"Please, can you hold it a second?" Téa asked the man pushing her.

"Okay Mrs. Manning. But they are waiting for you in radiology."

"Thank you. I'll only be a couple of minutes," Téa promised. The patient transport worker pushed the wheelchair's break to the on position and stepped away to allow Téa and Kevin some privacy.

"Kevin, you won't believe what happened. Starr showed up here."

"What!" Kevin was shocked.

"She came here all by herself on a bus. It seems Starr heard Blair and Dorian talking about what happened to me and about Todd and she decided to see how we were doing for herself. Todd and I both told her she should never do that again."

"Todd was able to stay out?" Kevin was even more shocked.

"Oh, Kevin. He was wonderful with Starr. We could see how difficult this was for him. He was using every bit of strength he had to keep himself together. I'm worried about what it will do to him. Finally it became too much for him and Tom came out. He's in there with Starr right now. They're going to take them to the playroom."

"Does Starr know she's with Tom?" Kevin asked.

"No, I don't think she does. Starr is used to Todd switching. Tom is so cute. He's trying his best to sound like Todd. We were able to tell it was Tom immediately. God . . . I realize now that Todd had switched when we were together. I just never noticed it before. Anyway, Starr is having a wonderful visit with her daddy and Tom is thrilled that she's there. They're going to have a tea party. Starr seemed to easily accept the fact that Todd couldn't see and now he can and she's so happy because she thinks her being there made him feel well enough to eat."

"I'm surprised Blair has let her stay her long enough for all of this," Kevin stated.

"Blair doesn't know. From what I understand they haven't been able to reach her."

"Oh great! She's gonna hit the ceiling when she finds out," Kevin declared.

"I don't know . . . maybe not. Blair may understand Starr's desperate need to see her father and she may also be happy that Todd was able to be with his little girl again."

"Let's hope. I don't want her coming here and pulling one of her tantrums."

"Kevin, come on. I know she's difficult to deal with at times but she does love Starr and I believe in her own way she loves Todd," Téa stated.

"Blair loves herself. She may love Todd . . . as you put it . . . in her own way. She also wants to hurt you and get Todd and all that is his back in her life again. In some ways Blair is very independent. She also likes being taken care of, especially financially. Todd was always there for her in that way and I'll betcha she's missing that."

Téa knew there was some truth to what Kevin said. She also saw the way Blair was with Todd and the alters. She was more than willing to take care of them right now. Téa was always able to give Blair the benefit of doubt. She had always tried to be fair. "It doesn't matter. There is no way that Blair can get anything from Todd right now. She'd have to go though Viki first." Téa stated with confidence.

"Don't be so sure, Téa. Don't ever underestimate Blair," Kevin warned.

The patient transport worker stepped back over to Téa. "Um . . . excuse me. I really need to get you to radiology now."

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry." Téa apologized. "Thank you for your patience."

He wheeled Téa onto the patient transport elevator and Kevin headed down the hall to the ICU. He was hoping to catch Starr and Tom before they went to the playroom. Just as Kevin turned the corner, he saw Frank, Susannah, Jeff and Dan walking Tom and Starr down the hall. Kevin could not believe how Starr had grown. Tom was holding Starr's hand. Both of them were so happy they were hopping and bouncing with joy as they walked.

"Hey you guys," Kevin approached them. "I head we had a very special visitor here today," Kevin said with a big smile. He reached out to stroke Starr's hair. Starr pulled back sharply. Kevin was startled.

"We're going to the playroom and we're gonna have a tea party . . . with grilled cheese sandwiches and cookies and ice cream and I'm gonna get to show Starr all the cool toys. I'm being a good daddy to Starr," Tom proclaimed. There was no mistaking the joy in his voice or in his eyes.

"Starr, it sounds like you and your daddy are going to have a lot of fun," Kevin tried again. Starr looked up at him angrily. "Starr, are you angry with me for some reason?" Kevin pushed.

Starr crossed her arms in front of her chest. She looked up at Kevin. "You're mean to my daddy. You hate my daddy. I don't like you anymore!"

"Starr." Kevin was flabbergasted. "Honey. I don't hate your daddy. I care very much about your daddy."

"You were mean to him. I remember sometimes when you were mean to him. Tee said you weren't anymore, but I know that you still are," Starr insisted.

"I-I was . . . Starr, I was mean to your daddy . . . a lot . . . I'm very sorry for that now. I promise you I'm not being mean to him now and I won't be mean to him ever again."

"Shorty, Kevin's telling the truth. He's not mean anymore. He was real nice to me. Me and him are gonna be friends now cause I'm gonna learn to love him." Kevin realized Tom remembered the conversation they had the day Tom and Téa had their skate date. "Shorty, Kevin's gonna teach me to play ball real good. Honest. He's not mean anymore," Tom assured Starr.

