Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost. They hit the ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gourrigan, the Red Priest too, the chimera man and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle!

incoming transmission from: Delwynndwn Siele (fuzzyelf@yahell.com)
transmitted to: Asuka Langly Sohryu (MyUnit02Rocks@AOHell.com)
begin transmission:

     "Asuka, this is Del. Currently engaging enemy at the coordinates that are going to follow at the end of this transmission. What has been happening has not been good. WarriorSaturn is currently in deep trouble, having since had his heart crystal removed and thus become the most perverted person imaginable. The spring special, which we were supposed to be working on, has since completely fallen apart around us. We have engaged a piece of Shabrinigdo and 3 of the 5 witches. Lina blew everything up around us with a Giga Slave, which wasn't the most brilliant thing since she also sort of blew us up as well.
     Traveling with us: Sadie, Jason, Bekka, Cenn, Tenal, Rune, Zel, Amelia, Sylphiel, and Filia. Missing in action - Gourrigan.
     Left in the attic back home: WS, Seifer, Irvine.
     Coordinates to follow. Hope to see you soon.
-Delwynndwn Siele"

End Transmission.

Asuka *finishes reading / listening to the transmission from Del* "Oh wonderful. That darned elf needs a good swift kick in the groin again. But should I go and help?"

     The redhead stands up and begins to pace around her room, pondering all the pros and cons of helping Saturn, Del, and anybody else that has to do with Gourrigan's Island. She comes to a stop in front of a mirror and looks at a picture of her and Tenal that was taken at a carnival.

Asuka: "All right, I'll do it. I'll go and save their sorry butts and see my darling sweet dark elf again!"

     The Eva pilot proceeds to open her closet, pull out a black sundress and a belt with a chaingun and a beam saber. She takes the saber, slips on the sundress, checks the chaingun, and proceeds to slash open time and space. Taking one last look around her room, she dives into the hole and is whisked away to Del's old house.

     Back in the attic Seifer and Irvine are still unconscious from Tellu's attack. A tear appears in the fabric of time and space and out steps Asuka, who almost trips over Irvine when she steps out of subspace.

Asuka *looks at the unconscious cowboy* "Well hello.... aren't you one of Saturn's bishies?"

     She leans down and checks for vital signs, and smiles when she finds a pulse and breathing signs.

Asuka: "Good, you're not dead. But how to wake you up?"

     She ponders for a moment before flipping the cowboy onto his back, sliding his jacket off of his shoulders, straddling his stomach, and pressing her lips to his. A moment later Irvine's eyes snap open, and Asuka smiles when she realizes that he's sort of kissing her back. When it gets a little too hot and heavy she hauls off and decks him, almost knocking him out again.

Asuka: "Pervert! Leach! Baka!!"

Irvine *blinks as Asuka gets off of him* "What? Who are you and what the hell happened?"

Asuka *sighs and rubs her temples* "No idea what happened. Why are you here, and was Saturn tied to that table?"

Irvine *looks around fuzzily, then gasps when he recalls what had happened* "Shit. Bloody shit..."

Asuka *sweatdrops* "sounds painful...."

Irvine: "There were two of the five witches, and they came here and attacked me and Seifer... and.... that green haired one gassed us and said something about kidnapping Saturn."

Asuka *sighs and picks Seifer up off of the floor* "Well, according to the transmission I got from Delwynndwn, they're pretty much in deep, deep, *deep* shit and we have to go and save their asses yet again."

     A door opens and out step the Queen of Swords and Kanzal, both of whom are blushing profusely.

Asuka *bows to QoS* "Greetings Queenie, how are ya?'

QoS: "Wow.... musta been some wild party that you guys threw since Kanzal and I... err...."

Irvine & Asuka *narrow eyes at the queen* "Are you cheating on Xellos?"

QoS & Kanzal: "Nooooooo..... maybe...."

I&A *continue to narrow eyes* "Well?"

QoS: "All right, all right.... all of Saturn's dirty talk got us really turned on so we decided to hop into a closet and shag..."

Kanzal: "For several hours."

Asuka *sighs* "Oy vey.... well, we might as well continue onto the coordinates that the elf provided so that we can hopefully save their collective asses and continue on to saving Saturn's sorry ass."

