The house was abuzz on the day of the reunion. Couples, if you could really call them that, were rushing all around the house. Many were trying to find the perfect outfits to wear to impress old crushes and show wealth or superiority. Either way, Mr. Morgan’s house was a madhouse.
Alyssa, after rooting through all the clothes she had uselessly brought, had decided on a conservative outfit. She was looking majorly cute in a short denim skirt, pink tank top and matching sweater. It was a contrast to Cole, who was dressed in slacks and a polo shirt. But that was just Cole. Out of the group, Cole was the one who was the most dressed up. As she was walking around downstairs, Alyssa could see that he was still eying Aimee, but jumped on Alyssa for even glancing at Ryan.
Ryan looked very casual in a white button up shirt and a pair of black pants. To go with his outfit, Aimee was wearing the shortest black dress that she could find, making her look like…well, Alyssa was taught if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Most of them fit into the van that Mr. Morgan had bought, but a few couples had to take a cab.
Orlando High School hadn’t changed very much since Alyssa had graduated. The exterior, clean and neat, was in better shape. In the hallways of the school, the condition of the paint and floor tiles had vastly improved. But overall, it was still the same old school that Alyssa had gone to for four years.
A table was set up at the entrance to the gym where they were passing out nametags. Dawn McEntyre, a girl Alyssa had absolutely loathed in high school, handed her a nametag.
“If it isn’t Alyssa Morgan,” Dawn drawled, giving her the critical once over. Alyssa felt like she was right back in high school. Not even bothering to give her the time of day, Alyssa grabbed a blue Sharpie and wrote her name on the nametag. When she came to her last name, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to add Cole’s last name so she left it with just Morgan.
As the group entered the gym, it was just like deja vu. Hundreds of people were crowded into the gym, talking and laughing like old friends. There was a deejay playing live music and everyone was having a good time.
Alyssa and her group of friends had to be the most depressed looking group of people there. They weren’t dancing, or talking and laughing. Excusing herself from the absolute torture, she headed over to the refreshments. She was grabbing a cup of punch when a voice rang out behind her.
“If it isn’t the famous novelist,” She sighed internally, not wanting to deal with people in general. Turning, she came face to face with Brian Klein. When she replied, she put on her best fake smile, the one reserved for the people she really couldn’t stand.
“Brian!” She exclaimed, giving him a hug. God, she should have been an actress. “How are you doing? You look great.”
“Thanks, so do you. I’m doing great,” He replied. “So you’re like all famous now, with the novels and everything.” Alyssa nodded.
“Yeah, fame is great. So what do you do?”
“I’m an artist.” She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear. As she pulled her hand away, he noticed the fairly large diamond engagement ring and nice gold wedding band. “You’re married? Where’s Ryan?” Alyssa’s heart gave a tiny squeeze, sending hot fire through her chest.
“Over there with his wife,” Alyssa said, pointing to the couple. Now she had no energy to keep up with the false enthusiasm. “I married a lawyer from California.”
“Cool. Is that where you’re living now?”
“Yep, in a huge house that I really don’t have time to enjoy.” He must have sensed the weariness in her voice, because the conversation tapered off and Brian left. Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and Alyssa turned around. James Curtis was standing there.
“Oh my gosh! James!” He smiled and Alyssa threw her arms around him.
“Hey beautiful.”
“How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?” Alyssa shrugged her shoulders.
“I’ve been better.” He caught sight of her wedding band.
“You’re married. To Ryan?” Alyssa shook her head.
“A lawyer in California.”
“Sounds cool.”
“What about you? What are you doing?”
“I studied astrophysics at the Florida Tech. Got a job with NASA.” Alyssa’s eyes grew wide.
“Wow. That’s great.”
“Yep. So you’re doing the writer thing.” Alyssa nodded.
“Working on my sixth book.”
“I’m proud of you, Alyssa.” There was a moment of silence. “What happened with Ryan?”
“He and I ended up talking again. But then I left for California. Before I knew it, eight years had gone by, he was married and I married Cole. All my friends were married.”
“I see. And how was it, seeing him after eight years?”
“Not cool.” The silence came again.
James was glancing over her shoulder. “Look, it was great to see you Alyssa. My girlfriend is over there.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left. Alyssa was left alone in the crowd.
“So who was that?”
“No one, Cole. He was just some guy I knew back in high school. Go away.” The deejay was playing obnoxious dance music and the loud music was pounding in her ears, giving her a massive headache. To make matters worse, Cole would just not go away, no matter how hard she tried to get rid of him.
The fast song faded and was replaced by a slow ballad. Couples paired up and Cole grabbed her to dance. The song pouring from the speakers was not one she really needed to be hearing right now.
