Computer: WAAAs anyONE listenIng?


Everyone: No.


Computer: YOOOooouuuuu muuuuvvvvvaaaahhh ffuuuuccccckkkAAAAHzzz...


Paul walks over and pisses on the modem.


Paul: Snort. Fuckin' bitch.


Computer: WeeeeeeLL.... that WAS loveLY...


Craig: Get on with it. Fuck what you think. Just tell us what's next.


Computer: Simple. YOU SHould have SAid THat EArlier. Echo THEEEEEE FAAAEEERRRIIIIEEEE issss to beee the SAFety... Mr. Poooointy is THE NNNAaavigator... and Geeeeeeoooorrggggeeeee is to do the mission....


George: Say my name right you cock sucker. It's George. Don't stretch the fucker out!


Computer: GGGGGEEEEOOOoooorrrrrrrrrrr---


George: GODDAMMIT!!! SAY IT RIGHT!


Computer: George.


George: That's more like it. Let's go.


Echo and Carlin get their walkie-talkies and camcorders, then head out into the hall.


George: (to Craig) Where we go, bitch?


Craig: To the attic.


George: That's wonderful, but how do we get there?


Craig: Go down the stairs. You'll see more stairs going up. Move your old ass up those stairs.


George: I might be old but I can still whoop your pointy ass!


Echo and Carlin head down the steps. Echo shoots to the bottom, but while Carlin is working his old ass down the steps... his hip gives out on the third step.


Carlin: (rolling down the steps) OW! GODDAMMIT! FUCKING SHIT!


Shawn: Hell yeah!! That's how you do it right there!


Echo attempts to help Carling up, but he's swatted at, so he starts whimpering.


Echo: (whining) Bu-bu-bu-but I was just tryin' to help!


George: I can do it my goddamn self!!


Carlin jumps up like a little kid.


Echo: Damn. He wasn't lying.


Carlin: Dammit, I told you!


Echo and Carlin walk down the hall and head up the steps leading to the attic.


Step: (talking to the other steps) ---So, then I says, "Bitch, I'm tired of you walking all over me, and I'm gonna make your ass tumble one day!"


George: HE AIN'T LYIN'!!!


All the other steps begin laughing.


Echo: TALKING HOUSE!!! RUN!!!!


Echo faerie flies up to the attic while Carlin just pokes along with the steps laughing. 10 minutes later, he gets up there.


Carlin: Now what?


Craig: You go in, and the faerie stays on the stairs.


Echo: No, dattie!! Don't punish me!! I not done nothing wrong!!!


Craig: You're staying on those stairs.


Echo: (kicking a step) Dammit.


All the stairs crumble and fall through the floor.


Echo: Fuck.


Carlin: You've fucked us up now! Damn!


Craig: Go, old man. Shut your fucking mouth and go.


Carlin goes through the attic door and leaves the poor faerie standing there.


Echo: (pulling at his pig-tails) No! NO! NO!! OH NO!!! Hmm... DATTIE!!! I LUVVVVVSSSS YOU!!!


Craig: (silence)


Echo: Poo.


Carlin: Alright cock sucker. What now?


Craig: Now. You see the light switch?


Carlin: Yeah, I see the fucker.


Carlin flicks the switch.


Craig: Don't flick the switch! Whatever you do, don't flick the switch!


Carlin: I already flicked the fucker!


Craig: What happened?


Carlin: Nothing.


Pause.


Carlin: Wait. I'm blind.


Craig: (silence)


Carlin: And I can't hear.


Craig: Silence.


Carlin: What was that? Come again?


Corey: Give me a minute! I'm tired!


Carlin: Oh, and my balls are numb.


Craig: Lemme punch you in 'em, see if that helps.


Carlin: Oh, wait. I'm better now. Must have been Joe Pesci.


Echo: (screaming through the door) WHAT DOES THAT SHORT FUCKER HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?


Carlin: Uh, nothing, cock sucker!


Echo: I don't suck cocks!


Echo crashes through the door.


Echo: I suck toes! Toes taste good!


Echo then attempts to stick his toes in his mouth. He succeeds.


Carlin: What do I do?


Echo: You sit there while I suck toes!


Carlin: Not you! That other cock sucker!


Crow: You sit there while I suck toes!


Carlin: No! Craig!


Craig: Oh.


Pause.


Craig: It says...."You sit there while he sucks your toes."


Carlin: Goddammit.


Carlin does. Echo sucks off his toes good.


Carlin: Oh, yeah.


Echo sucks off one of Carlin's toenails. One of those old people yellow, thick, dinosaur toenails. Echo begins choking.


Craig: Now, Echo becomes a ghost faerie, and you have to kill the ghost faerie.


Echo: Dattie's making things up!


Craig: Yep. Die, faerie, die.


Echo: No!


Echo flies out of the room.


Carlin: What now, cock sucker?


Craig: You have to....dude. Does that say?


Chris: Yep. Sure does, bud.


Craig: Spin around in a circle three times, lie down, and take a nap.


Carlin does this. Three minutes into his nap, a ghost dog comes up and begins licking on his 'nads.


Carlin: Oh, yeah.


Carlin wakes up.


Carlin: Oh, baby, where you go?


The ghost dog licks more.


Carlin: Oh, shit! Ghost oral sex! Cool.


Corey: GODDAMMIT!!! I FUCKING WANTED THAT!!! DAMN!


Carlin begins stripping.


Craig: It says you have to have ghost anal sex.


Carlin tries to find the dog's asshole. The dog finds his first.


Carlin: Okay, dude. I'm having ghost anal sex.


Craig: You're fucking the dog?


Carlin: No. It's fucking me.


Craig: Oh. Perv.


Carlin: Yep.


Pause.


Carlin: Okay, it's finished. Now what?


Craig: You have to cut off the dog's empty ghost 'nads and eat them.


Carlin does.


Craig: Okay. Come on back. The dare is complete.


Carlin: How? There are no steps! That damn faerie!


Craig: Get him to fly you back!


Carlin does.


Go To The Next Dare.