We were so shocked to be pregnant and overjoyed at the same time...I had my cycle in January so we did not know of how tragically life could change again. After several days of dizziness I was certain that I was finally going to get the brain tumor diagnosis I had prayed for when Deanne died, so I could be with my baby, but once faced with illness, I realized I really did want to live! No tumor, pregnant! Thursday the 17th to bed early feeling very badly. Friday morning so early , I was in such pain and I passed out in the bathroom. Mark rushed me to emergency, and I spent 3 hours in surgery with a ruptured ectopic pregancy and a condition called DIC. I had a total of 9 units of blood and 14 units of platelets given to me to stabilize me and I spent 3 days in ICU. I almost died, and in those hours of unconciousness I know that I saw my angels and I was comforted. When I awoke there were many things that I remembered about that time and none of it was here...

Life is hard, yet when you think you are alone you are probably not. Some where in this world way up high in the heavens there are angels...there are also angels on this earth and they are the people that we don't know how to thank or how we lived without. Sometimes I ask if we may have been friends in a past life, because more than commonalities, there is a bond that is inseverable. That is here on earth. My loss of my 2 Children and my near death experience put me into turmoil with God. I have never been so angry or so devastated with anything or anyone for this grief, this incomprehensible pain. But in my darkest of hours, as I lay on that table in that operating room, doctors and nurses trying to save my life, I was given a glimpse into what is to come and what is to be. I know that for a brief moment I was with my children, and I also was with my cousin Tony who died and my grandmother who I was so close to. People can doubt it, I care not, it is what I know and what I believe...