I know you think that
I shouldn’t still love you or tell you that
But if I didn’t say it
I’d still have felt it
And where’s the sense in that?
She could see Ryan across the room, dancing with Aimee. Each time she was in the direction facing Ryan, Cole swung her around so that she was facing in the opposite direction.
I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love
And always will be
Cole’s arms tightened around her and tears sprang to her eyes. Across the room, each time she turned, she saw Ryan dancing with Aimee. Each of them was putting on a facade, not only for their former classmates but for their respective spouses.
To come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble
I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you by the rules of “It’s over”
Then I’m sure that that makes sense
Alyssa pulled away from Cole and walked over to the refreshment table where her sister was standing. Trista raised an eyebrow, slowly sipping her punch.
“Things not going well?” Alyssa sighed.
“Not now, Trista.”
“Why don’t you just divorce him and get it over with? You’re not happy, he’s an ass and I’m not sure it would be wise to stay with him.”
“Because I’m afraid to leave. I mean, do you think I like being cut off from my friends and treated like I’m beneath him? Things between Cole and I now are civil compared to what they could be.”
“He does hurt you,” Trista said, putting down her punch. “I swear, if he really does--”
“He’s never beaten me. But I have enough sense to read between the lines as to what might happen if I do try to leave.” She grabbed her purse. “If anyone asks, tell them I wasn’t feeling good.”
She called a cab from her cell phone, fuming. Some reunion that turned out to be. She hadn’t even gotten to talk to any of her old friends or see people she used to know. As she waited for the cab, tears well up again. And when she slid into the cab, Alyssa started to sob.
She managed to get into a cab with the world’s most unsympathetic driver. He asked her for her destination in a gruff voice and through her tears, Alyssa gave him her father’s address.
There was so much activity going on in Mr. Morgan’s house that Alyssa managed to slip in undetected. Good. She didn’t want to explain things to her father. Her friends were probably partying, having the time of their lives.
Her eyes burned from crying and she flopped down on her bed. Grabbing a stuffed animal her father still kept in the room, she curled into the fetal position. Clutching the bear like a lifeline, Alyssa cried herself to sleep.
When she woke up, she was aware of someone sitting on the edge of the bed. Rubbing her tired eyes, she managed to get them to focus on the vague shape that sat there.
It was Ryan.
“Hey,” Ryan said softly. Alyssa looked at him, eyes bloodshot and swollen to the size of golf balls. “The rest of the reunion sucked.”
“Hi.”
“Uh…we just got home. Aimee went to bed since she’s drunk as anything and Cole decided to stay at the reunion for the party afterward.” Alyssa nodded and sat up. She noticed that the clock said midnight.
“Of course.” She was staring blankly at the wall, not really focusing on anything. It was a creepy look, especially since she hadn’t blinked since he came into the room.
“Alyssa…” Ryan prompted. For the third time that night, Alyssa burst into tears and started to sob. Ryan moved to the top of the bed and wrapped his arms around her.
Reveling in the comfort that his familiar touch brought, Alyssa buried her head against his chest, crying for all the she was worth. And he just held her, stroking her hair and whispering reassuring words into her ear.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, still softly stroking her hair.
“I hate him so much!” Alyssa sobbed. “I wish I had never met him.”
“Me too, Alyssa,” Ryan replied, his voice merely a whisper. “Me too.”
“I said it would never be me. I said that I would leave if he ever hurt physically hurt me in any way. I…” She tapered off, sobs fading into bouts of hiccups and sniffles. He handed her some tissues and she blew her nose in the most unladylike manner.
As Alyssa snuggled tighter against him, her cries, hiccups and sniffles slowly faded as she fell asleep. When she next awoke, bright sunlight was pouring through the windows and her husband was snoring beside her.
Cursing slightly under her breath, she went to the adjacent bathroom to get a drink of water. She winced as she looked into the mirror and attempted to comb her matted hair. She rubbed some foundation under her eyes to hide the bags and headed downstairs to find some food.
Big mistake.
Aimee was downstairs with Garrett. He was enjoying a chocolate chip waffle and the boy’s eyes lit up when he saw Alyssa. He didn’t consciously know whom she was, but she was nice to his daddy and that made her all right.
“Lyssa!” Alyssa smiled, though the action hurt her head and eyes.
“Garrett, you can go play now.” When the child had left the room, Aimee turned to Alyssa. “Let’s get a couple of things straight. First off, don’t talk to my son. Second, stay away from my husband. Third, I know what kind of games you’re trying to pull and they won’t work.”
“You have no right to be telling me to stay away from Ryan,” Alyssa replied. “For a long list of reasons. First, I’m his friend and second, it’s none of your business what goes on between Ryan and I. We have a past that you can’t even begin to understand so don’t even try.”
