CFL 2000 COMMISSIONER RULINGS
After a thorough investigation, and consultation with other Sports Sages (Unbiased & Uninvolved in the CFL), the Head Hunters will be awarded the requested 20 Points (Disciplinary) for the actions of their player Terrell "Dancin Fool" Owens. Mr. Owens will not be receiving the "Kevin Bacon - Footloose Award". This ruling is based on the following: Even though the disciplinary action was imposed by the coach/team organization, was a coach's decision, and Mr. Owens was not removed from the roster as is usually done (technically) in a suspension, the end result of the action is the same. This end result is that the Head Hunters do not have the use of a player during a certain time period as a result of the disciplinary action/suspension, regardless of who imposed the discipline. There was no evidence found suggesting that the Head Hunters could have been aware of this action before they picked up Owens on Sunday 9/24. As with all past rulings by the Commissioner's Office, this decision was made by applying the fairness and infinite wisdom by which "His Benevolence" is so well known.
After a thorough investigation, the Commissioner's Office has awarded the Head Hunters with 20 Criminal Points for Week #4. Dana Stubblefield comes through again! Mr. Stubblefield has a fine reputation and history in this league for despicable behavior. This time it seems that he was expecting his wife to carry all the bags without getting a tip! Poor Dana must have been tired, and I'm sure she just didn't understand him! These are misdemeanor points based on the low bail amount, and the fact that Mr. Stubblefield's "porter" didn't sustain any injuries.
The Commissioner's Office hearby rules the Malicious Mischief is awarded 20 Criminal Points for Week #3. This is a result of the deadbeat actions of Damien "Rubber Check" Robinson of Tampa Bay. I guess they better raise his salary so he can keep sufficient funds in his account!
The Commissioner herby rules that Mr. Troy and the Head Hunters are awarded the 20 Disciplinary points for the despicable behavior of his badboy Mark Carrier. Congratulations to Mr. Troy for being the first one to draw blood in the 2000 Season in this fine tradition of the Criminal Football League! Why ... it almost gives me goose bumps and brings a small tear to the corner of my eye :) :) :) :) !
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