.....crazy.....
i was thinking about stuff the other day as i watched the thunder storm through the windows in her room. the lightning was so beautiful and the thunder puts you at peace. i just layed on the floor and daydreamed, listening to her, but it just slipped right through my ears, until she fell asleep. i didnt care, becuz i was content laying towards the window thinking, while the dog layed by my feet. he was so scared, and i was there to comfort him and keep him feeling like nothing would go wrong. each time the lighting flashed through the window the whole room lit up bringing new images into my mind. i could watch her sleeping or the dog sleeping and just lay there and wonder about things and nobody was able to bother me. nobody could really hurt me, i couldnt hurt anyone or myself while i was laying on the floor in her room. i wasnt thinking about anything like that, becuz none of it mattered at the time. night can be a time to just lay in your bed and think, and your all alone, and nothing can happen. but you want it to last forever and it wont.

sup......
so the day of the fireworks was like one of the coolest days ever and one of the stupidest. getting lost was a cool part. and so was some other stuff...some was gay...but overall it was cool.yup

so..
fireworks are this weekend at devons and russell should come. Also , me, kristina, trish, russell,and matt are all going to the renassance festival. adn devon is coming too. and we are all gonna dress up and it will be so fun. it is gonna be so sweet. im all gonna be a gypsy, and dance around and stuff. and get a tamborine, and be all gypsy like. and watch the jesting, and somebody should be a joker person. also we need to go to the warped tour.

yesterday
yesterday i went up to these peoples farm place. and like my whole cuz's church came too. so it was like a church activity but she lied and told me it wasnt, till i got there , and it was. anyway it was still fun cuz i made her do the zip line and she fell to quick and hurt herself in the shallow end.hahaha. and then i jumped off a pier and did 4 wheeling stuff and people like * some of jess's friends who really are not her friends* threw mud at me so i did it back and flipped them off , and they told jessica and she was like "meagan, i cant believe you!!! god have mercy on your soul!!"i was like dont believe them they are from satan. and then she was scared of me. but then she got okay with me or she was just faking it , i dont know. but hte gay thing was we had to swim with shirts on. and i ws like this is gay , i have a bathing suit on and wy would the guys try to pull anything in the pond when adults are around....and my cuz is like....o dear i must go in the pond with shorts on too.....i am being so unmodest if i dont wear clothes over my bathing suit. im like shutup. and then so i wore a really short shirt in the pond and stuff and she was like o , okay....cuz there was notin she could do about it. and then like these two 13 year old boys kept hitting on me , and tried to steal my DC band, and i was like no... and the one kid said he would trade me his bam hat for it....and i said i would think about it....but i was lying and i never gave him the DC band. And then they left and stuff. my cuz's boyfreind he is not cool, but she dont deserve a boyfriend , cuz shes all mean and crap. and so the other guys like umm, well i forget his name, but he was like all hitting on jess to make her boyfriend jelous.....adn i was like this is sweet. and jess's boyfriend got all mad and walked away....it was the bomb. and then matt the other guy was like meg you should've brang ur guitar and i was like ....o okay i will next time. cuz all the times i do things with my cuz it is usually got some church theme to it...so i know there will be a next time . any way the 4 wheeling was the best part. and then on the drive home....my cuz jess, her sis and my otha cuz stacey just kept singing church camp songs over and over. so i turned on the radio up high. and the song "tainted love" ws on .....and i love that song. so i turned it up louder.....and my uncle tim was cool cuz he sang with me. and after that "chakakong" came on....but uncle tim turned it.......and i was you man horror......you had no right..!!!!!!! and so they dropped me off.....and then i came home and stuff. and that was my day on saturday the 3rd day of july. yup.

.......
well....i think my cuzin is really mean to her boyfriend, and he should break up with her. and i am going to encourage him to break up with her, becuz she is mean. She is always mad at him and crap for stuff he never did, and then she also is jugmental and stuff and so she doesnt need a boyfriend anyway. hahahahaha.....

Poem
i dont want to go there
why do they make me do it
i dont want to and she knows it
everyone knows i dont want to
i dont have to
but if i dont
something must be wrong with me
if i dont do it
they'll just bother me more
if i dont do it
ill still go crazy
i wish i was still away
that i couldnt be there
then i wouldnt have to deal with this gayness
and all the things they say that put me down
all the things i have to do
to make them still like me
cuz i dont want them to not like me
but i dont want them to want me so much either
and its crazy
and im gonna scream
and i need help
somebody take me with them
i cant handle it
i need something else to do

...
I find that many guys are stupid jerks. i think every girl must realize that. and that may be why some turn lezbian, ... most guys are just jerks, untill there can be one or a few that arnt, and your like o, i guess a few are good. and then you realize that they really wernt that great. and then you hope you can still count on some guys to be good. and then some are , and your like o crap.

Poem
he doesnt realize
i dont think
but he has been a really true friend
i didnt realize i dont think
that he has been a really true friend
it took some time to really see
and understand what was in front of me
i didnt see it for some reason
and i was blinded
i really respect him as a friend
but i couldnt take too much of that
hes always been there for me
and i really like that
i hope we stay good friends
and keep it like that

Poem
why do they care so much
if we want to talk to eachother
it doesnt make much sense
i cant logically reason it out in my head
it is a big deal
that they cant trust us enough
we didnt try to get the attention
to make such a big mess
it is all made up in their heads
they need something to control
to make sure doesnt happen
and its making me sick
that they cant let it be
and go make someone else's life a misery
they wont trust us enough ever at all
ill just break down and scream
youll be getting my call

I didnt write this...
When you see him again
Tell him everything that you told me
Tell him that Im still your friend
And maybe you would like to see me again
Im willing to wait my turn to be with you
But I still have a lot to learn about me
And no ones sure if we should be together
But oh, when I saw you again
A beautiful friend, she opened up her heart and let me in
No, I cannot lie to you
Im still in love with you, and I only wanna be with you
So when you see him again
Tell him everything that you told me
Were more than friends and maybe we should start again
Maybe you could love me again
Cuz oh, when I saw you again
A beautiful friend, she opened up her heart and let me in
No, I cannot lie to you
Im still in love with you, and I only wanna be with you
I only wanna be with