"Alyssa! Wait..." Justin's voice was caught as she closed the door in his face. Letting out a deep breathe, Justin wrapped his knuckles against the door.
"Justin please, I'm sorry..." Her voice was barely heard between the door.
"It's ok sweetie, just please let me in," Justin pleaded as the door slowly cracked open. Alyssa stood there silent tears falling down her cheek. Justin carefully walked in closing the door behind him. He could feel tiny peices of his heart chip away as she stood there blankly staring at him.
"Talk to me sweetheart..." Justin led her over to the bed, sitting down beside her.
"I'm so sorry Justin. I never meant to leave out there, and then having you chase me, slamming the door in your face..." She started crying harder again. Justin stroked the side of her face letting his hand run down her cheek bone, and down to her chin.
"Don't be sorry baby, don't be sorry..." he whispered softly. "Please...just tell me what happened out there. I dont know what I did, and I dont know what I can do to make it better."
"It wasnt you...it wasnt you at all," She sighed a little. "It goes way back, and Im so sorry Justin, I really am."
"Don't let it bother you. It gave me some excercise," Justin smiled a little. "Now, do you want to talk about it, cause it was fine but my ego just can't take another blow like that. So if you dont mind talking with me here...." Justin tried his best to lighten the situation. His heart pumped a little faster as he heard her laugh softly.
"Yeah I would hate to hurt that ego of yours. Even though it would be just right if we could knock it down a few notches...." Alyssa laughed again. "Now...seriously. The reason I ran away is because, well because," Her voice started getting thicker, and more strained as she looked away. The moment she started to talk about it again Justin saw the dark shadows that filled her eyes, the complete and utter embarrassment and fear eteching her voice. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he rubbed it in tiny steadies circles. Her muscles were tight, and her face turneed into concentration.
"Tell me about that... tell me why everytime I touch you your muscles tighten. tell me anything ALyssa... tell my why you hurt so bad," His voice progressivly got softer, his body moving closer towards hers.
"I don't like the feeling I get everytime someone,a guy touches my shoulder or my waist. I dont like the way I feel so weak, and vulnerable...and I can't stand the way they hover over me and make me feel like Im not worthy of their touch, or that they can control me and my body..." She trailed of, Justin looked up in pure confusion.
"That's not what I was doing at all...I just wanted to, to hold you..." His words were almost so soft that she couldnt hear them.
"I know that Justin, its just an instict, and i cant help it. I try to fight it but everytime I do I think again, and think of all the possibilities and know how much I've hurt in the past. And that kind of pain I just couldnt ever go through again. I hurt in everyway possible...emotional...and physical," A thin tear ran softly down her cheek. The amount of protectivness he felt toward her, and the need to keep her safe ran overboard as Justin held both of her hands in his.
"Who did that to you...WHAT did they do to you?"
"How do I explain this? Man, lets see I have always been the dreamer. I have always been out chasing rainbows that didnt exsist, and most of all I was always the one who didn't care. I didn't care what people thought. I was there for the fight, and then after the fight always came the reward. Remember when i told you I havent lived her long when we first met at the church? Well...I lied. I grew up in Orlando, and was nothing but a little girl chasing big dreams. So, I moved to New York when I was 16. I left my parents, I left everything I had ever known in search of some recognition of my talents. Of some, of ANY closure to the untouched dreams."
Justin just watched as she moved her hands, emphasizing her words, and exactly how strongly she had felt about them.
"Thats when I met him. He came and swept me off my feet. He was everything I thought I wanted in a man, and in life. He showed me the world, and promsied to give it to me. he was like a fairytale, he was perfect to a fault..." Her voice drifted off, staring away at the wall. Justin sat completely still beside her. Was that why she ran from him? She was in love with someone else? He sat completely rigid beside her as she continued.
"I was so caught up in the life that we could have together, that this PERFECT man loved me that I was too blinded to see anything else. I was young and naive' and I was just so so...uttterly stupid. I didn't even think twice about the stories that just didn't add up, I wanted so much to believe that he loved me, the way I thought I loved him. He became more and more important to me, and he controlled more and more of me. My clothes, my friends, my attitude, my emotions, my life..." She stopped again wiping the back of her hand violently agsint her cheeks. Swiping away the tears that burned against her skin, dwelling up more in her eyes.
