The cafe was nearly empty as the men slid into a booth in the back. Since it was between the morning and lunch rush, it was a relaxed waitress who delivered the three herbal teas they had previously requested then took their food orders leaving them to sift through their thoughts in silence.
Brian shook his head staring into his cup. “I can’t believe that was Nick this morning. He used to act like that when he was 13, but I thought he’d grown out of that. I can’t believe he’d act out like that.”
“This is really a bit more serious than Nick losing a game of Tekken Tag at 13. It’s really a different situation, if you think about it. Guess he’s taking this harder than any of us thought,” Kevin said, though unsure of his own words.
“He got closer to A.J. and I when you two got married,” Howie explained. “That’s probably why.” “But you said yesterday that he hung up on you saying that you didn’t understand. How is that possible? I mean, does he really think that we don’t care about A.J. as much as he does?”
“Woah, Bri, hold up,” Kevin interrupted. “It might seem a bit selfish for him to think that way but something tells me that there is a lot more going on here than we realize. D, has he said anything to you?”
“No, I have left at least a dozen messages for him since this whole thing started, but he never called me back – not until I gave him the ultimatum about the meeting. I don’t know what I would have done if he didn’t show up.”
“There’s gotta be something we can do. It scares the hell out of me that he is headed down the same path as A.J.,” Brian muttered. “God, once was enough. I-I just can’t do this again.”
Kevin reached for his cousin laying a hand on his shoulder. “We won’t do this again. If nothing else, this whole ordeal has made me realize that we have to be there for each other.” He shook his head sadly. “We won’t let Nicky down.” We can’t lose him, too. “Just like we’ll be here for A.J. when he gets back on his feet.”
They ate their brunch in silence each man trying to understand the implications of Kevin’s abbreviated speech. When the situation with A.J. had first come to their attention, the group had banded together in the interest of finding their friend the help he needed, but as A.J. failed to receive their offers for help and buried himself deeper in his depression, the dynamic changed. The emotional strain was nearly visible – for some even too much to take. Kevin and Brian had turned to their spouses for companionship leaving Howie and Nick to deal with A.J. Nick retreated within himself. Howie dealt as well as he could.
When A.J. finally sought help on his own, the Backstreet Boys were in serious need of healing both collectively and individually. They had nearly lost A.J. They had nearly lost each other. They had nearly lost the Backstreet Boys. Now that A.J. was back on track to recovery they needed to start the process of finding one another again.
Once the food was finished and the check settled, the three men went their separate ways. Kevin returned home to Kristin saying that he was going to check in on A.J. and tell him what had transpired in the meeting. Brian and Howie returned to the hotel together saying goodbye at the door to Brian’s suite since Leighanne was waiting inside.
Howie entered his own suite and pulled off his shoes. Sitting back on the bed and withdrew his cellphone from his pocket to dial Nick’s number.
~ * ~ * ~
Nick didn’t bother folding any of the shirts as he stuffed them in his duffel bag. He just wanted out of Los Angeles before one of the guys called to demand an explanation for his outburst. What had he been thinking? He had been so damn stupid to allow his emotions to take over his mind like that. No way that his friends would accept a simple excuse this time because it was too obvious that there was more involved.
He wandered into the bathroom to collect his small assortment of toiletries when he heard his cellphone ring. “Shit.” He hadn’t been quick enough. What to do? He could ignore it but that would worry everyone, which was something his conscience just wouldn’t allow. The only other real option was to answer. “Shit,” he swore again. In his haste retrieve his phone, he had thrown his shaving kit on the bed and subsequently watched the contents spill.
“Yeah?” Nick answered curtly though wondering who had drawn the shortest straw and thereby earned the privilege of calling him.
“You okay, Nicky? You sound out of breath.”
Howie. “Hey, D,” he sighed running his hand through his blonde hair. “Nah, I was uh just trying to get my stuff together for the trip home.”
“Oh.” The man on the other end was definitely disappointed. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, promised Mom I’d be back in time for the show in Tampa. You know, home crowd and all. She’s really loving the Carter family reunion tour.”
“I can imagine.” Howie took a breath. “Are things okay with you, Kaos?”
“Sure,” he answered mentally kicking himself for sounding too cheerful. “I mean, why wouldn’t they be?”
“You and I both know that things with your family are strained. You don’t have to put on an act for me or the other guys.”
“It’s not an act. I am really enjoying being able to get up on stage and performing as just me, ya know…” I miss you guys. “I’ve been getting a real good fan response…” from 11-year-olds. “And the family is alright.." but they aren't like you guys. "I mean I need to learn to get along with them again because when this is all over they are all I have, right? This is all just business.”
“No, that’s not right. You’ll have us too, Nick, and you know that – or at least, you used to. We aren’t going to give up on you so easily, no matter how hard you may try to push us away. We love you, okay? You aren’t alone in this…That’s why we wanted to get together this weekend.”
Nick could feel the tears in his eyes. Why couldn’t he stop crying? In an effort to keep his voice steady, his words sounded angrier than he intended. “Yeah, that meeting today showed me a lot, Howard. Those people really give a fuck about us and our ‘well-being’.” He began shoving more of his possessions in his bag. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have a plane to catch. Don’t call me; I’ll call you.” He hit the off button and threw the phone on top of his clothes before zipping the bag closed. After a quick glance around the room, he grabbed his plane ticket and left the room.
Meanwhile, across town, Howie just stared at his cellphone shaking his head.
