I fell and kept on falling
But you continued kicking
And striking me even harder.
The hand you offered,
As some kind of after thought,
A petty gesture,
An apology,
When all was said
And the damage was done,
Was layered with poison.
You used your venom, so deadly
Back then like you did yesterday,
Because you wanted me to yield,
Prostrate myself before you
And I hate you.
I hate you for even thinking that I would,
I hate you for thinking that I should.
I detest you
And I despise you.
You forget that
My thoughts are my own.
They do not belong to you
Or anyone else
And my life is mine
And mine alone to live.
You thought that I didn't hear you whisper
"Kneel down, unzip and suck".
Your unspoken words to my contempt for you,
Your unspoken ideas of how you presumed
That I would subject myself to you.
But I refuse to let you become my unspoken misery
And you will not force your words to come out of my mouth.
You will not dominate my thoughts
Or dictate what my actions should be.
Men who make mistakes
Just like I have
Men who've taken away my God,
Impaled His son before my eyes,
And stripped me of my faith
Will not govern me.
Rebellion, disobedience,
Insurrection and independence
Actions you'll never understand,
Accept or contemplate
As you bleat contentedly,
Following the flock
Oblivious to reality
Like sheep to the slaughter.
Pharisees, clowns, hypocrites, liars
Parading your godliness with smiles,
Strutting your faith in a circus ring
Applauded by your peers,
Thinking yourselves clever
While you ridiculously
Seek answers to questions unknown.
You live in my hell
And I happily place you there
To rot in the recollection
Of all you did to me.
I decline to reside in your so called heaven
Because I see you running an irrational race
Blinkered for your master and his whip
Expecting others to blindly follow
To some dead-end prize.
I recall how you made my own home your battlefield
Where you abused me and slandered me
Shouted and mocked
And although you said I was your friend
And this was for my benefit,
For my own good
I could see how much you tried to make me squirm and cower,
To crawl on my hands and knees
And lick the dust at your feet.
Perhaps I trembled at the time
But it was anger and pain
I felt as I stood on the window ledge.
Was it blood you wanted on your hands?
You almost had your wish.
It would have been too late then
To smother me in pretentious sympathy
Or drown me in your tea.
But you'll be pleased to know
That I did benefit
Just like you said I would.
It made me stronger
Not weaker or milder.
It made me wiser
Not pliable or yielding
And I will never fit into your mold.
For you, my friend,
My home is now a closed door
Forgiveness is not in my vocabulary
Neither will I dare to use the word forget
Lest anyone should ever place themselves in your shoes again.
Now in parting
I send you this gift for all you've given me
Lets say a token for you to remember me by
A reminder of what you achieved
A small gesture on my part
In fact a word of thanks
That you opened my eyes
To the cloak you shroud yourself in on the outside
And to all that you are inside.
My final words -
I will no longer scrutinize your sins
Because I will not become you
I will not become your judge or jury
I will not become your exectioner
I will let you live as you think fit
And I will let God be the judge of one and all.
