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TRAVEL
Veruca Vasquez takes us on a discovery unlike anywhere else in the world!
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Where else can you walk the ocean floor,
discover the highest and muddiest tides in the world and see more whales than fast food Restaurants? Well quite a few places actually!
Day 1: Maine to New Brunswick.
Arrive at Customs in St. Stevens. After hours of declaring your innocence and sanity we cross the border and stop for lunch at 'Fries and Pies' takeout.
After that we continue on to St. Split-by-the-Sea and watch as the sun dips serenely from the horizon. For dinner we stop in at 'Waylons Truck Stop'. Then
book into the Sea Breeze Oceanview Campground and enjoy a night of mild mosquito discomfort.
Day 2: St. Silt-by-the-sea to Saint John.
All aboard the 'Happy Hangover'. Sea faring Skipper Sandy Beach takes us for an exciting whale watch on the waters of the Passmassickbag Bay.
Then we depart for Saint John. Tonight we shall experience the wonders of modern day pollution at the 'Serving Oil and Pulp Museum of the Atlantic'. Then we
shall brave the waters in a giant rum barrel and ride the Reversed Rapids Whirlpool. Our evening will be spent getting Hospital check-ups.
Day 3: Saint John - Moncton.
Today, our local guide will tell us haunting tales of the how a thick green sulphuric mist used to envelope the city and take people from their beds in the dead of night.
Followed by a short visit to a unique bottle recycling plant. The afternoon is yours at your peril. Early evening and we arrive in Moncton, visiting
Magnetic Mound and the Wart Village Shops before checking in to your designated campsite
Dinner is optional. Takeout is preferred.
Day 4: Moncton.
Your cultural experience awaits! Here in the Mother of all North American Malls you will get to listen to the locals speak in their native tongues of French and English!
Marvel at this truly awsome wonder! Then we take you downtown to fully appreciate this bland patchwork city in all its glory and take in the awesome sight of the world highest tides
all six inches of it hurtling down the Petitcodiac river. Then we share a joke or two before heading to Fredericton for the night on a new slick empty highway.
Day 5: Fredericton - Edmunston.
We get our little dinghies out and go for a paddle up the Saint John River. German Tourist Hans Slapp once called this the Rhine of North America. Then again he may have been
referring to me who was straddling him at them time.
Then its of to the Hartland Covered Bridge, the longest woodworm infested bridge in the world. After a cake or two we head north to Edmunston and stop in awe at the sight of
the daily spectacle of Grandmothers plunging into the Grand Falls Gorge. This evening, enjoy burgers and fries and an overnight stay at the 'Cabins by the Road' trailer park.
Day 6: Edmundston - Bathurst.
Visit the beautiful Industrial Gardens in Edmundston this morning before traveling thru freshly de-forested scrubland to Bathurst.
This evening experience an Acadian soirée before overnighting in Bathurst at 'Jerome's Bar and Chalets'. Sleep tight because your chartered plane
awaits to take away from this truly memorable voyage!
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LEISURE
Randy B'Starrd On Surviving The South Pacific.
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I had asked to be placed somewhere warm and sunny for my travel assignment. My
employers agreed and suggested I go somewhere isolated and spectacular.
I said sure why not. They asked me to do two weeks in the South Pacific. I jumped for joy!
After several days of plane hopping I finally set down in South Georgia. It was a beautiful
sunny day. We landed the two-man ski plane just off the coast. I couldn't wait to paddle ashore.
I knew I was south of the equator so I figured that's why it was so gorgeous in January.
I stepped off the plane and was momentarily paralyzed by the frigid waters and icy cold winds!
It was summer was it not? I asked the pilot but the plane took off and I was left hauling my dinghy up on the barren shores.
This didn't look much like paradise. Rusty old oil drums and weather beaten sheds littered the beach. Infact
there were no trees just rocky hillsides covered with stubbly grass. I began to get scared.
Luckily I had a map. I took it out and tried to find South Georgia amongst the cluster of
South Pacific Islands. Not a sniff of it anywhere. I spent the night camping in -20C temperatures.
not the sort of weather to relax in when all you have is shorts and a t-shirt for warmth. I woke several days later
after suffering severe hyperthermia, in a house owned by a couple of weather beaten wacko's.
They told me they ran the local post office.
I asked them what village I was in and they replied King Edward Point and laughed.
Then they asked me if I wanted to buy a stamp or post a letter. I then asked them where South Georgia was.
They told me right on the cusp of Antartica! A sudden bowel movement swiftly followed,
promptly freezing to my underwear.
My next few days were spent taking pictures of burned out Argentine Helicopters and
old Whaling stations. Oh, and visiting the grave of one of Britain's most daring explorers -
Ernest Shackleton. Apparently he liked it here so much they buried him here!
On the day I was due to leave I was told I had to stay until the following
spring because winter was already setting in and they couldn't get to me.
After 10 months shacked up with Mr & Mrs Wacko, drinking cocoa and playing
snap while watching snowstorms and howling winds. I finally returned home, minus
my toes, frostbitten then eaten many months previously.
RANDY'S TIPS: Make sure you enjoy utter desolation, bleak scenery and insanely cold miserable weather.
Also make sure to wear Artic clothing all year round, as it helps a bit too.
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