~*~Back at Lynn and Paul's~*~
I sighed heavily, blinking my tired eyes at the bright TV screen. Joey had been in the bathroom for at least 2 hours with Justin. I was trying despereratly to stay awake without thinking back over the evening's events. My head spun with guilt and confusion as Justin lay in the bathroom, sicker than hell.
I turned off the TV and crawled out of bed, walking towards the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on just as my knuckles rapped on the door.
"Joe?" I called.
"Uh... Yeah?" he yelled back over the running water.
"How's he doing?" I asked, biting at a nail and straining to hear his response over the rushing water.
"Well, he's better... I mean, passed out for good this time, hopefully... I just have to clean him up," he told me.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go get a drink of wat-" I jumped as few loud crashes echoed from the bathroom.
"Ugh... Come on Justin, help me out here..." I heard Joey plead with Justin.
I took a deep breath as I walked out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind me.
'Just don't think about it...' I thought to myself as I padded down the stairs and into the large living room. The tall windows revealed a lightening sky and misty air in the early morning hours.
I sighed openly as I entered the kitchen, feeling the cold tile underneath my feet. Swallowing hard, I opened a sleek cabinet over the glinting dishwasher and took out a glass. I unconsciously turned on the water in the sink, filling the glass.
'I bet you the second he got sick was the second I...' My thought trickled away as I closed my eyes.
In a daze, I poured the water back into the sink, leaving the kitchen with the decision that nothing more could happen with Brian. No matter how hard it would be.
My feet moved me towards the back patio doors at the end of the kitchen. I placed my forehead against the chilly glass, curling my arms around myself. I did my best to push the image of Brian's warm eyes and fragile gaze out of my mind, but all my effort merely resulted in a smile.
I looked out upon the dewy grass and glowing sunrise, as it slowly crept up on the herizon. My eyes traveled slowly towards the sparkling pool. The mist danced and twirled on top of the water, calling me to it.
I quietly unlocked the sliding doors, and stepped outside, my feet making contact with the moist blades of grass. My tank top and flannel pants weren't quite warm enough for the still morning air blowing against me. I wrapped my arms tightly around me, dipping a toe into the peaceful water of the pool.
My relection stared back at me from the rippling light blue surface. I squinted my eyes as I examined the person before me. In spite of everything that had occured that evening, I appeared surprisingly decent, my hair still in its messy pony-tail, my complexion and lips were both rosy colors, my pajamas not as crinkled or sloppy as I had expected. I smirked at myself, 'Much better than Diana...' I thought.
My proclamation was immediately refuted as I reminded myself of Justin's present state. My face fell and I sighed aloud, "No, you look like shit, Shell..."
"Who are you kidding?" a voice echoed from just feet away.
I spun around, wide-eyed.
"...You're absolutely beautiful, and you know it," Brian stood before me, clad in a grey wifebeater and boxer shorts.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Brian bit his lip and smiled as he walked the few feet towards me.
"I was hoping you'd be up," he reached out his hand, sweeping a finger underneath my chin, and then down my arm, were it found its home in my palm.
I shivered at his touch, 'How can he caress everything as though he knows no other way to be except the gentlest man on earth?' I wondered in awe.
"I missed you," Brian moved closer to me, brushing his lips across my cheek as he spoke.
'Oh God, he smells so good...' my heart pounded as his scent intoxicated me. I squeezed his hand, wove my other arm around his firm waist, and found myself lost in his deep embrace. Brian's soft mouth rested on my temple as I shut my eyes tightly, 'Why does this feel so right?'
After an eternity had past in my mind, Brian broke the silence, "Shell... I can't stay."
"What?" I lifted my head away from his.
"I can't stay..." he stepped slightly back from me, dropping my hand, "It's almost light out, and she'll be up soon," he looked down at his feet as he mentioned her.
"Oh, yeah... Of course," I wrung my hands together. Instantly, the situation was made completely uncomfortable.
"Well, then... I guess I'll see you this afternoon before the show," I brushed past him and walked towards the house, fighting back tears, and wishing I could make sense of everything I was feeling.
"Sweety, I'm sorry," Brian called after me, and I slowed my steps, picturing his pleading eyes. I turned around as he walked towards me.
"For what?" I asked, choked up.
"For complicating your life... I know this is hard," he confessed.
I nodded, looking up to try and clear my eyes.
"I'm telling her tomorrow," his eyes found mine and his sincerity stung them, "...About everything... I don't love her, and she knows that-"
"Brian, I can't," I stopped him.
"Can't what?"
"I can't do the same..." my tears fell freely as I let myself go.
"What do you mean?" Brian attempted, taking my hands into his, "Shelly... you know how you feel. You know that this feels right," Brian struggled to hold me close as I avoided his eyes on mine.
"Brian, I CAN'T!" I tore away from him, grabbing the patio door. I stopped there, shaking from sobs, my back to Brian. Within seconds, Brian was there, his arms wrapped around me from behind.
"It's okay... Shhhh...." he soothed, "I'm sorry," he turned me around and took me into his arms, "I know..."
"I'm sorry, Brian..." I whispered through my tears, "I wish it were that easy for me," I choked back more sobs, "But I love him."
It was completely silent for a few moments, as he swayed me back and forth in his embrace. I finally inhaled deeply and spoke again, "Don't leave her for me, Brian. I'm not worth it."
