The next night, we were all on the bus on the way to Ohio. I desperately wanted to ride on the bus with management and the crew but there was no room. I was stuck on the guys bus. I had managed to avoid Nick completely that day. He would walk into a room and I would leave. Simple as that. I never once made eye contact with him. It hurt too much.
Everyone was asleep, or so I thought. I was just laying there, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few weeks. I honestly thought that this was going to be the best time of my life. Going across the country with the guy that I loved. But it has turned into my worst nightmare. I started to cry quietly. At least I thought I was being quiet. Little did I know that both Brian and Nick were listening to me. I tried to stifle my sobs in my pillow but they heard and, the next thing I knew, Brian was at my side trying to comfort me:
“Hey. Shh..It’ll be okay.” I wiped my eyes:
“How Brian? How will it be okay?” He shrugged:
“I don’t know, Katie. But I promise you that it’ll get better. It’ll start to hurt less.” I forced a smile:
“You sound like you speak from experience.” He glanced down at his hands:
“Yeah and it hurt. But, over time, the pain got less and less.” I started to cry again:
“Why Brian? Why would he do this to me? I love him so much and he just took it and threw it in my face.” Brian rubbed my back comfortingly:
“I don’t know, sweetie. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but only you can do that.” I nodded:
“I know. Brian, I’m not proud of what I did. Honestly. I was scared shitless and wasn’t thinking clearly. I really convinced myself that I did it out of love for Nick. But this. How could he do this to me? Knowing how much trust I put in him?” Brian didn’t say anything. Just sat there while I cried:
“God, I never ever thought that the day would come where I would compare Nick to Rob. I mean, Brian, Rob hit me but what Nick did hurts so much more.”
Nick had decided he had heard enough. Next thing I knew, he jumped out of his bunk and dropped to his knees in front of me:
“Oh god, Katelin. I’m so sorry baby. Please. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us. I love you so much. I need you in my life. Please, don’t do this. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much.” I tried to control my sobs but it wasn’t working too well:
“Please….Nick….stop….I can’t…I can’t do this.…right now…Please stop.” Nick also had tears streaming down his face:
“Baby, I love you.” He reached out and grabbed my hand:
“Please don’t give up on us, Kate. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you with everything that I have. Don’t give up on me. On us. We can get through this. I love you.” By now, everyone was awake and looking at us. I tried to pull myself away from Nick’s grasp but he just wouldn’t let go:
“Nick, don’t do this. I can’t handle it right now. Someone, please get him off me. Please? I need to get out of here.” Sadly, Brian and AJ both removed Nick’s grasp from me:
“Come on Nick. Just let go.”
I stood up and went into the entertainment room and locked the door behind me. Then, I collapsed on the couch and sobbed uncontrollably.