chapter thirty-one
chapter list
chapter thirty-three
Chapter Thirty-Two
"This is going to be weird, Nick." AJ and Nick had decided to spend a weekend together with Hailey to get AJ used to her routine. "It's going to be difficult getting used to this daddy and diapers thing."
"AJ, she's four. She doesn't wear diapers. She starts preschool in January after Christmas break. She doesn't talk much, but her doctor says she's just quiet and shy. She likes Sesame Street and the color purple. She loves big dogs. She loves eggs of any kind. She could eat macaroni and cheese all day."
AJ had to laugh. "You know, Nick. You amaze me. I've watched you grow up. Now, here you are, raising a daughter. You know her inside and out. I feel like I'm intruding on something here."
Nick looked AJ dead in the eye. "Never feel like that. I understand this is really weird. It's not your fault though. It's no one's fault. You deserve to be active in her life too.”
~<3~<3~<3~
Although Kevin tried to act like it didn’t, the situation with Hailey, AJ, Nick, and me bothered him. I’m not sure if it was jealousy, but it was driving him crazy. I know it did. It had been going on for about four months now. I was five months pregnant, but I knew he was at the end of his rope.
“Kev, what is it? You haven’t been acting right for a while now. Please, Baby, I want to know the truth.” I looked into his green eyes pleading.
“What are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong. I’m going to be a daddy to two beautiful babies in four months.” He smiled and rubbed my belly. I knew he was lying though.
“No, Kevin, don’t do this. Tell me now. I deserve to know what’s going on. I’m your wife. You can tell me the truth.” Kevin hesitated, gently biting on his lower lip.
“This is going to sound harsh. I don’t mean it to in any way though. I love you more than anything. It’s just that,” he paused and looked away from me, “I guess I kind of wonder when you’re going to leave me, when you’ll move on again.”
“What do you mean, Kevin? I’m not leaving.”
His eyes hardened. “Oh, come on, Nikki. You moved from Nick to AJ to Nick to me. When is it Howie’s turn? I know you and Brian are dying to do something too. You’ve always fucking loved him the most.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I love you, Kevin. Brian is my best friend. That’s the only way I love him. AJ and Nick are in my past, and you know that. Why would you bring Howie into this? Damn it, Kevin. I don’t deserve this.” I couldn’t control the tears that escaped. My mood swings have been harsh lately. Kevin was always the one to comfort me when they happened. Now, here he was, causing it.
“I need to get away for a while. I’ll call someone to stay with you while I’m gone. I can’t deal with this right now.” He grabbed his car keys and headed for the door.
“Oh great, Kev. We have our first big fight and you run away from it. That’s-“ I was interrupted by the door slamming.
“Shit.” The yelling and the stress were making my head hurt so badly. I had to lay down for a while. I laid on the couch and fell asleep much easier than would be expected given the circumstances.
~<3~<3~<3~
“Nikki, wake up.” I was awoken by Brian’s gentle words. “Nikki, come on, Honey, wake up. Kevin called me. I just came over to check on you. We have to go.” I had opened my eyes at Brian’s panicked words.
“Why do we have to go? Where are we going?” I was bewildered, but continued to let Brian lead me from the couch. I stopped short when I looked down at the floor to see the trail of blood from the couch to where I stood. “Oh, God, Brian. My babies.”
“Come on, Nikki. We need to get you to the hospital.” I only made it a few more steps before I blacked out.
~<3~<3~<3~
When I woke up, I was in a brightly-lit hospital room. Brian, AJ, Cat, Howie, and Nick were all standing around the room. Kevin was seated by my bed. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot. He had obviously been crying.
Kevin turned to the other four men, “Guys, she’s waking up.” Then, he turned back to me. “Nik, Baby, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should never have said those things. I should never have left you. Now it’s all my fault.” He held my left hand in his and brought it to his face to kiss my palm as he cried freely.
“It’s ok, Kevin. I’m alright. Everything will be ok.” I touched his face with my other hand before laying it on my stomach. “My stomach.” I felt it thoroughly. “Kevin, my stomach.” I even lifted the blanket to look at it. “Kevin, my stomach is flat. Where are our babies? Are they ok? Did they deliver them while I slept?”
Kevin cried even harder and looked to his cousin for support. Brian came to the other side of my bed. “Nikki, the babies, they didn’t make it. The stress was too much for their little bodies.” Brian fought for control of his words as tears rolled down his face.
I felt as if the breath had been knocked from my body. “My little babies are gone? They’re gone?” Brian held me as I weeped onto his shoulder. As horrible as it may sound, I couldn’t stand the thought of Kevin hugging me right then. Deep down I knew it wasn’t his fault, but in all of my grief, I couldn’t see that.
chapter thirty-one
chapter list
chapter thirty-three