Starr looked unsure. "Okay," she agreed sullenly. Starr shook her finger up at Kevin. "You'd better keep being nice to my daddy."

"I will Starr. I promise." Kevin looked her in the eye as he said that. He then looked up at Susannah. He could tell by the slight nod and look she gave him that she thought he handled that all right. "Are my mom and Sam still in the waiting area?" Kevin asked.

"No, they went to the cafeteria," Dan filled Kevin in.

"Thanks," Kevin said. "I'll catch up with them there."

"Okay!" Jeff announced. "Let's get you both to the playroom. I think you both can use a nice tea party."

They all headed for the elevators . . . Kevin to the cafeteria and Susannah, her staff, Starr and Tom to back to seven and to the playroom. They all noticed that Tom was not nervous or afraid of walking in the hallways or getting on the elevator.

*****

"Oh thank you! Oh God, thank you!" Blair cried out loud after she hung up the phone and heard the message on her machine. She was so relieved to hear that Starr was safe; she didn't even think about the rest of it. Blair put another quarter into the phone.

"Hello."

Blair could hear the anxiety in Dorian's voice. "Dorian! It's good news. Starr is safe. She snuck off to visit Todd at the hospital."

"What!" Dorian was astounded.

"I don't know any of the details. There was a message on my machine from Gwen, one of Todd's nurses. She said Starr showed up at the hospital. She didn't give too many details. She said Starr is safe and she's visiting with Todd. God Dorian. I can kick myself for not thinking to check the machine first. I've been going through hell here. My cell phone and car phone are both dead. Then I had to use the pay phone and I ran out of . . ."

"Blair! Never mind all of that! Starr is with Todd! You have to go there and get her! My God! She could be in danger."

"Dorian, Starr is not in danger if she's with Todd. Todd would never do anything to hurt her. Besides, the whole staff is there."

"Perhaps Todd wouldn’t, but what if one of those alters you told me about comes out . . . the one who hates Todd or that little boy who cut Todd with broken glass?"

"No." Blair shook her head. "Starr is safe with Todd. I know that. And as much as I hate to admit it I don't think Doctor Hanen would let anyone hurt Starr."

"You mean the way she doesn't let Todd hurt himself?" Dorian asked sarcastically.

Now Blair was starting to get nervous. "I'm on my way there. I wanted to make sure to let you know because I knew you'd be worried."

"Worried! I was frantic. Has it ever occurred to you to carry an extra battery?"

"Dorian, please don't lecture me now. I'm not in the mood," Blair grit her teeth. Blair thought for a second. "I wonder what made Starr run off that way today . . . Dorian! You don't think she heard us talking, do you?"

Dorian thought back to their conversation. "If she did, the idea of both Todd and Téa being sick may have been too much for her."

It never occurred to Blair that Starr might have gone there to see Téa as well as Todd. "Dorian, I'll talk to you later. I have to go get my little girl."

"Good!" Dorian declared. She hung up the phone.

*****

"More Téa, King Daddy?" Starr asked as she held up the teapot that contained grape juice.

"Thank you, Princess Shorty. I'll have some more," Tom held up his cup and saucer.

"Another cookie?" Starr offered.

"I love these cookies," Tom blurted out. Then he remembered to play along. "Yes please, Princess Shorty, I'll have another cookie."

Starr also asked her other guests, the stuffed animals she and Tom had lined up around the table, if they wanted more. Susannah, Allan and the other staff members enjoyed watching how happy and relaxed Tom and Starr were with each other. Tom and Starr had each eaten a grilled cheese sandwich and each had several plastic teacups of grape juice. They each had a bowl of chocolate ice cream and were now enjoying their cookies with some more grape juice. Throughout the meal they talked easily and freely with each other. The conversations had been sprinkled with frequent giggles coming from Tom and Starr.

*****

Goodone had felt when Todd needed to come inside. He drew him in quickly and welcomed him with loving arms. He could not stop Todd's crying at first. Goodone hated putting Todd to sleep without calming him first and making him feel better about whatever was upsetting him.