“Just stay away from my family.”
“Then quit eyeing my husband.” Aimee’s jaw dropped open and Alyssa thought for a moment. “On second thought, you can have him. A scumbag for a complete ho.” Alyssa wasn’t really surprised by the crack of Aimee’s palm against her cheek, but she surprised herself when she lunged for Aimee.
Soon the two of them were wrestling on the floor, yanking each other’s hair and screaming like banshees. Alyssa had never gotten into a physical fight in her life and thought she did pretty well for her first time. People came rushing downstairs, stirred by all the screaming.
The two women were pulled apart and their friends tried to survey the damage. Mr. Morgan’s kitchen was a mess. Alyssa had scratches down her right cheek, a huge tear in her tank top and nail marks up and down her arms. Aimee had suffered a bloody nose, more of the same nail marks, and plenty of other scrapes and bruises. By far, Alyssa had won the fight.
While her friends tended to the scratches on her face, Alyssa watched Ryan help Aimee clean up as well. But as he did so, he was speaking to her in an angry, hushed tone of voice. Aimee wrenched away from him and stalked off. Cole came staggering down the stairs, surprised to find the kitchen in disarray and his wife scratched up.
“What happened in here?”
“I got into a fight,” Alyssa replied, wincing as Lynn dabbed some peroxide on the scratches. “My first fight in well…ever.”
“God, how stupid are you?” Cole yelled, as Alyssa shrank back. “Getting into a fight with some stupid wench over…what?”
“HEY!” Lynn yelled. “Why don’t you just back the fuck off and leave her alone? She doesn’t need your crap right now.” Cole, still angry, raised his arm like he was going to slap her, and then stalked off. On top of everything, Alyssa started to cry. The salt from her tears felt worse than the peroxide.
“Hey, Alyssa, it’s okay.” She wiped her eyes and headed toward the family room. Right next to the phone, Alyssa grabbed the phone book. She flipped through the yellow pages until she found the section she was looking for. Picking a number at random, she dialed and waited on the line.
“I’d like to speak to a lawyer please.” There was silence as she listened to the voice on the other end.
“What can we help you with?”
“I’d like to get a divorce,” Alyssa replied numbly.
She had had enough.
********************
The group wasn’t even sure why they were still gathered in Florida anymore. The reunion was over, they had nothing left here. But still they stayed. The couples fought more, Alyssa tried to not let Cole know she petitioning for a divorce, and Ryan was thisclose to divorcing Aimee.
Sam and Charlotte still fought, though not as often as some others. They were better at talking out their problems. Sam had decided that they should give counseling another try. If not for their marriage, then for their sons.
Sam and Josh were sitting by Mr. Morgan’s pool one afternoon, two days after the reunion. They, too, were doing the uncomfortable silence thing. They were watching the girls, who were playing volleyball and doing their best to ignore the “wives.”
They had relegated themselves into groups: the ex girlfriends and the wives. Both were highly suspicious of the others, and as a result, arguments and fights often broke out. Surprisingly, Alyssa and Charlotte got along really well. Aimee didn’t get along with anybody and certainly didn’t like Charlotte.
It was enough to drive anyone crazy.
“Look at them,” Josh commented, watching his wife spike the ball. “It almost looks like old times.”
“Yeah, all those games we played on the beach,” Sam said, feeling slightly nostalgic. “Those were good times.”
“This should have been a fun time, Sam. And look us. We’re arguing over stupid stuff and even getting into physical fights. What happened?”
“Life,” Sam replied. “We grew up, Josh. And like it or not, that changed us.” They both watched the game for a few minutes before the conversation resumed.
“Ryan and Alyssa still want each other,” Josh said, shaking his head. “It’s so obvious.”
“When wasn’t it? They’ve always been in love. I just wish it could have worked out for them so that she didn’t marry Cole.”
“Let’s not mention his name,” Josh said through gritted teeth. “I’m glad she’s petitioning for a divorce.”
“But what would it have been like to live with that for five years? Never being able to go out with friends, talk to other guys. It must have been horrible.”
“It’s certainly changed her,” Josh said. “Look at the way she’s acting. It’s like she’s afraid he’s watching her every move.”
“He was,” Sam replied. “That is, until Mr. Morgan kicked him out of the house.” Josh nodded.
Just the day before, Alyssa had told her father about Cole’s abusive behavior and the fear she had of her husband. Mr. Morgan had promptly kicked Cole out, and started interrogating Alyssa as to why this happened, how she could have stayed, and the like. Either way, since Cole had left, Alyssa had moved a lot freer, not looking over her shoulder scared that her husband was going to get mad over something that she did.
They were starting to see the old Alyssa.