QoS: "Sounds good. But how are we going to get there?"

Asuka *grins and produces beam saber* "Like this." *slashes through the air, opening a portal to subspace."

QoS *eyes bulge* "Holy..... What the.... How?!"

Asuka *grins, winks, and wags finger* "That is... a secret." *steps into portal*

QoS *sighs* "I knew that was going to happen, and yet I walked right into it." *walks in as well*

Irvine *sighs and kisses Seifer awake* "Come along dear.... we must go and save somebody's ass."

Seifer *yawns* "Not now mom... I want to sleep longer."

Irvine *throws Seifer into the portal and follows behind him* "Shaddup and get moving!"

Kanzal *looks around and hops into the portal* "Whatever."

     The portal closes behind them, leaving the attic empty once again

     Somewhere near the castle of Professor Tomoe and the Witches 5 a tear appears in the fabric of time and space and from that steps Asuka, Irvine, Seifer, the Queen of Swords, and Kanzal. All five are a tad disoriented from their jaunt through time and space, and the redhead drops to one knee and begins to breathe heavily.

Asuka: "Geeze... how the hell can anybody teleport so many times without becoming so exhausted?"

QoS: "It's called practice deary. All teleporters need to practice a lot to become very proficient with what they do. Just like with magic and other abilities."

Asuka *Sighs and stands up, leaning on Irvine for support* "And these were the coordinates that Del gave me... and it looks like nobody is here!"

     The Queen of Swords looks around and shudders when she feels the air around them.

QoS: "Everything is dead... the air, the ground.... everything. It's eerie to say the least."

Seifer: "Does that mean that the others.... that they're..."

QoS *shakes head* "Nah... they couldn't be dead... but this was from a Giga Slave.... so they could be."

     A head of red hair pokes its way out from underneath a large pile of debris and the person takes a VERY deep breath.

Lina: "Geeeeeze.... I thought we were goners for a minute there." *looks around* "Guys? Amelia? Zelgadis? Somebody?"

QoS *walks over to Lina, digs into the ground, and pulls the sorceress out* "Lina Inverse!"

Lina *looks sheepishly at the Queen* "Oh.. hi queenie... how are things?" *scratches back of head*

QoS: "So you used the Giga Slave?'

Lina *giggles nervously* "Uh... yeah... ya could say that. You see, there was this piece of Shabrinigdo, and there were these three witches, but we killed one, so there were two, and they sort of.... err... yer not buying any of this, are you?"

QoS *narrows eyes at Lina* "Until I hear something from the rest of your party.... no."

Kanzal *reaches into subspace and pulls out an industrial sized vacuum, which he turns on and proceeds to use on the battlefield* "Nothing like a little bit of spring cleaning to get things back to some sembalance of normaly, eh queenie?"

QoS *sighs and drops Lina onto her butt* "What the hell are you doing Kanzal?"

Kanzal *smirks as most of the dust and debris from the battle are sucked away, leaving several very dazed, confused, and dirty people sitting in the middle of an open patch of ground* "Oh, just finding the rest of our missing cast members."

Del: "I feel so violated right now."

Zel: "I think I lost my wallet."

Amelia: "I think I lost my virginity."

all *looks at Amelia and blink* "YUCK!"

Amelia *blushes* "Sorry.. was that out loud?"

Cenn *digs through pack and finally finds a complete mech* "Wow.... that vacuum musta cleaned my pack out."

Rune: "Either that or you just got lucky dear."

Tenal *sits up and scratches the back of his head* "What the bloody hell happened?"

Asuka *pounces upon the dark elf and proceeds to kiss him deeply and passionately* "DARLING!"

Del & Quill *turn green* "Yuck." *look at each other* "Hello."

Sadie: "At least we're alive." *stands up and brushes self off*

Jason *sighs* "Sadie, must you be so damned genkai."

Sadie *bounces and almost bounces out of her top* "Why do you say that Jason? Just because I like to think of us as being alive and having survived the attack of a pissed off sorceress and a very nasty figment of evil?"

Bekka: "She's got a point."

Jason: "But... but.... but..."

Sadie *turns around and pats her butt* "Yup, I've got a real nice one, don't I Zel-kun?" *turns and shakes her butt at Zel."

