Chapter 5
You’ve Got to Be Joking
“You suck.” Madison said for probably the hundredth time that night.
“It’ll be okay baby; you know you want to see him perform.” Tony said as they got ready for Nick’s show.
“Not especially.” She mumbled.
“Why? Because you like him or because you react to his sexy ways and it bugs you that he can turn you on?” Tony asked cocking an eyebrow.
Madison turned around putting her hand on her hip. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now, get out so I can get ready.” She said pushing Tony out of her hotel room.
“Be ready in an hour.” Tony said pointing at her before she closed the door.
Madison sighed as she leaned against the door. “God, this sucks.” She said quietly as she started to walk back into the bathroom.
“Here I am again.” She said shaking her head as she kneeled in front of the toilet.
After emptying her stomach she didn’t even cry, she was getting used to it again she was getting used to her throat hurting afterwards and just feeling terrible. She always hated throwing up, how she could continue doing this over a guy; was beyond her. She stood up washed her mouth out and then brushed her teeth. She walked out of the bathroom and stood in front of her suitcase for a good ten minutes debating on what she wanted to wear. Finally she chose an outfit she prayed wouldn’t get her much attention from Nick or anyone for that matter. Just the thought of having Nick or some guy hit on her or ask her to dance appalled her. She didn’t know what any guy would see in her.
She was touching up her hair and make up when Tony began to pound repeatedly on her door. She shook her head and finished quickly before she made her way out to answer the door.
“Hi Tony.” She said as she opened the door and then walked over to the couch to put her shoes on.
“We’re going to see Nick Carter perform, I’m so excited.” Tony said giggling as he bounced around the room a little.
“You embarrass me tonight I might hurt you.” Madison muttered as she got up and walked over to him.
“Yeah right you couldn’t hurt me girlie.” Tony replied putting his hand on his hip.
“Yeah I know.”
“So why threaten me?” Tony asked grinning as he grabbed her hand as they walked out of the room.
Madison rolled her eyes as she linked her arm in his as they walked down to the elevator.
“I’m like the only guy here.” Tony said as he looked around the club as they walked in.
“Well, there aren’t many gay guys who like Nick Carter and are proud of it.” Madison replied.
“Sure, whatever they are just in denial. How can any normal gay guy not think he was yummy?”
Madison just shrugged as Tony guided her to the bar.
“There are a lot of teenage girls here though.” Tony said.
“Stating the obvious are we now?” Madison asked grinning at him.
Tony was about to reply when the opening act started to play. Madison hopped up on one of the bar stools and started to watch them.
“What are you doing?” Tony asked her wide eyed.
“Watching?”
“I want to see them up close, they are wearing tight pants.” Tony retorted excitedly.
“Then go.” Madison replied waving her hand.
“Don’t you want to see Nick up close?” Tony asked wiggling his eyebrows.
Madison just shook her head no.
Tony shrugged and headed down towards the stage leaving Madison by herself at the bar.
Madison sighed as she crossed her arms and leaned back against the bar. She began to scan the room; far too many teenage girls were there to make her feel even more uncomfortable. Most of them looked a whole lot better than her and it made her sick. Her eyes landed on Tony, screaming and jumping up and down in the middle of the sea of girls. Madison couldn’t help but laugh at him, he was so goofy.
“You’re friend is funny.” Someone whispered in her ear.
Madison shivered as she felt the hot breath on her neck. She turned to look at the person. It took her a minute to recongize him though, because he was disguised. She blinked a few times wondering if she was dreaming, after realizing who it was.
“So why aren’t you in the crowd?” He asked looking her up and down.
Feeling even more uncomfortable under his stare Madison sat up straight and sucked in her stomach a little. “I don’t like being in a crowd.”
Nick nodded as he looked at the crowd and then back at her. “You look nice tonight.”
“Thanks.” Madison replied smiling.
“You know I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile. You should do that more often, it’s nice.” Nick said grinning at her.
Madison looked down and then out at the crowd, hoping Nick didn’t see her blush.
Nick laughed. “Well I have to go; I have to get ready to go on.”
Madison looked back at him and nodded.
“Maybe I’ll see you later.”
