"In loving memory of my unborn child. Rest in peace baby. Mommy loves you always and will never forget you. Be safe always and I will see you someday. Love your mommy. November 28th, 2005."
Christina sat in the swing and looked at the sun that was setting in the field. It had been a year and a half since she lost her baby and since Lance was in the hospital. So much had changed in her life. She had put this swing up when she moved into the new house. It was the only way she felt at peace. She felt as though she had left her old life behind and moved on with her new. There was no burial for the unborn baby so that brought no peace, but when she built and swang in this swing she felt as though she was swinging the baby she lost and was at peace. Whenever her life got confusing from that day on she would sit in the swing and think and talk to her baby. Even though she didn't know she was pregnant the news had hit her hard. And had caused her to reevaluate her life.
Christina thought over the past five years of her life. She had fell in love with the man of her dreams. The type of man every little girl wanted to marry. One as loving and caring as her own father. Two years later she thought her world was ending when he was diagnosed with cancer, then the radiation and treatments started. Over the next year of their lives together, she wondered if there was a God. A few times she had wondered if he was real. But then that Thanksgiving weekend in the hospital it was confirmed in her mind that God was always there. She had just lost what she thought was her only chance at happiness in life, and she found that Lance could make it. That was the longest night of their lives. Everyone was there and supportive but all she wanted was for him to wake up and say he was going to make it. A week later he still hadn't woken up again. The doctors told her; the night he entered the hospital, that if he were going to wake up it would be soon and when he didn't she almost gave up hope. Christina remembered the day the doctors convinced her to take the tubes out and to let nature take its course.
She had been at the hospital for a week straight and had slept on a little cot in his room. After a full week Dr. Eickman pulled her aside and gave her the options she had at that point. Christina listened and prayed then talked to all her friends. They all agreed that Lance wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines only. They agreed to give him one more day to wake up and if not that they would just let him go on his own.
The next day everyone was there early and with much sadness saw that Lance had again not woken up. The doctor slowly shut off the machines keeping him alive. She started with the IV drip, then the morphine, and finally reached to oxygen machine. As she was about to walk out of the room to give the family and friends time to grieve she heard a weak wheeze. The doctor turned quickly and walked back to the bed.
While the doctor was turning off the machines Lance could feel his body fill with a love and life he hadn't known. He felt something overcome him giving him the energy he needed to live. He slowly opened his eyes and saw all his friends. After the oxygen turned off he felt the need to breathe. The machine had been breathing for him for a week and suddenly his lungs felt the need to pull in air. As he slowly breathed in and out he wheezed and everyone looked up to him.
He saw the looks of sadness disappear and turn to shock then finally to thankfulness. He had woken up. Everyone sighed in relief and praise as Christina stood and walked to his bedside. The tears of sadness turned to thanks as she reached down and kissed him. Sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his hand she was afraid to let him go. Afraid that he would leave and this time not come back. The doctor checked all his vital signs and organs and said that he was okay. She didn't know how but he was fine.
Lance sat up in bed slowly and looked around the room. Everyone had gathered together. JC and Chrissy were in one corner and Justin and Pam sat next to them. Chris and Carla were near the door and Sarah and Joey were by the window. It had been a hard time for them all. No one had thought he would make it and now here he was looking at them. They were thankful that God had not taken their friend.
"I don't know how it happened, but I am thankful," Lance said. He talked with his friends for a few minutes and but quickly grew tired. They all left, except for Christina and said they would see him again later. "Smile" he said as he and Christina just sat staring at each other. Both were so happy to be together.
Christina smiled and looked at him sadly. She had been thinking a lot those days about the baby and how sad she was to lose it. But had also been thinking, that if he made it she would be thankful.
"Why so sad?" he asked.
"No reason." She said as she leaned in and kissed his check. "you get some rest and I will be back later."
"Okay, I'll rest but you promise me you will go get some too. Have you been home since last week?" Lance asked, and Christina shook her head no, then he continued, "I'm okay, not going anywhere. You know this whole year or so I thought that I would die, I was okay with it. Then when I collapsed and you called the ambulance and I woke up in the hospital, I knew something had changed. I just didn't feel like I was going to die then. I knew it wasn't right. It didn't seem right. I would be leaving you in a time of great need. I know you are hurting about the loss of the baby, but I think the baby died in my place." Lance said in a sad almost apologetic tone.
