'God, please! Don't take him. I can't imagine it. I don't know what to do with this situation. I don't know what to do without him. God please heal him. Please!" she prayed. After climbing into the ambulance she dialed the only number she could think of. When the phone rang she heard a women answer. "Is any of the guys there, Lynn?" Christina sighed, it was Justin's mom.
"No.Christina?"
"Yeah, Lynn please where are the guys?"
"Hun, I don't know. They all left a while ago. Why?"
Christina quickly explained what had happened and Lynn promised to get ahold of them and get them to the hospital as quickly as possible. Christina hung up the phone as they pulled into the hospital emergency room. They rushed Lance back, and escorted Christina to the admitting desk. After she got done with all the paper work, she turned to walk towards Lance's room when she saw Justin and JC running in the door, followed closely by Chrissy, Carla, Chris, Joey, Sarah, Pam, and Lance's parents. She hugged them all sadly and told them she was just now going to go find out what she could. Christina showed them all to the waiting room and then turned and started down the hall. She dialed Shannon's number and checked to make sure she was on the next flight as she walked down the hall. After hanging up the phone Christina felt this strong pain in her stomach and felt light headed. Ignoring it as always she walked into the room where Lance was.
Christina looked around the room. It was lit by only a few lights, not a bright room. She looked at the doctor on call and the nurses. They were all hurrying around the room putting in IV's and making sure to do all the tests they could. Christina looked at Lance and saw his eyes were now open. He looked at her and smiled weakly, he looked to be in pain and tired. The doctor walked over to Christina and directed her to a seat beside the bed.
"Hello, I am Doctor Turner."
"Hi" Christina and Lance said together.
"Well, I have a strict policy of not beating around the bush. I like to tell my patients exactly how it is and not lie to them." Dr. Turner said as she pulled up a chair beside the bed and shooed the rest of the nursing staff out of the room.
Christina and Lance held hands. He was extremely pale and tired but something felt different to him. He no longer felt as though he would die; now he was unsure of his future. Something had changed, he just didn't know what. It felt like he had something to continue to fight for but he didn't know what it was. As far as his mind could remember nothing new was happening that would give himself something to fight for. He had given up hope a few days before and was ready to go when the Lord above was ready to take him. They looked back to the doctor and nodded their heads.
"Here goes, I don't know what to say. Well I know what to say I just don't know how to say it. Your body has been through a lot. It's very weak and really needs to rest. I am not fully sure what is going on in your body; I have run some tests to check out a few changes I noticed. It said on your chart that you had cancer in one of the last stages, but when I examined you I only notice one tumor. Which is very weird. I know that when you went to the doctor last week, sorry I need to explain that I am on ER duty for Dr. Eickman, we switch duties often. She had updated your ER chart and in her notes it says you have atleast four tumors that are easy to find by touch. So this could either be really good or really bad."
"Dr. I am sorry, but I'm tired, and what you are saying is not making sense. What are you trying to say?" Christina said as she looked pleadingly at her.
"I guess I am trying to say I have no clue as to what this cancer is doing. It has seemingly disappeared, or it has formed one big tumor. I don't know just from the information I have right now." Lance and Christina exchanged worried and confused glances. "Lance I am telling you the truth. I have no idea what is going on."
"Oh that's nice" Christina said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. The pain in her stomach had grown and made her become irrated. But she wouldn't say anything to anyone. Lance was everyone's main concern now.
"Well, I will leave you alone now and let you two talk. I will be back when I get the results from the test." The Doctor said as she stood up and walked away. She shut the door behind her leaving Christina and Lance alone.
