"Oh, not again... DUCK!" Justin's mom yelled as potato chips flew over our heads.
"Jon and Steven! One more time, young men... I mean it!" Lynne rose from her seat and glared down the long table at her youngest sons, Jonathan and Steven.
"Ma, I got it..." Justin smiled and winked at me as he hopped up from his cleared plate of spaghetti.
The small tent filled with friends and family of the guys, as well as the newly arrived pack of AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Nick, roared with laughter as Justin scooped Steven onto his back and grabbed Jonathan into a noogie.
I watched Justin and his brothers' antics and finished my last fry as Lance tapped me on the shoulder, "Am I the only one who gets turned on when guys play with kids? ...whew..." he grinned, fanning himself.
I rolled my eyes and swatted Lance's arm as he skipped off to join Eric, Howie, and Nick at the pinball machine set up in the back of the tent.
I felt a hand upon mine and turned back to the table. Lynne was leaning across the table, "I am so happy Paul's parents brought the boys back early... They've been dying to meet you," she told me, a warm smile painted on her face, "And they sure do love any time they get to spend with their big brother," she sighed, laughing.
"Well, he certainly loves them... I just hope I'm living up to their expectations," I said.
Lynne waved her hands at me, scoffing, "Oh, of course they like you. You've won us all over, honey," Lynne patted my hand as I blushed.
"LOOK OUT BELOW!!!" Justin's voice boomed as he sprinted past me, Steven in an air plane position on his back, and Jon running as fast as he could behind his beloved big brother.
"Justin... Honey, be careful..." Lynne sighed and excused herself to remain on child watch over near the buffet table.
I glanced around the loud tent. Justin whooshed past me once again, pecking my cheek and giving Jon the opportunity to smack him and yell, "TAG! You're it!"
Justin laughed, "Not for long!" He ran off after Jon, Steven trailing behind him as fast as his small legs would take him.
Finally. My chance... I quickly stood up from the table and slipped out of the tent with no one except a body guard on watch seeing me.
"I'll be in my dressing room," I told the towering yet kind man and he smiled at me as I disappeared into one of the many back doors of the TD Waterhouse.
I took a deep breath as I neared the door to my dressing room. Ever since earlier that day when AJ, Nick, Kevin, and Howie arrived at Lynne and Paul's house I had been dying to escape. The appearance of Justin's two baby brothers just as we were leaving for the arena hadn't helped things, as horrible as I felt feeling that way. There was just too much still racing in my brain to focus on being happy for everyone else.
I had successfully avoided Brian's eyes all day, but unfortunately wasn't immune to knowing when his eyes were boring into my back. I feared that every passing second was a second closer to him breaking it off with Diana.
My head was heavy with the knowledge that, deep down, Brian was waiting for me to free myself of Justin. Something that I had promised myself I wouldn't do, whatever consequences involving Brian that brought into my life.
It was almost time for the guys' meet & greet, and then the last show of the tour would start before we knew it. I reached the doorknob of my dressing room and turned it, aching for the peace and quiet to simply be able to think and be alone.
What I saw in my dressing room only worsened my already pounding headache and troubles.
Yellow tulips, my favorite flower, covered the room on every surface. Petals were scattered across the sofa, and vases of all shapes and colors held dozens and dozens of beautiful flowers throughout the small room.
I moved forward, forgetting to even close the door behind me.
"Dammit..." I sighed, "Fucking wonderful..." My eyes swelled with tears as I gritted my teeth in frustration.
"Of course he would do this... Just to make me feel a little bit MORE lower than dirt..." I said aloud to myself, wishing Justin would put aside his "amazing boyfriend" title for the time being.
I plopped down on the sofa, petals crunching beneath me, as I closed my eyes and massaged my throbbing temples. I opened my eyes and sighed, looking at the largest of the beautiful flower arrangements on the coffee table in front of me.
"Shell?" a voice called from the doorway. I turned to see JC's concered face peeking into the room, "You okay?" he asked, stepping though the doorway.
"Yeah... I'm okay. I just have a headache," I told him.
"Oh... So that's why you dipped out on us back there?" he laughed lightly, moving to the vanity table and softly touching a tulip.
"I wasn't dipping out... I just... Like I said, my head hurts," I tried to explain.
JC chuckled, moving to the largest vase in front of me, "I'm just messin' with ya... Mary Beth sent me to make sure everything was okay, that's all," he told me, "And from all the friggin flowers in here, things seem to be pretty good, huh?"
I forced a smile, "Yeah, of course... he's wonderful, as always," I said, looking down to avoid his eyes.
