Raistlin
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  10	STR:  5	Come on, does Raistlin really seem that buff to you?  He's a 98 pound weakling.  (Well, actually, 135, but at 5'9")
INT: 17	INT: 18	Remember he actually challenged the gods and, in one future, won.  So unless he was possessed by Fistandatilus at the time (INT 18) he just needs to be smarter.
DEX:  16	DEX:  16	Sounds about right to us.
WIS:  14	WIS:  variable	On one hand he understands the ramifications of what he does. On the other hand, he does them.
CON:  10	CON:  3	He's managed to make his illness into a plot point.
CHAR:  10	CHAR:  5	Everyone hates him.

Height:  5'9"
Weight: 135 (yes, he is a 98 pound weakling)

Proficiencies: The ordinary mage types...i.e., herbalism, spell craft, reading and writing, ancient history...

Things in pack:  Nothing too exciting, except for the dozen marbles?  Is this where Fizban left them?

Creed:  Knowledge is strength.  (Seems a little dull for Raistlin.)

Alignment:  N (I'd say that chaotic evil was more like it, but that could just be me.  Anna thinks that chaotic neutral is better for before he turned black robe...either way...)

Caramon
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  18 (63)	STR:  18 (63)	Yeah, we agree.  Caramon's buff.  (and oh so muscular)
INT:  12	INT:  12	Enough above average to lead an army, but no genius either.
DEX:  11	DEX:  11	He can fight, but he's sort of known for being big and powerful and none too fast.
WIS:  11	WIS:  13 without Raist, 5 with	He's got great common sense...except where Raistlin's concerned.
CON:  17	CON:  17	We agree. Nothing can kill him.
CHAR:  15	CHAR:  15	Remember, everyone likes him.

Height:  6' (doesn't this seem a little short to you?)
Weight:  200 lb. (doesn't this seem a little light to you?)

Creed:  Strength solves any problem.  (Sounds right.)
Alignment:  LG (I'd say more neutral good, after all, he does break laws on occasion.)

Kitiara
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  14	STR:  14	She's warrior woman, but then she's also one of those "kick them below the belt types" that don't need all that much strength.
INT:  13	INT:  16	She did work her way from peasant slut to, well, warlord slut.
DEX:  18	DEX:  18	And this is so that she *can* kick the opponent below the belt.
WIS:  7	WIS:  5	And this explains why, despite that she's fairly intelligent, she keeps doing idiotic things.  (Trust Lord Soth?  Why of course!)
CON:  14	CON:  14	She seems like a healthy girl, but then she nearly died giving birth to Steel.
CHAR:  14	CHAR:  16	We do wonder though how much of her charm is due to men not being able to resist any woman who looks at them appealingly.

Height:  5'9"  (And a good height it is for a warrior woman.)
Weight:  105 (I do not believe that this is humanly possible, unless it's been converted into kilograms.)  Seriously, 140 at 5'10" is really thin and non muscular. We're guessing that she's got to be at least 160 to even pick up a sword.

Proficiency:  Cooking, disguise, among others.  (Why Kit, we never knew.)

Creed:  Trust only those you control.  (Sounds like Kit.)

Alignment:  LE  (Oh, come on...she fights for herself.  Chaotic evil sounds right, or at least neutral evil.)

Tika
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  14	STR:  14	She wields frying pans with ease.
INT:  9	INT:  12	In spite of how they say that 9 is normal, obviously 12 is closer to the mark.   And did she ever really do anything that stupid?
DEX:  16	DEX:  10	She keeps almost hitting Caramon with the sword.
WIS:  12	WIS:  16	She's got to be the one with the most common sense in the group...and she runs a successful restaurant (the hardest type of business to own) and raised 5 fairly normal children.
CON:  13	CON:  16	And we didn't hear about any problems during labor, either.
CHAR:  14	CHAR:  14	She's the cute girl next door. Nothing special, but very likable.

Height:  5'8"
Weight:  140 lb. (she's a tad thin, but certainly doable)

Things in her pack:  Trained squirrel  (we never knew)

Creed:  I don't need anyone's protection.  (I keep thinking that the people writing these weren't too creative.  Tika deserves better.)