The new Alyssa was still flirting with Ryan and they could see the way he was checking out the deep blue bikini top that she wore. And Alyssa was very appreciative of the fact that Ryan wasn’t wearing a shirt. But there was still something about her, something that said that she wasn’t quite herself. Of course, five years with a borderline abusive husband could do that to someone.
They had all changed.
*********************
Once she tired of the volleyball game, Alyssa sat down and just watched her friends. Ever since “the fight” they were all looking at her like she was ready to snap. And maybe she was. Alyssa had been pushed to the edge a few times before, but never had so many things gone so horribly wrong.
Her friends didn’t know her anymore. Any one of them who still claimed to were lying. As far as she could tell, they were the same people they had been all those years ago, only older and slightly wiser. Nothing much had changed, though that’s not the way they perceived it.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
It was nice to just watch them play. For the first time since they had arrived in Florida, they were acting like the friends they had been. Of course, it was just all act. They were doing what came naturally, adapting to fit the surroundings. And through it all, Alyssa felt strangely disconnected.
Truth be told I've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than I could bear
She had always been somehow cut off from her friends, fretting and worrying when she should have been having fun. But since she too was here, she should have felt like she was having fun. No. Alyssa couldn’t have fun. Not with Ryan and all the feelings and the ten thousand other things she had to deal with.
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
better I should know
So don't come round here
and tell me I told you so...
Alyssa had never dealt well with divorce. After all, when her parents divorced, she refused to come out of her room for days. She had always promised herself that she wouldn’t get divorced, that when she got married she would know he was the right one and not ever want to get divorced.
Boy was she wrong.
Of course, it wasn’t hard to deal with the ending of a marriage that had essentially ended years ago. It was like cutting the last strings that would finally set her free. That didn’t mean that it wasn’t difficult for her. She felt as if she failed somewhere, like it was her fault she couldn’t keep her marriage together or find a decent guy.
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
Against everything she believed, Alyssa still envisioned herself married to Ryan. But there wasn’t a way that she could change the past was there? The past was in the past and so were every hurtful thing that Alyssa had ever said or done. After everything, she still felt that she wouldn’t deserve Ryan even if she had him.
Who could blame him for not wanting to be with her?
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
the wound that would not heal
it's the bitter taste of losing everything
that I have held so dear
Her friends were doing their best to help her through it, a difficult task since Alyssa had sort of reverted to her not talking self. At least with Cole out of the house, she didn’t have to watch her back or watch every move that she made. There was no dictator telling her what to do. She felt that she was a whole lot lighter, yet she was still so sad.
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
better I should know So don't come round here
and tell me I told you so...
Cole wasn’t as stupid as everyone thought he was. Alyssa could tell that he had some idea of what was going on. He stopped by every afternoon, only to have everyone slam the door in his face. In that sense he was lucky. If Alyssa’s father ever answered the door, he would probably shoot Cole.
Heaven bent to take my hand
nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
to everyone I know
Sam and Josh were watching her, and it was getting quite annoying. Alyssa could feel both pairs of eyes staring holes into her back, trying to make sure that she was okay. They were all concerned. But to Alyssa, none of it really mattered.
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
pretend that they don't see
but it's one missed step
you'll slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
She sighed when she heard her cell phone ring. Glancing at the screen she saw the number of the law firm that she had contacted. Flipping the phone open, she put it up to her ear.
“Hello?”
“May I speak to Alyssa Morgan-Taylor please?”
“This is she. And its just Morgan. I never added Taylor to my name.” The woman laughed nervously.
“I see. Well, we’ll get that corrected. I’m calling because Sydney Thompson has agreed to take a look at your case and would like to know if you can meet her this afternoon.” Alyssa took a deep breath before glancing at her friends. Ryan was staring, and Alyssa turned away.
“Sure. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.” She clicked her phone off and headed into the house. Lying on the table were several things that her father had printed out for her pertaining to divorce. Among them was a checklist of things to do before the divorce, California divorce laws, and various other topics. The lawyer that she was going to see had contacts with some lawyers in California and supposedly could get Alyssa’s divorce started. Alyssa only hoped that they weren’t ones who were friends with Cole.
Alyssa headed to her room to change out of the bikini top and shorts that she wore. After she had put on a black skirt and a pink colored gauze t-shirt, she put on her strappy heels. Not wanting to mess with her hair, she pulled it into a loose ponytail. When she felt she looked professional enough, she headed downstairs.
As she was walking out the door, she ran straight into Cole. Startled, she pulled away, almost as if she had been burned. He looked as impeccable as ever, and just as pissed. She backed away, desperate to not be anywhere near him.
“What are you doing here?” Alyssa asked in a hostile tone. Her husband just glared at her.
“Coming to see my wife.”
