The Hardest Thing
**Jamy's POV**
I sat quietly in my small apartment, listening to the silence, waiting to hear the sound of my long time boyfriend knocking. I was 15, he was 16. He joined a band, and they had begun touring over in Europe. It had been months since I had seen him. I couldn't wait to look into his loving crystal blue eyes.
**Justin's POV**
I stepped out of my home, putting on my black sunglasses. I stared into the hustle and bustle of Orlando, and hailed down a cab. I had only one thing on my mind...how can I break it to her? I was on my way to see girlfriend of 2 years, Jamy.
The cab pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex too soon.
**Jamy's POV**
I turned out the lights, and lit a few candles. My mother was visiting my grandmother, so I had hopes of making this reunion as romantic and calm as possible. I stared around me, looking at the barely nothing that my mother and I owned. The mauve carpet was soft, but stained, the furniture had been bought at a used furniture outlet. My mom and I fixed everything up as good as we could, but we just couldn't afford anything fancy. Which brings me to Justin, he was raised with money, never knowing what it is like to have nothing. Which made me wonder how he could love me, but he did.
**Justin's POV**
I adjusted my shirt and knocked on her door, the off-white paint was chipped, and the door looked like it had been through hell and back. She soon answered the door, looking as beautiful as ever. Her eyes were like luminating candles, bright and shining. She was wearing a long flower patterned dress. Her warm lips turned into a smile as she looked up into my eyes. I wanted so much to reach forward and touch her soft brown hair that was curled at the bottom and the sides framed her oval shaped face. "Look at us, staring at each other like a couple of goons, come on in," she smiled. I listened to her voice, I had missed it so much over the past months, and the way her lips made the perfect smile. I didn't want to have to look forward to seeing her face every time I came home from tour, I didn't want her to wait for me while we grew apart and became very different people, I didn't want to see that, and I couldn't let our relationship go down the drain like that, I had to stop it here...."I'm sorry, I can't," I said, looking down at my shoes, to avoid eye contact.
**We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
Someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep**
"What do you mean?" she asked me, her smiled fading from her thick lips. "I mean that I can't do this anymore, I've been seeing someone else," I lied, straight to her face as though I had done it a thousand times, it felt like my still-beating heart had just been ripped out of my chest.
**Jamy's POV**
Tears clouded my vision of the man I loved, the man I thought loved me back. I stood there speechless, as hot tears began stinging my face. "Say something, please," Justin just wanted to hear her voice, before he walked out of her life forever. "What can I say? What is there to say? What do you want me to say Justin?" my voice became angry. He just shook his head.
**I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that**
**Justin's POV**
"I don't know Jamy, I-I-I," Justin stuttered, about to take back everything that had just escaped his mouth, but didn't. "I have to go," I said sniffing hard so that I could remember the way she smelled and turning away from her, I couldn't bear to see the painful look on her face any longer. It wasn't more than a few seconds from when I turned away that I heard her apartment door slam. I knew I would never forget the sound of it.
**It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my hearts not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you**
**Jamy's POV**
I sat down in front of my door, not knowing what to do or feel, I was in a state of shock and my emotions couldn't handle it. I tried to dry my face, but the tears kept coming and it seemed pointless to try because my neck and chest were wet from tears as well.
**Justin's POV**
I couldn't leave yet. I sat down in front of the apartment and leaned against her door. I ran my hands through my curly hair as tears welled up into my eyes, I wiped them away before they could touch my cheeks. At this point in time there was no reason in my mind that I was letting this girl go, but I knew that once the pain was gone I wouldn't regret it...at least I hoped I wouldn't.
*~*Chapter 2*~*
**Maybe we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind**
*~*Jamy's POV*~*
I stood inside of Camelot Music, looking through the CD's, trying to waste time before he showed up. Justin's band had blown up everywhere...Europe, Australia, America, Asia...even in Africa, and they were here in the Mall doing a common autograph signing. I had to see him. I wouldn't say anything, I wouldn't even ask for an autograph, I just needed to see his face in person. There were hundreds of hundreds of people standing and waiting in line. It was amazing to me that they could touch so many people, and have so many fans....I mean my Justin was just a little Memphis boy, and now he was a sex symbol...it astonished me.
I stood debated whether to buy Limp Bizkit's first record or not, when I heard they screams. I looked up towards the long tables they had set up for the guys to sit at, and my stomach sank. There he was. After 2 long years without him, in that moment it seemed that he never left my side.
**Justin's POV**
*NSYNC was doing another autograph signing, I sat down at my table making eye contact with a girl about my age across the room. 'She seems so familiar...she looked exactly like...no it can't be' I thought to myself as I looked up at her again. 'It's not her, she could careless about you, she's moved on Justin,' I mentally scolded myself, maybe she had moved on, but I hadn't.
**Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
Cause there can be no happy ending**
**Jamy's POV**
I stood quietly, not moving...he looked at me...maybe he recognized me. Kristin, my best friend of 7 years, elbowed me...I snapped out of my trance and looked at her. "What?" I asked, my voice a little shaky. Chelle, my best friend of 6 years, said, "Did you see him look at you? I think he recognized you." "No, he didn't even look over here," I denied.
**Justin's POV**
"Man, what's up with you?" Chris whispered to Justin. "Nuthin," he said, signing another autograph and shaking the girl's hand.
*~*Chapter 3*~*
*~*2 days later*~*
**Justin's POV**
I paced across my living room, wondering if Jamy would come to our show tomorrow night. "What's up with you Justin?" Lance asked. "Nuthin man, Nuthin," I mummbled. JC was the only one who knew about Jamy, and he seemed very concerned. "Man, gets some sleep, you look like shit," Joey said, sitting down on the couch, flipping through the channels.
**Jamy's POV**
"I can't believe this," I whispered, pulling a pillow into my lap. Justin was going to have a huge concert tomorrow night to kick off his world tour, and I didn't have tickets. "I promise I will get you to that concert," Jasmine, commonly called Jazz, said.
Just then, as if fate was giving us a window of opportunity, as if it were meant to be that we were listening to the radio at that very second, the DJ came on and said, "I have got my hands on all-access and VIP seats to the big *NSYNC show that is kicking off their world tour, all you have to do is give me the full names of every member is in the group in order from oldest to youngest and the 10th song on their European Debut Album!!!"
My heart jumped, and I picked up the phone. After dialing the number....
DJ: Hello, who is this???
Me: This is Jamy Bergdoll, I'm calling in to win the *NSYNC stuff
DJ: ok, tell me their names in order please
Me: Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, Joshua Scott Chasez, Joesph Anthony Fatone Jr., James Lance Bass, and Justin Randall Timberlake
DJ: VERY GOOD!!! Now, the 10th song on their European Debut Album...
Me; That's easy...."Best Of My Life"
DJ: THAT'S IT!!!! U WON!!!! come pick up your stuff at 7 AM tomorrow morning.
Me: THANK YOU!!! I'll be there!!! goodbye!!!
I hung up my phone and started doing a dance on my bed. "Let's go shopping!!!" Chelle shrieked.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Oh My Lance!!! Look at this shirt! It's adorable!" I said, picking up a baby blue backless leather shirt, which had straps zigzagging in the back. "Very cute! try it on!" Jazz said, popping another piece of gum into her mouth.
After I out it on, I came out of the dressing room..."You look absolutely gorgeous Jamy, you gotta get that shirt," Kristin said. I bought it, and we moved onto another store. I bought a long black skirt with a slit up to mid thigh.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
We picked up our tickets, and got to the arena early. Jazz put her dark brown hair in a bun, and left a few wavy strands out. She was wearing an olive colored dress that ended just above her knees, sequence lined the boarders. Chelle had her short blonde hair put up in 6 butterfly clips, and was wearing a pair of black leather pants and a maroon speggeti strap shirt. Kristin had her long blonde hair curled at the ends and was wearing a dark blue skirt and a lavender shirt with a navy stripe across the chest and arms. Jamie left her hair down, and curled the layers to frame her face and was wearing a pair of tight, flared, cargo khakis and a shiny pink square neck 1/4 sleeve shirt. I had my hair in about a thousand tiny spiral curls and was wearing the outfit I bought the day before.
"Are you ladies the ones who won the radio contest?" a large man, more than likely a security guard, asked. "Yes," I said, standing up from my seat. "Come with me," he said, taking us backstage.
The butterflies in my stomach began to grow out of control, and I got light headed as we entered a vanilla colored room, my nervous eyes scoured the large room, I heard the voices but I didn't see the faces..at last I found them, in the farest corner, on a teal couch. My eyes lit up, and my stomach sank...the nervousness was making me light headed. They noticed the girls entering the room, and jumped from their positions on the couch. 'all right! fans our age...' Lance thought as he walked towards the group of girls. "Hello," they greeted, offering their hands. I shook each one of them, making my way to Justin...I nervously shook his hand, not able to look him in the eyes.
**Justin's POV**
'She's the girl from the record store...' I thought as I shook her hand. 'That smell...like vanilla, strawberries, oak, peaches and apples...the same way Jamy smelled,' I thought, remembering my love.
"It's wonderful to meet you lovely ladies," Joey smiled. I laughed inside, knowing that one of these girls would be his girlfriend by the end of the night.
**Jamy's POV**
I watched him smile, he was the exact way I remembered him. I smiled at him, trying not to seem like a teeny bopper. When I did, his eyes lit up the same way they used to.
**Justin's POV**
'It's her, I know it...I could never forget a smiled like that...what do I do????'
