George: So you'll touch a piece of shit, but not a dick. Well, what the fuck is that?
Shawn: You saying you like touching dicks?
George: Only my own!
Meanwhile, Corey has snuck around to see Joey's turd.
Corey: DAMN DUDE!!! HOW'D YOU GET THAT THING IN YOU?!?!? IT'S BIGGER THAN YOU ARE!!!
Joey: I've been backed up for months!
Corey: APPARENTLY!!!!
Mick: Grrrrr....next.....of....kin....dare.....
George: Dammit, where's my Bear to English translator?
Rain: He asked what the next dare is.
George: Oh.
Computer: I am AN EvIL BaaaaasssssTAARD i WiLL ShuT DowN IN THreE seCoNDs!
Craig: No you won't.
Computer: yeSS I wILL.
Craig gives the computer an evil look.
Craig: No. You won't.
Computer: nOo, I woN'T.
Craig: Thought so.
Mick: GRRRR!!!! WHAT IS OF BE NEXT!!!!
Computer: You WILL nOT yELL at me.
Mick: GRRRRR!!! WILL!!!!
Computer: OkAY. So, you WILL.
Mick: GRRRRDAMN!!!! NEXT!!!!
Computer: OkaY... Mr. Bear is to BE the safeTY---
Mick: GRRRRR!!! YEAH!!! SMASH!!!
Computer: The FRUit fly is to be tHE NAVigatOR.
Joey: I'm not a fruit fly, you fucker!!!
Joey claws Craig and bitch slaps the computer.
Echo: Yeah!!! He's not a fruit fly!!! He's a faerie!! YOU WANNA BE A FAERIE?!
Joey: Uh... um... okay, I guess. Leave me alone.
Echo: YAY!!!
MicHELLe the faerie flies through the window.
MicHELLe: YAY FOR FAERIE DATTIE!!! LALALA!!!!
MicHELLe the faerie hugs her faerie dattie and then disappears.
Joey: I don't have any kids!!
Shawn: And I don't have any grandkids!!
MicHELLe the faerie appears again.
MicHELLe: YOU DO NOW!!!! NO! WAIT! CLOWN GRANDATTIE!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!
MicHELLe floats up towards the ceiling and disappears again.
Computer: All thesE distracTIONS! And Rain WILL BE doing the darE.
Rain: No!! I don't wanna!!! Laziness!! No!!!
Computer: You will DO the DARE.
Rain: Why?
Computer: You will WIN SOMEthing.
Rain: FREE SHIT!!! FUN!!! HELL YEAH!!!
Shawn: FREE SHIT?! WHERE?!
Rain: He's got free shit!!!
Shawn: The computer got free shit!! GIMME!!!!
Shawn runs over to the computer and holds his Snapple bottle out to it.
Shawn: NOW!
Computer: You will GET IT LAter.
Shawn: NOOO!!! WANT NOW!!!
Computer: No.
Shawn: Well, fuck you too then, you skank mother fucker!
Computer: Yes. I AM a staNK MOTHer fuckER.
Shawn: I didn't call you stank, bitch!! I SAID FUCKING SKANK!! GODDAMMIT!!!!!
Computer: Fine. ARE YOu ready?
Mick: Grrrr... guess... am....
Joey: YEAH!!!
Rain: NOOOO!!!! CAN'T LET GO!!!!
Jim: Damn. Can't you let go for a few minutes?
Rain: UUUUUUHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!
Jim: You can come back to it!
Rain: YAY!
Rain jumps up, grabs Shawn and Chris' camcorders and walkie-talkies, snatches Mick by the sleeve of his shirt and shoots out the door.
Jim: YAY! I can feel my leg again!
Echo: MY MICK!!!! HE'S GONE!!! NOOOOO!!!!!! COME BACK MICK!!! COME BACK!!!
Echo tries to follow, but Craig kicks the door shut before Echo can reach it. Echo thuds into the door.
Echo: (attempting to claw the door down) NOOOOOO!!!!! MICK!!! MY BABY!!!! COME BACK TO ME!!!!
Shawn: Shut up, goddammit!
Shawn flogs Echo in his back.
Echo: OW!!! BITCH!!!!
Sid: BUZZZZX!!!! YEAH!! YEAH!!! NO FLOG ME!!! FLOGGING OTHER IS OF FUN!!!
Echo: NO!!!! IS NOT!!!
Shawn flogs Sid to show him that he hasn't forgotten about him.
Sid: Buzzzzdamn.
Outside in the hall
Rain: Uh, dude? Where the fuck are we supposed to go?
Mick: Grrrr!!! Should of have waited and would have be known!!!
Rain: Huh?
Mick: GRRRRRRRR!!!!
Rain: Oh, okay.
Mick: GRRR!!! Ask!!!
Rain: Why me?
