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" WHEN YOU ARE SMILING "
     So Please Remember To Keep On Smiling !    

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
THOSE T.V. EVANGELIST'S ?
WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200003

            YOU GUYS GO ON WITHOUT ME
TO THE CHURCH PRAYER MEETING TONIGHT AND PRAY FOR ME
CAUSE I'VE HAD A BUSY RELIGIOUS DAY HERE IN MY CHAIR
WATCHING THAT THERE T.V. EVANGELIST JIMMY SWAGGART PREACH 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200004

                         
WELL I GUESS IF THE GOOD LORD WANTED ME TO GET TO THAT
CHURCH PRAYER MEETING TONIGHT, HE WOULDN'T HAVE THAT TRAIN CROSSING HERE AND STOPPING ME AND MY GOOD INTENTIONS,
FROM GETTING TO CHURCH,
NOW I AM ALL OUT OF THE CHURCH GOING MOOD 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200005

        
LISTEN LORD, I HAVE SO MANY APPOINTMENTS TO KEEP
I HAVE TO DRIVE HERE, FLY OVER THERE, AND ANSWER ALL MY CELL PHONE CALLS, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK,
WHY I'M SO BUSY I CAN'T EVEN TAKE TIME TO EAT A MEAL AND YET
AS BUSY AS I AM, FOLKS THINK I SHOULD TAKE TIME
AND GET TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200006

      WELL, WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO COLLEGE TO GET A EDUCATION,
YOU HAVE TO STUDY DAY AND NIGHT TO GET EVEN A PASSING GRADE,
HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK, THATS ALL I SEEM TO HAVE TIME TO DO
WHY IF I LET UP ON THAT I'D FAIL AND THEN WHERE WOULD I BE ?
NO BODY WANTS A DUMMIE FOR A WIFE, SO MAYBE AFTER I FINISH SCHOOL AND GET MARRIED, I'LL FIND SOME TIME FOR YOU AND CHURCH LORD, BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH  

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200007

        WHAT Y'ALL EXPECT FROM ME, GOD ?
I'M JUST A LIL OZARK HILLBILLY FELLAR,
AIN'T NAIR BEEN A CHURCH GOER,
LET THEM THAR BIG CITY FELLARS DO IT FOR YA 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200008

        ME GO TO CHURCH ?
WHY, JUST LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE NOSEY CHURCH FOLKS,
ALL THEIR EYES DO IS WATCH ME,
AND HOW I'M DRESSED AND THE FACT THAT I LOVE TO DANCE,
I WISH THEY WOULD TEND TO THEIR OWN BUSINESS AND STOP WATCHING AND BOTHERING ME 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200009

            DO YOU WANT A REAL      ??
JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M PREACHING TO MUCH ON HELL AND
THE DEVIL, WELL IT MUST BE THAT YOU'RE UNDER CONVICTION,
HOW EVER, IF YOU KEEP MAKING EXCUSES FOR MISSING CHURCH
YOU WILL FIND OUT HOW REAL THE DEVIL AND HELL CAN BE 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200010

        WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE A VERY BUSY SCHEDULE I'M ON MY COMPUTER TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY,
LOOKING AT ALL OF THEM X-RATED WEB SITES, THIS CAN BE VERY
STRESSFUL ON A FELLA'S HEALTH, MY DOCTOR FLIPPED A COIN AND SAID : " THAT I NEEDED A LONG REST, " SO I WON'T BE
ABLE TO GO TO CHURCH ANY MORE TILL I FEEL A LOT BETTER 

WHATS YOUR
REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH ?
EXCUSE # 200011

        WELL, I TOLD MY WIFE THAT I'M AS RELIGIOUS AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT IF THAT PREACHER FELLOW WANTS ME
TO COME TO HIS CHURCH, HE HAD BETTER UNDERSTAND THAT
THERE SHOULD BE, A SMOKING ROOM FOR ALL OF US
RELIGIOUS SMOKERS, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO OUTSIDE
ON THE CHURCH STEPS AND MAKE A SPECTACLE OF MY SELF 

   ..... And remember that Jesus loves you !
And

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TO
BACK IN THE GOOD OLD
~ NIFTY FIFTY'S ~

JUST THINK, RIGHT NOW YOU COULD BE ENJOYING
THE OZARK HILLS WEATHER IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN:

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