“My father doesn’t want you here and neither do I. Next time you show up, I’ll call the cops.” Suddenly, Alyssa was against the wall, pinned by her throat. She gasped, regretting it when she lost precious oxygen.
“You’re not going to be leaving me, Alyssa.” He tightened his grip to emphasize his point. “I told you that it was forever. Besides, what lawyer in California will want to go against me? I can take everything you have, Alyssa, and I know how to do it legally. I’d watch your step if I were you.” He let her go and gave her a kiss before leaving.
Shaking, she climbed into her father’s van and followed the directions to get to the law firm. She was directed to Sydney’s office and invited in. The office was ornately decorated, with a posh decor that made Alyssa feel caught somewhere between being uncomfortable and feeling like she was at home.
“Have a seat. I’m Sydney.” Alyssa shook the proffered hand.
“Alyssa Morgan.”
“I understand that you’re here to start divorce proceedings.” Alyssa nodded.
“I’m in town for my high school reunion but I live in California. I need to start things now because he’s escalated the offensive behavior and I need to get away from him right away.”
“Does your husband abuse you, Alyssa?” She touched her fingers to her neck, dull pain aching in the area he had grabbed.
“Not really…he grabs my arm sometimes. It didn’t happen very often but he paid me a little visit today.” Sydney was taking notes. “My neck is thanking him oh so much.”
“So is this the first time that he had physically left marks?”
“No,” Alyssa said, looking away. “Like I said, he’s grabbed my arm before. Several times it was hard enough to leave bruises.”
“How long have the two of you been married?”
“Five years.” Way too long, Alyssa thought to herself.
“Do you have any children?”
“No,” Alyssa replied. “He never wanted them.”
“Okay,” Sydney said. “I can have you start filling these forms out. When you’ve finished them, I can send them to a lawyer in California.”
“That’s the whole problem. My husband is a lawyer. There isn’t a lawyer in California that doesn’t like and respect my husband.” Sydney smiled.
“Don’t worry, Alyssa. I’ll find one.” Alyssa nodded, relief flooding through her body.
Sydney proceeded to hand her a packet of papers and gave her instructions on how to fill them out. When she left the law firm, she felt confident that she would be able to get out of the horrible marriage that had kept her prisoner for five years.
She entered her father’s house, not surprised at how noisy it was. All of her friends were in the kitchen, with several pizzas lying around. They all stopped eating and looked at her.
“Alyssa!” Trista exclaimed. “Where have you been?” Alyssa threw her keys down on the table and grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza.
“I was meeting with a lawyer about the divorce proceedings.” The house was suddenly quiet, like the divorce was a secret subject among them.
“What happened to your neck?” That’s why it got so quiet, Alyssa thought. “It looks like a hand print.”
“Cole paid me a little visit today as I was leaving.” Still, no one said anything. Ryan was looking down at his slice of pizza like it held the answer to everything. Unable to bear the silence, she grabbed the papers sitting on the table and went into the living room to eat some pizza and make some calls.
Dialing a number she knew by heart, she called her good friend Rebekah. She picked up on the first ring, and was excited to hear from Alyssa. Rebekah was in therapy following the death of her mother and Alyssa had already talked to her father about maybe going and seeing a therapist, psychologist or psychologist. Any one would work for Alyssa, but she just knew that she might be needing therapy soon.
“What’s the name of your therapist?” Alyssa asked. “When I get back to California, and the divorce is final I want to see a psychologist.”
“For the abuse, right?” Rebekah asked.
“Yeah,” Alyssa replied. “I mean, I was pretty screwed up before, but I think after all this...”
“I understand,” Rebekah said. “I know it’s hard, Alyssa. Remember, I got divorced too.”
“I know. I just thought that once I got married, I wouldn’t ever get divorced. But I guess I didn’t factor in my husband. He turned out to be such a jerk, Beckah, and I just don’t understand how I got involved with him. I fell for every part of his act and he came to control my life. I just want it all to be over with.”
“If he agrees to it, it should be pretty easy. You guys don’t have any kids or anything that would really complicate the matters. You could request to keep the house.”
“Yeah, but Cole is never going to agree to the divorce. Or if he does, I’ll finally know whether or not he’s been cheating on me. God, this is so sad and so fuckin’ stupid.”
“I know.” There was a pause. “Look, I know where the spare key is at. I’ll go in and make copies of all the important financial records and important papers, okay? That way when you come home you won’t have to worry about doing all that.”
“Thanks so much, Rebekah.” Alyssa grabbed a pad of paper. “Now what’s the name of your psychologist?”
“Kirsten Richardson. 468-9254. You’ll really like her, Alyssa. She’s definitely not one of those stuffy therapists who make you lie on their couch and spill your guts.” Alyssa laughed.