Mick: GRRRRRRRooooowwwwwwLLLL!!!!
Rain: Well, fuck you too then.
Mick: Grr?
Rain: (to Joey) Dude, what the hell are we supposed to do?
Joey: I don't know! Why are you asking me?!
Rain: 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE MOTHER FUCKING NAVIGATOR!!! YOU TELL US WHAT TO DO, GODDAMMIT!!!
Joey: Oh! Sorry! Well, uh....
Corey: The computer, dude. Read to them what the fucking computer says.
Joey: Why couldn't they have took the computer with them then?
Corey: (rolling his eyes) READ THEM THE FUCKING SHIT OFF THE MOTHER FUCKING SCREEN.
Joey: Okay, okay!! Rain, you still there?
Rain: Dah?
Joey: Yeah, uhm.... okay, here it is. Go outside.
Rain: Okay... that's it?
Joey: Go outside through the door that we came in.
Rain: Ack... hey, dudes!!! Look at the screen!!
Everyone besides Carlin looks at the computer screen.
Paul: Snort, there's nothing there, godsnortit!
Rain: What the hell kind of word was that?
George: No, you cock suckers!! She meant the fucking monitor!!
Everyone crowds around the monitor to witness Mick digging in his ear and using the camcorder as a mirror.
Rain: Dude, everyone is watching you.
Mick: Grrrrreally?
Mick shoves three of his fingers up his left nostril to give everyone a great show.
Joey: (shrill high pitched screaming) OH MY GOD!!!!
Joey covers his eyes.
Rain: Hehehe, ow?
Mick: Grrrrrrr!!! YESSS!!!!
Mick jerks his fingers from his nostril, revealing a black and orange kitten.
Everyone: KITTY!!!!
Mick hugs the kitty.
Rain: Can we go yet?
Mick: Grrrr.... ask... of... kitty...
Mick shoes the kitty in Rain's face.
Rain: Okay... Mr. Snot covered kitty, can we go yet?
The kitten squeaks.
Mick: GRRRR!!! SAID YES!! GO!!!
Rain: Uh-huh... (to Joey) Which way do we go?
Joey: OUTSIDE!!!
Rain: Dammit, fuck you!!
Mick: Grrrr... out window...
Rain: Huh?
Mick: GrrrrrBUUURRPPPP.... go.... out... window....
Rain: Fun! YAY!
Mick hands Rain his snot covered kitten.
Rain: Wh-what's that for?
Mick: Grrr.. toss!
Rain: Toss kitten out window? NO!!!!
Mick: GRRRNOOOO!!!! You'll be see!!!
Rain: Yah!
Mick tosses Rain out of the window.
Rain: MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!
A few seconds later, Rain thumps onto the ground, landing on her neck. Mick follows.
Rain: FUCKING WHORE!!!
Mick: Grrrr! Give of kitty now!
Rain hands Mick the kitty, and then gets up.
Rain: Fuck you, goddammit. My fucking neck hurts!! (to Joey) You see that, goddammit? Fun, huh?
Joey: Yeah, hella fun. Wish I could do it... (mutters to himself) Not really...
Mick: GRRRR!!!! WHEN GET OF BACK UP THERE!! WILL TOSS YOU OUT WINDOW TOO!!
Joey: Fuck!!
Rain: You'll enjoy it! Where do we go now?
Joey: Uhhhh... you go into the garden.
Rain: Which way is that?
Joey: I don't know!! Shawn! Which way is the goddamn garden?
Shawn: Garden? It's in the back, dude.
Joey: Alright. It's in the back.
Mick and Rain begin walking towards the back of the mental institution.
Rain: Uhhh... what's your kitten's name?
Mick: Grrrr... is of name... Apple... Furby...
Rain: Apple Furby? Lovely...
Mick: Grrrryeshuh...
Suddenly an ice skater skates by on the grass.
Mick: GRRRRRDAMMIT!!! FUCK THE HELL OFF!!!!
Mick goes to clubs the ice skater, which disappears before the club reaches her.
Rain: Dude, that was a ghost...
Mick: Grrrrrrrrr.... Grrrr..... Grr... GRRRROH!!
Rain: Bad...
Mick: Grrrr... oh well... is of gone now...
Rain: (to Joey) Dude, give the clown the talky-bobbin thing for a minute.
Joey: Uh-huh...
Joey throws the walkie-talkie at Shawn, you is busy flogging Sid.
Sid: Buuuuzzzzxxx!!!! IS OF NO!!! STOP OF IT!!!
Shawn: Oh, yeah, Sidney Jack-Daniels... I know you love it...
Sid: BUZZZZX!!! NO!! IS OF NOT LOVE OF IT!! STOP OF IT!! GODDAMMIT YOU FLOGGING MOTHER OF FUCKER!!
Shawn: Huh?