She just smiled in return. He looked at her a little while longer and then left to go backstage.
“Where did you go?” Mike asked as he walked back in his dressing room smiling.
“I saw Madison.”
“Oh.”
“What?” Nick asked as he looked at Mike.
“What are you doing with that girl?” Mike asked.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s not your type.” Mike suggested.
“How you do know?” Nick asked crossing his arms.
“She’s too virginal for you.”
Nick began to laugh. “Maybe I’m up for a challenge.” He replied cocking an eyebrow.
Mike just shook his head and walked out of the dressing room. He started to walk towards the stage when two girls passed him giggling. He turned around and watched them knock on Nick’s door and then walk in after he yelled for them to go in. He shook his head and continued to walk out to the crowd.
“So what did you think of the show?” Tony asked Madison on their way back to the hotel. He was gleaming with excitement.
“It was ok.” Madison replied shrugging.
“Ok? Just ok? Did you see how tight his shirt was? And the tattoos? Oh god I had the hugest hard on.”
“Tony… god.” Madison replied scrunching up her face in disgust.
“It’s a normal thing my dear.” Tony replied laughing.
“Yeah whatever.”
“You hungry?” Tony asked as they walked into the hotel.
Madison looked around and then down at her hands. “No, I’m going to go bed.” She replied quietly.
“You sure?” Tony asked trying to look her in the eyes.
She looked up at him smiling and nodded. “Yeah, you go eat and daydream about Nick.”
“I have been all night.” He replied wiggling his eyebrows.
Madison laughed and rolled her eyes.
“Night girlie.” Tony said as he gave her a hug and kissed her forehead.
“Night.” She replied hugging him back and then walked off after they separated.
Tony stood there a minute watching her as she walked off and then headed over to the hotel restaurant and over to a table where he saw Jake and Shane sitting.
“Hey there buddy.” Shane said in a weird voice as Tony sat down at their table.
“Guess who I just saw.” Tony said excitedly.
“Who?” Jake asked slightly annoyed.
“Nick Carter.” Tony exclaimed as he giggled some more.
Jake and Shane both just twirled their fingers and rolled their eyes.
“Well that’s not very nice.” Tony said pouting a little.
“Madison went with you?” Jake asked ignoring Tony’s comment.
“Uh huh.” Tony replied grinning.
“Speaking of the devil.” Shane said as Nick walked into the hotel with Mike and few girls.
“What?” Tony asked as he frantically looked around and then finally saw Nick as he stood by the elevator.
“You’re so retarded Tony.”
Tony sighed and turned back around, “He makes me so hot.” He said as he took a drink of water.
“Gross.” Jake replied as he threw a piece of napkin at Tony.
Tony just started laughing.
“God, I don’t need to hear about all your sexual whatever.”
“Clever retort there my friend.” Tony replied laughing.
Jake rolled his eyes as he took a drink of his soda ignoring Tony and Shane’s laughing.
Madison laid on her stomach across the bed writing in her journal. This was her routine; she hated talking to people about her problems so she just resorted in writing them down. It was easier for her. She stopped writing and read over what she already written.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m even here. Sometimes I’d like to disappear. I hate everything about myself; well ok I hate everything about my body. I want to be perfect, sure there is no such thing as perfect. But I think there is and that’s what I want. But I’ll never be that, there will always be another girl that is skinner than me or prettier than me. I should just settle with what I am. But how can I do that when none other than the one and only Nick Carter won’t leave me alone? I’ve started forcing myself to throw up again because of him. Because he has to think something about me to even give me the time of day, and I feel like I have to at least look good so if someone sees him talking to me they think that I’m worthy of his time. Even though I know I’m not worthy. I’m not what he thinks. I’m sure of that. I’d rather he just leave me alone then I won’t have to go through all this shit. I just don’t see what he sees, if I don’t find myself attractive how can anyone else… let alone Nick Carter?
But I do have to admit it is nice to be getting all this attention from this gorgeous guy. What normal girl wouldn’t enjoy attention like that from Nick Carter? I just wish I was worthy of his time, I feel as if I’m wasting it…
Madison closed her journal and threw it on the floor beside the bed. She turned off the side lamp and curled up against a pillow as she closed her eyes.