All of the friends in the group were already fed up with what was going on in Mr. Morgan’s house. It was hostile territory. The wives, Charlotte and Aimee, were not taking too good to the ex girlfriends. Alyssa was blatantly showing her jealousy toward Aimee even though, at the moment, Ryan was paying way more attention to her than to his wife.
It was nothing new.
In fact, it was just the same ol' stuff, only they were about eight years older. There was jealousy, hurt, pain...the list could go on forever and ever. Alyssa was also getting tired of having Cole around. He was becoming increasingly more irritable and aggressive toward her.
Ryan didn't seem to notice, though there was little that managed to slip by his keen perception. He was trying to keep the peace with Aimee, while at the same time trying not to alienate Alyssa. That in and of itself was a hard battle to fight and win.
Alyssa and Ryan had to work on their friendship; all of them did. They weren't friends anymore. That much was true. Alyssa hated the fact that she had chosen to go to California when she did. She and Ryan had just started to begin a new friendship and then she skipped out of town, never looking back. Now he was married with a kid and Alyssa was stuck in a hell hole of a marriage.
Despite it all, she loved Cole. There were times when she downright hated him, but she loved him all the same. But it was all about Ryan. It always had been. Any one of Alyssa’s friends could contest to the fact that every little thing boiled down to Ryan.
He had been the one she had been thinking of on her wedding day, when she was standing in front of all the lawyers, business people and Cole’s relatives she didn't even know. She had been thinking of him when she discussed having a family and Cole blatantly refused. Kids were an inconvenience, Cole said, and they interfered with your life and your career.
Ryan never would have said something like that. And it was for that reason that Alyssa could never be happy in her marriage, why she had come to really despise her husband. His values differed so much from hers that every time they discussed something, it turned into a heated, often angry, discussion. To be with someone who so readily decided to not have children, who saw them not as a gift but as something that ruins your life, went against everything that was Alyssa.
Now that she was back in Florida, things were even more complicated. There was always the underlying level of attraction going on with Ryan; that was nothing new. But to add other spouses, it really complicated matters.
There was a lot of tension at the house. It was like puzzle pieces that were trying to get shoved together but didn’t quite fit. Alyssa imagined gears grinding, not running smoothly like friendships should have gone. Yeah. That described what was going on.
“I don’t care what you say, Ryan,” Aimee said, her voice carrying from the kitchen out to the porch. “I see the way you look at her. I see the way she looks at you. If things are done in our marriage, fine. But I don’t want you cheating on me.”
“Why not?” Ryan retorted. “Is it an exclusive thing? Are only you allowed to cheat? Besides, Aimee, I’m more honorable than that.”
“Don’t give me that holier than thou crap,” Aimee spat. “Given the chance you would run back to Alyssa Morgan faster than the speed of sound. I knew this trip was a bad idea.”
“This trip wasn’t about you,” Ryan said through clenched teeth. “It was about seeing my friends, rebuilding friendships, and finding something that was lost.”
“Is screwing Alyssa in there too?” Aimee asked sweetly. Ryan had never, in all his life, wanted to slap a woman. Aimee tested that with her rude and snide comments.
“If this is so bad for you, Aimee, go home. It’s not like I want you here anyway.” The voices stopped, then she heard Ryan speak again in a softer tone. “Hey Garrett.”
“I’m hungry, Daddy.” Alyssa could see, through the glass doors, that Aimee went about fixing Garrett lunch. When Ryan came out into the backyard, Alyssa pretended to be reading her magazine.
He sat down next to her, and for the first time since she had arrived, he hugged her. It was so familiar, with the blanket of his cologne invading her senses, her heart speeding up. No guy had ever made her feel this way.
Certainly not Cole.
Tears leaked from her coffee brown eyes as they held each other. It was almost as if they could feel all the pain, suffering, and anguish from the past ten or eleven years enveloping them, a private cocoon of pain that only they shared. Yet in it, so much love, adoration, and hope. Little bits that tinged the air around them, making them long for the days past.