Alignment:  NG  (Probably about right.)

Tanis
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  16	STR:  15	He's not a wimp, but he's not  the buff one of the group either.
INT:  12	INT:  12	Seems fair.
DEX:  16	DEX:  16	We figure, he's an elf...but then we don't hear anything extraordinary of him, either.
WIS:  13	WIS:  7	He ended up with Kitiara and Laurana and then couldn't choose between them for three whole novels.
CON:  12	CON:  16	Do we ever hear of him getting sick or injured?
CHAR:  15	CHAR:  16	He did attract both Kitiara and Laurana.

Height:  5'10"  (Too short, too short!  How does Kit look up to him if he's only an inch taller?  I think this is one of those, "oops...they're making elves taller things...)
Weight:  145 (He's as scrawny as Raistlin, apparently.  I'd think that at least 160 would be in order...)

Creed:  Control of self is true strength.  (Except around Kitiara.)

Alignment:  NG  (He seems sort of lawful good to me, but whatever.)

Laurana
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  13	STR:  10	She's an elven princess.
INT:  15	INT:  12	She's an inbred elven princess.
DEX:  17	DEX:  12	What did she do that's so dexterous?
WIS:  12	WIS:  9	She goes chasing after her foster brother, nearly getting everyone killed.
CON:  14	CON:  14	But she does survive the experience.
CHAR:  16	CHAR:  16	And yet they all like her...

Height:  5'6"  (wait, elven women technically aren't allowed to be that tall...of course, with Weis and Hickman rules, she's probably a little shrimpy elf.  Hah, so there Laurana.)
Weight:  110  (Oh, my god!  She's anorexic!  She'd have to be 130 at least.)

Creed:  Love conquers all.  (Appropriate but gag.)

Alignment:  CG  (How did she get chaotic good? She's the most lawful of them all!)

Gilthanas
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  12	STR:  12	We never see him use it, but what the heck.
INT:  14	INT:  14	He's a mage, but no one seems to think that he'll ever become a particularly great one.
DEX:  16	DEX:  5	His ability to get head injuries is a plot point.
WIS:  10	WIS:  14	He seems to have a good head on his shoulders (when he's conscious), and would you want your younger sister dating a man who's madly in love with Kitiara?
CON:  12	CON:  9	On one hand, he never gets sick. On the other, that many concussions has got to be bad for you and a huge amount of his time is spent huddled in a corner with a splitting head ache.
CHAR:  13	CHAR:  13	When he's not being a bigoted idiot, he's a nice fellow...and he's far more open minded than most elves, anyway.

Height:  5'8"  (Another shrimpy elf by Weis and Hickman rules. I wonder how tall he's really supposed to be...)
Weight:  120 lb. (They're all anorexic, they're all anorexic!  Let him at least be a slender 160 lb..)

Creed:  Privilege brings responsibility.  (Gil deserves better.)

Alignment:  CG  (Where do they get these?  He seems neutral good, or even lawful to me!)

Sturm Brightblade
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  17	STR:  18	I don't think that he ever takes that armor off.
INT:  14	INT:  12	He doesn't seem stupid, but he's yet to come up with an independent thought.
DEX:  12	DEX:  12	Hey, why not?
WIS:  11	WIS:  6	"My honor is my life."
CON:  16	CON:  16	Hey, he's healthy.
CHAR:  12	CHAR:  12	Alhana falls in love with him, but then some of the members of the party want to kill him.

Height:  6'1"  (I like to think that he's a tad more imposing, but, whatever.)
Weight:  190 lb. (He could be that, yes...)

Things in pack:  A signet ring and scissors, among others.

Creed:  (Can you guess!)  My honor is my life.

Alignment:  (Very predictable.)  LG

Tasslehoff
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  13	STR:  13	What the heck. I can't validate it, but I can't disagree either.
INT:  9	INT:  12	We figure to survive he's got to be better than that.
DEX:  16	DEX:  18	He's a kender.
WIS:  12	WIS:  variable	On one hand, charging Chaos was probably pretty stupid (with a thousand other examples)...but then he does have this intuitive knowledge of human feelings.
CON:  14	CON:  inhuman	Can you kill a kender?
CHAR:  11	CHAR:  14	They never actually do kill him, and he's "one of Paladine's close, personal friends".