"And when I finally started to realize how he was taking over my life, how he was controlling me like a puppet on a string I was too scared to do anything about it. I was to scared to be on my own, I was to scared to let go of the life I had dreamed up with him, I was scared for the person fighting inside of me, and I knew they were losing... I was scared OF HIM. All the gentle touches, and encouraging words turned into forceful, violent actions. The way he would just stand over me, like a lurking shadow to make sure i was doing something that was 'ok' with him. Making sure that he could have any satisfaction he wanted... I felt so trapped, so dirty," Alyssa looked up meeting Justin soft blue eyes.
Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, falling off her chin and splattering onto her legs. Taking a deep breathe, Alyssa looked away from him, her eyes narrowing onto the floor. "He took away everything that was good in me. Everything I had prided myself for, everything that I had wanted...all my dreams crumbled at his mercy, and there was nothing I could do to stop him." Justin could feel the pain, and the anger unfolding all around her.
He watched as she shook with tears, and tried to even begin to comprehend how someone could do that to her. How someone could look past the innoncence, and the passion radiating out of her. How it was even possible to not see the reflection of your soul in her eyes, to not see the depth behind every word she spoke. To not see the true gift she was to the world, and to anyone who had the oppurtunity to be a part of her life.
"Sweetie, I'm so sorry," Justins lips parted in a hoarse whisper. Squinting her eyes Alyssa, peered at Justin through the tears clouding her eyes. The world looked like a blur, and she cold feel her heart thudder with fear. Fear of reliving the pain, and more than all fear for the feeling beating inside of her heart.
"And through it all, I prayed for someone to resuce those dreams. To see past the image he had created for me, to know the person that was battling inside. And to come and save me. Save me everyway that one can be saved. All I needed was for someone to beleive that I was worth fighting for, someone to just hold me..." Her tears turned into sobs, as she folded her arms over her chest protectivley. Justin could feel the tears stinging in his own eyes, screaming to be released.
"I'll fight for you, with everything I own. I won't give up until you've won this emotional battle, until WE'VE won," Another tear ran down her cheek and Justin instictivly traced it up wiping it away with the back of his thumb.
"Why? I just dont understand it. You guys just helped me, and befriended me without any questions. YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR ME, you CARE FOR ME and I didn't do anything at all..." her words dissolved into a sniffle. "You gave me so many oppurtunities, and I don't even understand it. For the life of me I don't get it. You can have so much better than me, you don't deserve someone like me, but you're dancing with me under the stars, chasing after ME Justin," She let her head fall to her hands as Justin walked around her placing both of his hands on her shoulders.
"I don't deserve someone like you. I don't deserve to have someone so perfect, so loving and so incredibly special in my life. You are everything I want, everything I need, and everything I ever wanted to be. Everytime I watch you, I can see my soul in your eyes. Whenever you're around me it scares me how much of an effect you have on me. Everytime you laugh, you smile, or your eyes sparkle I can't see anything but you. I'm oblivious to everything, everyone. It amazes me how much I NEED you. It makes me go crazy to know that someone could even begin to hurt you the way they did. And I know that I will do anything I can to protect you, I will do anything just to be able to hold you, and keep you safe," Justin leaned in closer to her, until his voice lowered to a whisper. his warm breath hit her neck, and this time she stayed perfectly still. Justin ran his hands up and down her shoulders, before leaning in. Alyssa took a deep breathe as his lips met the side of her face and inched closer toward her lips.
"Justin, stop..." Her voice was light as she pushed away from him, turning to where she could look at his face. She saw his face muscles still, as his eyes searched her face for any answers.
"I'm sorry, I just thought that you..." Justin's eyes twinkled with fear and rejection, as he turned his head to avoid Alyssa's eyes.
"No..." Alyssa turned Justin's face to look at her again.
His eyebrows rose in shock as Alyssa leaned in touching her lips against his. Cupping his hand gently on her cheek, Justin tilted his head to deepen the pressure of the kiss. Both Alyssa and Justin were completely oblivious to the world around them as they experienced the fireworks exploding in their hearts. Alyssa pulled away quickly as someone knocked on the door. She jumped, and turned quickly to look at Justin. Slowly slinking her way across the room, she cracked the door just enough to see the person peering back at her.
"Miss Taylor, can I talk to you?" Drew, looked straight into her eys, as Alyssa opened the door sheepishly allowing him to come in.