“Good to know.” They said their goodbyes and Alyssa tucked the number away with the other papers that she was rapidly starting to collect. Ryan had come into the living room, and was leaning against the doorway.
“You’re really going to divorce him?” Alyssa took a deep breath and nodded.
“Yeah. I am.”
“I’m proud of you, Alyssa. I really am. It takes a lot of guts to divorce a man as controlling as he is.”
“Thank you,” Alyssa said quietly. He gave her a quick hug and returned to the group of friends in the kitchen. She grabbed a pen and sat down to fill out her forms.
Grounds for divorce was the first paper she came to. In it, she had to fill out the complaints the she had and the reasons for which she was filing for a divorce. She put irreconcilable differences and thought a moment before putting abuse. By the time she was finished filling out the papers, she had a major headache.
If only he would just grant the divorce. If it was uncontested, it would go a lot quicker and she wouldn’t have to go to court. God, divorce was complicated. Sure, it was easy to go the altar and get married, but if that person wasn’t the one that you wanted to stay with, then it sure was difficult to divorce them. Sighing, she rubbed her tired eyes and headed up to her room. When she her head hit her pillow, she passed out.
More paperwork tomorrow.
********************
Trista had been really worried about her sister. What with the divorce, Ryan being married, and the threats coming from Cole, it wouldn’t have surprised Trista much to see her sister have a breakdown. After all, she had pushed to one by far, far less.
So far, Alyssa had managed to not get into any fights with their father. Trista knew how nosy John Morgan was, and how much it grated on Alyssa’s nerves. So when she heard their heated words from the living room, she knew something inside Alyssa had snapped.
“How could you not tell me that this was going on, Alyssa?”
“Because you never listen!” Alyssa yelled. “God, you were too busy telling me how lucky I was to have a guy like Cole, how happy I should be with the way my life was going. You were so busy telling me HOW to feel that you didn’t see the way that I was REALLY feeling. I’ve never been happy in my marriage, and all you and Mom have done is push me to stay in it.”
“If you would have told--”
“You think I didn’t try to tell you?” Alyssa exclaimed. “None of you wanted to hear it. So I stopped trying. It’s just like Ryan.”
“Ryan has nothing to do with this.”
“You never liked him, Daddy.”
“Yes I did.”
“God, stop lying! Okay? Do you remember what you told me when I told you he and I were talking again? Huh? ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’ ‘I know what young guys want.’ Is that the kind of encouraging responses that are supposed to make me want to tell you the stuff that’s going on in my life?”
“Well, I--”
“You didn’t care that I loved him, that him coming back was a big deal. All that mattered was that you disapproved. I loved him SO much, and you didn’t even care. You never listened to what I had to say then and you sure as hell don’t listen now.”
“You better watch your tone, young lady.”
“Or what?” Alyssa challenged. “You’re gonna ground me? You asked why I didn’t tell you. I told you. So now you know. You know how unhappy I’ve been and what I’ve been living with and all you can think about is how I didn’t come running to you.”
“Alyssa Marie Morgan--”
“You’re still the same guy, Daddy. Still not listening to anything that anyone is saying.” Trista pretended to be reading her magazine when Alyssa rushed past in tears, the same as it always had been when she had fought with either of their parents.
Some part of Trista felt bad that she had such a good life when Alyssa had been unhappy for the past eight years. But another part of her said that Alyssa had some part in it.
God, Trista was a horrible sister.
She headed into the kitchen where her two children were raising hell and yelling at each other. Michael was sitting at the table, pretending to not hear the ruckus going on beside him.
“Mommy, can we have some ice cream?”
“Rachel won’t stop hitting me!”
“Christiana is being a brat.” Trista sighed in irritation.
“Both of you just sit there and be quiet!” Trista yelled, desperate to be heard over the noise. Both children were silent before slinking out of the room. Michael glanced at her warily from his seat at the kitchen table as she put a hand to her aching forehead, slowly counting to ten.
“Are you okay?” Trista sighed.
“No. Do I look okay?”
“Is that a trick question?”
“With all the crap going on with my sister, the daily stress of having two kids and the depression around here, I might just have to kill myself.”
“That would be bad,” Michael commented, giving her a small hug. “Your sister’s gonna be okay, you know.”
“Is she?” Trista shot back. “Cause I think she’s gonna be royally screwed from living with Cole. I don’t know my sister anymore, Michael, and that scares me.”
“Maybe that’s because you didn’t make the effort to stay in touch with anyone.” Off her look, he continued against his instincts. “Come on, Trista. All of you are saying that you don’t know each other anymore but I think you don’t have anything to complain about since none of you put in the effort to keep talking to one another. So if you don’t know your sister, that’s your guys’ fault. She didn’t keep in touch and neither did you.”
