When we come home we went upstairs.. then he wanted to do some computer stuff.. i watch a slideshow of his trip to Paris, which I liked, alot. A lot of the pictures were very artistic. And im not just talking about the ones that Mrs.Tony took of postcards. :P After that is done, we lay on his bed a while.. then his mom walks in and josh says he wants to leave. His sis said he could borrow her car to take me home, but his mom insisted that his sister didnt want him to drive and that she take me home. Sometimes his mom irritates me. But Im sure i irritate her a whole helluva lot more. Anyways.. so we come home, kiss...he leaves.. Im supposed to call him at 10:15.

10:00 comes around and he gets online.. i ask him why he was on AIM and his reply was "Sarah was on earlier and I thought if she still was I could talk to her"..let me give you the low-down on Sarah. Well, I dont really know much about her.. all I know is Josh took pictures of her, She was the one person he made a real "connection" with on his trip, shes a chick, She is really pretty, petite, and "cool", so I hear. I wouldnt say I was jealous of her, but Josh does talk about her alot. I mean it. Anytime we talk about his trip to Paris, her name pops up.. like watching that Slide Show- he wanted me to see a picture of her, so he stopped the show, ended up restarting it and i had to watch 150 pictures all over again... why? I have no idea. I dont know why he wanted me to see her. Maybe he doesnt want me to be intimidated by her so he wants to let me know everything possible about her.. i have no idea.

All i know is him talking about her so much makes me wonder if he's attracted to her in any way. I know he thinks shes pretty & whatnot, but is he attracted to her? He spent a whole week with her... she even fell asleep in his bed! (even though he wasnt in it, i dont understand why she was) I guess I am just paranoid. Anyways.. so i talk to him a bit, we decide that I'll call him at 10:45 instead of 10:15 so he can do some computer stuff... 10:44 rolls around, I call him.. we talk for 3 minutes. He was really tired.. so i wont be *too* hard on him :P

I started crying. I cried for many reasons. 1. I feel as if im losing him. 2. we argue alot. 3. if i cant trust him, what is a relationship 4. i love him so much that i hate to fight with him. I hate to feel the way i do. i hate to even question his faithfulness to me. Why do I? I havent figured it out yet. Hopefully I will, someday. All I do know is I love him. God blessed me with him, and im not going to let lil' inconviences come in between us, like Sarah. Its just an inconvience. How, you ask? Because Im using her as an excuse.. she just came in the wrong place @ the wrong time.. and for that, Im sorry. I know she doesnt have feelings for Josh & vis-versa. I dont even know the girl! I dont know why I am fretting. Josh loves me, I know that. I know he is my soulmate. I am just hoping that i can learn to be understanding, and not be so pig-headed all the time.

stats:

wore:
dark blue jeans
normal jewelry
navy blue tank top
white & shaded blues plaide button up shirt
white socks with red hearts
adidas shoes

song of the day:

"Blood Roses"-Tori Amos
blood roses, blood roses, back on the street now
you think i'm a queer. i think you're a queer. i think you're a queer. said I think you're a queer.

quote of the day:

"If a person never contradicts himself, it must be that he says nothing" - Miguel de Unamuno