"Papa, I'm so scared. I do love Téa and Starr. They'll be hurt. They'll be destroyed. My love is poison. There's a monster in me. He'll get out and hurt them. Love makes people hurt each other and use everything they say to each other as a weapon. I can't bear thinking that someday I'll use Starr's love and words against her or she'll do it to me. It's already happened sometimes with Delgado. Or if he knows I love them or they love me he'll hurt them. He'll hurt them or they'll go away because I'll disappoint them and give them heartache. You're the only one who's never disappointed in me. You're the only one who doesn't use what I tell you as a weapon. Papa, you’re the only one who'll never leave me. I can feel your love. It feels so good. I was able to feel Starr's love. I won't be able to take it when I can't feel her love anymore. Once she gets older, she'll wise up and stop loving me, if my love doesn't get her hurt first. I wanna feel Téa's love and Sam and Viki's. I can't. Sometimes I feel it for a second and then it goes away. Maybe they can't really love me or maybe he's right? Maybe they're just pretend people? Papa, I'm so mixed up. I don't know what's real and what's not. They tell me I have these people running around in my head. I know they're with Sam and Viki sometime and . . . and . . . oh God, Papa. I know they're with Delgado sometime. I hate Téa seeing me acting like a fool . . . what if one of them hurt her or Starr? Noooo! Oh noooo! Papa, what if they come out around Starr . . . around my little girl? Noooo!" Todd kept crying and repeating these things over and over again.

"Todd, listen to me. Shhhh. My precious son, listen to Papa. Starr will always love you. You've heard Viki tell you that over and over again. Starr loves her daddy. She'll never turn on you. You made Starr so happy today. She needs you, Todd. She will always need you. Téa needs you too. Téa was so happy that you came to see her. She was proud of you. So were Sam and Viki. They love you. I can feel their love for you Todd. I'll keep it in my heart and save it there for you until you're ready to feel it."

"No, Papa, either way it's bad. If they love me, they'll get hurt. They'll get punished. Something bad will happen to them. It's already started. Delgado got hurt trying to help me. She fell down." Todd paused a moment as he had a flash of another woman falling down.

Goodone heard a command from Mike to put Todd to sleep, immediately. Goodone did. He held Todd close as he slept. "I have to find a way to show you that you will never hurt your little girl, Todd. I have to find a way to let you feel all the love that's out there for you. Those children would never hurt Starr or Téa or anyone," Goodone whispered to his sleeping son as he cradled him in his arms. Goodone rested Todd down gently. Tom was not one of Goodone's children. He had never taken care of him. He had never even met him. Tom was sweet, good natured and gentle. Until Tom recently started having problems with increasing depression, feeling lost because he wasn't doing his job in the system and handling his feelings of anger and jealousy, he had been easy to take care of. He had been Miss Perkins' responsibility since she came into the system. He still was, but now he was sometimes overwhelming to her. She was still not ready to hand him over to any other adult caretaker. Miss Perkins loved Tom with all her heart.

Goodone watched as Tom and Starr played together. He smiled at what a sweet boy Tom was and how much Starr loved being with him. Goodone wanted Todd to see this. He wanted Todd to know that Tom would never hurt Starr or make him look like a fool in front of Téa or anyone else. Goodone looked at Todd. He saw Todd was in a deep sleep. Goodone decided to talk to Mike.

*****

"I want Todd to remain asleep. This has all been too much for him," Mike stated in a businesslike manner.

"Todd suffers when he is out. He believes the children make him look foolish in front of those he loves and cares about and that is not true." Goodone tried to impress this upon Mike.

"Goodone, you should not be encouraging Todd to love those in the outside world. His love for you and yours for him is all he needs."

"No, it's not. Mike, you feel it too, don't you?" Mike looked away. He didn't respond. Goodone continued to press. "You can feel something change in Todd when he's with Téa . . . and now . . . when he was with his daughter. I believe you can also feel how much Todd wants that."

"I feel fear and panic from him when he is with them," Mike stated.

"Yes, I know. So do I. I also feel all the love that Todd has in him wanting to come out. I can feel the pressure. It's as if it is bursting forth from his heart. I think we both know Todd's ability to love is powerful and intense."

"Yes, we do. Look what it has done to him. It has nearly destroyed him. Goodone, I know you mean well. I know your love for Todd is also intense. I'm sorry. What happened today, more than ever, proves to me that I am right about keeping Todd from situations that will cause him more heartbreak. You cannot guarantee that those whom Todd loves will not hurt him or abandon him."

Goodone looked Mike in the eye. "No, I can't guarantee it. I feel Todd's pain when he is with those he loves."

"I know you do. When Todd suffers, you suffer. You feel his pain so that you can understand what he is going through. Why do you want to subject Todd or yourself to that?"

"Because I also feel his joy. When Todd had his little girl in his arms, his happiness was greater than I'd ever felt it. From the very first time Todd's sister placed Starr in Todd's arms I was able to feel the kind of happiness and love in him that I'd never experienced before and neither had Todd. When Todd is with Téa, he also experiences intense feelings of love and even more, safety. He gets that, in a different way, from Viki and Sam too. Todd needs all of them."