Zel *sighs* "If it's not one thing it's another."

Sylphiel *stands up and brushes herself off* "That is *THE* last time I allow Miss Lina to cast the Giga Slave."

Lina *turns and glares at Sylphiel* "At least it killed that damned piece of the dark lord and those witches!"

Asuka: "That... is why we're here. The witches kidnapped Saturn, drugged Seifer and Irvine, and we have no idea what they could be plotting for him."

all *sigh* "Oh joyous."

Asuka *nods* "No shit. At any rate we have to infiltrate the castle and save our guest writer."

Jason: "Since when did he become our guest writer?"

Sadie: "Since he was nice enough to give us parts in his fic, Jason dear. Now come on. There's bound to be lots of weapons and stuff inside."

Jason *eyes widen* "Weapons. Cool!"

Bekka *sighs and looks at Sadie* "Never mention weapons around him. He gets like a kid in a candy store."

Jason *runs up to the door* "What are ya all standing around for? It's time to rock and roll!" *kicks the door open*

all *sigh and run after the Oni*

    In a cornfield, in the middle of nowhere, sits a very dazed and confused Gourrigan. He has no idea how he got there or why he's there. he has no idea where there is. He doesn't even understand that the corn is mocking him by not being helpful.

Gourrigan *hums to self* "Helpful corn, helpful corn, I wish I could find some helpful corn. A vegetable without scorn, helpful corn, helpful corn." (sung to the tune of 'Turn Me On' by E*Rotic)

    The clueless swordsman walks in circles through the cornfield, creating wonderful geometric patterns that can be seen from aircraft.... if any aircraft fly over that region. After walking for a while he sits down, crosses his legs, and stares at the corn, as if to attempt telepathic communication.

     In the lowest and darkest reaches of Professor Tomoe's castle, the evil prof and the remainder of his team of witches are preparing for the upcoming assault. Alex is strapped to a table in the middle of the room, his shirt off, his jeans torn and shredded, and his boots across the room from him. He's more or less calmed down since earlier, and the professor is smiling maliciously at him.

Tomoe: "Are we ready to infuse the patient with the life force of Master 9?"

Kaori Night: "Are you sure that is wise professor? He assaulted the witches the last time we brought him out to play."

Tellu: "I'm still emotionally scarred."

Eudial: "I'm still scarred period. He's scary and kinky and..." *trails off and blushes*

Kaori: "Yes dear, we all know what he did the last time he got out and possessed somebody. However, we have the recipiant strapped down so we shouldn't have to worry about that too much. Right doctor?"

Tomoe: "Fire it up baby!"

K, T, E *sweatdrop* "Oy." *wander off to take care of laboratory duties*

     Villuy walks in, garbed in her techno queen outfit, and walks right up to the computer equipment.

Villuy: "How are my babies today? Are we going to help the good doctor create a new force of evil to terrorize all those goodie goodies who are currently storming the castle?"

     The computer terminals purr, beep, and blink at her.

Villuy *smiles* "Those are my good boys. Yes you are. Yes you are."

Tomoe *gags* "Villuy, didn't Saturn already do the cyber sex gag multiple episodes back?"

Villuy *glares at Tomoe* "How dare you insinuate that I'm going to have an affair with my babies? I built these computers so they're like children to me." *continues to glare at Tomoe, turns, and sticks her nose in the air* "You have to apologize to my babies before you can create the new Master Nine."

Tomoe *sighs* "I'm... sorry. All right, is that what you wanted to hear?"

Villuy *looks at the computers and interprets what their beeps mean* "They say you're forgiven and we'll be ready for spirit transferrance in thirty seconds."

Tomoe *blinks* "Thirty seconds? So soon?!"

Villuy *grins* "Yup. They're as anxious as you are to do this."

Tomoe *cackles* "Excellent. Kaori, Tellu, Eudial, prepare for transferrance!"

K,T,E: "Ready doctor!"

Villuy: "Then let the fun... BEGIN!"