Christina looked at Lance he was extremly tired and had fallen asleep or passed out right after the doctor left. She let go of his hand and walked out of the room. Looking behind her before she exited the door she saw the man she loved lying lifeless on the bed. He was pale and his eyes were sunken in. All the strength he had had slowly left his body now leaving him tired and weak. She didn't know if he would be strong enough to fight through the night let alone fight for his life. Christina wiped a tear from her eyes and started to walk down the hallway to the waiting room. She entered it and saw her friends sitting and standing with dazed looks. Chrissy, Pam, and Carla had been crying, as were Lance's parents. The guys were pacing the room and had not sat down since they got there. Sarah sat in shock talking on her cell phone to who Christina figured was Shannon. Everyone looked up as Christina entered the room. She sat in the nearest chair as everyone gathered around her.
"Christina?" Chrissy asked after everyone had gathered and were silent for a few minutes.
"Oh sorry..yeah." Christina said as she tried to shake the cob webs out of her head. Her mind felt dazed and confused and the pain that had once been dull was now sharp. Something was wrong but she didn't know what. "Lance.sorry.well the doctor isn't sure what is going on. To be honest I don't know. He fell at the apartment, I don't know if he passed out or tripped he doesn't remember falling. But he didn't get hurt in the fall. The doctor said something about the tumors and having seemingly dissappeared. I don't get it all. To be honest I can't think right now. I can't do anything." She said as she started to cry. She thought she was losing the man she loved and now the doctor seemed to be giving her a new hope. But she didn't want to trust that hope too much. It could be wrong. "Guys I don't know what to think. I just don't know," she said as she stood up and pushed her way through the group. She felt as though they were smoothering her even though they weren't. They were all giving her the room she needed, but to her she seemd to be sufficating. Everyone moved out of her way seeing how pale and worried she was. Walking away there was a sharp stabbing pain in her lower stomach and she fell into a chair.
Chrissy and Carla rushed to her side as JC ran to get a nurse or doctor.
"Christina?" Chrissy said. "What's wrong?"
"Come on, what's wrong?" Carla said. Christina only looked at them with tired eyes and clutched her still aching stomach. Something had happened, and it wasn't a good thing. Joey and Justin picked her up in their arms and carried her to the nearest gurney where two nurses rushed her back to a room. Once in the room the nurses bombarded her with questions asking if she was sexually active, if she could be pregnant, if she was ill, if she had been feeling okay lately, if she had had this virus or that as a child, all the questions confused her. She cried more as she tried to comprehend what was happening. The only thing she could do was to look at them with tired eyes as she fell into an unconcious state.
In the waiting room everyone sat in shock. Not only were they worried about Lance but why had Christina just collapsed. What was going on? Here were their two friends, both in great pain and trouble. Why was God doing this to them? How could he? Justin walked out of the room and into the cool Orlando night air. Sitting against a wall he let the tears he had been holding in escape his eyes. He didn't notice as Chris walked up to him and sat beside him. They both sat silently Justin sobbing as a child, and Chris letting a few tears flow out his eyes. Neither knew what else to say other then nothing. It seemed only right to not talk at all. It had been four hours since Lance collapsed, he was at the hospital, Christina had just collapsed herself, and they didn't know what the future held for Lance.
Justin felt as though the Lord was testing him. He had tried so hard to keep complete and total faith through all of this. He had even sat with Lance and prayed many times. Justin noticed Lance never prayed for a miracle, always saying it was God's plan for him. And he would follow it where ever it led. Finally composing himself Justin stood and walked back into the hospital leaving Chris to sit in his own thoughts.
As the oldest member of the group Chris often felt like the father, even though he didn't act it. He knew had to have a light and fun side but he also worried greatly about his fellow band mates. They were his best friends and brothers. Chris never imagined having to watch one of them get sick and die but now he was doing just that. He always imagined being the first of the group to go since he was the oldest. He had tried so hard to be there for everyone but just didn't always know the right words to say. Chris sat alone in the now dark Orlando night as the moon shone above him and wished on the first star he saw that everything would work out okay. He knew Lance's faith in God and God's plan and he hoped it was in God's plan for both Christina and Lance to be okay.