"Todd needs you, Goodone. You are enough for him. You saw how upset he was when he came to you. I would hate for it to become necessary to have you put Todd to sleep permanently."

Goodone felt anxious. "I don't believe that will ever become necessary. Todd is getting stronger every day. He has been able to handle things that neither of us ever thought he'd ever be able to handle."

"Yes, that is true. Todd has been through a lot in recent days. It has taken its toll. Perhaps if Todd rests for a few weeks or even a few months . . ."

"Mike. I want to wake Todd up now. I want him to see Tom with Starr. I want him to know that he can come to me and that it is still okay. His little girl will still be safe and he will not look foolish in front of his loved ones."

"Goodone, do you realize what you're proposing. Todd came to you in a very distraught state. You want to push him right back to what he ran from?"

"Not all the way, I will keep him with me. I want him to see that Starr is very happy with Tom. If he chooses to go back out, fine. If not, my arms will be there for him. Mike, I believe Todd is ready to face the good and even the bad in their world. Even when horrible things happen . . . like Rocky cutting the body . . . it seemed to make Todd stronger in the long run."

"And caused great suffering to him. Goodone, don't you think Todd has suffered enough. It is our job to keep him from any more suffering."

"I know. However I am beginning to see the sense in some of the things Doctor Hanen has said. Not having his life to live the way he wants is also causing Todd great suffering. There is a part of him that longs to have what everyone else has. He wants to be a part of their world. He wants a family. He wants to be able to feel love and happiness in their world, like other people."

"Part of your job was to keep him from wanting that from anyone besides you." There was an edge to Mike's voice.

Goodone understood that he was putting himself and Todd at risk. If Mike believed that Goodone was no longer capable or keeping Todd safe and pain free, Mike would send him away and he would put Todd to sleep himself, perhaps forever.

"Mike, I know you want what's best for Todd. You want him safe and you don't want him to feel pain. What about feeling happy? Don't you want him to experience happiness as well?"

"Todd is happy when he's with you. Goodone, Todd loves being with you. He smiles all the time when he's inside."

"Yes, he's happy when he's with me. It's not the same kind of happiness he can feel if he becomes strong and well enough to be a part of their world. It's not close to what Todd felt when he had his daughter in his arms just now. It's not even close to what he feels, for a brief moment here and there, when he has been able to feel Téa's love or the love of his sister and Sam. If feeling pain, at times, allows Todd to eventually feel the happiness and love he has wanted so desperately all his life, it may be worth it. I believe with all my heart that Todd is strong enough to stand some of the pain now."

Mike was quiet for a few minutes. He weighed Goodone's words carefully. Finally he spoke. "Goodone, I want to be fair to Todd. You know what is best for him has always been my highest priority. I trust your judgment, for the most part. That is why you were chosen to be a father to Todd and some of the others. I understand you have a responsibility to them as well, and to helping Carol. I'll give you some time to do what you believe is best for Todd. One thing you have to remember, if it comes to the point that Todd truly wants to die . . . I don't mean a fleeting thought of death being better or easier than what he has to go through or someone other than Todd striking out at the body. I mean if Todd really wants to die rather than face their world and face being rejected by those he loves I will take charge of him myself. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure that Todd's suffering ends and he does nothing to endanger himself and the rest of us. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Yes. I believe that I will know if Todd even gets close to feeling that way. Anytime I sense that I will pull him inside myself and give him a chance to rest before he tackles their world again."

"You might not have the chance, Goodone. What you're suggesting may leave Todd too vulnerable to ever go back to their world again."

Goodone nodded. "I do understand."

"Fine. You may wake Todd up as you see fit. I won't interfere unless it becomes absolutely necessary."

Goodone nodded and headed back to Todd.

*****

Tom and Starr had finished their tea party. They now each sat with a puppet on their hands. Tom's chose a bunny puppet. It reminded him of Mr. Rabbit. Starr chose a doctor puppet. Starr looked at the puppet on Tom's hand. "Let's call him Bunny Daddy and mine will be Doctor Starr."

"Okay," Tom agreed with a smile.

Doctor Starr looked got up close to Bunny Daddy. She looked him over carefully. She checked out his ears then instructed, "Open wide and say 'AAAAHHHH.'"

Tom opened his fingers wide to make the puppet’s mouth appear to open. Starr stuck her puppet's whole head inside Bunny Daddy's mouth. The adults in the room laughed to themselves.

"I think you have a sore throat, Bunny Daddy. You're going to have to stay home from school and you'll get to watch TV and color and play with your toys all day."