At this time, the walkie-talkie thuds into the side of Shawn's head.
Shawn: GODDAMMIT!!!
Shawn picks up the walkie-talkie and wails it at Joey's head.
Joey: No, dude!! She wanted to talk--- Thud
Knocks Joey out cold.
George: You're doing it all wroooong!!! That girl wanted to ask you something, ya cock sucker!
Shawn: Oh.
Shawn picks up the walkie-talkie.
Shawn: (in a professional tone) This iiisss Commander Bottle-O-Shit and---
Mick: (interrupting) GRRRRRR!!!! AND THIS IS CAPTAIN CRUNCH, MUTHAFUCKA!!!
Shawn: (giggling like a little school girl) Oooo... hehe... you soooo fiiiiinnnnneee.....
Mick shivers and hands the walkie-talkie back to Rain.
Rain: Dude, what kind of ghosts and shit are here?
Shawn: A bunch of shit. Stupid shit.
Rain: Yeah, we noticed one...
Shawn: Yeah, I saw. Watch out for the mean ones.
Rain: Uh-huh...
Echo: (still crying over his Mick) Nooooo!!! Don't worry about her and mean people!! She'll mean them out!!! 'CAUSE SHE'S A MEAN, EVIL, SARCASTIC BITCH!!!
Rain: Hell yeah... I am... I am...
Mick: GRRRR!!!! IS OF NOTHER GHOST OF!!!
Rain: Club it!
Mick does, and somehow... he knocks a ghost out.
Joey: How the fuck did you do that?!
Mick: GRRRR!!! DUNNO!!!
Rain: Dude, check his pockets.
Mick: GRRR!! IS OF GHOST!! HAS NOTHING OF USE!!!
Rain: Yeah, so. Check 'em though.
Mick begins pawing through the ghost's pockets.
Mick: GRRRRR!!! FOUND WALLET!!
Rain: YAY! Anything in it?
Mick goes to open the wallet and it crumbles into shiny power, which soon disappears.
Mick: GRRRDAMMIT!!! STUPID BITCH!!!
Mick attempts to club Rain, but she jumps out of the way.
Rain: It's not my fault, you fucker!! You broke it!! Club yourself!
This confuses Mick, so he just shrugs.
Rain: Garden! We go to garden!
Mick: Grrrrr...k... ooo... DAMN!
Rain: Eh.
Mick and Rain go around the side of the building and are greeting by a dead flower garden.
Rain: WONDERFUL!
Mick: Grrrr... is dead...
Rain: Yeah, I, uh, sorta noticed.
Mick: Grrrrr... bitch...
Rain: Yeah, and?
Mick: Grrrr.....
Rain: Joey, dude. What I do?
Joey: (still coming around from being unconscious) Uhhh... go to the middle of the....uh... garden. Mr. Bear stays there... or is it here?
Mick: GRRRR!! FUCK OF YOU!!
Joey: Uh.. okay.
Rain: Oooooo!!!
Rain snatches something out of the air and shoves it into her pocket.
Rain: Yay... Now Mr. Bear, I'm looking forward to seeing your new show on PBS, "Mr. Bear's Reading Corner"!
Rain runs into the garden before Mick can club her.
Mick: GRRRRRRRRR!!! ASS!!!! WILL GET OF YOU WHEN YOU COME OUT!!!
Rain: Fuck, damn and shit. I probably shouldn't have said that... nah. Fuck it. I said it, 'cause I thought it. Yay...
Dead Flower: Well, well, hi there! I'm a daisy!
Rain: Hi, I'm a bitch.
Rain pokes the dead daisy. The daisy bites her finger.
Rain: Yay and ow! I'm going to steal you, okay?
Dead Daisy: Uh-huh!
Rain grabs the dead daisy and sticks it in her pocket.
Rain: Fun.
Rain pokes at the daisy again.
Rain: Yay. I think I'll give you to Martha, and you can chew on her or something.
D.D.: Martha Stewart?
Rain: Yeah!
D.D.: She was a patient here back in the 1700's!
Rain: I believe that.
Meanwhile, Mick has heard talking and thinks Rain is crazy and talking to herself.
Mick: Grrrdamn.
Rain: (to Joey) Now what?
Joey: Stand there.
Rain: Uh-huh... that all?
Joey: Uh.... walk around...
Rain spins in circles.
Rain: Lalalala....
Then she hears hissing.
Rain: Mister-Snot-Covered-Apple-Furby-Kitty-Man?
Several hundred snakes slither in around Rain.
Rain: Ohm come on! Snakes?! Bull-shit, man.
Joey: SNAKES!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
Joey dives under the carpet again.
Rain: I walk all this goddamn way, for a bunch of pansy ass snakes!! FUCK!
D.D.: I'm a daisy!