*~*Chapter 4*~* (Justin's POV)
I continued to eye her, through out the time the group was getting to know each other. Jamy was totally silent. I could barely believe that she was standing before me, there was so much that needed to be said.
"Well, we have to go do a sound check, would you fine ladies like to watch?" Joey asked, looking at Jamie who was enjoying Joey's easy flirtatious nature."I know I would!" Jazz excitedly spoke. Jamy slacked behind, taking in the views of the halls, as the group made their way to the stage. I began walking slower so that I could get Jamy alone. "Jamy?" I said, touching her arm gently, that pulled her into a stop as her eyes widened. "Yes?" her soft voice was barely audible. "I-I missed you," was all I could say. Her head lowered, she was at a loss of words.
(Jamys POV)
'He knows it's me, what can I say now?' I questioned my self silently as I stared at the black linoleum floor. "I didn't expect you to recognize me," I whispered, still not able to face him. "How could I not? I've loved you forever baby," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head, "No, you don't betray someone you love."
"Something I never thought I would need to talk about again, there is something I need to tell you about," Justin said, knowing that right here, right now the truth needed to be surfaced, things needed to be said.
"What?" I asked, looking into those glistening blue eyes. I knew whatever was coming out of his mouth was nothing short of the truth, and I could see it in his eyes.
"I would never cheat on you, and I never have," Justin said, he felt as if a thousand heavy bricks were lifted off his chest.
I just stared into his eyes, a thousand thoughts raced through my mind...I couldn't comprehend or understand anything for that split second, I only knew one thing....he wasn't lying.
"Justin, geez, c'mon! Get her number later," Joey yelled from the end of the dimly lit corridor. Tears welled in the bottom of my eyes, I was at a loss for words. "We'll talk about this later?" Justin asked hopefully. "Yea," I said, a weak smile creeping to the corner of my mouth, but it quickly faded away.
I just stared at the ground for a few minutes as he ran to the stage. I trudged slowly out of the corridor, not knowing what was going on. I slowly walked to our seats, which happened to be front & center. I slumped in my chair, a still shocked look was on my face.
"What's up?" Chelle asked. "Yea, you look like you just saw a ghost!" Jamie said, worried.
"I-I-I'll tell you about it later," I stuttered.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"We're gonna slow it down a little bit, this one is for all you girls who have everything," JC said to the crowd, and the girls went insane. We were just screaming and smiling. The guys kept winking and waving to us.
"We need 5 girls to come on up here, and since there are 5 girls right here who won a radio contest...we want you to come up here, and sit in these chairs," Joey said, pointing towards the 5 of us.
"OHMYFUCKINGLANCE!!" Kristin screamed, getting looks from just about everyone in our section. The guys helped us on stage.
Kristin sat in the chair on the end, I sat next to her, Chelle sat next to me, then Jazz, and last was Jamie.
I became sick to my stomach when I realized that my chair just happened to be the one Justin was to "croon" to. JC took Kristin's hand, Joey took Jamie's hand, Chris took Chelle's hand and Lance took Jazz's hand. The music started and I felt myself becoming more and more dizzy. "I am NOT going to pass out here!!" I continuously told myself.
Justin sang his verse, which he only does live, and in the video, half to the crowd and half to me. The nervousness must have shown through, because he smiled and winked at me. That only made things worse...he didn't realize it wasn't the crowd that was making me nervous, it was him. Maybe it wasn't a nervousness but whatever it was, was stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Wow! That was amazing!!" I said, sitting down on a fluffy couch backstage, the concert had ended and we were invited backstage.
"I know, I can't imagine what you guys must feel like right now!" Jazz said, taking a drink of her coca-cola. "Yea, I mean, right now I am so drained! You guys are probably gonna fall asleep rigtht here and now!" I laughed.
"No, I'm soo incredibly tired, but I won't get to sleep for another 2 hours," Lance said, flipping on the television.
Justin sat next to on the couch, and slyly slipped a piece of paper into my hand. I slowly read it...it read...
"Dearest Jamy,
Please call my when you get back home, my number is ***-****. I need to meet with you, to talk about us,
Loving you Always,
Justin"
He was watching me read it, with caring eyes, I nodded my head non-coherently, so that the others wouldn't notice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I walked into the coffee shop, only minutes away from my apartment, my tired, heavy, eyes scoured the shop, and it's wooden theme. The coffee's aroma tingled my nose as I searched for him. He sat in a corner, staring at his hands blankly, but nervously.
I walked in his direction and he must have sensed my presence because he looked up hopefully in my direction.
I smiled ever so slightly and reach his table. "Have a seat, hun...I mean, yea, uh, sit down," he said, stuttering over his words. I smiled broadly and sat down.
"So...are you hungry, thirsty, single?" he asked, trying to hide his last question.
I busted out laughing at his attempt.
Part 2
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