     Lightning crackles throughout the laboratory as the computers begin the spirit transferrance process. Inside a dome on the main terminal a dark presence stirrs and opens blood red eyes. Looking around, it spies Saturn, a shadowy smirk forming on its face. A moment later it's pumped through the assortment of machines and wiring, ultimately reaching Saturn's body. Lightning strikes the body at the same moment, cohearing the dark spirit to the warrior of darkness. All the lights in the room suddenly spark, sputter, and explode, cloaking the laboratory in darkness.

Tomoe *clicks on a flashlight* "Is everyone all right?"

Villuy: "Somebody just copped a feel!"

Eudial: "Somebody's hand is on my breast."

Tellu *muffled noises that sound like 'somebody is sitting on my face, and they haven't douched today."

Kaori: "If somebody doesn't remove their hand from inside my dress I'm going to bite them."

     Tomoe shines the light on the three witches and his lab assistant to see that they're having some sort of makeshift lesbian orgy. He simply sighs and shines the light over at where Saturn's body should be, his eyes going wide in shock when he sees that the bonds have been broken and the body is missing.

Tomoe *looks at the girls with fear in his eyes* "He's... he's loose."

K,T,E,V: "Oh shit!"

voice: "Ahhhhh... I'm free. After such a long imprisonment you have freed me! And such a young, able body, with the taste of darkness already imbued inside it. And you brought me a present.... how sweet."

Tomoe *shines light over to where the voice is located to see Alex standing in the shadows, his hair standing on end, and his body clad in black leather, with the vest open to reveal his uber firm abs and well toned chest. Around his left forearm is the star crystal bracer, the gem shining with a dark light. Tomoe's mouth drops open* "Master.... Master Nine... how nice to see you."

Alex / Master 9: "It's so wonderful to be out good doctor. And Kaori, you're looking lovely as usual."

Kaori *blushes deeply and averts her gaze* "Master Nine.... it's been a long time."

Eudial: "I hate to break up the lovefest and warm fuzzy reunion, but Lina Inverse and those other magical misfits have breached the main defenses and are on their way into the castle."

Master Nine *winks* "I'll take care of them and be back in time for massages." *vanishes in a flash of light*

Villuy: "Was it just me, or is he scarier than I remember?"

Eudial: "Massages?"

Tellu: "I'm not going to ask."

Tomoe: "Silence. If Hotaru could be possessed by Mistriss Nine, why couldn't we possess Warrior Saturn with Master Nine and have it work?"

V,E,T,K *shrug* "Dunno."

Tomoe *sighs* "I'm surrounded by incompetants."

     On the upper level of the castle the doors explode inward, allowing access for those who were on their way to rescue Saturn. Asuka barges through first, chaingun blazing, mowing down anything in her path, like the expensive vases and archaic busts that lined the walls and stood on pedastals in the corners of the room. Jason is behind Asuka, his plasma cannon bleching forth blast after blast, torching the expensive looking tapestrires that decorated the walls of the entry hall. Lina bursts through next, flinging spell after spell that blows up most of the fixtures in the room.
     The rest of the cast slowly follow in, all sweatdropping when they see the damage that three people caused in a matter of seconds. Standing in the middle of the room, cloaked in shadow, is a single form whose eyes are blazing red.

person: "Welcome, Lina Inverse and company. Welcome to your final resting place."

Del *arches eyebrow* "That looks remarkably like Saturn.... or Dark Warrior Saturn."

person *steps from the shadows to reveal Alex in bondage gear* "Close, but no cigar. You can call me... Master Nine!"

Amelia *shudders and hides behind Zelgadis* "Mister Zelgadis, this is scary."

Zel *sighs and smacks forehead* "Why did he have to be a bondage king?"

Master Nine: "Prepare to meet your maker." *produces an energy whip and proceeds to crack it at the rest of the cast. "Call me king! A hahahahhahahahahahaha! A HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

all *sweatdrop* "NO!!" *assume battle stances*

     Master Nine proceeds to take on Zelgadis, Jason, and Asuka at the same time, his whip flashing different colors after each successful strike. Zel, Jason, and Asuka are all covering their faces with their crossed arms as Master Nine lets loose with his pent up aggression, none of them able to counterattack, only defend. Pieces of Zel's and Jason's shirts begin to fly off as their clothing is reduced to tatters in a matter of seconds.

Zel *drops to one knee* "Damn... I've never encountered anyone so powerful or demented as he is right now."