That was how Cole found them.
She knew he was angry from the way he grabbed her arm. Alyssa nearly tripped when he yanked her from the lawn chair she was sitting in. And Ryan made a move to grab her arm, only making Cole wrench her farther away.
“What the hell are you doing?” Cole asked angrily. Alyssa pulled her arm away, tenderly massaging the area where his hand had been.
“Comforting a friend. Maybe you’d like to tell me who the hell you think you are.”
“Your husband,” Cole spat, as if the words disgusted him. “Though, that can’t really describe me, can it?”
“No,” Alyssa agreed. “It can’t.”
“And whose fault is it that I can’t be called a husband anymore?” Cole accused, green eyes burning with anger.
“Don’t even try to blame me for this, Cole. Besides, nothing is happening between Ryan and I.”
“Sure.” Cole said. “Not right now. But that doesn’t mean that the two of you don’t want something to happen.”
“And what if we do?” Alyssa asked. “You and I are the road to a divorce anyway so what does it matter?”
“You’re not going to divorce me, Alyssa.” Cole said evenly. “I told you when we got married that this was forever.”
“Yeah, well, you told me a lot of things,” Alyssa said bitterly. “None of which matter now. I don’t care what you say or do. If you keep this up, we’re done. We’ve tried the counseling, the fun vacations, everything. This is it, Cole. If things don’t go well here, I’m filing for divorce when I get home.”
She stalked into the kitchen, seething with anger. It was one thing to do this sort of thing at home; it was another to do it in her father’s home. She sat down at the breakfast bar and laid her head in her hands. This was not how it was supposed to go at all.
“Hey,” She jumped, hearing a voice behind her. Lynn had come downstairs, apparently drawn by the commotion that Alyssa and Cole had caused. Her best friend, former, sat down next to her. “What’s wrong?”
“My husband’s a jerk,” Alyssa replied, head still in her hands. Lynn nodded in understanding.
“I can relate.”
“Why didn’t your husband come?”
“Because we’re in the process of getting a divorce,” Lynn said, grabbing a pear out of the fruit bowl on the counter. “He was a major ass to me. He tried to take control of my career, my social life. Everything. I had had enough.”
“I’m sorry, Lynn.” Alyssa told her, finally lifting her head.
“What’s going on with you? I mean, we’ve all been getting letters where you tell us how perfect your life is now and now that we see you and Cole together, something just doesn’t seem right.”
“Because everything’s not alright.”
“Well, duh.” Alyssa laughed, a laugh slightly tinged with bitterness.
“He was so amazing in the beginning. I mean, a romantic guy all the way. Then we got married and he got a new job at a law firm in California. He started to change. And now….” She let her sentence taper off, leaving her friend wondering.
“Have you guys gone to counseling?”
“Been there, tried that. You know, I haven’t slept in the same room as him for over two years.” She shook her head. “We’re not husband and wife.”
“Is there anyone whose marriage isn’t falling apart?”
“Trista.” Alyssa replied. “Now she’s finally the one with the life to be envied. Her and Michael are happy and she has two amazing kids. Who wouldn’t want that life?”
“How are you and Ryan getting along?” Lynn asked out of the blue.
“Good,” Alyssa replied. “Probably too good for Cole’s taste. But it’s also awkward. I mean, we had just started a new friendship when I left for California. And I never came back. Now that I’m here, I feel weird.” Lynn nodded.
“We all do.” She looked out into the yard. “Look at us, Lyss. We’re adults now. With lives and families and all the stuff that comes when you’re an adult. We’re trying to be who we were then instead of showing each other how we are now.”
“That makes sense,” Alyssa agreed. “But how can we not hope for what we had? I mean, before the fear, the pain, the accident, and all the other crap that life threw at us, we were pretty good friends.”
“Now look at us.”