Height:  3'9"  (We don't have the knowledge to comment.)
Weight:  85 lb. (That actually seems a little heavy...)

Proficiencies:  Juggling

Things in pouch:  Dozens of odds and ends (Why won't they list them?)

Also...Tas has a 5% to have some information on any subject and, apparently, his real name is "Kalin".

Creed:  There's always more to see.  (Uh huh...)

Alignment:  NG (Strange...as if chaotic good wasn't the obvious answer.  These people are idiots.)

Flint
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  16	STR:  16	He is a blacksmith.
INT:  7	INT:  14	He's a successful businessman.
DEX:  10	DEX:  10	He's a dwarf, but he's also a craftsman.
WIS:  12	WIS:  16-17	He's the wise one of the group.
CON:  18	CON:  16	On one hand, he dies of a heart attack. On the other, he was probably fairly healthy before hand, and he died at an old age, adventuring until then.
CHAR:  13	CHAR:  13	He's a dwarf, but we all like him.

Height:  4'7"
Weight:  148 (Well, he is a dwarf.)

Creed:  Fighting is bad for business.  (Well, he's right there.)

Alignment:  NG  (With a creed like that, I'd think lawful good.)

Goldmoon
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  12	STR:  12	She's a barbarian woman. She's probably tough, but it's not what she's known for.
INT:  12	INT:  14	Mishakal did choose her, but then, we don't think of her as the brilliant one of the group.
WIS:  16	WIS:  16	And now we see why Mishakal chose her.
CON:  12	CON:  12	We can find no evidence for this one way or another.
CHAR:  17	CHAR:  17	Since apparently people follow her without her doing anything at the risk to their own lives...
DEX:  14	DEX:  14	Again, we can find no evidence.

Height:  5'7"
Weight:  115 (They need to feed their adventurers.)

Note:  Technically Goldmoon is illiterate.

Creed:  Faith is our true strength.  (Sure sounds like her.)

Alignment:  LG (And she betrayed her tribe!)

Riverwind
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  18 (35)	STR:  18 (35)	Fighting seems to be one of the few things he does.
INT:  13	INT:  ?	Does he talk?
DEX:  16	DEX:  ?	He survives in battle, but we know nothing more.
WIS:  14	WIS:  ?	How do they know all this stuff?
CON:  13	CON:  16	He apparently survives a very difficult journey without complaint.
CHAR:  13	CHAR:  ?	He got Goldmoon, but we're not quite sure why.

Height:  6'7"  (Finally, a tall guy!)
Weight:  175 (He's scrawny too!)

Creed:  Loyalty and duty are all.  (Well, we sure don't know what he's thinking.)

Alignment:  LG  (And he betrayed his tribe and is a heretic!)

Alhana
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  9	STR: 9	She doesn't seem too buff, but 9 isn't all that strong.
DEX:  13	DEX:  13	What the heck...she's an elf.
CON:  10	CON:  14	She never seems weak to us.
INT:  16	INT:  16	She seems bright enough, if a bigot.
WIS:  15	WIS:  7	She falls in love with Sturm and she is a bigot.
CHAR:  15	CHAR:  10	She's gorgeous, yes, but would you follow her?

Height:  5'4"  (She's even tinier than Laurana!)
Weight:  107 lb.  (possible for an elf her size...weird...)

Creed:  None given, but we're guessing "Go Silvanesti!" or "Those who get good things deserve them."

Alignment:  Big surprise...lawful good.

Bupu
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  15	STR:  15	We have no comment...she seems strong enough to us.
DEX:  16	DEX:  16	She certainly escapes enough problems.
CON:  15	CON:  18	Nothing can kill a gully dwarf.
INT:  8	INT:  6	She's a gully dwarf...but she did invent a new numbering system.  But we can't let her be only one below Tika.
WIS:  10	WIS:  6	She does carry on that crush on Raistlin even after the enchantment is over.
CHAR:  9 (15)	CHAR:  7 (17)	Would you follow a gully dwarf?  But the others seem to love her.