"I think you are right. I think God knew that if I lost you that it would be the end of my world. I had nothing else to live for. I don't think I would have made it a month without you. And I think he knew that, if he allowed you to live, that we could have another baby someday and that's why I lost the baby and not you. I will always love it. It was the first child I carried, and even though I didn't know it's really hard for me to think that someday I could have been carrying a baby in my arms, but I am so thankful to have you here to have and to hold." Christina said, she cried again as she had for so many days.
"Here" Lance said as he scooted over in the bed until he was next to one rail, "lay down" he told her and she listened. They lay in his hospital bed together, "Thank you God" Lance prayed, "Thank you for giving me the strength to continue to fight for all this time. Thank you for giving us the faith to not give up. Thank you for everything. Watch over our baby for us. Someday in the far away future we will be there to watch it, but until then can you please watch and care for it." Lance prayed. He closed his eyes and laid his head next to Christina's and they both fell asleep dreaming of their future.
Christina turned in the swing so that her legs were up and she leaned against the side. Drifting back into her thoughts she thought of how busy she had been the last year or so. Lance and Christina had been married on Valentine's day. Exactly two months after he was released for the hospital. They didn't plan much for it, it was held in the back yard of Christina's aunt's house and only their closest friends attended. The wedding party wore clothes they already owned, and Christina wore a white short dress, and Lance in a white suit. The next few months flew by for them. After their wedding they had press conferences to talk about the future of NSYNC. The whole ordeal had taught the group a lot.
None of the five wanted to go back on tour. While they did want to show their fans their appreciation, they didn't want to leave their finacee's or wives. It was hard on all of them to tell the fans that they were done with their professional careers. Management begged them to release on last album as a tribute to their fans, and they agreed to that. As Lance regained strength they began to plan and practice for the last album. It was completed and released shortly before Chrissy and JC's wedding.
They were married on a bright June day. It was a beautiful service. And everyone was happy. It was so good to see all the group together. No one had planed on Lance making it that long, and when he walked down the aisle with his arm interlocked with Christina's those in attendance cried knowing the fight he had put up to live. It was a miracle that he was alive and everyone knew it and thanked god everyday.
No one ever figured out how he lived as long as he did, or why. But they now all knew that just as he had always said God had a plan. Everyone learned to live their lives to the fullest and rejoice in life.
Carla and Chris had finally gotten pregnant and were planning the birth of their first child in December. They had three months to go and couldn't wait. They had been decorating their baby's room and now where about to put the finishing touches on the whole room.
Justin and Pam had just finally gotten married and were on their honeymoon in New York. The wedding had taken place the prior week and they were do in from their honeymoon the next day.
Shannon and Jonathan had continued to date and fall more in love each day. Only time would tell if their relationship was forever, or what would happen. Everyone had made bets as to how long it would take them to hook up and get married, but no one knew for sure.
Sarah and Joey had finally started to plan their wedding. They had gotten engaged the Christmas before, but both were so busy that they couldn't find time to plan. It wasn't until that summer that they grew serious about their wedding and their future together. All their friends were starting families of their own and they had started to feel slightly jealous.
Christina continued to swing unaware of the person watching her. Her thoughts and memories had overcome all sense of safety she had. Everyone had always told her that she got to involved in her thoughts, but she never listened. She continued to relive her life since the day Lance woke up. Once released from the hospital Lance made it known that he wanted to get married as soon as possible. He was tired of waiting and planning and he didn't want to lose her. They had been through more in a few years then most dealt with in a lifetime. Their love had always held them and carried them through. They were married in February and that September they were able to retake the honeymoon they had already had.
It had taken Lance 10 months to regain all his strength, but now he was back. His once dry skin had regained moisture and now looked young and alive. His peach colored skin returned from its grayish shade. And his hair grew slowly but strong. By September, no one would have guessed how close he had come to death the previous December. He seemed like any other 25-year-old man.
Christina and Lance had decided to move out of the condo after their wedding. There were too many painful memories for them there, and too few good, and the painful ones were too strong. They found a house out in the country area of Florida. It was about 25 minutes from the rest of the group, but they had 15 acres of land and they could do what they wanted. They had gotten a couple of horses and a dog, all of which were taken care of by them alone. Then built the swing but chose to leave most of their land open. They still loved to walk under the pale moon light and talk. It was one of their few times alone.
