Susannah stepped out into the hallway. "I'm happy you got the message. Did you realize that Starr had not gone to school today?" Susannah asked. Blair filled her in on what had transpired. "Blair, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. We tried to contact you the second we realized Starr had come here on her own," Susannah was totally sympathetic to the agony Blair had been through when she thought Starr was missing. "Has Starr ever run off like this before?" Susannah inquired.
"No, never! I know she's been missing her Todd something awful. She's been so afraid that he'll never come home again or that we've been lying to her and her daddy was . . ." Tears filled Blair’s eyes. "That her daddy was dead," she finished.
"Starr and Todd got to work through some issues. I see her visit as a positive thing for both of them," Susannah said encouragingly.
"Has Todd been able to stay . . . I mean have any of the alters come out?"
"Tom is with Starr now," Susannah gently informed Blair.
"Tom." Blair smiled. "Tom is so sweet. He's such a good boy. I know Starr is safe with him." Blair had no doubts about this.
"Tom and Starr had a wonderful time together. As Nancy told you, they are in the playroom. They had a tea party and some lunch with it. They played with the puppets and raced each other across the room."
"On their knees?" Blair asked.
"Yes." Susannah was surprised that Blair knew this.
"Todd . . . uh . . . I guess it was Tom, played that a lot with Starr," Blair stated wistfully as she realized that Starr had played with Tom right under her nose and she had never realized it. "What are they doing now?" Blair looked toward the playroom.
"They both fell asleep. Todd's body is exhausted. He's been under a tremendous amount of strain for past few days. He has held on and stayed Todd from much longer than we thought he could."
"Did he want to stay Todd because of Téa?" Blair guessed.
"Yes," Susannah answered honestly. "It was very important to Todd to make sure she was okay."
"Did Todd hurt Téa?" Blair blurted out.
"No, he did not hurt Téa. He lost her footing and fell. It was an accident," Susannah stated firmly.
"He still blamed himself, didn't he?" Blair assumed.
"Yes, he did. We all tried to tell him that it was not his fault. It wasn't until he heard Téa tell him herself that it was an accident that he might have started to believe it."
Blair felt a combination of anger and relief. She was angry at Téa for causing Todd to feel guilty and she was relived that Téa might have convinced him he has nothing to feel guilty about. Blair still wondered if Téa had set the whole thing up. She knew if Téa had done that, Susannah would never admit it to her.
"I appreciate everyone taking such good care of Starr. I think she might have overheard my Aunt Dorian and me talking about Todd and Téa and Starr may have panicked. I'll make sure she never does this again."
As Todd's advocate Susannah told Blair what she knew Todd wanted to say. "If Todd had been able to stay out, he wanted to ask you not to discipline Starr for this."
"I need to make it clear to her that she did something that could have been dangerous and I need to make her promise not to do it again. I won't punish her. I understand why she did this."
"Todd told her pretty much what you just said. He told her it wasn't safe for her to be off on her own and he made her promise him she wouldn't do it again," Susannah filled her in.
Blair smiled. "Even with all he's been through, Todd is still a good father. Isn't he?"
"Yes," Susannah smiled. "Todd put Starr first. He made sure she knew it was not okay to do this and at the same time he made sure she understood how much he loved her."
Tears fell down Blair's cheek. "Starr has not been the same since Todd's been hospitalized."
"Blair, have you thought of taking Starr for counseling?"
"Are you saying my little girl is disturbed?" Blair sounded frightened and angry. The legacy of Cramer madness was never far from Blair's thoughts. Blair had feared for Starr since she learned she was carrying her.
"No, from what I observed Starr is a normal, healthy little girl who, unfortunately, has a lot to deal with. It confuses her. As is often the case when a parent is very ill, Starr wonders if it is somehow her fault of if there is more she could be doing to make Todd better. Sometimes when a parent is ill or even when a parent is addicted to drugs or alcohol, the child begins to feel that they should become the caretaker. Of course sometimes the parent places the child in the role of the caretaker. This is not the case with Starr, but on her own, she may be feeling that she should be taking care of Todd. Often when the child does become a caretaker of the parent or of their siblings, the child becomes resentful and angry because their childhood is being stolen from them. They sometimes even wish the parent dead so they can have their life back. This usually causes the child to feel very guilty. Paradoxically, this guilt creates even more anger and resentment. The child may take this out on him or herself or act out outside the home. Starr also has some guilt because of the anger she feels at Todd abandoning her."
"Todd did not abandon her! Todd is sick. He can't help it." Blair could not believe Susannah said that.
"When there is a prolonged absence of a parent, no matter what the reason, the child has feelings of abandonment. A child may intellectually understand that a parent is sick or that their parents have divorced or even that a parent has died. This does not stop the child from feeling abandoned. That often leads to the child blaming him or herself for the parent not being there anymore. It is normal for a child to feel this way. It in no way means that Starr is mentally ill." Susannah knew about Blair's mother and sensed Blair's fear. "I thought it might help ease Starr's mind to have someone to talk to."
"Starr knows she can always talk to me. She knows her mommy will always be there for her and will listen,” Blair claimed defensively.
"There may be some things Starr is not comfortable discussing with you," Susannah pointed out.
"There is nothing in this world Starr can't tell me. She knows this."
"Blair, for now you are Starr's remaining parent. She may be very afraid of losing you too and being left all alone. She may not want to say things to you that she feels could possibly drive you away. She may also be afraid of upsetting you and risk you getting sick too."