Height:  3'4"
Weight:  42  (we really don't know what to base this on so, whatever.)

Creed:  None given.  We're guessing "Anything for survival" or "Pretty magician"

Alignment:  NG  (Sounds right.)

Crysania
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  10	STR:  7	She's a princess and a priestess.  Even a 7 is generous.
DEX:  11	DEX:  11	Sure, what the heck.
CON:  16	CON:  16	She endures Raistlin.
INT:  13	INT:  How low can we go?	She's a ditz who was manipulated by Raistlin for eons...plus her low observational powers are a plot point.  (Oh, children are starving?  But they couldn't be!)
WIS:  12	WIS:  -5	She falls in love with Raistlin!  What more do we need to say?
CHAR:  16	CHAR:  5	Everyone seems to hate her...except the NPC Valin.

Height:  5'6"
Weight:  122 (She does nothing to work off those calories!  Not fair!!!!!  132, 135...more fair, I'd say.)

Creed:  None given. We're guessing "Whatever Paladine wants" or "But Raistlin...I love you!"

Alignment:  LG (sounds right, or whatever.)

(Aside...we think that Dalamar picked his own stats.  "But please, let me roll just once more!")
Height:  5'9"  (But doesn't he tower over Kitiara?  Wait, I know!  Six inch platform heels!  Although Weis and Hickman seem to have him at about 7'...which makes things even worse. A short elf was OK, but one who's like 7' tall, who now weighs less than 100 lbs, and has prematurely aged and never goes outside anymore just doesn't give me a nice mental image...)
Weight:  145  (And they give him a strength of 16.  Someone feed the poor guy.)
Proficiencies:  Running (And to think that I didn't believe that the guy moved of his own free will.  We have a few theories on this:  1)  He runs through the Shoikan grove.  This also explains the 16 strength.  We can just imagine the apprentices waking up every morning to "Back trees, back!"  2)  Justarius manages to give him plenty to run from.  (And do we blame him?), 3)  It's left over from his years as a stable boy and he just doesn't feel complete without a morning jog to and from somewhere to collect messages, or 4)  Fleeing every time he hears the word "Raistlin" mentioned

Creed:  Knowledge and magic above all.  (He stole that from Raistlin!  And to think that I thought that it was "Knowledge, magic, and self gratification above all.")

Alignment:  CE  (Is he either?  This is the guy who offers to help the good guys at every chance he gets (he's usually refused) and who works with Palanthas authorities.  In fact, the Irda blame him for making Palanthas a tolerant and utopian place.  Ouch!  Maybe LE at the most...or even NE)

Tanin
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  17	STR:  17	He's Caramon's son and a warrior.
DEX:  15	DEX:  15	We never got to know him enough to comment.  *sniff*
CON:  15	CON:  15	He doesn't break easily.
INT:  13	INT:  15	Oh, come on!  He's the leader of the group!
WIS:  15	WIS:  10	He seems like a good leader, but then he got drunk with Dougan Redhammer and roped into finding the GreyGem.
CHAR:  14	CHAR:  14	Well, we like him.

Height:  6'1"  (I want him to be 6'4" so that he can lean over to kiss me while staring at me with those gorgeous green eyes!...but Anna says "Shut up, Julia, not everyone is 5'10" and he's perfectly decent for girls who aren't freaks.)
Weight:  225 (And he's muscular!)

Things in Pack:  can of crickets, dice in a cup, cards (TALIS tm deck)...etc.  Yes!  He's a nerd just like us!  And I bet you that he secretly plays the DL version of AD&D!  Just what we've been waiting for!!!

Creed:  Paladine; he seeks knighthood (What?!  That doesn't make sense!  I swear, Tanin deserves better.)

Alignment:  LN (So he's not good, is he?  Funny...)