Christina jerked from her memories as she felt an arm slide around her shoulder. She looked up and smiled as she took a deep breath and let her heart slow down. There stood the man she loved. The only one she could.
"Boy.you are going to get it! Trying to scare me to death?" she said as she sat straight and made room for him on the swing.
Lance sat down gently being sure to not wake the sleeping baby in his arms. Just as on their first honeymoon-like trip Christina ended up pregnant over the previous September. But this time instead of her caring for him all the time, Lance took care of her every need. It had been an easy pregnancy for her and she delivered their daughter late that June. That had been an eventful day.
Everyone had been busy working on Pam and Justin's upcoming wedding. The girls had gone to a dress fitting and they had tried to imagine what Christina would need once the baby was born. It hadn't been till that night when she was sitting in the bathtub relaxing after a long day, with Lance's arms around her stomach that she realized her back hurt. Later she laid on their king size bed letting him rub and massage her back, the way he had many times over those nine months. But nothing he tried helped herm, Christina's back continued to ache and hurt. She didn't think that it could be more then a backache and when 10 PM rolled around she told him to go enjoy himself with the rest of the group at their favorite dance club, and promised that she would just stay in bed and get some sleep. They had been planning on going for a few days and she wasn't going to let him not go. He needed the break and she thought it would be nice to have some quiet time for her. She had quit working about a week before to go on maternity leave, and had not had a moment alone since then.
At 11 her back pains became more intense and often. It was then that she realized that they weren't just back pains. Christina called Lance and he rushed home to find her lying on the floor doubled over in pain with a puddle of water around her. The pains got so bad that she couldn't move and he called the ambulance. When they arrived 30 minutes later, they found Lance holding Christina and their daughter. Christina didn't think she could wait anymore and ended up delivering the baby on the floor of their house. Lance had called Chrissy and Carla on three way and they talked him through it. The whole time he was thanking God that they were nursing. Chrissy had been sure to tell him all about the baby and what he needed to look for and Carla told him to make sure Christina was okay.
Their life seemed to be one never ending adventure. Something was always going on to keep them on their toes. The baby was born healthy for the most part. She had been born with a lung infection causing them all to wonder if she would make it. But now at three months, Cynthia was as healthy as she could be. She was a beautiful little girl with her dad's brown hair, and tints of the red that tinted her mom's. Her eyes fluctuated between blue, green, and grey like her dad's. Cynthia was the most precious thing to her parents. They cherished her and protected her at all cost.
"So what you thinking about?" Lance asked as he leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Nothing much. Just you, Cynthia, my life, you know the usual."
"Yeah the usual. You think too much. Did anyone ever tell you that?" Lance joked, as Christina smiled and shook her head yes. "How did the doctor's visit go?" Lance asked. It had been three months since the birth of Cynthia and Christina had went in for a check up and health clearance.
"Perfect. I am in great health. She was happy with how quickly I came back from Cynthia's birth. I told her that was all thanks to you. How else could I have came back so quick, with out all the help from you. Everything is great. I have an appointment for Cynthia next week, her three month check up and shots, oh won't that be fun, but until then we're all set." she said.
"Good, I'll be sure to not be busy that day, yeah I remember the last set of shots. Dang our daughter has a loud scream. But should we have expected anything else." Lance joked, "I'm sorry about today, but I totally forgot it was your appointment when I set up that meeting." he said. Lance handed Cynthia to her mom and walked to the deck that was off the back of their new house. He turned the CD player on and walked back out to Christina. "You know there's a few things I've been meaning to talk to you about," he started, as he took Cynthia and sat her on a blanket in the yard. She just smiled at her parents then fell back to sleep. Cynthia was the perfect baby, never got sick and slept through the night most of the time.
"And what would that be?" Christina asked as she stood. "I didn't mind going by myself, you took Cynthia so that helped."
"This." Lance said as the music started and he began to sing.
"He finally gave in to his friend's girlfriend, When she said there's someone you should meet. In a crowded restaurant way cross town, He waited impatiently. She walked in their eyes met. And they both stared. Right there and then everyone else disappeared.