Trista couldn’t argue because he was right. She hadn’t made an effort to keep in contact with any of friends, let alone her sister. Starting a family and a career had come first.
“Okay, so we all basically suck as friends. Now what?” Michael shrugged.
“I can’t tell you that. I think you just need to not take your frustration out on the kids. And if you don’t know each other anymore, get to know each other. Start all over again. Friendship is evolving. It changes, it stops and it starts up again. That’s just life. You gotta go with the flow or drown in the water.” Trista laughed.
“Nice way of putting it.”
“So go find your sister.” Trista gave him a quick kiss on the lips and went out back where an angry Mr. Morgan was firing up the barbeque, getting ready to grill some hot dogs and hamburgers. Alyssa was sitting at the edge of their pool, feet in the water, staring out at the rapidly darkening horizon.
“Hey,” Trista said, sitting down next to her.
“Hi.”
“How are you doing?” Alyssa just looked at her, like that was the dumbest question in the world. “Okay, I probably know the answer to that question. How are the divorce proceedings coming along?”
“Good,” Alyssa replied. “I gave the papers to Sydney and she said she was going to talk to the lawyer in California. You know, practically the only one who isn’t friends with my husband.”
“He hasn’t stopped by, has he?” Alyssa shook her head, fingers on her neck. The bruises had faded, leaving no signs that her husband had choked her that day.
“No. Sydney told me that I should get a restraining order the next time he comes on our property. My friend Rebekah is copying papers and moving Cole’s stuff to a storage facility in San Francisco.” She glanced off into the distance. “I don’t know what I would do without Rebekah.”
“I’m sorry, Alyssa. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there and that I didn’t know. If I had--”
“Don’t.” Alyssa said. “You didn’t want to know.” Trista nodded.
“You’re probably right.”
“You were happy that you finally had gotten out of my shadow. You wouldn’t have wanted to know.” That was a moment of real honesty between them, only cementing the fact that they weren’t really sisters. Sisters cared. Sisters wanted to help the other one if they were in need.
“I’m sorry, Alyssa.”
“Me too.” Alyssa replied. “I should have told you. Even if you didn’t want to know. But now you do. My marriage is falling apart. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I get back to California, and I sure as hell don’t know what’s going to happen while I’m here.”
“Things are gonna be okay, you know.” Alyssa nodded.
“Yeah,” She paused. “I think they are.” Trista saw that Ryan was heading their way and left. He took her spot next to Alyssa and slipped his feet into the water.
“I’m doing fine.”
“Not what I was going to ask, but okay.” He paused. “Okay, how are you really feeling?”
“Lost. Angry. Sad. Actually, I think lost pretty much describes the majority of what I’m feeling.”
“I know,” Ryan said. “But it’ll get better.”
“For the longest time, I’ve been ‘Cole’s wife.’ Sure, I have a career of my own, but that never mattered. Now I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
“Just be yourself. The Alyssa we all know and love.” She turned her head, finally looking at him.
“We?” Ryan looked away.
“I love you, Alyssa. I never said I didn’t.” They were leaning closer, almost unaware of the proximity of their lips. It was Alyssa who pulled away, looking slightly panicked.
“God this is screwed up. I can’t do this.” She shook her head. “I have to go.”
Ryan was left there, alone, with nothing but his words to keep him company.
********************
Alyssa pulled out her laptop, plugged it into the outlet in the wall and turned it on. Once she had opened the document that contained her latest novel, she furiously started typing. There was just something about being around Ryan that made her want to write. That probably had to with the fact that most, actually all, of her stories featured him in them.
They sat on the edge of the pool, neither saying a single word. There was a comfortable silence between them, something that they expected. After all the stuff that had happened, Sarah and James had come to expect nothing less than the silence they had now. They knew each other well enough to know what the other was thinking, and Sarah was confident that James was feeling the same way she was.
Alyssa wrote for almost three hours before her wrists started aching and her eyes felt like they were bleeding. Literally. Saving the work, she shut the computer down and rubbed her tired eyes. Glancing out her bedroom window, she could see some of her friends and their kids playing in the pool. She smiled softly.
She could see that Ryan was playing with Garrett, Aimee nowhere to be seen. Sighing, Alyssa rubbed her arms as she got a sudden chill. Turning around, she half expected to see someone standing in her doorway.
Her room was empty.
Alyssa had been more than a little paranoid these days, or at least for as long as she had been married to Cole. Every move had to be made on eggshells. She was always afraid to make a mistake, always living in fear. The sort of thing that never would have happened with Ryan.
Sighing, Alyssa laid down on her bed and grabbed a stuffed animal. When did life get so complicated? When had life begun to hurt so much? God, life was screwed up.
And so was she.