The two friends sat in silence, staring out at Mr. Morgan’s yard. Alyssa could still see Ryan sitting on the lounge chair out by the pool. She quietly excused herself and went to go talk to him.
“Hey,” She said softly, sitting down next to him. Ryan didn’t look at her or acknowledge that she was there. It was then that she noticed the tears that were slipping down Ryan’s cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
“What are we doing, Alyssa?” Ryan asked in a choked voice. “We’re not the same people and yet here we are, trying to be those people we were before we left. And it’s the stupid reunion. And my marriage is dead. Your husband…” He didn’t say anything about Cole.
“Cole and I are great,” Alyssa said, putting on the false enthusiasm. Ryan glared at her.
“Don’t insult my intelligence, Alyssa. I can see it in the way he grabs your arm and yanks you around. I can tell by the way that he talks to you.” He looked away. “You’re just as unhappy as I am.”
“So what if I am?” Alyssa exclaimed. “I can’t do anything about it. Cole and I…we…I just can’t divorce him. Besides that, I love him. Despite the way he acts like an ass, I love him. It’s nothing compared to what you and I had but…it’s good.”
“Liar,” Ryan said, finally looking at her. “God, this really is just like the same thing. You’re still lying to me about your feelings.”
“What do you want me to say, Ryan? That I’m not happy? Because I’m not. Do you want me to tell you that I’ve come to hate the man that I share a home with? Because I do. None of it matters because I made a vow. I told him that I would stick by him through thick and through thin.”
“Even if he hurts you?”
“Cole has never hit me,” Alyssa said, a small tremor in her voice belying the fact that she was, well, lying.
“Look me in the eye.” She did, as she was asked, ready to tell him that her husband had never laid a hand on her. But when she gazed into his blue eyes, the words somehow left her. “See? I know you better than you think I do.”
She left without another word.
*******************
“Mom!” Trinitie yelled. “Look what I found!” Her daughter rushed up to show her the shell she had picked up on the beach. Julie smiled, flipping through the script of the next movie she would be shooting.
“That’s great, Trinitie. Put it in the basket and we’ll take it back to Mr. Morgan’s okay?” Trinitie nodded and added the shell to the others before rushing back to her father.
Josh was sitting with Trinitie and Scott, playing in the sand and picking up shells. Around them, various other couples and kids were scattered around the beach. Ryan was running through the waves with Garrett, Trista was building sand castles with Rachel and Christiana, and Sam was playing frisbee with Kyle, William, and Mr. Morgan’s dog Puddles.
They had pretty much decided that they needed the fun excursion before they all ripped each other’s heads off. Even then, there had been several fights between couples. Mainly, it had been Alyssa and Cole, but Ryan and Aimee, along with Sam and Charlotte had their share of the fights.
Alyssa was attempting to stay away from Cole, while her leech of a husband was trying to be discreet while eyeing Aimee. Alyssa had finally chosen a spot to lie down and sunbathe and Julie could see Ryan eyeing her from the waves where he was splashing with Garrett.
Julie was the only one who noticed all of this; she was watching her friends while she read her script. Josh was giving her dirty looks, surely because she wasn’t rooting around in the sand or picking up shells. Fine. Let him be mad at her. That wasn’t her problem.
Forgoing her script for a few minutes, Julie walked over to where Alyssa was lying. Sitting down next to her friend, she lightly poked her in the ribs. Alyssa, who had fallen asleep under the warm Florida sun, woke up with a start.
“What the hell?!” “Sorry,” Julie said, laughing. She pulled her sunglasses off her head and pulled them on over her eyes. “I just saw you lying there and thought I would come talk to you.”
“Oh.”
Her friend took notice of the faded bruises along her arm and shoulder, but chose not to say anything. “So what’s up?”
“If you ask me about Ryan, I’m going to shoot you.” Alyssa sat up, making sure to tie her bikini top before she flashed everyone on the beach. “Nothing is going on between us, and no my husband doesn’t beat me.”
