Chapter 11
Jana looked up at Nick and then back down at her hands.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
She looked up at him again and asked, "Why did you get so many tattoos?"
"What?"
"I don’t recall stuttering."
"I don’t know I wanted to why? Do you have any?"
"I thought maybe you just wanted to be like AJ or something. I think all of them, except the arm band, the sun and the ‘KAOS’ one, are ugly."
"What?"
"I do." Jana replied laughing.
Nick just looked at her.
"Seriously, it’s just my opinion damn."
"Why don’t you like them?"
"I don’t they don’t appeal to me. Especially the ones on your legs, what the hell were you thinking?"
"Do you have any?"
"Why yes I do." Jana retorted grinning.
"Show me."
Jana got up from the couch and lifted her shirt then quickly put it back down turning around facing him. "Wait a second you saw me naked and didn’t see it?"
"It’s on your back."
Jana nodded then turned around again lifting her shirt revealing the tattoo on her lower back.
"What’s it say?"
"It’s my middle name."
"Which is?"
"Catherine."
"Tight."
Jana just smiled as she sat back down looking at Nick.
"What made you get that?" Nick asked.
"I was named after my grandma that I never met and I don’t know it just holds some sort of meaning you know."
"Ok what made you get your tongue pierced?"
Jana started laughing and shrugged.
"There has to be a reason."
"I like to suck a lot of dick?"
"What?"
Jana started laughing some more.
"Come on spill it. Did it hurt?"
"Like a fucking bitch. I had mouthwash in my mouth for like an hour before because they don’t numb it and it still hurt. I almost passed out when I saw the needle thing they use."
"Damn. So what made you get it?"
Jana started laughing again and said, "I can’t tell you its top secret."
Nick sighed then said, "Fine I’ll just think you’re a mouth slut then."
"Fine." Jana said crossing her arms.
It was quiet for a while Jana was playing with her fingers thinking of the question that Nick asked that she purposely avoided. Nick sat there staring at Jana wanting to know so bad what was going through her head.
"You forgot my question." Nick said breaking the silence.
"Didn’t forget just ignored." Jana replied quietly still looking at her hands.
"So, have you ever been in love?"
Jana looked up at Nick with a sad face. She sighed and started to talk, "Yeah, I fell hard to. His name was Shawn, really pretty guy. I always like the guys way out of my league. He didn’t want a relationship all he wanted was someone to be there when he wanted sex. I gladly volunteered for that because I’m pathetic and I just figured if he was in my life in some way then I’d be happy. And it was great there for a while then I let myself go and I fell for him. I told him how I felt and he told me he didn’t want that and he just moved on to someone else. For the longest time I thought we were classified as a couple we did couple things you know. And it was nice to have someone want me around. All my life that’s all I wanted; to be wanted to be seen. I want someone to be so much in love with me they are in pain, physical pain when I’m not around them. And there were a few after him but after getting hurt over and over again I finally decided not to let it happen again. The hardest thing in the world is to watch someone you love be with someone else and sit and wonder why all the people you love don’t love you back."
Nick didn’t know what to say he kept his eyes on her she looked like she was going to continue.
"Now an extra special glimpse into my life." She said with a smile.
Nick smiled a little.
"My dad murdered my mom and got away with it. I was little and I don’t remember what exactly happened for him to get away with it but he did. I remember that day like it was yesterday I still have nightmares. I was seven and they were fighting as usual my mom said something horrible to my dad but he deserved it he had just hit her. He grabbed a beer bottle and hit her over the head with it. She fell to the ground and I ran over to her, my dad kicked me in the stomach when I got close to her. He started kicking her and hitting her with the rest of the bottle until she just stopped crying. I watched in horror I didn’t really understand but then again I did. I was really confused. Then about an hour later my dad’s friends came over they were drinking I was in my room crying. Two of his buddies came in and closed the door. I didn’t really think anything of it until one was holding my mouth shut and the other was taking my pants off." She paused taking a breath she had never done this before. She never talked about this only to her therapist, Nikki didn’t even know. But she had to admit it felt good for someone else to hear.