*******************
“What do you want Julie?” Julie shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, you come out here and you want to act all lovey dovey. What the hell is your problem?”
“My PROBLEM,” Julie said, emphasizing the word. “Is that you are acting like a complete asshole. I mean, God Josh, what is your problem?”
“My problem is that you don’t give a fuck about what’s been happening in our family and to our marriage. Ever since you started making big movies, it’s been all about the set, the late days, the supporting cast. It’s been all about your job. Family has never ranked high on your list.”
“Like hell it hasn’t,” Julie shot back. “My family means the world to me.” Josh snorted.
“Really? When was the last time you went to one of Trinitie’s dance recitals? Taken Scott to the doctor? Been to a parent teacher conference? You haven’t done any of that it years, Julie, and it makes me sick to see that you don’t even realize that.”
“Things get busy--”
“Save it.” Josh said. “I don’t want to hear it. Family comes first Julie, and right now, you’re seriously screwing up that part.” Julie pulled back.
His words stung her, like a slap to the face. And they hurt, bad. They hurt because they rang true. Had she been so caught up in her career and her movies that she couldn’t see her own marriage falling apart around her? Had she been missing out on her children growing up?
Hadn’t Julie said that if family ever became a second priority, she would either cut back or quit all together? When had she passed the point where she didn’t care about the price of fame? How had it really come down to this.
She sat down next to him, watching the look of pure anger on his handsome face. And when those beautiful green eyes looked at her, they weren’t full of love.
They were full of disappointment.
Josh was disappointed that she hadn’t been the mother that she knew that she could be, that she should have been. And as she watched her daughter splash around in the pool with her friends’ children, she realized that maybe she wasn’t as grown up as she thought she was. Maybe Julie needed to grow.
Something had to change.
*******************
Later that night, Ryan was sitting in his room, surfing the Net on his laptop. Doing research was more like it. On divorce. There had finally come a point where Ryan had felt that had was finished with Aimee. Finished with the fights, the harsh words, and the devastated looks on Garrett’s face when he walked into a fight between his mom and dad.
Enough was enough.
Since he lived in Florida, divorce proceedings could be started right away if he got started filling out the paperwork. He had printed out forms, talked with his lawyer, gotten advice from some friends in Tallahassee.
But as he filled the forms out, he didn’t get a feeling of freedom. He felt apprehensive, not sure if he was doing the right thing. It didn’t really have anything to do with saving his marriage; that was through. But some things that Aimee had once told him rang through his head, leaving his blood cold.
“And what are you going to do if I want a divorce?” Ryan yelled. Aimee crossed her arms over her chest.
“I will fight you for everything that you’re worth, including our son.” Ryan looked at her, a shocked look on his face.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh I would,” Aimee said, emphasizing her words. “I would fight for sole custody of our son faster than you could go to Alyssa Morgan. So, go ahead, divorce me. I would think twice about the consequences if I were you.”
Ryan put his pen down and rubbed his aching temples. Sighing in frustration, he grabbed the pile of papers and shoved them into the trash can. Aimee was passed out on the bed, one too many margueritas consumed that night.
Aimee had won again.
*******************
They were all sitting at the kitchen table the next morning, a week after the reunion. They were eating their breakfasts in silence, feeding their children, not saying a word to anyone. It was Trista who spoke up first.
“Guys, this is stupid.” The rest of her friends just looked at her. “Come on! We were best friends and this is what we’ve been reduced to? Bickering, fighting, complete silence, and what not. I can’t believe this is what we all gathered in Florida for.”
“Some reunion,” Lynn muttered.
“No one asked for commentary,” Alyssa shot back. Lynn glared at her. Trista held up her hands.
“STOP!” Both of her friends shut their mouths. “GOD, I can’t wait to go home. I should go NOW. After all, it doesn’t matter, right? None of us care about what the others are doing and none of us give a flying monkey’s nuts about what’s been going on around here. I, for one, am sick of it.”
“Oh shut up,” Julie said. “I can’t believe the crap that’s been coming out of your mouth. I wish--”
“SHUT UP!” Sam yelled. Julie and Trista, who had been arguing, stopped in the middle of their respective sentences. “Trista is right. And I’m sick of it too. I’m gonna leave.”
“Me too,” Lynn put in.
“Fine!” Josh exclaimed. “Leave! None of us care!”
“Fine!”
“FINE!”
There was slamming of doors, angry footsteps, things being thrown at the walls, and a cacophony of other sounds as John Morgan woke up. He came down the stairs just as Alyssa rushed past him. He looked around in confusion. They had all turned their backs on each other that day and there wasn’t a way they could ever go back.
What was supposed to happen now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Songs used: Sarah McLachlan~Fallen; Dido~White Flag
Chapter Four~Made Some Mistakes
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