Chris walked back in the waiting room just as Shannon arrived. Jonathan had met her at the airport and drove her to the hospital immediately. She walked in and hugged everyone and Lance's parents filled her in on what was happening. She asked where Christina was and Carla told her what had happened. Shannon felt her head, swarm with thoughts and she sat down as she tried to comprehend everything. She had prayed the whole flight for a miracle and now she didn't know what was happening.
The doctor walked into the waiting room a few minutes later asking for the family of Christina. Everyone exchanged glances and Jonathan said he was the only actual family she had here but they were = all her family in a way. The doctor, Dr. Gregory, walked over to them and had them all sit down.
"Okay.this is a weird situation. I heard that she is here with her fiancee, am I right?"
"Yeah, she's here with our son" Lance's parents answered.
"Okay, well I think I know why she passed out and had all the pain." The doctor said and then paused.
"Yeah and why?" Sarah asked impatiently.
"Well, it seems that Christina was pregnant." The doctor said.
"What?" Pam said quickly.
"Yes, Christina was pregnant. I would say two maybe closer to three months. Maybe around the beginning of September was when it happened."
"Wait why are you saying was?" Carla asked. Everyone sat silently thinking. Lance's parents sat in shock unsure wether to be mad, upset, or sad.
"Yes, she was pregnant. She lost the baby today." The doctor said solemnly. Everyone looked at her with wide eyes. "the stress she has been under was to much for her body to handle with the pregnancy. I don't think she has been eatting well and I know she was taking care of Lance. So the combination of all three probably did it. That was the pain she had been feeling since she got here. She ignored it to take care of him and it finally overcame her. That would be when she collapsed. She had no clue she was pregnant and still doesn't. I chose not to tell her. I thought it would be better from her friends. She wants to go see Lance so bad but we can't let her up yet." The doctor said.
"Will she be okay?" Justin asked. Again he felt as though God was testing them. Here they were having enough to deal with and they find out that Christina was pregnant with Lance's child and lost it. She could lose both Lance and a baby all in the same day.
"She should be. A couple of you might want to go back now and talk to her. I know she wants to see you all and more importantly I really think she needs an update on Lance. She is a strong girl, rather weak now but strong for the most part."
"So.do you know anything about Lance?" Shannon asked.
"No he isn't my patient sorry" the doctor said "Christina is in room 110 a couple of you can go see her. In about a half-hour I am going to release her if she's okay. I know she's growing impatient."
"Thank you" JC said as the doctor walked away. Lance's parents looked at each other in shock and then stood to go try to find out information about his health. Everyone was still unsure of what was going on and it only seemed to grow worse by the minute. Chrissy stood and started to walk out of the waiting room followed by JC. They had been silently elected to be the ones to tell her. They walked to room 110 and held hands as they entered.
Christina was lying under a white blanket, with her eyes closed and her hands resting gently across her stomach. Her face was red and blotchy from crying and she looked to be an emotional mess. Chrissy sat on the edge of the bed and Christina woke up. Looking at her friends sad faces she thought the worst.
"Lance?" she asked sadly.
"No.we don't know how he's doing yet," JC answered.
"JC.Chrissy why am I here? Why won't they let me go?" Christina asked.
"Well, Christina.uhm."
"Chrissy say it already. I want to go check on Lance."
"Christina you lost a baby today" Chrissy said quickly.
"I what?" Christina asked. "How could I lose a baby? I wasn't pregnant!"
"Uh yeah you were." Chrissy said "You were about two months or three and the stress caused you to lose the baby. You know the pain all day? Well that was your body preparing to abort the baby."
Christina began to cry as she felt her world tumbling in on her. Here she was suppose to be at the hospital with the man she loved losing him and she had just lost his baby. The only chance she would ever have of keeping him with her all the time. Chrissy and JC hugged Christina and told her it would be okay.
"Yeah I'll be fine. Can I go see Lance?" Christina asked. He was the reason she was here. She wasn't worried about herself. Never was worried about herself. Chrissy told her she had to wait and they would come get her when she could go.