“I wasn’t going to comment on either of those things, but now that you mention it...”
“Look, Cole just gets carried away sometimes. He’s an ass, I’ll admit that. And I’m thisclose to getting a divorce.” She nodded her head toward Josh. “So what’s happening with you and Josh?”
“He’s jealous because I’m famous and he’s not. It causes a bunch of useless arguments.”
“What about your kids?” Julie looked at her, her face showing distrust and wariness.
“What about my kids?” Julie asked in a very haughty tone. Alyssa threw her hands up in defense.
“Geez, Josh just said family had kind of taken a back burner to the whole acting career.”
“Look, I don’t need parenting advice from you, especially since you have no children to speak of.” Alyssa suddenly took a hostile demeanor.
“Fine.” She slid her sunglasses back on and laid back down. As far as she was concerned, the talk was over.
How could she? Try and give her advice on how to raise her kids and manage her career at the same time. Julie stalked back over to her towel, irritated at Alyssa and irritated at Josh for making their problems public knowledge.
Yeah. Fun outing.
******************
Alyssa was a little nervous about the reunion that was taking place the next day, but only a little. She had gone out and made something of herself, so she had nothing to be nervous about. Mainly, she was wondering how all her friends were going to act around each other.
They were getting a little better. At least they were talking. But it was stilted, the kind of conversation that one would have with strangers. Kind of fitting, considering that’s what they were, or had become.
She didn’t even really know how to talk to Ryan anymore. Of course, that had a lot to do with the fact that she was still in love with him. Alyssa was treading on pretty thin ice with her husband.
Generally, she tried to stay away from Cole, a hard feat to accomplish as she shared a room with him at her dad’s house. Sighing in frustration, she went to go sit on the bench that her father had under a giant oak tree is his backyard. No sooner had she down did Josh come outside.
“Hey,” He said, sitting down. She smiled.
“Hi Josh.”
“How are you?”
“Good.” Then there was silence. “Is this going to be the way that we’re gonna act the whole time that we’re here?” Alyssa asked, feeling slightly frustrated. Josh shrugged his shoulders in nonchalance, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
“Probably,” Josh said. “Let’s face it, Alyssa. We’re not friends anymore.”
“Yes, we are!” Alyssa protested, gesturing emphatically. “No one just stops being friends. There aren’t ‘breaks’ or pauses where friendships are concerned. You’re supposed to stick by that person no matter what.”
“Then why wasn’t anyone invited to your wedding? Trista’s? Lynn’s? Why weren’t any of us there when Trista or Sam had their kids? We’re not important in each other’s lives anymore, Alyssa. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’re going to be.”
“When did you turn so pessimistic?” “Right about the same time my wife became a famous actress and started bailing on our family.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Paradise has sparked, caught fire and is about to blow up.” He shook his head. “God, that was a bad way of putting it. But family is supposed to come first. It’s not supposed to be about late calls or long days on the set. When you have kids, they’re supposed to come first.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Alyssa said, quietly. Josh looked at her, head cocked to the side.
“Why didn’t you have kids?”
“My husband didn’t want them,” Alyssa replied bitterly. “No distractions to get in the way of his career. Less stuff he had to worry about. It didn’t matter that having a family was important to me.”
“Then why did you stay with him?” Josh asked, leaning back in his lawn chair. “I mean, why stay with someone who doesn’t care about what you want?”
“Because I kept thinking that he would change,” Alyssa said, gazing off into the distance. “That wasn’t the guy that I married. When we got married, he said that he wanted to have a whole bunch of kids. You know, have the happy little family living in the perfect house with the little white picket fence.”
“So what happened?”