Jason *nods in agreement as the band holding his hair back is slashed loose* "Yeah, he's definitely more hostile than usual."

Asuka *bites lip as nasty red welts are brought to the surface of her arms* "I'm going to kick him so hard in the groin once this is over that his grandkids will be born dizzy!"

Z&J *sweatdrop and turn blue* "Damn."

     Master Nine lashes the whip so that it cuts into the ground in front of the three, a glowing blade remaining in the ground once he's recoiled the whip. A moment later the blade explodes, throwing the three combatants across the room, where they slide a few feet before coming to a rest. Nobody in the room breathes as Jason, Zel, and Asuka twitch before falling completely still.

Master Nine: "Who are going to be the next weaklings to challenge the great Master Nine?!"

Filia *slips her hand behind her back, where she's been keeping a small bag secreted between her mace and the small of her back. She smiles somewhat disgustedly as she squeezes something wet, brown, and stinky into the palm of her hand* "Oh great spirits of light and purity, grant your power unto this organic material. Bless."

Master Nine *arches eyebrow* "Oro? What are you doing priestess?"

Filia *smirks and goes into her windup* "Oh, nothing much. Just gonna give you a taste of pie!"

     Filia proceeds to release the globe of whatever it is, which sails through the air and splatters against Master Nine's shoulder. All in the room are instantly aware of what she had just tossed.

Del: "Dude, that was a freaking cowpie you threw, wasn't it?!"

Filia *giggles and grins* "No, it was a holy shitball."

     Everyone facefaults.

Master Nine: "You.... you... you bitch! How dare you soil me!"

Filia *smirks and holds up two more silver shining orbs of shit* "Prepare yourself honey 'cause you're about to get a barrage of these bad boys. Hit it Sylph!"

Sylphiel *pulls a machine gun rifle out of Cenn's backpack and connects half of a sausage grinder to it.* "Ready on my end Fil."

Filia *dumps the contents of the bag into the repository and hits it with a good old blessing spell* "Prepare to fire!"

Master Nine *lashes whip about* "I told you to call me king!"

Ameila: "Ray FREEEZE!"

     A ring of glowing light wraps around Master Nine's arms, binding them to his sides. Amelia turns to Filia and Sylphiel and nods.

Fi & Sylph: "FIRE!"

     Sylphiel pulls the trigger, releasing a hail of holy shitballs upon the master of darkness. Those in the room who were are still conscious cover their noses and mouths and wish they were unconscious so they didn't have to smell the horrible aroma of blessed maneur. Master Nine closes his eyes and prays forgiveness from Professor Tomoe as he's covered from head to toe in blessed shit in a matter of seconds.

Filia: "He's covered.... you can cut off now."

Sylphiel *looks up at Filia and giggles nervously* "Um... Miss Filia.... the trigger is very stuck and refuses to come unstuck so we can't cease firing."

all *gasp* "WHAT?!"

     The room is instantly filled with flying shit, which splatters against the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and anything that's not nailed down or coated in teflon. Unfortunately this means most of the cast members wind up taking their second shit shower of the day. A clicking sound fills the air, and a moment later the machine comes to a stop.

Filia: "well, what do you know, out of ammo."

Lina *growls and glares at the priestess* "You mind warning us next time you pull something like that?!"

Zelgadis *recoils* "LIna, please, no fire spells in here. You recall what happened last time."

Lina *glares* "I don't care, I'm taking her down."

cast *ducks and covers* "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Lina: "FIREBALL!!"

     The room is instantly engulfed in flames as the methane gas explodes and begins burning away the shit. From the pile of shit that covered Master Nine steps the dark master himself, his vest burned away, his eyes glowing a bloodier shade of red than they had previously.

Master Nine: "You dare to befoul and desecrate his holiness?! You shall be severely punished!"

Amelia *cringes* "This is scary."

Filia *cringes behind Amelia* "I agree with you. He's scarier when he's possessed."

Lina *sighs and rubs head* "Ouch... figures my own spell would charbroil us instead of him."

Master Nine *smirks and slowly advances upon the group* "That's right Miss Inverse.... you are all powerless to stop me. I shall have my way with each and every one of you, in my own time, and in the place of my choosing. And for Zelgadis it'll be especially, deliciously, sensually painful."

