August 08th, 2001
OHMIGOD!
Diary, I can soooooooooooo not believe this!! ZAC KISSED ME!!!!! I mean, whats up with that huh?? Ok, I guess I should back up a bit here hey? Well, Grace broke up with Zac and then he came straight over here... anyway, we were talking about the break up and then BANG! his lips were on mine.... his soft, luscious, lips.. JESS! Stop it! At first I kissed him back... but then I saw Justin.. I just imagined him walking in on us and god knows what would happen! He would kill Zac and then beat the shit out of me... I just can't believe it actually happened.. I have been waiting for Zac to kiss me for so long.. and when he does... I push him away and tell him to leave!! Mygod I am such an idiot!! what have I done??
ohno... the party is tomorrow night and Anthony is expecting me to sleep with him.. of course I would never sleep with that asshole... but if I don't he'll tell Justin all those lies... and Justin will believe him no questions asked.. Zac would never hurt me... stop it Jess.. you're only fooling yourself.. you had your chance with him and you BLEW it!! as if he'll ever try something like that again... but I wasn't ready for it.. mygod I love him so much ... but theres no way I could ever tell him that... geez, Grace doesn't even know that! How could I be so stupid as to pull away from him and then leave him.. he's my best friend for Gods sake! We could have talked about it...
But I have plenty of time to think about that .... I have to focus on Justin and the party ... geez, you really know how to get yourself in the shit dont you Jesika! But... it's not as if I'm a virgin... and it would only be my body Anthony was using.. not my mind or soul.. I could just shut off.. wait.. what am I thinking?? I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIM!!!! If he tell's Justin.. I'll just tell him what a fuckwit Anthony is! and then get myself in more trouble for bad mouthing his best friend. Well.... if Justin gets mad I just wont leave the party with him.. he certainly wont do anything infront of a house full of kids. By the time the party starts to die down, he'll have calmed down and he'll listen to my side of the story.. yeah, and pigs might fly!!!!!!!
I'll just not show up at the pary!! yeah!!! ....and what exactly are you going to tell Justin huh?? "Sorry sweetie.. I cant go tonight because Anthony is going to tell you a whole lot of bullshit if I don't sleep with him"... yeah.. uh huh... great plan.. well.... I have no choice... I have to do it.
Signing off...
Jesika. :o)