“He became a prominent lawyer in a prestigious law firm. Family kind of took a backseat to that. Sure, I have the perfect house. It doesn’t have a white picket fence but it’s not like I can complain. But do you know how long it’s been since he and I even slept in the same room?” Josh shook his head. “Two years. We’ve been married for five. I sleep in the master bedroom; he sleeps in a room in the guest hall. I’m lucky if I see him for an hour a day.”
“Then why do you stay?” Josh said, emphasizing his point. “I mean, if you’re so unhappy, then why do you stay?” When Alyssa didn’t reply, Josh shook his head in understanding. “I see.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not? Really, Alyssa? Cause I’m thinking that maybe your husband abuses you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“We all saw how he grabbed your arm when you were talking to Ryan. That’s not the action of a loving husband. So tell me, Alyssa, how are things at home?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about Josh,” Alyssa said bitterly.
“Still the same girl, hiding your feelings.” There was a long uncomfortable silence as both of them sat there. “So what’s going on between you and Ryan?”
“God, why does everyone think that there’s something going on between Ryan and I?”
“Maybe it has to do with the way you two are making moon eyes at each other. Or the way you can’t keep your eyes off each other when you’re in a room together. You two may be married, but there is still some major sparkage there.”
“Nothing is going on with Ryan,” Alyssa said in a soft voice. “Nothing at all.”
******************
Alyssa was counting down the days until she could go home to her spacious house in California and forget that she had ever had roots in Florida. Her father was driving her nuts; always hovering and asking questions about her life and Cole in particular. If it wasn’t that, he was asking if Ryan and Alyssa were going to divorce their respective spouses and get married.
One more minute and Alyssa would go insane.
She was very aware of Ryan’s every move within her father’s house. Not only that, she knew about every fight with Aimee. He probably knew about her fights with Cole as well. It was a good thing, however, that he didn’t know about the bruises on her arm.
“God, Cole, will you just leave me alone?”
“NO, I won’t leave you alone!” Cole yelled, aware that everyone in the house could probably hear him.
“I’m not going to talk about this.”
“You most certainly will. I won’t have my wife parading around with her ex fiancé. I don’t care if you two share novels of sordid history, I want you to stay away from him.”
“You can’t tell me who to hang out with, Cole,” Alyssa replied. “I don’t care if you think you’re God. You will not dictate who I can and can’t hang out with. Especially not in my father’s house. And if you keep it up, I’m not going to wait until I get back to California to petition for a divorce.”
It wasn’t the first time they had had that fight. And it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Alyssa had always told herself that she would find a guy who appreciated her, who loved her the way that Ryan did, one who wasn’t controlling or demanding. She had always told herself that she wouldn’t be one of those women who stayed with a verbally or physically abusive husband.
Alyssa had become a statistic.
It was almost as if Ryan and Alyssa could feel each other’s need to be comforted, in a time where marriages were falling apart and nothing could be done to save them. It pained Alyssa to think that Ryan was also dealing with a child in the picture, something that always made fighting and divorce much more complicated.
She and Ryan began to spend a lot of time just hanging out. A lot of the time was spent in reflective silence, both trying to understand why their lives had become what they were. Neither of them understood how they could have gotten to this point when they themselves had once been so in love.
Once. Like it was just one specific time where Alyssa had the thought “Hey, I’m in love with Ryan.” No. It hadn’t just been one specific time. As much as she hated to admit it, Alyssa was still as in love with Ryan as she had been the first day that she fell for him.
Just made things that much more screwed up.
Cole could sense that the friends were reaching out for closeness, and was attempting to keep Alyssa from connecting with her friends. After all, it had been the lack of friends that had created the need for closeness that had allowed Alyssa to fall for a guy like Cole in the first place.
Had she had her friends, and been in some semblance of a right mind, she never would have married Cole. Even as she stood on the altar before the priest, something in her mind had been screaming that she was making a mistake.
But when had she ever listened to her conscience?
If Alyssa had learned to listen to her conscience, she and Ryan would have gotten married and she wouldn’t even be in this situation. Of course, this wasn’t really the time for could haves or should haves. She was supposed to be focusing on rebuilding the friendships that time had stolen from her.
