Nick was responsible for two duets and his own solo called “I Need You Tonight”, a throwback from the early Backstreet days that had been included on the group’s Millennium album. The tour stylist had put together something more suitable than his Village People costume. Performing as Nick Carter and not one of the Backstreet Boys was different. He found that he actually liked it once he beat his initial nerves and insecurities.
It was far from slave labor for him but he was smart enough to know that not a cent from the tour’s profit would be transferred into his account. It wasn’t like he needed the money, but the principle originally had him bristling with anger.
Nick couldn’t slight the fact that he did enjoy a few benefits. He was with his siblings, who he rarely spent time with thanks to conflicting schedules. He had free time, which he used to either write songs or party with the crew. The fans obviously enjoyed the fact that he was on that stage. There were more posters addressed to him now that the word had spread. The adulation served to heal some of the wounds his self-esteem had endured and dealing with his family on a daily basis, wounds continued to be added.
Most importantly, being on tour with Aaron kept his mind busy and allowed him to forget the troubles within his other family. There was hardly the opportunity to think about why he was even on the tour. Howie was the only bandmate that bothered to call regularly usually leaving stories about what was happening during his time off on Nick’s voicemail. But, one phone call destroyed his fantasy that all was well in the world. Howie told him that there was a weekend meeting in Los Angeles. “It’s important, Nick,” he had said. “We need you there.” Jane Carter refused to give Nick her blessing when he told her the reason why he had to leave the tour for a few days. She insisted that he remember to tell the other Boys how well his solo show had been received by the fans, claiming it would be good leverage later. As much as he wanted to argue with her, he only promised to rejoin the tour in Tampa.
During the flight to L.A., Nick’s mind wandered back through the events of the past year. Until recently, he had relied on his Backstreet family to be the most stable part of his life. Lord knew he had endured so much being a Carter and his home life had been far from perfect. People that should have loved him unconditionally didn’t.
Backstreet was his sanctuary from the mess that was his blood family. But in a couple of week’s time, his BSB family had proven to be just as dysfunctional. Where could he go now to feel safe? Who was going to love him for no other reason than the fact that he was Nick? The hope and love that once filled his heart had been replaced by desperation and loneliness. Worse, no one had bothered to notice.
Nick sighed and rubbed his temple. God, trying to make sense of all of the chaos gave him a migraine. He still had to think about what he was going to do when he had to face Brian, Kevin and Howie the next day. The only conclusion he could come to was that he would never be certain what to expect and wondered how strained their relationships might be. Why did life have to be so damn difficult?
By the time he arrived in Los Angeles, he decided to check into an alternate hotel – though not far from where Howie and Brian were staying. Once he settled into his suite, Nick pulled out his songwriting notebook and wandered onto the private balcony. When he heard his cellphone rang, he looked at his watch and realized that two hours had passed. Damn, where had the time gone. He closed his notebook, now filled with a half dozen lyrics for as yet unwritten melodies, before hitting the talk button.
“Hello?”
“Nick? You in town?”
“Hey, Howie. Yeah, I’m here.”
“Why haven’t you checked in yet?”
“I, uh, decided to stay at the W instead.”
Howie didn’t quite understand that but decided to determine the reasons later. “Well, all our meetings are going to be at the Firm offices. Jeff and Michael will meet us there tomorrow morning along with some of the guys from MSO. 8 am, okay?”
Nick sighed. “Fine.”
“You okay, Nicky?”
“What? Oh, sure.”
“You up to maybe hanging out with us tonight? Kevin and Kristin invited us all out to dinner, give us a chance to touch base before tomorrow.”
Shit, how do I get out of this one? “I don’t know, Howie.”
“Listen, it’s okay if you don’t want to. I understand.”
“Do you really?”
Howie was surprised – and even frightened – by the raw pain in his friend’s voice. He opened his mouth to say something further, but Nick effectively ended the conversation by hanging up. He ran his fingers through his curly black hair as he stared at the phone and heard the dial tone. “What’s going on with you, Nicky?” he whispered aloud.
~ * ~ * ~
Howie didn’t see Nick until the next morning at the meeting. He never did attend dinner and Howie had a brief discussion with Kevin and Brian about their friend. The others agreed that Nick still needed some time to deal with the situation, but Howie was worried that he had yet begun to deal with it.
Nick’s arrival at The Firm’s offices that morning served to prove Howie’s concerns. The young blonde was obviously putting on some sort of front. He had never been a “morning person”. Today, he acted as though he was. There was a smile on his face that wasn’t reflected in his eyes, which were dull and a little glassy. Howie had to wonder briefly if Nick was high, but he quickly discounted that theory, certain that their youngest brother wouldn’t dare turn to drugs after the recent problems with A.J.
“Hey, Nick.”
“How’s it going?” He greeted Brian and Kevin as he sat in a chair. Nick felt Howie’s brown eyes watching his actions carefully.
The representatives from The Firm and MSO, the group’s public relations agency, arrived shortly and the meeting was underway. The preliminary details were old business – talk of the media and public reaction since the Backstreet Boys announcement. It was agreed that the positive was more prominent than the negative, which brought the latest development.
“Okay,” Jeff began, “the reason we dragged you all to this meeting was that something has been determined that will require the tour to be postponed two weeks longer.”
Surprised, Nick raised his head from the agenda page in front of him as Kevin interrupted with an explanation. “I recently went to visit A.J. He and I talked about his treatment. The people at the rehab center want to transfer A.J. out here for a two-week transitional period with outpatient care after his inpatient program ends. They feel it is really what he needs.”
Two more weeks? Nick felt himself starting to panic, wondering what was wrong that A.J. needed two more weeks. What weren’t the others telling him? He shook his head mumbling to himself.
“Is there something wrong, Nick?” Kevin asked. My life, he thought silently before shaking his head more decisively. “No, I think if two more weeks is what A.J. needs that is what we should give him.”
“It means more reorganization of the dates, but I think we all know the fans want to see all of us out there on the road,” Brian agreed.
“Exactly,” came Kevin’s answer.
One of the young male public relations representatives stood. “If that is settled, we’ll work on moving forward with that decision. We’ll let MTV and some of the other media outlets know about the postponement, put it on the website. The tour will resume in Milwaukee on August 24. We’ll need a collective quote from you guys for the press release – you know, something about how you care about what happens to A.J. and that you don’t want to disappoint the fans, etc.”
Nick was having difficulty understanding. It hurt him to know that their handlers and the other guys were so matter-of-fact and seemed to care so little.
Gathering his frustration, Nick stood. “How about this? We DO care what happens to A.J. and we DON’T want to disappoint our fans. Put that in your damned press release.”
His opinion aired, Nick walked out.