Zel *shudders and covers his butt* "There's no way he's going to sodomize me!"

Sadie *curls up in the fetal position and covers her head* "Please make the hurting stop."

     Master Nine walks towards the group in a sensual yet dangerous manner, each and every move flowing into the next. Asuka looks at how nobody is moving to put a stop to the insanity, then sighs and unclips her chaingun.

Asuka: "I hate to do this... actually, I don't." *takes aim* "GATTICA GUN!!"

Master Nine *blinks and looks at the glowing cannon in Asuka's hand* "What?"

     Asuka pulls the trigger and a barrage of holy bullets fills the air, all aimed at Master Nine's groin. Master Nine turns blue as each bullet strikes its target, and once the gun is out of ammo he drops to his knees, clutching his groin and cursing in pain. Asuka slowly stands up, a little woozy from the combination of having the snot beaten out of her and being charbroiled by Lina's little spell. She walks up to the master and kicks him in the groin a couple of times for good measure, smirking as he coughs up blood.

Asuka: "Never! Ever! MESS WITH THE SECOND CHILD!"

Del *grabs Asuka by the shoulders and pulls her backwards* "Asuka, chill out please. You're going to kill him if you keep that up."

Asuka *sighs and lands one more kick for good measure before being led off by the elf* "Yeah. Killing him wouldn't be much fun. Hurting him is enough."

     A dark mist forms around Master Nine, and a moment later the cloud takes the form of a man with glowing red eyes. Behind him lays Alex, his energy spent and his body badly bruised. The shadow man holds up his right arm to show that he now holds the star crystal bracer.

man: "I am Master Nine... the true Master Nine... and I'm free from that body and now possess a very powerful artifact."

Asuka *Sighs* "Doesn't he ever give up?"

Zelgadis: "This is getting out of hand."

Lina *sighs* "Where's Celia when ya need her?"

    In Saturn's pocket dimension a cloud of crimson smoke appears. Out of this steps Celia Chere Briggs, a very gorgeous young half vampyress with a command of white magic. She looks around at the mess in the office and sighs.

Celia: "Not even going to ask 'cause I don't want to know."

     She walks around the room, eventually coming across a couple of notes. One is from the Gundam Boys and the other bish from the dimension. The other is in Saturn's chicken scratch excuse for handwriting. She reads both and sighs.

Celia: "Oy. The boys are out getting cleaning supplies, and apparently the bossman is guestwriting yet another Gourrigan's Island fic."

     She looks around the room a little more and sighs.

Celia: "And by the looks of it everything's going from well written to chaoticly hellish. Bliss, joy, and rapture. So where the hell is everyone?"

     She pops open the laptop and opens up the scanning program. When she begins scanning for Alex / Saturn and the other cast members her eyes go open in shock, since most of them are in a large concentration in a dark dimension.

Celia: "Bloody wonderful. Looks like it's up to me to save the day again."

     She closes down the laptop and closes her eyes in concentration. Once she's locked onto their location she vanishes in a cloud of crimson smoke, leaving the pocket dimension empty once again.

     Back in the dimension of imminent pain Celia appears in her customary cloud of crimson smoke. However, she appears behind Master Nine, and does a doubletake when she sees the bracer around his wrist and the guestwriter who is sprawled out on the floor.

Celia *ponders* "Time to think fast. Um.... he's darkness and shadow, and what dispells that but light. And by the looks of it I don't have time to incant the entire spell so I'll just wing it." *dashes at Master Nine* "Goddess... BLAAAAAAAAADE!!"

     A blade of silver light forms in her hands as Master Nine turns his head. A split second later the blade is driven into his chest, and the dark being begins to lose energy to the holy power of the goddess blade.

Master Nine: "You..... you were once Pike's protoge."

Celia *smirks and rams the blade deeper* "Don't mention that asshole in my presence! Yeah, I loved him... but love fucking sucks sometimes! Friendship is more important, and you've hurt my friends! So DIIIIEEEE!!!"

     She rams the blade upward, cutting Master Nine effectively in half. The star crystal bracer clattered to the floor, and a very tired vampyress fell to her knees.

Celia *giggles* "Guess I used up more energy than I thought with that last spell." *falls over* "This feels schnifty."