Chrissy and JC left Christina alone in her thoughts as they went back to the waiting room. Christina laid looking at the wall across from her hospital bed. It had a picture of an open meadow and flowers and a sun setting in the background. Christina looked at the picture and thought of how peaceful it seemed so unlike her life at this point. Everything in her life seemed to depend on what a few tests revealed. But she couldn't understand how four tumors could disappear over night. It didn't make sense. Christina closed her eyes and began to pray.
"Dear God, what am I suppose to be doing? I don't see the purpose in all this. I am here you are taking away the man I love and now I just lost the baby the only baby we would have together. Why? What did I do? My life was so perfect before all this. Is this some sort of punishment? Just show me and let me know this all has a purpose. I knew that Lance might not make is a year and half-ago but I never thought it would be like this. Never thought I would lose him and a child that was his all in the same day. God please help me and show me that you have a plan. Otherwise I have no reason to continue on. Please God help me." Christina begged as her door opened quickly. It was Pam and Justin, both had been crying and looked frightened to death. Christina looked at them and felt her heart break.
"Christina we came to get you. The doctor said you need to get in with Lance soon. They aren't sure if he will make it through the night. Something about..God I don't know what she said. Let's go and you can talk to her." Justin said as he helped her slowly climb into a wheel chair. They covered her legs with a blanket and Justin pushed her out the room.
In the hallway stood JC, Chrissy, Chris, Carla, Joey, Sarah, Shannon, Jonathan and Lance's parents. Justin pushed her up to the group and everyone quickly hugged her then let Shannon push her into the room. Sitting beside Lance's bed in a wheel chair Christina noticed he was pale and breathing shallow. His color was almost completely white and his pulse seemed weak on the monitor. Christina took his hand in hers as Shannon left the room. Lance's eyes opened for and looked at her.
He noticed the chair and blanket and started to ask what was wrong. But couldn't get the words out. The doctor walked in a few minutes later and sat at the end of the bed.
"Well the tests are back. Actually we have good news. There are no tumors left in your body. Don't ask me how or why but every tumor you had has disappeared. The ultrasound showed none. The blood tests were normal. Everything was fine."
"What? How? Then why is he so weak and sick?" Christina asked.
"Well his body has fought this for so long and now it's weak and tired. It needs rest."
"So he'll be okay" Christina asked hopefully, as she looked at Lance. He had fallen back into unconciousness.
"Well I wish I could say that." The doctor said, "Unfortuantly his body is so tired that he might not. If he makes it through the night then I would say he will live to be 100, but the chances of that are only 20% at best."
"Well doctor, I am sorry to say this but I am tired of this stupid percentage game. It's all we have played for about two years now. You do everything you have to, to keep this man alive. He is all I have to live for now. You see I don't care what percentage of a chance you say he has to live. I say he will make it." Christina said through her tears. They had not been praying for a miracle but one had just happened before their eyes. Lance still could die but his body had beaten the cancer.
"I will do that." The doctor said and then started to walk out of the room.
"What do we do to make this easier?" Christina asked.
"Make sure someone is in here at all times to encourage him when he wakes up. He'll come in and out of conciousness all night probably."
"Okay," Christina said as she turned her attention back to Lance. His eyes were still closed and he still was breathing lightly. Christina let the tears flow down her checks as she began to pray. "Dear God, thank you so much. I don't know why or how you did this. But I thank you with every once of my being. Help him make it through the night. God I thank you for everything. No one will ever convince me that miracles can't happen. For Lance to still be here with me is a miracle. I guess you do have a plan after all. I just hope that we have finally figured it out. We have been fighting all this time to try to figure out what you have planed. I pray that we finally have it right. Thank you again. Just help us through the night" Christina continued to pray unaware that everyone had entered the room. She finally looked up and saw all of them.