Blair knew Susannah was right. "Actually Starr has begun acting out in school. Her grades have fallen and she's having problems getting along with some of the other students. One little girl even accused Starr of stealing something from her," Blair painfully confessed.
"Starr is having a hard time with Todd's absence. It would be very helpful if she could talk about her feelings . . . with you or with a therapist," Susannah stated gently.
"Starr does tend to hold things in like her daddy," Blair admitted sadly.
Susannah smiled again. "Starr is very much her daddy's girl in many ways. Most of them are very positive ways. I see a lot of you in Starr too. Starr made sure to let us know if we didn't take good care of Todd we'd have her to answer to."
Blair smiled proudly. "Starr is fiercely protective when it comes to her daddy."
"Yes, she is," Susannah confirmed.
Blair had been holding off asking this because she knew what the answer would be and it would hurt her. "Did Starr want to see Téa?"
"Yes, she did. Starr and Todd visited with Téa," Susannah answered in her straightforward manner.
"Were you in the room with them while they were there?"
"Yes. Todd is never left alone. We would certainly never leave him alone with Starr. Todd was on two-to-one the whole time he was with Starr.”
"Two-to-one?" Blair didn't understand.
"There were always at least two staff members within arm's reach of him at all times."
"Where are Sam and Viki?" Blair asked when she noticed their absence.
"By now they are most likely waiting to get the results of Téa's CT scan.”
"Can I go in and get Starr? I really need to get home. I have a horrible headache from all the tension."
"Yes, of course you can." Susannah walked Blair into the playroom.
"Oh, Blair!" Susannah stopped her before she walked through the playroom door. "Starr doesn't realize it's not her daddy. Please, if you address Tom, address him as Todd. Also, Tom does not seem to realize what happened to Téa. We did not want to fill him in while Starr was here in case he became upset. Please don't bring it up in front of him, unless Starr says something and then please let us handle it."
Blair nodded. "I won't say a word." She and Susannah walked into the playroom. Blair's heart melted at the sight of Tom and Starr asleep and cuddled up together. Blair never thought she'd get to see that again. 'It can work! It will be the best thing for Todd and our little girl if I get him back home,' Blair thought to herself.
"I think it best to wake both of them," Susannah directed. "Tom will be upset if he wakes up and finds Starr gone without him having had a chance to say goodbye."
Blair knelt down to where they slept. "Todd . . . Starr . . . come on sleepy heads . . . time to wake up," Blair called out tenderly.
Both Tom and Starr started to open their eyes slowly. "Mommy," Starr whispered sleepily. She rubbed her eyes.
"Hi Blair," Tom's voice was just as sleepy.
"Hey you guys. Did you have a nice nap?"
"Uh-huh," they both nodded and answered at the same time.
'They are so much alike,' Blair thought lovingly.
"Mommy, are you mad at me?" Starr asked.
Tom looked nervous. "Please don't be mad at Starr, Blair."
"No, Todd." Blair emphasized his name. "I'm not angry with Starr. I promise both of you." Blair reached out and caressed both their cheeks. "I'm not mad at Starr at all. I understand why she wanted to come see her daddy."
"That's good. If you get mad at Starr, you can punish me. Promise me that you'll never punish Starr."
"No one will ever get punished," Blair promised.
"Mommy, Daddy and me had the best time! I made Daddy's eyes and tummy better. We got to have a tea party and they got good toys here. It's not so bad for Daddy to be here."
Starr seemed much more at ease with Todd's hospitalization than she had been. If running off like this helped ease Starr's suffering over her Todd, in some way, then Blair knew all the terror she had been through when she thought Starr was missing was worth it. She'd go through that a thousand times over if it helped Starr not to be so unhappy. Blair also did wonder if perhaps she should give Starr and objective person, like a therapist, to talk to.
"Yeah, Blair, me and Starr had a lot of fun. I was a real good daddy to Starr," Tom declared.
Blair kissed him on the forehead. "You are always a good daddy to Starr. I'm very proud of you." Tom smiled happily in return.
"Puddin', we have to be going now. Why don't you kiss Daddy goodbye."
Starr threw her arms around Tom's neck. "I love you, Daddy. I hope you don't feel ashamed to have me here real soon so I can come back and see you. I love being here with you more than anything. I hope your eyes and tummy stay okay. If not I'll fix them again the next time I visit you."
"Shorty."
Blair was not sure. However Susannah and the staff knew that Todd had come back. They guessed he wanted to be there to say goodbye to his little girl.
Todd remembered being inside this time. With encouragement and support from Goodone, Todd had willingly come back to hold his daughter one last time. "Shorty, I know you will. When you're around everything seems fixed." Todd held Starr's head against his chest. "I love you, Starr. I love you more than anything. You are the best girl in the universe."
"And you're the best daddy," Starr proclaimed. She kissed Todd on the cheek. "I love you, Daddy. I hope I can back and see you again soon."
"Todd, it's Blair. You are the best daddy. You really are. Don't worry. I understand why Starr came here today. I won't discipline her for it."
Blair held out her hand. Starr took it and stood up. They headed for the door. "Bye, Daddy," Starr called out one last time. Starr kissed her palm and blew the kiss to Todd.
Todd recognized the sound of that. He quickly put his hand in the air and caught the kiss in his fist. Todd heard the sound of a door closing. "Bye, Shorty," he whispered to himself. He placed his fist against his cheek and opened it. Todd's hand became wet with the tears that fell from his eyes.
