're doing this to him," Blair said, out loud. A vision of Todd lying on the floor going into shock passed through Blair's mind. She shivered. "Baby, it wasn't my fault. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never feel that way about you. It's Téa . . . Téa and Kevin . . . they're doing this to you," Blair whispered. Blair decided to sit down near Todd's room. If Ritchie woke up, she wanted to try to get to know him.

*****

When Viki didn't see Sam near Todd's room, when she came back to the unit, she thought he might be waiting near Susannah's office. Blair's back was to Viki and she didn't see her come back. Viki did not approach Blair. She was furious with her and did not want to cause a scene.

Sam smiled feebly when he saw Viki. She sat next to him. She handed him the hot coffee and the bagel. "Thanks," Sam said softly. Viki smiled back at him. "I love you." She rested her head on Sam's shoulder for a second and then said, "You'd better get to that before the meeting with Susannah starts."

Sam had only eaten half the bagel before he threw it away. Nothing had any taste to him anymore. He did drink all the coffee.

When Sam returned to his seat, Viki linked her arm in his. "I'm so happy that you were in the room with Todd and Andy this morning. They both needed you. They all need you."

Sam didn't respond verbally. Viki saw his eyes well with tears. She snuggled a little closer to him and gave him silent comfort. After another ten minutes had passed, Kevin and Téa came back and joined them as they waited for Susannah. In another few minutes, Susannah approached them. Blair was with her. Susannah saw her when she came out of Todd's room and told her the meeting would start.

*****

Rachel had arrived a few minutes after Susannah asked them all to come to her office with her. As Kevin had guessed, Rachel had miserable time parking. She finally found a lot that had room, several blocks from the hospital. On her way back she ran into an old friend from Llanview University. She hadn’t seen her in years. Rachel knew that Kevin was with Téa. She looked at her watch and assumed that Téa was already in the process of having the CT scan. She figured she had some time. She stopped to chat for a little while. She thought Téa would be almost through having her scan by now. She was shocked when Terry told her that there had been a problem with Todd and Téa had not even gone down to radiology yet. Rachel knew it must have been something serious.

Secrets 114, Page 2