Confessions, Secrets and Feelings...

The next day when Jerrica woke up she found her couch was empty, she was almost wishing he was still there. She wasn’t quite sure why, but who can understand anything we feel? She did know that not everyone got along with Alexis as soon as they met her but he did.

While Jerrica was getting ready for work and getting Alexis ready, Alexis kept asking where Nick was and if he was coming back. Before she left she turned around and looked at Jerrica who was still bent down and said, "Mommy, you better let Nick come back. Or I’ll be mad." Jerrica couldn’t help but laugh at her daughter’s statement as she got up and headed off to work.

When Jerrica got to work the boys were already there in wardorbe and make up ready to shoot. Which made Jerrica happy, hoping that it wouldn’t take as long. Even though the shoot was to last all week, it gave her false hope.

They got started and before they all knew it, it was time for lunch. By that time Jerrica was starving and was going to go a little restuarant down the street from her building. Before she got to her office Nick asked if she was going out or ordering in. She told him what she was doing and her volunteered himself to join her before she could say anything.

So they walked five blocks down to the ‘Have A Nice Day’ cafe, which it really wasn’t a cafe it was more like a restuarant but cafe sounded better with the name. Or that’s what Jerrica assumed the owners did.

They sat down, neither of them saying anything since they left the building. Jerrica couldn’t stand the silence much longer. Before she could say anything Nick did.

"So, what are your plans for this weekend?"

"I have no clue. Can’t think that far ahead."

"Ok, tell me all about you."

"What?"

"I want to know you."

"Why?"

"Because... I just do."

"Ok, ask me something."

"What is the best memory you have of your childhood?"

Jerrica closed her eyes and took a deep breath just the thought of her childhood made her sick to her stomach.

"So?"

"Well, I try not to think of my childhood much. Growing up my parents always fought and when I got older my dad started to beat my mom. I saw the pain she went through day after day, I remember her talking about wanting to leave but she really couldn’t because my dad was a cop. A detective actually. So until I got into college she was still with him and then finally one day she got up and filed divorce papers. I’ve never seen her happier. But yeah, that’s basically all I can remember from my childhood."

"I’m sorry."

"You know I never understand why people say they are sorry when someone says something like that. Are they saying I’m sorry you have a shitty life or what I mean I never understood that. It’s almost like pity. And I can’t stand pity."

"Ok, now I don’t know what to say."

"It’s ok, I often ramble like this when I find someone to talk to. Cause all my friends deserted me and I don’t talk to my family and well I really can’t talk to Alexis about anything but barbies and cartoons."

"I’m flattered you feel you can talk to me. That’s good, cause you can I’m a great listener mostly because I don’t know what to say."

"Oh I see now. Why you’re always so quiet... you don’t know what to say."

"Yeah... So does that rule out all family questions?"

"Depends... it doesn’t bother me most of time."

"Ok... well if you don’t want to answer just tell me ok. Do you have have any siblings?"

"Yes, one sister, Bambi. Don’t ask about the name. I haven’t a clue why she was named that. My mom had her when she was 19. And she somewhat blames my sister for not having the life she wanted, she says she ruined her life. Because my mom wanted to be a Doctor more than anything and then she had my sister and got rejected for the college she wanted to go to. But I think she just blames my sister because she was too chicken to do it, I feel that if you she really wanted it then she could have done it. Man, I should take my own advice."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I’m my mother. Except I don’t blame Alexis, I blame myself for being in love. All throughout high school I had the same boyfriend I was so sure we were going to get married one day. And then one day I found out I was pregnant and all my dreams were shattered. My senior year I recieved a full voice scholarship to the college of my choice. I choose one that Matt and I had talked about so we could be together then we broke up and I never saw him again. And now I’m telling you something no one knows. The day we met, was our anniversary I always went somewhere we used to go and wait for him or something but it never happened I always ended up crying. I’m not sure why I do it anymore it just hurts even more. So for the last three years I’ve just been a bitter bitch about everything. Because I feel love ruined my life, so ever since that day I vowed to myself not to fall in love again no matter what."

"Wow..."

"Yeah, now you know my whole life story. Not even my co-workers know that. I’m a huge mystery to them. So you should feel special."

"I do, but I’m sad for you I guess just because I’m in love and it’s a wonderful feeling and I would love for everyone to feel the way I do about Shanna."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, the day I met you I was buying an engagement ring. She’s a model though and had to leave for Paris before I could propose."

"Oh."

"So, I have to patiently wait for her return."

Jerrica smiled weakly at him, remembering how she felt when she was with Matt. And how much she loved him.

"So your dream was to be a singer?"

"Yeah, or an actress. See my sister is Mrs. Perfect. Well, not anymore she’s thrity something with five kids, but she married a rich man so I guess she’s happy. I don’t know. I really don’t talk to her much anymore. Most of my family disowned me after they found out I was pregnant and not married. But yeah I grew up in her shadow they all loved her, she was the first in our family to go to college so that was a huge deal. She made straight A’s, played numerous instruments and sang. But when she got into college with a voice scholarship that she lost because she ended up sucking. So she gave up, so I had hope and I was getting better everyday, at least that is what my voice teacher told me. So I had hope one day that I could be famous and do something my sister never did. But we know how that ends, I had to quit school and get a full time job and I lost my scholarship."

"I’m sorry."

"There you go with the sorrys again. But I’m sorry too, I’m sorry for being in love and having so much faith in it."

"Well, you know it’s never too late."

After lunch they went back to the shoot and finished for the day at five. Jerrica retreated to her office before she left to go home. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Nick said about it never being too late. It almost encouraged her to do something about her life. But there wasn’t much she could do, because she lost her scholarship and she didn’t make enough money to support Alexis her and have enough leftover to pay for college tution and books. Her thoughts soon vanished as she left her office. She didn’t have time for daydreaming anymore she had to grow up and take care of her little girl.

Jerrica walked up the stairs to her apartment and then down the hallway to her door. She was staring at the groud as she walked. She got to her door and saw a pair of shoes before her, she looked up curiously to find Nick standing there smiling.

"Forget where you live?" Jerrica asked looking at him.

"No, I wanted to play with Alexis."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He replied with a cheesy grin.

Jerrica started to laugh as she unlocked her door and walked in, Nick following.

"I can’t believe a 22 year-old, wants to play with my 3 year-old. Should I be worried?"

Nick started to laugh and replied, "Kids are fun, I miss having fun. Not worrying about business shit or bills you know all that grown up shit kids don’t worry about."

Jerrica just shook her head and walked in her room. She slipped her shoes off and then her skirt she hated. She stood there in her panties and shirt. Nick walked up about to say something when he say her changing. He stood there and watched her. Curves...curves...curves. She had curves in all right places, tanned and toned body. A litte belly he guessed from having Alexis. She had some meat on her bones, something he thought Shanna didn’t have you could feel and see her bones everywhere. It was almost disgusting, and she didn’t have curves. He stepped back to hide a little and continued to watch her. She took off her shirt revealing a black bra. Nick’s body was reacting to her changing but he couldn’t pull himself away. Finally, she put a tank top and a pair of shorts on and walked in her bathroom. Nick walked back into the living room with the picture of her half naked in his mind.

"Just sitting here in the dark doing nothing?" She asked as she walked into the living room.

"Yeah, couldn’t find the remote to the television."

Jerrica laughed and started looking for it as she said, "Yeah in this place you lose everything. That happens when you have a 3 year-old."

"Speaking of Alexis where is the angel?"