The next few days were absolute hell. Nick wouldn’t talk to me, let alone, even come near me. I wanted nothing more than to go home or back to school but I promised Denise that I wouldn’t let mine and Nick’s relationship interfere with my job.
A couple of days later we were in Philly for a show. We met up with one of Nick’s friend from home, Sarah, who went to Villanova. I had met her when I was down in Florida last year and I had talked to her on the phone a lot when she was at Nick’s house. We got along pretty well. I was sitting on the bus, finishing up some emails for Denise, when she walked on:
“Hey Katelin.” I looked up:
“Oh. Hey Sar. Let me guess. Did you come here to lecture me too?” She shook her head:
“Kate, I would never do that. I understand why you did what you did. Hell, I probably would’ve done it too.” We both giggled lightly. Then she became serious again:
“But I also understand where Nick’s coming from. He feels really betrayed, Kate. He thinks that you don’t trust him enough to include him on decisions like that.” I felt tears spring to my eyes:
“I know, Sarah. I don’t know why I did it. It really seemed like a good idea at the time, you know?” She came over and hugged me:
“It’ll be okay, Kate. I promise. He loves you and he’ll come around.”
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The guys had a show that night in Philly. Nick was still avoiding me. Sarah promised to talk to him but I guess he was still being stubborn. Everyone wanted to go out to a club that night but I really wasn’t in the mood so I went with Denise back to the hotel. Sarah again promised that she would try and talk to Nick while they were out.
I could barely fall asleep all night. I couldn’t deal with this anymore. I had to do something. I looked over at the clock and realized it was almost 9am. I got showered and dressed and made my way down to Nick’s room. I was determined to fix things between us. One way or another. I just wanted us on speaking terms again. I knocked softly on his door. No one answered so I knocked a little harder. When he still didn’t answer, I decided that I would go talk to Sarah, instead.
I got a cab outside the hotel and was on my way to Villanova. I found her dorm and walked upstairs. I couldn’t find her room so I asked someone on her floor if she knew her:
“Excuse me, do you know where Sarah Baxter’s room is?” She smiled at me:
“Sure. Actually I was just on my way to wake the lazy girl’s ass up. Follow me.” We walked down the hall a little bit and she knocked on the door. No one answered so she just decided to walk in. I heard her gasp so I walked in the room behind her. I could not believe the sight in front of me.
There was Nick. In nothing but boxers laying in the bed with Sarah. She had a sheet positioned on her so it shown her bare back. I could tell that she had no clothes on. Her friend just stood there in shock. Sarah slowly stirred and woke up:
“Oh. Hey Liz. What are you-Oh my god! Katelin! What are you doing here?” I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. Nick started to wake up beside her:
“Sar? What the hell’s going-“ He stopped when he saw me:
“Kate?” I didn’t say anything. I just let the tears fall. It was then that Nick noticed that he was only wearing boxers and that Sarah was naked. He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes:
“Oh my god…” I finally managed to say something:
“Now you wanna talk about trust, Nick? You want to know why I don’t fucking trust you?” Nick sat there, tears springing to his eyes:
“I’m so sorry, Kate. I don’t even remember coming back here. Please, baby, believe me. I would never intentionally hurt you like this.” I shook my head and looked at Sarah:
“I don’t wanna hear it. How could you, Sar? I thought we were friends. I thought you were going to talk to him for me. Call me crazy, but it doesn’t look like much talking went on here.” She glanced up and I could see the pain in her eyes:
“I’m so sorry, Kate. We were both so drunk-“ I cut her off:
“That’s fucking bullshit. I don’t care if you were drunk. Nick, how could you do this to me? I thought that you loved me?” He looked at me apologetically:
“Kate, baby, I do love you. I honestly don’t remember anything after I left the club.” I kept on yelling:
“Did you guys have sex? Did you?” No one said anything for a minute. Finally, Nick mumbled:
“I don’t remember.” I looked at Sarah:
“Well?” She slowly responded:
“Um…yeah we did.” Nick and I both looked at her sharply. I had heard enough:
“Fuck you both. I can’t fucking believe that either one of you would do this to me. Especially you, Nick.” With that, I ran out of the building, sobbing the whole time. I got in a cab and went back to the hotel. Little did I know, that Nick was not far behind me.
When I got back to the hotel, tears were still streaming down my face. Nick was running into the hotel right behind me:
“Kate, wait please.” I quickly hit the close door button on the elevator so Nick wouldn’t be able to get in. He jumped in the next one and arrived at our floor right after me. I never once looked at him. I just ran to my room and tried to find my key in purse:
“Shit. Where is it?” Nick was running down the hall after me:
“Katelin, baby, I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t remember anything after I left the club. I was so drunk. You have to believe me. I would never do that to you. I love you.” By this time, all the guys, plus Leighanne were out in the hallway watching us. I noticed this but didn’t care:
“Yeah right, you don’t remember, Nick. Everyone remembers something like that. That’s just a fucking excuse. Well you know what? I don’t care if you remember it or not. The fact is is that you did it. You slept with another fucking girl, Nick. Don’t stand there and tell me you love me when you fucked another girl!” I saw all the guys jaws drop to the floor but, again, I didn’t care. Nick dropped to his knees:
“Please Kate! Don’t do this to me.” I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop the tears from falling but they did anyway:
“I know what I did was wrong, Nick. I know that I made a mistake. But I never thought that this would be the way you would get back at me. To quote you, Nick, ‘I can’t even stand the sight of you right now.’ You fucking disgust me and we are finished!” I walked in my room and slammed the door, leaving Nick sobbing and the rest of them not knowing what to do. I leaned on the door and slid to the ground, sobbing:
'How could he do this to me? I thought that he loved me. God, please just let this all be a bad dream.' But I knew that it wasn’t. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I didn’t move:
“Go away.”
“Katelin, it’s Denise and Leighanne. Can we please come in?” I reluctantly stood up and opened the door:
“What?” They both walked in the room and Leighanne hugged me:
“I’m so sorry, Kate. I feel like this is all my fault. If only I hadn’t told Nick-“ I interrupted:
“No, Leigh. It’s my fault. If I wasn’t so stupid to begin with, this never would’ve happened.” Denise looked at us, confused. She didn’t know what had happened that caused Nick and I to fight to begin with:
“Katelin, I will understand if you want to leave. I know that you don’t want to see him everyday. Hell, I don’t really want to look at him either.” I smiled a little bit:
“Denise, I made a promise to you that I’d keep my work and my personal life separate and I still intend to do that. Just keep me as far away from Nick as possible.” She nodded and then they both left. I walked over to my bed and collapsed. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The guys were all crowded in Brian and Leighanne’s room. Nick sat, huddled in a ball, in the corner:
“I’m so fucking stupid. So stupid.” No one wanted to argue with him. They all knew that he was. Brian finally spoke:
“Why’d you do it, man?” Nick looked up, his face tear-stained:
“You guys, I swear to god, I don’t remember anything after getting in the cab. Sarah and I were sitting at the bar and I remember feeling like I was going to pass out and then I told her I wanted to leave. She said that she’d make sure I got home safe and we got in a cab. Everything after that is all a blur. I swear to god. That’s not some lame excuse I used for Kate. I honestly don’t remember.” AJ sighed:
“I don’t know what to tell you, Kaos. You really screwed up this time. I’d be surprised if she ever talked to you again.”