My boyfriend, Bertin and I have been together now for a few weeks and I thought why not find the perfect Hotel to cater for our wild, lustful and romantic needs!

After a lot of searching we found the perfect place - Strapons Hotel. A charming little six room paradise, tucked away behind Fredericton's High Street.

Each room was seductively lit by hundreds of little red flashing fairy lights, the walls and ceiling were covered with full-length mirrors too! In the middle of the room, however was the centre piece - a very inviting king size four poster, vibrating water bed surrounded by beautifully lit candles. I was little embarrassed when I realized what the candles resembled and giggled at the sight of them as the hot wax began to melt down their long shafts. It was really authentic!

As a bonus each room was equipped with hidden, non-intrusive video camera's to record our passion filled weekend, while respecting ourprivacy at the same time.

The only catch? You might need some smelling salts when you see the price! $1800.00 per night! But hey boys and girls it beats your usual huntin', shootin', fishin' scene that is so part of New Brunswick life. For Reservations Call Strapons. (506) 555-STRAP today!

Dexter Meakin Finds Wigs And Much Much More While Stopping Over On The Magazine Islands.

I love wigs! They're practical they fit snuggly over your head and they're much cheaper than having a handful of hairs sewn into your scalp for a few thousand bucks! But enough chit-chat about follicly challenged males like myself we are here to enjoy the sights and sounds of The Magazines.

Iles Magazines as they are more commonly known are a bunch of rocks located about 200km north of Newfoundland that are linked together by a series of red brick bridges. The Magazines were first inhabited by a group of 'lost' Dutch scuba divers in the mid-1800's. Since then Nuns and refugees have steadily claimed the islands.

My first stopping off point was on the Island of Spunk. About fifty feet long and home to Bnityery Nxcieqc a barbaric nomad from Poland. I spent the night in Bnityery's windmill and was overwhelmed with emotion when I woke the next day to find he'd hand crafted a large wig over the top of the windmill in my honour.

Later that day I took a stroll along the pebbly, beer bottle strewn beach and met up with local fisherman Swiff Buldegung, a small fat bearded man who smelled of raw onions and garlic buffalo wings. He took me on a cruise around the Magazines in his boat before leaving me with a bunch of Welsh Nuns on the Island of Bwylch. That night We played cards, drank cider and smoked bananas (a local tradition here) before they bathed me and sent me to bed. I continued having odd excursions here and there over the next day or so before catching a Lobster trawler back to Newfoundland.

Tours around the Magazines start at $30,000 and can be arranged through any local inhabitant happy enough to cater for your meandering soul and wanton disregard for large sums of money.

Dexter Meakin On The High's And Low's Of Holland's Effingfun Theme Park.

Most Canadian theme parks close with the onset of winter and family life fun turns to fast food, shopping and compulsive TV viewing during those long winter months. I on the other-hand opt for a fun filled trip to Effingfun Park in Holland - A country famous for its windmills and dykes.

I take the plane to Toronto via Halifax (I know its retarded but that’s Air Canada for you) Then finally take a world-class carrier direct to Amsterdam, Holland. Our plane landed early the following day and we were whisked off in a waiting bus to the Park.

On entering the Park I laugh heartily at all the fake snow lying on the ground before heading to the nearest bar for a few light beverages. Afterwards I notice a crooked old shack and venture inside. I sit for a moment and get the strangest sensation that the room is spinning! Awesome!

A woman appears in the doorway of the room next door and beckons me forth. Her name is Madame Volta and after parting with twenty bucks she reads my palms. The twenty bucks told me I was lonely, consumed too much alcohol and needed a good woman. The amazing thing was she was SO right!

I stumble from her crooked shack into the fake snow and head for 'Bigballs Bobsleigh Run' - A wintry roller coaster ride that sends you spiraling out of control down a chute into a frozen lake. You also get you picture taken at the moment of impact. Unfortunately my photo shows me showering the people in front of me with the contents of my stomach!

Next up I venture into some sort of clear plastic bubble and spend the next hour being pushed and kicked around the park before finally being thrown off a rather steep slope.

Covered in a fresh layer of vomit I decide I have had enough fun for one day and join a group of British Tourists drinking in a nearby bar. Hours later as I stumble out of the bar I notice Little Red Riding Hood and Snow White making out in a clearing in the woods. These must be the Dykes that Holland is famous for I thought before heading back to my hotel.

I thoroughly enjoyed my two-day getaway. It was worth the $2000.00 price tag just to get out of New Brunswick. My dream vacation was booked through 'Tabernacle Tours', located on Main Street in Shediac.