JC was holding Chrissy close to him as was Chris and Carla. This whole ordeal had taught them all that love could bring you through anything. They didn't know how to express what they learned. Christina just looked to her friends, unsure of what to say or how to explain what was happening.
"The cancer is gone. Don't ask how or anything because I don't know." Christina said as their faces filled with joy and surprise. "But Lance is so weak and his body wants to quit working. We could still lose him tonight." She said as the thought of losing him hit her again. Christina had been so happy to hear that he could be okay but now she could lose him again. She hadn't thought of just how weak he was.
"What do we do?" JC asked.
"Someone should be here all night just encase and be with him." Christina said. They all agreed to take turns sitting up with Lance that night and helping him in everyway possible. Before they all left Christina asked, "Can we all pray together and ask God to help finish the miracle he started?"
No one answered as everyone grabbed hands and bowed their heads. "Dear God," JC started then paused as he felt his emotions get the better of him. He was standing in the room of one of his best friends and could feel the life draining from the room. Everyone was afraid knowing how weak Lance was that he wouldn't be able to make it. There would be a long healing process. JC finally continued "thank you for the miracle you have given us. We haven't always known what you wanted or why you wanted it. But now you have shown us. Thank you God for all the great things you have done. We don't understand them all, but everything you do has a reason. Dear God we now ask that you lay your guiding hands on Lance and help him to fight and make his body continue to want to fight. We haven't come this long and this far for him to die. Please God help him. Help all of us to understand why you put us through this test of our faith. Dear God just help us all learn and live from this. In your name, AMEN!" JC finished as everyone squeeze the hands they were holding.
The doctor came back in a few minutes later and told everyone to leave but one or two people. Christina was pushed into the waiting room and everyone followed her. They all sat there thinking and remembering. The memories of her life with Lance flooded back to her. The day she met him, him in a tux for a video they were making, the late night long distance phone calls that always occurred before her earliest classes, driving endless hours just to be able to spend the night or weekend with him when she was still in college, the night with him when they went to the sample gates and bell tour at IU, their moonlight walks and their first kiss, their engagment, everything they had ever done together flooded her mind until she had relived every moment they had had together. She looked up to see that Lance's parents had went back to his room.
They wanted and need to talk to their son. They sat there for thirty minutes silently watching their only son breath in and out only hoping that with every breath he would grow stronger. He finally woke up for a few minutes and saw his mom crying. He knew that the doctor had given him a small chance of survival. His body told him to give up and just go to sleep and never wake up again. But something in his heart told him he had a reason to still be on earth. Like he wasn't done living yet. Lance talked to his parents and told them to always love each other and to no matter what to try to help Christina if he died. His parents told him they were proud of him and loved him and to keep fighting. As Lance's eyes fluttered shut again his parents cried wondering if that would be the last time they would talk to their son.
After they were done they walked out and sat on a couch. Justin and Pam stood feeling as though it was their turn. It almost seemed to be a time of last good byes. Each person walking in and talking with Lance for a few minutes. They spent the next four hours taking turns to talk to their friend. Each time wondering if it would be his last time. Lance had made them each promise to not lose faith. He had asked Justin and Pam to be sure to not let anything tear their souls down. He had promised to look in on Laura for Justin if he made it heaven. Justin openly wept at the mention of his sister's name and promised to not let Lance leave this earth. While he knew Laura would always be there for him and would always guide him. He didn't feel as though Lance should be there too. He remembered how hard it was to live his life with out his sister and couldn't imagine living life with out his soul mate. Justin squeezed Pam's hand as they walked out crying and remembering.
Chris and Carla had entered his room after Justin and Pam left. They stood beside the bed silently thinking neither had noticed Lance open his eyes. He looked at them and a small smile came across his face. Lance told them to never lose the love they had and promised them that someday they would have children to just give it a little time. He told them their children would be healthy and beautiful and to always hold onto one another. Lance promised them that if they were patient the children they wanted so dearly would one day come.
