The next day before we met up with the guys in Ft. Lauderdale, Leighanne and I went to an abortion clinic and I had one. Again. I didn’t want Nick to wonder. I just acted like I didn’t feel well and he never questioned me.
A week and a half later we were in New York for their concert at Madison Square Garden. I was off with Denise doing promotional stuff while the guys and Leighanne all hung out at the hotel before they had to be at the venue.
Nick was walking down the hall to our room when he noticed that Bri and Leighanne’s door was slightly opened. He was about to knock when he heard their voices coming from inside. He lingered outside for a second, letting his curiosity get the best of him:
“So, Nick doesn’t know about any of it?” Leighanne sighed:
“I tried to convicne her to tell him but she was so sure that it was for his own good. What am I supposed to do, sweetie? She’s one of my best friends. I can’t go against her like that. She’d kill me.” Nick stood outside the door wondering:
‘What are they talking about? What can’t Katelin tell me?’ He continued listening as Leighanne went on:
“I mean, I understand where she’s coming from. She doesn’t want to bother him with it. She’s convinced that she did the right thing. What would you do?” Brian shrugged:
“I don’t know, honey. If I found out that you went ahead and did that without ever telling me about it, I’d be pretty pissed. But Nick may take it differently. How far along was she?”
“Not long at all. She found out and then she made her decision right then and there. It was really tough on her because she had already done it once last year.” Brian’s head shot up in surprise:
“She had an abortion last year?” Leighanne cringed:
“You’re not supposed to know that. I didn’t find out until a few weeks ago. Only Nick and her friends from school knew.” Brian nodded:
“So, she never plans on telling Nick?” Leighanne shook her head just as Nick burst through the door:
“She doesn’t have to.” He was really angry:
“How could she fucking do this to me? Doesn’t she trust me at all?” Leighanne stepped towards him and put her arm around him:
“Oh my god! What the hell have I done? Nick, you can’t tell her that you know. She’ll kill me.” Nick shrugged her arm away:
“Are you fucking kidding me, Leigh?!!” She looked at him sadly:
“Nick, I know you’re mad but she honestly thought she was doing what was best.”
“Like hell she did!!! That’s bullshit Leighanne and you know it! Rok, what would you do if you were in my place?” Brian glanced at his girlfriend:
“I’m sorry, Leigh. I have to take Nick’s side on this one. If you had done this to me, I’d be pretty mad. It’s like she doesn’t trust him at all.” Nick continued with his rage:
“She was pregnant with my baby and she didn’t have enough respect for me to clue me in on her decision as whether to keep it or not?! Fuck that!” He stomped out of the room and pushed by AJ, who was walking in to see what all the yelling was about. AJ watched him leave and then looked at Brian and Leighanne, confused:
“What the hell was that all about?” Brian shook his head:
“I can’t tell you right now but I have a feeling that the shit is gonna hit the fan when Katie gets back.”
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
After long day of work with Denise, we finally arrived at MSG to meet the guys before the show. I walked into the green room where everyone was hanging out. Everyone except Nick, that is. I went and collapsed on the couch next to AJ:
“Hey guys. Where’s Nick?” Brian and Leighanne exchanged nervous glances. Brian cleared his throat:
“Uh…he’s in his dressing room. But-“ I didn’t wait for him to finish. I just wanted to see my boyfriend so I ran out of the room and into Nick’s dressing room. He was sitting in a chair with his back to me, playing his gameboy. I placed my hands over his eyes and bent down to whisper in his ear:
“Guess who?” He ripped my hands off his eyes, never once pausing his game. I stood there, surprised:
“Hey? What’s wrong with you?” He mumbled, not taking his eyes off his game:
“Why don’t you tell me?” I had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach:
“What are you talking about?” He turned around and glared at me:
“I heard a fun little fact this morning. Care to tell me about your little secret with Leighanne?” My mouth dropped open. Nick continued to glare at me:
“Yeah. Didn’t think I’d ever find out, did you?” I was in shock. I honestly never thought Leighanne would tell him. My voice was barely audible:
“She told you?” Nick’s eyes were full of anger:
“It doesn’t matter who told me, Katelin! I can’t believe you did this to me! Do you not trust me at all?” My eyes began to fill with tears. Nick shook his head:
“Don’t turn on the tears, Katelin, and expect me to soften up. I have never been so fucking pissed, angry, hurt, whatever the hell you want to call it, in my entire life! Did you think that I didn’t have a right to know? That I shouldn’t have had anything to do with the decision you made? How could you do this to me Kate?” I just sat there with tears streaming down my face as Nick yelled:
“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to bother you with it.” His face never softened:
“Didn’t want to bother me with it?! Katelin, it was OUR baby. Not YOUR baby. God, Kate, I feel like I don’t even know you. How could you make such a life altering decision without me?” I sobbed:
“I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want you to think that I was just doing it for you. Nick, it would’ve ruined your career, not to mention what it would do to my life.” Nick was still mad as hell:
“Yeah, well don’t you think that I should’ve had any say in it? It’s my fucking career. My career. Let me in on the decisions that will affect MY career. I’m not saying that I would’ve wanted to keep it, Kate. It’s just that I will never understand why you didn’t let ME help you make the decision.” We were both silent for a minute before he continued:
“I can’t even fucking look at you right now, Katelin. I have no trust in you whatsoever.” He went to leave but I grabbed his arm:
“Nick?! What are you saying? What about us?” He shrugged my arm away:
“I honestly don’t know, Kate. I can’t even stand the sight of you right now.” With that, he left the room. I dropped to my knees and sobbed. Leighanne rushed in a minute later:
“Oh god, Kate. I’m so sorry. I let it slip in front of Brian. Nick was right outside the door listening. I honestly didn’t know he was there, Kate. I’m so sorry. I never would’ve let him find out.” I tried to control my sobs:
“It’s not your fault, Leigh. He would’ve found out eventually. What am I going to do?” She smoothed my hair down:
“It’ll be okay, sweetie. I promise.”