     Saturn begins to stir, and he slowly opens his eyes to see Celia on the ground next to him. He groggily lifts his head, squinting at the pain which threatens to knock him unconscious again.

Saturn: "Geeze.... what the bloody hell hit me, and who's been playing the drums inside my head?"

Seifer *blinks* "Woah... he's not hopping onto us to fuck us silly."

Irvine *sweatdrops and smacks his forehead* "Seifer, dear, do us a favor and shut the hell up."

Saturn *looks at the bracer, which he weakly reaches out to.* "That... that's my talisman item."

Zel *bends down and picks the bracer up* "Yup. It sure is." *helps Alex to his feet* "Think you can stand?"

Saturn *shakes his head a little to clear the cobwebs from it* "Yeah... I guess so."

     The bracer in Zel's hand glows before returning to its energy form. The energy ball slams into Saturn's chest, almost knocking him from his feet due to the force. A glow encompasses Saturn, and when it dies down he's clad in his warrior armor, a look of grim determination upon his face.

Saturn: "And now those evil witches must pay for ruining my spring special!"

Lina *grins* "That's the best thing you've said all day! Onward... to battle!!"

     Down in the command room of the castle, Professor Tomoe and his assistants were running about in an unsynchronized and chaotic manner in an attempt to pack up and leave before Lina Inverse, Warrior Saturn, and the rest of the cast and guestwriters would arrive to kick their asses from one side of the universe to the other.

Kaori Night: "I'm too evil and pretty to die in such a disturbing manner!"

Eudial: "Speak for yourself girlfriend. I'm an evil genius who is about to have their mind lost for eternity."

Villuy: "My babies will be destroyed by those... those... barbarians!"

Tomoe: "Calm down girls. I'm sure we can avoid all of this without any bloodshed."

V,E,K: "HOW DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO THAT?!"

Tomoe: "Easy... I exit running and leave you girls to back me up."

Tellu *sneaks up behind Tomoe and cracks him over the head with an astral mallet* "Sorry doc, but you're not leaving us girls behind to cover your ass any more. In this error of girlpower we're gonna shake it to the left, slam it to the right, and shake it to the front."

Villuy *sweatdrops* "We're cutting you off from listening to Mimmet's Spice Girl albums."

Tellu *pouts* "meanie."

     A door crashes open and in steps Asuka, chain gun cocked and ready to go. Another door crashes open and in that steps Saturn and Zelgadis, both with swords drawn and at the ready. Another door crashes open, and in that steps Lina, Filia, and Sadie, all three glaring daggers at the four witches in the center of the room.

Saturn *smirks* "Prepare to get the ass kicking of your lives girls!"

Filia: "Let me at 'em!"

Lina: "Chill Fil... we'll kick their asses soon enough."

Filia *shakes head and turns red* "No... it's not like that. I... I think I'm sorta feeling in the mood and their micro dresses are getting me turned on."

     Everyone looks at Saturn, who sweatdrops and glares back.

Saturn: "WHAT?! I did NOT mess with her character profile!"

QoS *giggles evilly* "No, but I messed with it a little bit for fun. Michael will have fun with a nice lesbian fivesome tonight."

V,E,K,T: "NOOOOOooooooo,,,,," *are poofed out by the queen's all mighty magic*

Filia *turns red and rubs her knees together* "I... I need to go.... go NOW!" *poofs as well*

Saturn *arches eyebrow* "Kind of a letdown plotwise, don't ya think?"

QoS *shakes head* "We still have Tomoe to torture."

Lina *nods* "True."

Seifer: "I'm up for some good ol' gang raping."

Irvine *kicks Seifer in the crotch* "Alex, did you mess with his character profile in any way for this special?"

Saturn *winks and wags finger* "That is... a secret."

Seifer *curled on the floor in tears* "I hate you."

Saturn *grins and bats eyes* "I love you sweetie."

     Tomoe begins to regain consciousness in time to see a large group of incredibly pissed off people circle around him. He turns pale and curls up on the ground as they form a circle around him.

Tomoe: "I... I didn't mean any harm."

Asuka *smirks* "Sure you didn't... just as this isn't personal."