Lance told Joey and Sarah to always stay cheerful. And not to forget their old times together but to always look to the future. Sarah promised to keep him in line as best she could and they wondered as the others had if this would their last good byes. It was almost like Lance was telling them their future. His heart beat and breathing had stayed slow and shallow but it hadn't changed.
When Chrissy and JC entered the room Lance felt as though his body was about to give out on him. He felt his energy level drain but he continued to fight to hold on. Lance told Chrissy to always remember she was doubly gifted both in nursing and in writing. He told her to use both in all she did. Lance reminded JC of everything they had been through together. All the tours, recording sessions, practices, and writing sessions. He made them a promise that he would be at their wedding in June, no matter what. They left with tears in their eyes, and prayed that he would be at their wedding but not in heaven on earth.
The doctor came to them and told them that she didn't know if he would make it. He had grown weaker and not stronger and his pulse kept fluctuating. Shannon was the next to enter his room. She walked in alone. He was lying under a white sheet that matched his facial color. Shannon begged God to not take her friend from the earth but to let her kept him. Lance woke up to the sound of her tears. He slowly spoke as the energy continued to escape his body. He had fought for so long and now his body only wanted to quit. He promised her that he would always be there no matter what and that he would look out for her in heaven or on earth. Whichever God felt was right. Shannon hugged him and begged for him to hold on then went to get Christina. It didn't seem that Lance would make it through the night. He was so weak and pale and she had never saw him that way. Shannon sobbed as she helped push the wheel chair Christina was still in into Lance's room. She was walked out leaving them alone.
Christina sat beside the bed and held Lance's hand. He was so fragile now and pale. She loved him more then anything and didn't want to see him go. But she also knew he was in so much pain and was so tired. Christina wept as she pleaded with God to do what was right. Lance opened his eyes and looked at her.
"I love you!" he said to break the silence in the room. "I wouldn't change anything we've done together. Christina, I didn't think I would make it this long and I don't know what God has planed. Everytime I think I have it figured out he changes it on me. I can't tell you wether I will make it or not but I can tell you that I love you and will always be there for you. If I die tonight I die a happy loved man. I am so glad to have found my soul mate and to have been loved." Lance said.
"Lance, I love you too, more then anything. You have told me all along that God's got a plan for this well we have tried to figure it out, and haven't been able to, let's stop and just be together for what ever time he gives us. If we have a year or ten or only five more minutes let's just enjoy them and love each other to the death of us." Christina said.
"Honey, why are you in a wheel chair?" Lance asked innocently.
"Oh.no particular reason." She answered in a lie. Lance just looked at her and closed his eyes.
"You lost the baby didn't you?" he asked.
"How did you know?" she asked, then realized that it probably wasn't hard for him to figure out.
"Just did. Babe, I've known you were pregnant for about a month now. I just thought it one day and you were acting weird and everything fit. It seemed that someone told me. It's okay you'll have a baby someday." He answered. His body jerked and fell back on the bed limply. The monitors continued to beep and flow as they had but he was no longer awake.
Christina began to cry wondering if the man she loved was leaving the earth forever. She didn't hear the door answer or her friends enter. Everyone gathered around the bed and her and stood silently. 'I don't want another person's baby.'
"Lance, we are all here. Baby we want you to continue to fight and hold onto life but we also understand you are tired and in pain. If you want to continue to fight we will continue to be here. But we also understand you might not be able to anymore. I hope and pray you are in peace no matter what. Do what you want, if God is calling you go to him, but I want you to always remember I love you more then anything. Always remember, that I will always love you no matter what. So baby if you need to go to sleep go now with all your friends gathered around. We will all be okay someday and will never forget you. I love you more then anything baby. I will see you again someday no matter what. It's up to you and God now, do what's right. Follow that plan you are always talking about. Sleep well, Lance!" Christina said as she closed her eyes, and folded her hands around his as she began to cry. Everyone looked to the monitor to see what would happen.