"Are you ok? You don’t have to finish."
Jana shook her head wiped her eyes and continued, "He pulled his pants down and proceeded to rape me. I remember it hurting so badly and after trying to scream so much I got so exhausted and just cried. The first one leaned up and gave me a kiss and I remember tasting the alcohol on his breath. They were all drunk. And one by one all six of them did that even my dad. That night I went to take a bath and I remember freaking out because I was still bleeding it was everywhere. Then my dad threatened me if I told anyone he’d kill me too. After that I distanced myself from him only talked to him when absolutely necessary, he didn’t care he had a girlfriend to tend to. Then when I was twelve I tried to kill myself about four times, because his friends still came over got drunk and took advantage of me. It was horrible. I think that’s part of the reason why I need to feel wanted and why I did what I did with Shawn. And right before graduation my dad died of a heart attack. I didn’t go to his funeral; I just waited for the insurance check. To my surprise my dad had more money than he led people to believe. And that’s about it. Now you know why I am the way I am." Jana finished making eye contact sighing.
"I don’t know what to say."
"It’s ok you don’t have to say anything. I’ve had therapists telling me things since I don’t even know when. It was good just to let it all out and not have anyone say anything."
"You know all this has happened to you and you are still so strong."
Jana tried not to laugh and said, "You think I’m strong? It’s just an act. I’m just as weak as the next person if not more. That’s why I had to distance myself from you. But now I’m starting to think I may be stuck with you."
Nick smiled to see she was smiling again.
"It’s almost four in the morning."
"So?"
"Don’t you have stuff to do tomorrow?"
Nick shook his head no.
"Ok then."
"What made you want to tell me all that?"
Jana shrugged and said, "I don’t know. I knew if I didn’t let it out it’d eat me up inside. Slowly but surly I’m beginning to trust you more than any other male in my life."
"I feel special."
"You are special." Jana replied grinning wide.
"So are you." Nick said seriously looking at her.
"Nick, why me?"
"What?"
"You are so amazingly perfect and you can pick any girl and have them. Why me?"
Nick shrugged and said, "I’m not perfect."
"To me you are. I think of perfection and you’re the only thing I see. I mean why would you want me I’m broken."
"Broken?"
"Did you not just hear my story? And there’s a lot more of those, but that’s for the next slumber party."
Nick smiled and said, "It was just something about you."
Jana rolled her eyes then smiled as they made eye contact.
Nick started to yawn a little.
"Tired?"
He nodded.
"I’ll leave and you can go to bed."
"No, stay the night with me." He said grabbing her hand leading her into the bedroom.
"Nick-."
"We are just going to sleep, ok?"
Jana sighed and climbed into the bed next to him. She lay on her side facing him while he lay on his back. She hesitated then put her arm around his waist and her head on his chest. Nick started to play with her hair.
"I won’t be like those other guys if you give me the chance." He whispered.
Jana smiled and nodded her head before she closed her eyes and began to fall asleep.
Jana woke up and noticed Nick wasn’t there anymore. She got out of bed and stumbled into the living room area and saw Nick sitting on the couch watching Power Puff Girls. Wait a second… Power Puff Girls?
"So who is your favorite?" Jana asked as she got closer to the couch scaring Nick.
"What are you talking about?" Nick asked changing the channel.
"I saw you watching the Power Puff Girls. They are cool I won’t tell."
"I like the green one."
"Buttercup right on she’s my favorite too."
"You like them?"
Jana grinned and nodded.
Nick shook his head as he changed the channel again.
"I should get back even though Nikki is pissed at me she’ll still be worried."
"Ok."
"Ok." Jana said as she stood there.
"You’re going to come back right?"
Jana smiled at him and said, "Do you want me to?"
"Big duh!"
Jana laughed as she headed for the door.
"If you aren’t back in two hours I’ll send out a search party."
Jana fake saluted then walked out of the room laughing while Nick sat on the couch shaking his head.
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