     Asuka kicks Tomoe in the groin a couple of times. The scene shifts to somebody cracking open a nut, followed by somebody ringing a temple bell and having a bell fall off, and finally Tomoe coughing up blood from the strongest of the kicks.

Lina *takes Asuka by the shoulders and leads her away* "You don't play well with others, do you?"

Asuka *bats eyes* "Nope."

Del *looks at Saturn* "So what do we do now?"

Saturn *smirks evilly* "What do we usually do to mean, nasty people who piss us off to no end?"

Del *grins* "We blow 'em up real good, don't we?"

Saturn *grins back* "Yup."

Tomoe: "Please... I'm too young to die."

Sadie: "You're not young."

Tomoe: "OK. I'm too much of a genius to die."

Saturn: "Lame excuse. Washu can download your thoughts out of subspace and turn you into an AI with a better personality than you have now."

Tomoe *sighs* "Just make it as quick and painless as possible."

Lina *presses her forehead to Tomoe's* "Quick we can do. Painless... that's another story. Del, you're up."

Del *smirks* "Here's a little team tech that Saturn and I have been testing out for just such an occassion."

Saturn *does a doubletake* "That... that hasn't been field tested yet! It's still in the planning stages!"

Del: "So? We'll do what we usually do in these situations. We wing it!"

Saturn *sighs and begins summoning the necessary energy for the attack* "Are you sure this energy combination won't frag us in the process?"

Del *summons his own energy* "Don't know for certain. You know how mathematics can fuck you up if you put the q in the wrong spot in the equation."

Saturn *sighs* "Joyous."

Lina *sweatdrops* "Fire in the hole!"

     Lina, Zel, Amelia, and Sylphiel all cast a barrier around the rest of the cast and crew as Del leaps towards the ceiling, electricity sparking around his body, his eyes glowing golden as he nears the overload point. On the ground Saturn has more or less finished his part of the attack, and summons his energy into a globe of darkness that pulses blood red. He glances up at the elf, who nods, before lobbing the globe into the air.

Del & Saturn: "Dragon.... STORM!"

     The globe connects with Del's rapidly descending body, and is absorbed instantly. The elf lets loose a gut wrenching scream as the combined energy is released in several columns of energy. These columns take on the appearance of dragons, and they quickly lay waste to the castle, the dimension, and eventually converge upon Tomoe and send him screaming into oblivion. With the attack finished Del and Saturn begin to plummet into the abyss created when the dimension fell apart.

Lina: "Celia, do something!"

Celia *sighs* "Sucks being the only person who can teleport people sometimes *grumble grumble grumble*"

     The vampyress waves her hands, and everyone is bamphed away, leaving the dark dimension a very pale remain of what it had once been.

     In a very familiar looking field of corn the rest of the group bamph out of subspace, landing in a pile of bodies. A very familiar looking blond swordsman approaches the group, the beginning of a beard showing on his chin.

Gourrigan: "Hey Lina, what happened to you guys?"

Lina *leaps out of the pile and elbow stomps Gourrigan* "YOGURT BRAIN!"

Gourrigan *opens up head* "You want a taste?"

Lina *fumes* "NO I DON'T!!"

Saturn *from the bottom of the pile* "Shoot me... shoot me now."

Irvine *sighs* "I would, but I'm in too much pain to move right now."

     Another dimensional rift opens, and out steps Cid, Vincent, Martina, Zangalus, Naga, and the rest of the crew who were off doing other things when the hellish chaos of the spring special began.

Martina: "Wow.... Miss Lina, I didn't expect to see you again so soon. Did you have a good time?"

Lina *drops Gourrigan and facefaults* "Martina? Zangalus? NAGA?!"

Naga: "OF course you're happy to see me, Naga, the white serpent... O hohohohohohohohoho!!!"

Lina *looks at the QoS* "Can't you send her to be with Michael too?"

QoS *shakes head* "Nope. Naga's not allowed within 400 feet of him and Filia... well, of him at least."

Gourrigan: "Well, here's a cornfield. What can we do in a corn field?"

Del & Saturn: "IF you build it, they will come?"

QoS *grins and giggles* "Yup." *snaps her fingers, darkness envloping everyone*

all: "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

QoS *giggles* "To be continued..."