This is the legal expert of Morons Inc
Birthdate: 5/25
Sal J. Sukavich grew up on a small farm in upstate New York. His parents had very little
just a plot of land 3 cows a horse and a panda bear. Sal's mother was orthodox Jewish
and his father was a Rabbi. Jewish farmers were a rare in the community that Sukavich
grew up in, as a matter of fact he was the only Jew for three counties. Although his
parents struggled at times, Sal always had enough to make due. Sal befriended Vinny
Verducci while in Elementary school the two youngsters rode the same bus to
school.
"I remember seeing this kid wearing brown Corduroy bell bottoms with an old
pair of Zip high top sneakers and a blue T-shirt that read `I'm a Hulkamaniac' on the
front." Vinny recalls
"It was not a Blue Hulkamanic T-shirt." Sal insisted "It was a yellow
Hulkamanic T-shirt." The two formed a bond because of their love for Hulk Hogan,
they soon grew inseparable. They had many a weird experience together, on included a
game called ransom in witch Sukavich would hold all Vinnys He-man figures hostage
and demand a ransom. He would wait for days till Vinny would cooperate with his
demands.
It wasn't till freshman year in high school that Sukavich and Verducci became friends
with Nicholas Valcome. Also while in high school he found that he HAD to win any
argument that he was in, even if he was dead wrong. So it seemed only fitting that he
joined the debate team. Unfortunately he had a very nervous stomach, he often won
debates because his opponents were intimidated by his Odorous Rectal Cannon. He was
given the fitting nick name "Stinky Sal." He trained his sphincter to perform tricks. One
included him descending a flight of stairs and passing gas on each step, a truly amazing
spectacle to behold. Flatulence aside, Sukavich was an extremely good debater, he had
an astounding record on the debate team. On the of chance he didn't win he just threw
large quantity of fresh fruit he picked from his parent plantation, at his opponents after
the meeting was over. He realized that he had a knack for arguing, with piss off most of
his ex-girlfriends, and with his ability to do it so successfully he decide to become a
lawyer.
Sukavich parents would sell their crop at the local farmers market every Thursday to save
money for Sal's college education. Sukavich, not wanting to let his parents hard earned
money go to waste he decided to work hard while in school. He majored in the area of
Corporate law determined to protect the rights of little people, like parents from
overpowering cooperation's. Due to all his efforts he graduated as the Valedictorian of
his class. His parents were so proud they sold the Panda bear and bought him a 1967
Volkswagen Rabbit.
With a laundry list of references and credits to his name, Sukavich knew there was only
one company he would work for. As it turns out his old friend Valcome had started his
own corporation, Morons Inc. The young business was in desperate need of some legal
representation. Without and second thought Valcome hired Sal to handle all of his legal
loose ends. Being the great negotiator that he is Sukavich agreed to join on the condition
he was made the Vice President as well as the Companies attorney. After hours of
deliberation Valcome signed Sukavich to the Morons team. Since then Sal has settled
many issues for MINC. Although he is confident that every time he goes into a meeting
he will win, he always brings a supply of fresh fruit, "just in case".
