Ayame's Epilogue

Hello? Anyone out there? Itís not like youíd care to hear this, I know, but I have a few things to say. Who am I, you ask? Iím Ayame, remember me? The evil girl? The Mary Sue * (címon, someone out there was thinking it)? Yeah, I have a few things to say in closing, despite the little obstacle of being dead. But Iím an immortal demoness; you really canít kill me. Besides, ďdeathĒ has given me some time to think.

I would like words with a few parties, and this is the best way I can reach them. First, I wanna talk to the guys. And Mia, too. I didnít get much of a chance to know you, but I do know you hate me. Well, almost all of you. I wish I knew why. Iíve heard the stuff you accused me of, and Iím sorry, I never did any of that. Iíd never do anything like that. I especially wouldnít hurt you. I wanted you as my family; humans have families, so I think I need one. I wouldnít toy with you like she did.

Cye, do you understand that Iím lost without you? Every mistake I made was for you. I only agreed to her offer because it gave me a second chance to be with you; I didnít expect her to overpower me. The last time I was me, I was Ayame, was our night together. I hope you donít look back with disgust at it. It was the best experience of my life, but it was also the last. She stole my body & everything that shouldíve been my life. Sheís done it again, and now Iím just a nuisance thatís in her way. Sheíll kill me, Cye, really kill me. Sheíll find a way. What I wouldnít give to see you again, to touch you, to hear your voice and smell that salty musk that you have..... I miss you so much...... Just one last night with you, alone, thatís all I want.

Sorry, that was pathetic. Itís this horrible... place. I wish I could describe it better. Nothing makes sense here, and itís so dark... I hope this isnít what Ďdeadí is; itís so bleak. I thought death would bring comfort from all the pains of life, but mine just keep coming back. Each memory and bitter accusation from the living cuts through me, and I swear they physically hurt. Impressive, considering I have no body. She has it. Sheís probably having the time of her life with it--getting drunk, getting fucked, I donít know what else. Iím not sure if I want it back now.

I have no grave. Does that mean thereís hope for me, that I can try again? Iím not sure I want to. No one wants me. Cyeís probably found a nice, normal girl, and he wouldnít even help me if my existence were threatened by her. Your friends donít trust me one bit... well, more so than before.... I donít know what she did to them to hurt them so much..... Maybe itís better if I stay here, let her obliterate me. I canít even understand my crimes, let alone apologize for them or change them.

I donít belong among humans. I finally get the soul Iíve longed for, finally feel the love and respect I needed to create this uniquely human essence, but it exists only to suffer. Cye, you gave this to me; your love, your willingness to protect and respect me, to give me the sense of belonging Iíve always desired, built this soul; I would gladly give it up if it would make you happy and keep you safe & loved in your life. Yours is a real life, not this mockery of one I have.

Iíd do anything for you, Cye. I know you donít care what happened to me, and thatís for the best. I ruined your life, and I can never apologize enough for that. Iíll remain in this tomb, in my waking nightmare, for all eternity if only to bring you some sense of comfort. May your life be a happy one, Cye Mouri. Put the past behind you and try again. Humans can always try again and can always feel some sliver of happiness in even the worst of situations. But Iím not human. I can never experience happiness; I never had a real life to do so.

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