"Don’t your kids sleep?" Nikki asked as she staggered into the kitchen.

Jana laughed at Nikki’s appearance and said, "Yeah but not much. Did they wake you up?"

"Not much? Hell it is almost eight in the morning. That’s not sleeping at all. Yes, they woke me up damn it." Nikki said as she sat down.

"Well, I have to take Trenton to school. I’ll be back, will you watch Alyssa?"

"Yeah." Nikki replied as she waved her hand at Jana.

Jana shook her head and walked out of the kitchen.

"So?"

Jana looked away from Alyssa’s hair that she was braiding to Nikki. "So?" She asked looking at her weird.

"You share, I share?"

"You share, I think about sharing." Jana said raising her eyebrows.

"Mommy, you’re pulling my hair." Alyssa whined from the floor.

"Sorry, baby." Jana said as she went back to braiding her hair.

Nikki sighed. "I just don’t love him anymore." She said quietly staring at her hands.

"There you go baby. How about you go play in the other room?" Jana said as Alyssa stood up.

"Ok mommy." She said then ran out of the room.

Jana got situated on the couch and looked at Nikki. "Continue." She said nodding at Nikki.

"I feel dumb."

"Why?"

"Because."

"So what happened for you not to be in love with him anymore?"

Nikki shrugged and said, "I don’t know."

"You know what that really means? That you don’t want to talk about it."

"Well I don’t."

"Why not?"

Nikki looked up at Jana and said, "It’s stupid. I’m a grown woman I shouldn’t be feeling these things."

"Feeling what things? Feelings for someone else?" Jana asked confused.

Nikki looked back down at her hands. "See it sounds so retarded."

"I’m so confused."

"AJ." Nikki said quietly.

"What?"

"AJ." Nikki said again looking at Jana.

"Oh."

"See, I knew that was going to be your response."

"What?"

"Oh."

"So?"

"I know what you’re thinking."

"Probably."

"It’s my own fault."

Jana laughed a little and said, "Correct."

~May 2003~

"I broke up with him." Nikki said to Jana on the phone.

"You what?"

"I broke up with him. I’m moving all my shit out of the house tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Not a good enough reason."

"Because, we weren’t going anywhere I want to be more than his girlfriend."

"You guys haven’t been together that long."

"About as long as you and Nick, and look at you two you’re getting married."

"Well everyone is different."

"I just want to know that I’m in a relationship that is going somewhere."

"Well, you do whatever you think is right."

"You don’t agree with me?"

"No." Jana said simply.

"Why not?"

"Because it sounds like something I would do. It sounds like a fucking cop out."

"It’s not."

"Ok."

"It’s not." Nikki said getting angry.

"So you miss AJ?" Jana asked.

"Yeah, but I was stupid."

"I’m going to have to agree with you on that. AJ would have given you anything, he loved you and you broke his heart. For what? Because the relationship wasn’t moving fast enough for you?"

"God, that was harsh."

"I’m not trying to be mean; I’m just trying to be honest. Giving you my opinion."

"Well it’s harsh."

"Well you’re stupid. AJ is and was a great guy. But you’ve always been wrapped up in the idea of marriage to see it."

"I see it."

"Now you do."

"Ok I think that’s enough, I know I shouldn’t have said anything."

"Why? Because you don’t want to hear the truth?"

"How about we talk about you and your mistakes?" Nikki retorted getting even angrier.

Jana glared at Nikki. "What are you talking about?" She asked her slowly.

"I think we both know, probably has something to do with you thinking about that fight you and Nick had when he told you he had a one night stand with a girl when he was drunk."

"Nikki shut up." Jana said glaring at her.

"What Jana? You don’t want to talk about it? But it’s ok for you to talk to me about how bad I fucked up with AJ. And now how bad I’m regretting what I did. But we can’t talk about you and what you did, how you lied. Or not even lied just didn’t feel the need to mention it. Huh? We can’t talk about that? Why not? Scared Nick will find out? Scared Nick will leave you and take the kids and once again you’ll have nothing? Is that it?"

"Nikki, stop." Jana said slowly holding back her tears.

"What? I’m just asking you a question." Nikki said simply, then got up from the couch and went upstairs.

Jana watched Nikki walk up the stairs and go into the guest bedroom. She couldn’t believe the things she was saying to her. Ok so she had said mean things to Nikki, but it wasn’t as bad.

~July 2003~

"I shouldn’t be here." Jana said as she looked around the room.

"But you are."

"I know it’s wrong."

"Then why did you come?"

She turned around to face him. "I don’t know." She said searching his eyes.

"Then what brought back here?"

"I’m getting married next month, had to see about some things with my family that lives here still."

"No, what brought you to my house?"

"I don’t know." She whispered.

He walked up to her cupping her face in his hands and gently kissed her. Jana struggled against him then finally gave in kissing him back; she put her arms around his neck and let her fingers run through his hair as she deepened the kiss. He moved his hands down to her waist as he started to walk guiding her backwards towards the bedroom.