"Who's wonderful..." JC sounded confused as his words trailed off. I looked up to see him holding the small card that was buried in the flower vase.
"Justin is..." I said, worried, as JC's eyes studied the card thoroughly, "Who else?" I forced out a fake laugh.
JC looked up from the card and locked his eyes into mine. His mouth was slightly open, but no words came out. He slowly raised the card and began to form a word in his mouth but stopped short.
"Jace, what- what's wrong?" I swallowed hard and rose to my feet as JC stepped towards me.
"Here," he held the card out to me. I slowly took it from him and held my breath as I opened the flap to read it.
Shelly,
I once read that a Yellow Tulip represents "Joy," something that you've filled my life with. I know I still have a ways to go, but I figured I would start by filling one room with "joy" for you.
All my heart,
Brian
My wide eyes blinked back tears as I lowered the card.
"Something you want to tell me?" JC asked calmly.
"I- JC, it's not..." I exhaled, "I don't know where to start," I admitted.
"Well you can start with why my best friend's name isn't on that card," he said coldly.
I choked back a sob and sat down on the couch, my head in my hands, "It's more complicated than you think," I mumbled through my hands.
I felt JC's weight on the couch, followed by his hand on my back.
He sighed, "Shell, don't cry... I'm sorry, it's just that I've known Justin forever... And the moment you came into his life I knew you two were meant to be together," he said softly.
I raised my head from my hands, tears streaming down my face, "I know that too, Jace... I just- This thing with Brian is so, so complicated, you have no idea," I sobbed.
"What's complicated? You love Justin, he loves you... An infatuation with a friend isn't enough to interfere with that, Shell," he said, confident in his words.
"I know that, JC!" I snapped at him, frustrated, "But I love Brian with all my heart, and I don't want to hurt him," I told JC through my tears.
"But you can hurt Justin without a moment's hesitation?" JC glared at me with no sympathy. I looked back at him, speechless and stunned by his harsh words.
I took a deep breath and rose from the couch, "I obviously thought you knew me better than that. If you DID, you would know that I told Brian that I would never, in my life, hurt Justin."
JC stood up from the couch and fidgeted uncomfortably, "Shelly, I think-"
"...and I am not going to leave him for Brian," I spat out, snatching a lone tulip from the sofa's endtable, "I didn't fucking ask for all of this," I crushed the petals in my hand.
"Shelly-" JC began, but I cut him off again.
"And I can't help it if Brian didn't get the hint, okay?" I threw up my hands, the destroyed tulip falling to the floor.
"I think I got the hint now," Brian's voice cut the silence and I whiped my head around to see his defeated figure in the doorway.
"Oh my God..." slipped from my lips as I instantly wished I could have taken back what I had said.
JC stepped back from where he stood and cleared his throat, "I'm just gonna... uh, leave you guys alone..." he quickly exited past Brian.
I closed my eyes tightly and waited. I slowly picked up the sound of Brian's feet padding into the room, followed by the shutting of the door.
"So... I'm guessing you don't like the flowers?" Brian asked flatly.
I held my breath, "Brian-" but was stopped.
"Don't, Shelly. Don't pretend that you didn't just say every word that I heard. Let's make this simple for once," he blurted out and I opened my eyes to see him standing over the vase of flowers on the coffee table.
I bit my lip, whiping away the tears that had collected under my chin, "I wasn't going to pretend anything. I was just- ...I'm sorry," was all I could come up with.
"For what? For hurting me? For admitting the truth?" Brian's eyes stung me as I fought back my sobs.
"...Because someone finally found out? Hell, for all of the above? What?" Brian began to yell.
I examined Brian's eyes for any glint of rationalism I could find, but all that stared back at me was red, watery, anger. I remained silent, mostly because I had no words to describe how horrible I felt.
"Well, I'll tell you what I'm sorry for. I'm sorry that I love you so much, and I'm sorry that we don't even get a CHANCE because you're so scared so step out of this 'safe' thing you've got with Justin-"
"Brian, it is not just a 'safe' thing and you know that. I love him."
"Oh, so you LOVE him... That's great. Guess what? I LOVE YOU-" On his last word, Brian grabbed the large vase of tulips in front of him, flinging it against the door of the dressing room. I jumped as the glass shattered, spilling water and flowers down onto the floor.
"...But I guess we can't all get what we want, can we?" Brian's words rang out as he trampled over the broken glass and flowers, taking a hold of the door knob.
"Have a great show," Brian flung open the door and walked out, slamming it behind him.
