The hOOchy* commandments:
Taken from the hOOchy* bible - (avaliable in no good book shops but possibly on e-bay).

1. We are your lords, your God. You MUST loyally and unselfishly follow all the commandments herein contained and understand that the hOOchy word is more sacred and holy than the word of God – hOOchy works in mysterious ways.

2. Do not take hOOchy’s word in vain. You must promise to visit the hOOchy website innumerable times, leaving witty and intelligent messages (which flatter the mistresses), spread the hOOchy word and it’s teachings to all those felt to be worthy, and just generally worship everything deemed to be hOOchy.

3. Keep holy the hOOchy day. This can be achieved quite easily by carefully following these steps. Endeavour to get up early in the morning, to enjoy the full benefits of morning TV. Miss Kilroy, Trisha and of course The Wright Stuff at your peril. We also recommend that you stay curled up in bed until way into the afternoon. Tune into This Morning (every morning) to help keep you entertained – (although we are mindful of the fact that the leering John Leslie can sometimes get to be a little bit too much). If you find this to be the case make sure that you have a good stash of quality videos available to wile away the hours. May we suggest films such as Almost Famous, Quadrophenia or Velvet Goldmine. This should set you up until late into the afternoon. Now by this time after all this you will probably be feeling quite worn out so may we suggest that this is the perfect opportunity to take an afternoon nap. Do not under any circumstances leave your bed, unless you need to go to the ladies room. Do not attempt to wash. However, this tight schedule may be broken if one feels the urge to visit the hOOchy website

4. Do not kill. Often. Well, only if you suspect that the individual has really horrendous taste in music. Pinkin Lark, Corn, or Limp Biscuit fans are often good candidates for ritual killings. Use chains to strangle. Most of these fans usually supply these on their trousers so seem to be quite obliging!

5. Do not commit adultery. Just don’t get married – simple. Then you can’t strictly commit adultery. Make sure you make up for this though by having countless meaningless relationships.

6. Do not steal. Borrow instead, but just forget to return the items. We are masters at this art!

7. Do not lie. Honestly! I’m not lieing! And neither should you!

Only when you have followed these commandments can you be deemed a fully fledged hOOchy. May the gods be with you!

Happy hOOchying!