Rain: Hell yeah you are! AND I'M PISSED OFF! Goddammit!! I thought I was supposed to be scared or something!! (mumbles to herself) Pleeeeeaaaassseeee don't send in any spiders... no spiders... Joey, what now?
No answer.
Rain: Dude?
Still no answer.
Rain: Bitch? Gah!!
Corey grabs the walkie-talkie.
Corey: He's under the fucking carpet. The snakes scared the fuck outta him.
Rain: Lovely. What do I do now?
Corey: Uh, you should see a note on the, uh... vine. Some kind of fucking vine.
Rain: I see vine. I see note. Yay.
Rain walks across the snakes and stares at the note.
Rain: Terribly fun.
Corey: Read the fucker.
Rain: "This is where the snakes come out. They're extremely poisoness." That's all. HEY GEORGE!!! WAS THAT SOME KIND OF FUCKING COMEDIC EFFECT OR SOMETHING?!
George: Maybe for someone, but I didn't see it.
Rain: And?
Corey: That's it. You come back.
Rain: Mother fucker!! I walked and didn't shit happen!! GODDAMMIT!!! SOMETHING HAPPEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!
A snake bites Rain in the leg.
Rain: Something happened!! But not really all that good. Damn.
Rain takes the evil, dead daisy out of her pocket and sits it on the ground.
Rain: Bite.
The daisy latches onto the snake.
Rain: Yay!
Rain grabs the daisy and runs back to where Mick is.
Mick: Grr.. you... grrrr... through?
Rain: Yep.
Mick: Grrr... I found... way of quicker.. getting of back...
Rain: How? Where?
Mick points to the wall.
Rain: Climb?
Mr. Bear nods his head.
Rain: Uhhhh... how about we use the damn fire escape?
Mr. Bear nods his head again.
Mick: Grrrrrrrrrr.... would work of better.... Mr. Bear and Rain go up the fire escape that leads directly to the room where everyone else is.
Mick: Grrrrr.... hurry!!! Grrrr... go of through window!!! I need of bathroom now of!!!
Mick shoves Rain through the window.
Rain: Ow. Glass... you should have opened the damn window first!!
Mick: (pausing to scratch himself in his dash to the bathroom) Grrrr!! Is of no time!!
Rain: I see...
Echo: Where's your pants?
Rain: Huh?
Rain looks down and realizes that one of the legs to her pants is missing.
Rain: Goddamn flower!! It ate 'em!!
Echo: Uh-huh... (mutters) Goddamn fuckin' nut...
Rain: Seriously! Oh yeah, here. Give this to Martha!
Rain hands Chris the evil flower.
Chris: And I suppose this is the one that ate your pants?
Rain: Yes.
Chris: And I suppose that it is also going to eat my pants?
Rain: Yes.
Chris: Ha. Sure.
The flower begins gnawing on Chris' pants.
Rain: See! I told you!
Chris: Help!! Help!! Martha made these just for me!! Don't eat!! Nooooo!!!!Shawn!! Help!!
Shawn: Goddammit!!!
Shawn flogs the dead daisy, which falls apart.
Rain: (to Jim) Did you think I forgot about you?
Jim: Shit. Not my leg! I can feel it again!
Rain: I've decided to give you leg some time off, soooo.... YAY!
Rain latches onto Jim's arm.
Jim: Well, I can feel my leg, dammit! And I'm happy about it. But there goes my arm... fuck.
Rain lets go.
Jim: What the hell? You let go?
Rain: Well, you sorta asked in a way.
Jim: So, you let go?
Rain: Yah. Hey, look what I found!!
Rain pulls out what she picked up off of the ground. It's a butterfly.
Jim: SHIT!
Jim dives behind the couch. The breeze of the movement, makes the butterfly float behind the couch also.
Jim: MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!
Jim jumps out from behind the couch.
Rain: It's dead, dude.
Jim: You... you sure?
Rain: Yep.
Jim: Damn... floaty... winged.... chalky... pieces of shit...
Computer: IZZZZZzzzzZZZZ the daaaaAAArreeeEE.... COMPLETE?
Joey: Uh-huh...
Computer: GooooOOoOOOOooooood. WEEEEE can MoOOve on now.
Corey takes his shoe off and throws it at Sid.
Corey: C'mere.
Sid buzzes over to Corey.
Corey: Wanna do something?
Sid: Buzzzzz?
Corey: Great. Hold out your thumb.
Sid stupidly listens.
Corey: Now... here's what we fucking do...
Corey pulls a rubber band out. Possibly the ones used to give Shawn stubs.
Corey: And we do this...
Corey begins wrapping the rubber band around Sid's thumb.
Corey: And you'll lose a damn finger.
Sid: BUZZZZXX!!! GET OF IT BE OFF!!! GET OF IT BE OFF!!!
Sid fumbles with the rubber band, as the computer rambles on.
Go to the next fucking dare...