"I don't want to take any yucky medicine," Bunny Daddy told Doctor Starr.

"You can have tea with honey and a lollipop instead. I'm a good doctor and I'm gonna take good care of you and make you all better so you can go home to your little girl bunny."

"I hope so, Doctor Starr. I love you a whole bunch, but I wanna go home real bad. I have my own room at home and I have a big banister I like to slide on. I wanna be able to go to the park and play with my little girl bunny." Tom had his puppet say.

"Is it scary to be in the hospital?" Doctor Starr asked.

"Yeah, sometimes it's real scary. Sometimes it's fun and I get to do fun stuff like learn to dance and skate."

"I can dance with you, Bunny Daddy. Doctor Starr is a real good dancer. She's the best in her ballet class."

*****

"Papa?" Todd looked up at Goodone questioningly. He felt confused and disoriented.

"Todd, it's time to wake up. Open your eyes for Papa." Todd snuggled into Goodone's arms. He rested his head on Goodone's broad chest and started to drift off again. Goodone kissed Todd's head. "Wake up now, Todd. There's something Papa wants you to see and hear."

"See and hear?" Todd didn't understand.

"Come." Goodone held his hand out. Todd took it. Todd's hand was warm when he was with Goodone. When he was inside with Goodone, Todd's world was filled with warmth and the sun always shone brightly. Todd was able to see clearly. Todd walked with Goodone.

"No Papa! Not the tunnel! No! Don't make me go back." Todd clutched Goodone's hand with both of his.

"Shhhh. I'm not. You're safe here with me. You can stay with me as long as you want to. I just want you to see and hear something. Listen to your daughter, Todd. It's safe to listen. It's all right for you to see and hear little Tom. I want you to see how much he is loved and what a good little boy he is."

"Tom?" Todd thought for a moment. "He's one of the people Doctor Hanen says runs around in my head. I saw him one time. He looked like any other little boy. I didn't know he was one of those people who run around in my head."

Goodone looked into Todd's eyes. "Starr loves spending time with Tom and so does Téa. Look and see how happy Starr is while she plays with him. He's not making a fool out of you. He's not hurting Starr. He’s playing with her nicely and Starr thinks she's having a good time with you. Look my sweet son. Look."

Todd's head was hung down. His eyes were cast downward as well. He was not allowing himself to hear. "I'm afraid Papa. I'm afraid to hear and see him with my little girl."

"Papa is here with you. If you don't want to watch you can turn away. Papa will take you back to our special place."

Todd heard giggling. He immediately recognized it as Starr's giggle. Slowly he raised his eyes.

Starr and Tom had finished playing with the puppets. They were now rolling a ball across the floor and racing, on their hands and knees, to see who would get to it first. "This is a good game, Daddy. You always think of the best games," Starr said as she continued to giggle.

"Starr, I can see you," Todd said in amazement. A tear rolled down Todd's cheek. "Papa, she's so beautiful. Look how much she's grown. She doesn't look like a baby anymore. She looks like a little girl." Todd stared at his daughter in awe. "Papa, she's growing up without me."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Todd. You can visit with your little girl if you want to. I'm sure they will allow you to."

"NO!" Then more quietly Todd added. "No Papa. I can't. Starr was lucky today. Nothing bad happened to her. I can't, Papa."

Goodone didn't push it. Instead he said, "Then watch Starr from here for now. You will see that she is safe even if you need to come inside to be with me."

Todd watched as his daughter played with this little blond boy who was about her size. He saw how gentle this child was with Starr. He noticed the little boy holding back sometimes so that Starr could win the race. He saw that the little boy looked at Starr with love pouring from his large green eyes. Starr looked at him with the same love in her eyes. Todd remembered holding this little boy in his arms the day he got to see his beloved Randy again. He remembered giving Randy to the little boy to keep safe for him while he was in the hospital. He remembered making this child cry when he rejected him. "Papa, Starr is having a good time with him. He's not hurting her at all."

"No, he's not. He's not acting silly or foolish with her either. He's keeping your daughter safe and happy when you can't be with her," Goodone gently pointed out.

"I was mean to him, Papa. I upset that little boy and made him cry. I never meant to hurt a little kid."

"I think he understands. Something tells me he has a forgiving nature."

Todd continued to watch and listen to Tom and Starr play together.

As Tom and Starr both became exhausted and sleepy, so did Todd. Todd sat down on the ground. He felt as if he were hovering over the playroom. He was able to see and hear everything that went on. Goodone sat down next to Todd. Todd put his head in Goodone's lap. Goodone gently stroked Todd's hair. As Tom fell asleep on the floor with Starr's head in his lap, Todd fell asleep with his head in his papa's lap.