"The Trouble With Crystal Balls"
"The Trouble With Crystal Balls"
(or as Tamy put it "I'm a Big Dummy" )
(Author's note - This one is staying up just for kicks. Heh. A true oldie and not well written, but it's comical in it's own way. Big thanks goes to Tamy on this one for her help with tweaking, not to mention the creative process.)
Old witch Hagar was going through her daily routine of chores. Feed
the robeast, watch Zarkon make a fool of himself ( which was the most fun ), clean her broom, and polish
her crystal ball.
As she was walking down the dark corridor toward her labratory, she
heard a very distinct crash. "Oh great, now what!" Hagar hobbled
along as quickly as she could. When she entered her lab Cossack was
standing next to the pedestal where her crystal ball should have been.
That's when she saw the floor surrounding the pedestal littered with glass-
glass
from her favorite crystal ball! She was outraged.
"Cossack, you idiot! Look what you've done!" She whacked him in the
head with her staff as she said this. Hagar and Cossack were usually good
friends, but this was pushing it too far! Crystal balls were expensive and
hard to find. It wasn't often that the Home Shopping Channel carried them. What
was she going to do? The old witch yelled at Cossack some more.
Cossack, who
wasn't the most intelligent person on Doom said, "Oh...hi Hagar..uh..I was
just passing through...Gotta go!" Cossack tried to
slip out the door, but Hagar thrust her staff out in front of him.
"Where do you think you're going, you clumsy fool! King Zarkon and Prince
Lotor are going to attack some lowly planet today and I needed that crystal
ball!!
Now that you've broken it I won't be able to keep in touch with them, and that
means that I won't know when to send out the robeast! I ought to turn you
into a - "Hagar was trying to think of something really horrible to turn him
into to. She finally spit out, "a wart on Zarkon's butt!" Cossack shivered in
fear. Hagar grumbled, "No, wouldn't work..it'd be an improvement for you!" Cossack
tried to leave again but Hagar's staff was still blocking his way. Cossack
decided to humor Hagar and said, "All right, I'll get you another one.
Ah...where do you get a crystal
ball anyway?"
Hagar slowly lowered her staff and muttered, "How am I supposed to know.
That's your problem! You better get me one, Cossack, or else!" Raising her staff once more for effect. Cossack
gulped. Hagar was no fun at all when she was mad!
A truly stupified (and that didn't take all that much for him) Cossack left the lab
wandered through the dark halls, and wondered where he could get a crystal
ball. He knew that without the robeast there was little chance of a victory.
Heck, lately even with the robeast, there was little chance of victory thanks
to Voltron! King Zarkon, was begining to get fed up with their losing streak.
Cossack decided that he would probably have better luck outside of the castle.
Once outside, he was surrounded by merchant carts. There were goods
from all over the Universe. Jewels, pottery, hundreds of things all
around, but no crystal balls. The general was begining to get a little
worried, and with good reason - who would want to get zapped by Hagar! Cossack
thought to himself, ..Now where am I going to find a crystal ball? Then he saw
it..the store that had everything in the Universe at low everyday prices!
"Wal-Mart!" the ecstatic Cossack exclaimed."I'm saved!" He knew Prince Lotor
went there to buy gifts for Princess Allura. Surely they would carry a crystal
ball!
Hurriedly he walked through the store trying to find a crystal
ball. He didn't find anything even close. Realizing his dilema, he knew he'd
have to
improvise. Cossack turned and walked toward the electrical department....
Later...
As Cossack entered the labratory he was greeted by a very nervous Hagar.
"Please tell me you found one! Well?"
"Ah, not exactly." he said hesistantly, nervously shifting from one foot to
the other.
"What do you mean 'not exactly?!" Hagar cried, waving her stick frantically.
"I couldn't find one...sooo...I got these instead!" Cossack grinned with
pride.
Hagar noticed that he was holding two new, state of the art cellular phones.
It was her turn to be suprised. Hagar muttered to herself,
"Hmmm...Primco..not bad.." She sighed heavily and said, "Well, they'll have to
do...." Cossack breathed a sigh of relief. Now he wouldn't be turned into a
wart or whatever. He liked his handsome self!
Later...in King Zarkon's Royal Throne Room...
"Hagar. Hagar. Hey, old witch are you there?" King Zarkon bellowed unto
the phone. Nothing happened. The angry King turned to his son Prince
Lotor. "Lotor, how do you work this thing?"
Lotor, who had been startled out of yet another daydream about Princess
Allura, rolled his eyes and looked up at his father from his kneeling postion
at the bottom of the stairs and remarked, "Well father, you have to turn it on
first..." This he said with a smirk. Zarkon suddenly realized his mistake and
decided to play it smart. "I knew
that you idiot! I just wanted to see if you knew how! " Turning on the
phone he got a hold of the witch and sent the robeast out to fight Voltron.
They lost...as usual.
Cossak was smiling to himself at the end of that day thinking of what a
great day it had been. The only reason he thought that was because Hagar
and Lotor had been yelled at, not him. It was nice to see that for a change!
As Cossack left the throne room, he tripped over Kitty, who yowled and jumped
on Zarkon's lap! Of course, Kitty had all it's claws out, which caused Zarkon
to yell, much to the amusement of Lotor and Hagar.
Zarkon, spying Cossack
sneeking out the room, bellowed, "Cossack!!"
Cossack cringed - unfortunatly, he knew his time would come...
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