Sturm II  (And they do refer to him as this)
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  18 (35)	STR:  18 (35)	What the heck...he's buff and Caramon's son.
DEX:  15	DEX:  15	I have no problem with it.
CON:  15	CON:  15	It wasn't him getting sea sick on the boat.
INT:  12	INT:  15	Anna demands that it be higher because she has a crush on him.
WIS:  10	WIS:  10	Anna says "fine, then he can have a ten"
CHAR:  13	CHAR:  17	But all the girls like him!  (Including our red haired witch)

Height:  6'2"  (I could still stand taller.  Anna thinks he's just fine.)
Weight:  210 (Someone with that sort of strength could be heavier, but at least it's human.)

Creed:  Paladine; he seeks knighthood (Such a stupid creed to have stolen from his brother.)

Alignment:  CG  (What the heck.)

Palin
 
 

Theirs	Ours	Commentary
STR:  13	STR:  13	He comes from a macho family and probably needed that to survive two older brothers.
DEX:  16	DEX:  14	16 seems a little high as he never did anything that dextrous.  But then, he is a magician from an athletic family.
CON:  15	CON:  10	Does he ever go outside given the chance.
INT:  17	INT:  17	He is Raistlin's nephew.
WIS:  16	WIS:  5	He does whatever he's told.  Heck, he agrees to do anything that Raistlin tells him to do and he succumbs to peer pressure to get drunk with Dougan Redhammer.
CHAR:  13	CHAR:  9	He's a dork, but then he's so darned cute.

Height:  6'0"  (But he could be taller!)
Weight:  185 (Yeah, finally a magician with a real weight!)

Proficiencies:  Artistry (he'll get along fine with Usha), astrology, sailing.  He also speaks a freakish number of six languages.

Creed:  Paladine; power is responsibility  (What is wrong with the creeds in this family!  I'd say that Palin is more "I'll do whatever I'm told to do whenever I'm told to do it.")

Alignment:  A predictable lawful good.

Steel

Height:  6'2"  (A perfectly respectable height)
Weight:  250 lb. (He's tough, he's buff.)

Creed:  My honor is my life but I'm evil.

Alignment:  LE (duh)

Usha

(Again, this is completely made up.)
 
 

Stats	Commentary
STR:  10	She seems average in this respect.
DEX:  18	She's a good thief when she wants to be.  And she steals the Grey Gem.
CON:  16	Nothing seems to kill her.
INT:  15	Probably pretty high.  This does not preclude her being a ditz, though.
WIS:  5	It might be better had she grown up around humans.
CHAR:  7	She has the world's lowest self esteem which sort of discourages people liking her.  But then, she is sort of cute before she becomes nagging house wife from hell.

Height:  5'5"?  (Something average, maybe?)
Weight:  130 (Average seems appropriate.)

Creed:  Please don't hurt me! or Please like me!

Alignment:  NG

Jenna

(Again, we're making these up...but we're sort of basing them on her 5th age stats.)
 
 

Stats	Commentary
STR:  10	She doesn't seem like a wimp, but can you really see her as strong?
DEX:  12	We don't see her doing anything particularly dexterous, but she could probably touch her toes.
CON:  14	Does she ever get sick? But then she does seem to live on tea, alcohol, cookies, and cream cheese puffs.
INT:  17-18	Irritatingly high and, unfortunately, she knows it.
WIS:  17-18	She always knows what she's doing, unlike most of them.  In fact, even her stupidities where Dalamar is concerned she seems to understand seem fairly well, stupid, to those who aren't in love with him.
CHAR:  18	We know that Weis and Hickman give her a profitable store, but we all know that she makes her living by making people like her.

Height:  5'10" (I know that she's never described...only her clothing, but I like the idea of her being taller than Dalamar.  Although technically she's shorter, but then, she doesn't seem dwarfed by him, which means she's got to be fairly tall. Just what I want to think about...a huge, controlling, semi-evil mage wandering around...)
Weight:  150 (Normal for that height)

Creed:  "I get what I want"

Alignment:  N, LN, LE, NE...we're not sure. She keeps switching sides on us!  First it's "I'm helping Palin", then it's "But the knights of Neraka are so cute!  Check out that black armor".  We don't get Jenna.

Return to DragonLance Humor
Tell Us Why We're Wrong...If You Dare