Brian pulled away from me immediatly, "First of all, I'm leaving her because we were never going to last anyway, and I finally realize that..." his eyes bore into mine, "Second of all," his voice softened and he raised his hand, sweeping my cheek of its tears, "YOU are worth everything, Shell."
As I bounded up the last step to the second floor and turned towards my bedroom, a large, warm frame collided into me.
"Oh sorry, girl," Joey whispered in the darkness of the hallway.
"It's okay... You heading to your room finally?" I asked quietly, as Joey's siloette shifted uncomfortably in front of me.
"Uh, yeah. Justin was out cold before I even got him to bed. I put some Advil on the nightstand for the morning," he rushed through his words, moving away from me and down the hall.
"Okay, thanks. I hope you get some sleep," I whispered, raising my voice slightly as Joey moved farther away.
"Thanks... Sorry that things got so out of control tonight," his voice faded out as he disappeared.
I raised an eyebrow at Joey's unusual awkwardness as I opened the door to my room as quietly as possible.
I blindly found my way to the bed, and slipped into the warmth. I could hear Justin's familiar slow in-and-out breath against the covers. I moved towards the center of the bed, finding Justin's limp and heavy frame. A break in the curtains casted a pane of light across Justin's placid face. His eyelashes were damp, and his lips were slightly parted as he breathed in and out, rythmically. I sighed, pulling Justin's arms around me and taking his face into my hands.
"I love you, baby," I whispered, kissing his nose gently, "I'm so sorry..."
Justin's eyes fluttered, and he twitched in his sleep. I smiled as he mummbled something, grasping me tighter, and gradually fell back into his deep slumber.
'This was the right decision,' I closed my eyes and said to myself.
I turned off the water and swung open the foggy, glass shower door. Picking up a fluffy white towel, I swiped the mirror and watched droplets of water trickle down my reflection.
As I dried myself off with the towel, I heard the muffled beep of the clock radio going off in the bedroom. I had forgotten to shut it off when I had woken up and gotten into the shower. I had turned off any thoughts in my brain, and simply went through the motions of getting up and getting ready. By eleven o'clock, Kevin, AJ, Howie, and Nick would be at the house to hang out before going to the last show of the tour.
I wrapped the towel around me, and then ran my fingers through my wet hair, squeezing out the excess water. I sighed and opened the bathroom door, walking into the dark bedroom. The red numbers on the clock radio casted a glow on Justin's lifeless figure in the bed. 9:46am. I blinked back the blurriness in my tired eyes. My less than three hours of sleep were already catching up with me.
The alarm continued to blare, and I let it, hoping it would do the job of waking up Justin so I wouldn't have to. I walked over to the window and pulled back the high curtains, letting in the morning sunlight.
I quickly dressed and started to walk back into the bathroom to dry my hair.
"Shell?" Justin's raspy voice sounded from underneath the covers.
I swallowed hard and stopped walking, turning towards the bed, "Yeah?" I answered.
I looked over at Justin amist the many blankets. He was rubbing his eyes furiously, his mouth positioned into a frown.
"Here..." I picked up the Advil and glass of water that lay on the table.
Justin squinted at me, pushing himself up and resting agaist the headboard, "Oh, God... Please," he held out his hand and I poured a few pills into his palm. He flung them back into his mouth, waving a hand at the glass of water.
"...Don't need it," he coughed out after he had swallowed the pills dry.
I placed the medicine bottle and glass back onto the table, "The guys will be here in an hour or so-" I started.
"Oh, shit... They're coming for the last show. I completely forgot..." Justin grimaced, massaging his sweaty temples as I pulled the blankets down from his clammy body.
"Why is the room spinning?" he asked me, yawning and closing his eyes tightly.
"Probably cause you puked from 2:30 until 5:30 in the morning."
"Oh my God..." Justin rubbed his hands over his face, "When did we leave Brian's?"
"Around three. As soon as you stopped throwing up long enough for the guys to haul you into a car... It didn't really matter though, since we had to stop twice for you to puke on the side of road before we got back here," I told him, turning away from the bed.
Justin sighed, catching me by the wrist before I could walk away. I lifted my eyes from the floor, looking into Justin's eyes and sitting down on the side of the mattress.
"I'm so sorry, baby," Justin glided a soft finger along my jaw.
"You don't have to apologize to me... Joey was the one in the bathroom with you all night. I still don't even know how you got as sick as you did," I said.
"Do you know how much I had to drink?" he asked.
"Uh, no... Brian was showing me the new studio he just had built when you got sick." It wasn't a lie, but it sure as hell wasn't the full truth.
"He had a studio built in his house? Wow..."
"Yeah, it's amazing..." I prayed that he would change the subject. Thankfully, he did.
"Ugh... JC should have never let me get that drunk," Justin rubbed his stomach.
"Well, from what I heard, JC gave up the shots and disappeared with Mary Beth way before you stopped drinking," I told him what I had heard from Mary Beth on the car-ride back to Lynn's.
"Apparently you wandered into the room where Diana was asleep, passed out, and by the time the guys heard her yelling for help, you were already getting sick," I said.
Justin sighed, "God, I feel like shit... Was everyone pissed?" Justin asked, stretching his arms above his head.
"No, just worried for the most part... I was worried," I told him, sliding closer to him as he wrapped an arm around my waist.
"I can't believe I was that stupid..." Justin linked his fingers through mine as I stroked his bare chest with my free hand, "Whenever I pick up a drink, promise you'll remind me of last night, okay?" Justin traced his soft thumb along my jawline.
I nodded and smiled, leaning in as our lips met.