But one boy, One girl, Two heart beating wildly, To put it mildly it was love at first sight. He smiled, she smiled. They knew right away, This was the day, They'd waited for all their lives. For a moment the whole world revolved around One boy, One girl.
In no time at all, They were standing there in the front of a little church, Among their friends and family repeating those scared words. The preacher said "Son kiss your bride." And he raised her veil. Like the night they met time just stood still.
For one boy, One girl, Two heart beating wildly. To put it mildly, It was love at first sight. He smiled, she smiled. They knew right away, This was the day, They'd waited for all their lives. For a moment the whole world revolved around One boy, One girl.
He was holding her hand when the doctor looked up and grinned. Congratulations twins.
One boy, one girl. Two hearts beating wildly. To put it mildly, It was love at first sight. He smiled, she smiled. They knew right away, This was the day, They'd waited for all their lives. For a moment the whole world revolved around. One boy, one girl" by: Collin Raye "One boy, One Girl"
"I just wanted to let you know that from day one I knew that you were the one that I had been waiting on all my life. I wouldn't change anything we've done to make it different." Lance said.
"Lance.you know I love you!" Christina said as she let a few tears escape her eyes.
"I know but I just wanted to let you know how much and how long I have loved you. From that day on the beach, to today I have always loved you and always will," he said.
"I know that. Was this what you have been working so hard on?"
"Yeah, just had to get it perfect. I recorded it today with the guys, it's a remix of the original but I wanted it to be completely done before I sang it to you. I know how much you like Collin, so I thought I would change it around a little and singing it for you. Oh I was just making sure," he said, "So are you going to go to the airport tomorrow to meet the newlyweds with us?"
"Oh probably, as long as Cynthia is okay and not tired or sick or anything. And it depends if I get any sleep myself," she said as she looked at him with a passionate and innocent look all in one. They both loved each other and four months had passed since they were together. They both laughed as they sat back on the swing Cynthia woke up and began to whimper a little. Christina bent down, "What's wrong, are you jealous baby?" she joked as she picked her up, then sat back against Lance's arm. "You know I think our life is finally perfect. We have a great child, you're healthy, one and a half years cancer free, I'm in good health, our friends are happy, and so are we."
"Yeah I think you're right. Everything is great."
"Well baby, I hate to do this but I gotta go to the office for a little bit. I have to clear a couple patients to be released and all that fun stuff. I'll be back later." Christina said as she handed Cynthia to her dad and started to her car.
"Be Careful!" he said.
"Of course I will be. I have this wonderful safe car.thanks to someone. I still can't believe you bought this car for me." Christina said as she sat in the driver's seat.
"I can't help it. I wanted to make sure you would always be safe when I was gone."
"Well you're here and I am safe. Thanks baby.I love you." Christina said as she leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips. She put the car in reverse and slowly backed out of the driveway waving goodbye to Lance and Cynthia. She got to the hospital in fifteen minutes and was on the rehab floor in two. She went through her day as she always did, checking and helping patients. It was five she left to go home. Climbing back into her car she noticed a small package sitting on the passenger seat.
Thinking she remembered the seat was empty this afternoon when she left the car. Christina picked it up and looked at the tag. It said.
"Hey Baby! Happy birthday.a little late. I got busy and this came late about a month late to be specific but I hope you like it. Love, Lance and Cynthia"
Christina quickly unwrapped the small package beside her and found a photo album. Leafing through it she saw all the pictures of Lance and her that she thought she had lost in the move and some new ones of her and Lance with Cynthia. She cried as she looked at one of the last pages. There was a picture of Christina, Lance and Cynthia sitting on the swing right after it had been put up. Underneath the photo read,
"Christina, Lance, and newborn Cynthia sitting in the baby's swing."
They had never named the unborn baby because it was too hard on Christina but a day didn't pass when it wasn't thought of. Christina continued to look through the book and stopped on the last page. It was black with a hand written note in the place of pictures.
"Those were the past or atleast parts of it. This is for the future. The blank page will be filled with many pictures as will many more pages. I hope you like your present. I love you more each day. See you soon. Love Lance"
Christina closed the book and sat it on her seat, wiped a few tears, then started the car and drove home to the man of her dreams and the daughter she always wanted.