She had just entered the house from her morning jog when she heard the voices yelling from upstairs. Undoubtedly, it was Ryan and Aimee. At least when Sam and Charlotte fought, they had the decency to do it in a quiet and private setting. As usual, it was Aimee’s voice that Alyssa heard.
“Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
“There’s nothing going on, Aimee. She’s married and I’m married. Unlike you, I have some morals. I haven’t ever cheated on, nor do I plan to start now.” There was the audible crack of a palm against a cheek.
“I hate you Ryan.”
“Then why don’t you get a divorce?” Ryan shouted. “I’m sick of hearing you tell me that you hate me and that you hate being here. So why don’t you just leave?”
“Maybe I will!”
“Good!”
“Good!”
Alyssa heard the door slam, and barely moved out of the way before Ryan came barreling down the stairs. She caught his arm as he was about to go out the door. Together, they stepped outside and started to walk down the street.
“So I guess you heard,” Ryan said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I mean, Aimee is pretty loud.”
“Yeah,” Alyssa said quietly. “I heard.”
“Things have just been going wrong for so long, all we know how to anymore is fight. And that’s not good for Garrett.”
“Or you.”
“Right now, all I care about is my son.” He shook his head. “I left her, once, but I couldn’t bear to be away from Garrett, so I came back. We agreed to do some marriage counseling, but all the counselor could tell us was that we both had some anger issues we needed to deal with. She said she didn’t really see anything that could be salvaged from our relationship. Garrett just made things more difficult.”
“Marriage sucks,” Alyssa said, untying her hoodie from her waist and shrugging it on. It didn’t stop Ryan from noticing the bruises lightly dotting her tanned arm.
“Sometimes,” Ryan agreed. “How are things with you and Cole?”
“About the same. We fight about ten times as much as you and Aimee and it’s usually one sided. You know, meaning his side is right.”
“What happened to your arm, Alyssa?”
“Oh, you know. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving and he must have grabbed too hard. They’re fading.”
“Alyssa…”
“Look, Ryan, it’s really none of your business.”
“Fine.” As the conversation tapered off, Alyssa could feel tears start to well up behind her eyelids, making it hard to see. When she stumbled on the curb, Ryan gently touched her arm.
Pulling her arm out of his grasp, Alyssa sat down on the curb. Ryan sat down next to her, sighing.
“I told myself I wouldn’t be one of those women.” Alyssa said in a choked, yet bitter voice. “I told myself that I wouldn’t stand for a man who didn’t respect me or treat me like an equal.”
“So what happened?”
“I was so desperate to find someone who would love me, who would make me forget you, that I fell for one of the first guys I met. I fell for his act. You know, the overly sweet, gift giving, whispering sweet nothings act. The act fell apart after we got married. Suddenly, I was nothing more than a woman who would bring him his food and sleep with him. His job became more important, and he was even angry that I, too, had a job that could sometimes pay more money than his.”
“Then why...”
“Despite everything, I love him.” Ryan looked away. “No matter how many times he’s grabbed me and wrenched me away from my friends, no matter how often we’ve fought, I love him. But I hate him all the while.”
“So that’s it? You’re just gonna give up on finding that guy who’ll treat you right in favor of a rich lawyer who is two steps away from beating you?”
“He won’t let me leave,” Alyssa replied softly. “He’s never threatened me in so many words, but I know. With Cole, there are some things that you just know.”
“I’m sorry, Alyssa,” Ryan said, pulling her into a hug. “I feel like...I should have been there. Maybe if I would have been, things would be different.” She stood up, her butt numb from sitting on the curb.
“Then you wouldn’t have your son,” He stood, and they started walking back to the house.
“Yeah,” Ryan agreed.
“So see,” Alyssa said, turning to look at him. “Either way, someone loses.”
Chapter Three
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