Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs Looks At
Doppelganger: The Evil Within (1993)
Which of Drew Barrymore's personalities do you like in "Doppelganger: The Evil Within"? The sweet one or the nasty one? Dumb question
"Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In" for 10/22/93
By Joe Bob Briggs
Drive-In Movie Critic of Grapevine, Texas
There's been a lot of Beavis-and-Butthead Bashing going on lately. But you can tell that none of the B-and-B Bashers know what the heck they're talking about, because they never even know the difference between Beavis and Butthead, or between a Beavis joke and a Butthead joke, or what we in the arts call the Beavis Sensibility and the Butthead Ethic.
These people are NUTS.
This cartoon is so lame that it's got WORSE animation than Hanna-Barbera. Sometimes nothing moves except the character's mouth--an effect last seen in the series "Space Angel" in the early sixties. (It was actually a technique called "Synchro-Vox"--living human lips superimposed over animated bodies. It looked so weird they stopped doing it.)
But Beavis and Butthead survive, in spite of all the mush-head censorship loonies. And they survive because of Joe Bob's First Rule of Comedy:
If you laugh at it, it's good.
I can't believe these people who say, "Well, yes, it DOES make me laugh, but I wonder if it's HEALTHY laughter."
WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS TALKING ABOUT? Is some Evil Twin FORCING you to laugh? Is the Butthead Demon taking over your body and contorting your face so that you laugh at vile, unfunny stuff?
But what really burns my bacon is that the censors are starting to WIN. People are starting to believe this stuff. Last week MTV announced that future Beavis and Butthead shows would be "softer." And the reason they were upset is that people claim their kids are watching Beavis and Butthead and setting fire to cats. They were especially nervous because, during the same week, Disney got in trouble when kids in Jersey started lying down on the highway and playing Body Chicken after watching a scene in "The Program" where a guy does the same thing. And somebody got killed doing this. And so they concluded, naturally, that
"It must be the MOVIE's fault."
You hear this all the time now.
It's the movie's fault.
It's the TV show's fault.
It's Joe Bob's column. It's all those dirty magazines.
Doesn't anybody ever think that, if you watch one scene in a movie and decide to throw yourself in front of a car, there might have been 97,000 OTHER influences in your life that contributed A LITTLE BIT to that decision? And when I was a kid, I didn't even NEED Beavis and Butthead to tell me how to blow up cats. I KNEW kids who blew up cats.
If we keep this up, we're gonna have to ban "Romeo and Juliet," because it encourages teen suicide.
Lemme say this again:
Reality. Movie. Reality. Movie.
Two different things.
The Reality comes first. THEN the Movie. Not the other way around.
Speaking of things that should never be censored, our right to look at Drew Barrymore's two enormous talents busting out of a skin-tight body stocking is still intact after "Doppelganger," the latest in her series of Psycho-Bitch-From-Hell roles. In this one she's mentally disturbed, nubile, and looking for a new apartment--a deadly combination. One by one the members of her family are dying horribly from multiple butcher-knife wounds, but her new roommate, screenwriter George Newbern, has his eyes planted firmly on the Kumquats.
What George doesn't know is that he has TWO new roomies--the nice Drew, who loves to tidy up, and the evil Drew, who loves to put on mini-skirts and dance like Madonna at Hollywood parties. George has to be careful which one he sleeps with.
Does Drew have a Doppelganger, which is some kind of ghost that hangs around and makes you do bad drugs and degrade yourself? Or is she messed up by her manipulative shrink? You won't find out till the big morph-a-rama finale of gooey Silly Putty skeleton mutants.
It takes a lot for me to say this, but ... Drew may be the new Linda Blair.
Two dead bodies.
One dead cat.
Knife through the palm.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Drew Barrymore, for saying "I can't cook but I can cut" and
"We didn't do ANYTHING, you and I--don't confuse me with HER!";
George Newbern, as the screenwriter who's doing "Breakfast at Tiffany's" as a horror movie, for saying "I don't want to be chicken anymore";
Leslie Hope, as the chattering girlfriend and writer, who says "Okay, I'm a slut, you're a slut. Who wants coffee?";
and Avi Nesher, the writer/director, for doing it the drive-in way.
Joe Bob says check it out.
JOE BOB'S ADVICE TO THE HOPELESS
Republican Alert! The Walterboro Drive-In in Walterboro, S.C., has had a sign up on the marquee that says "Closed For Repairs" for TWO YEARS NOW! Their phone number still rings, but there's no answer. It's not looking good. Bill Shoemaker of Charleston reminds us that, without eternal vigilance, it could happen here. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob, or to get free junk in the mail and Joe Bob's world-famous newsletter, "The Joe Bob Report," write Joe Bob Briggs, P.O. Box 2002, Dallas, TX 75221. Joe Bob's Fax line is always open: 214-368-2310.
Joe Bob (or whatever your name is), for your education and general info:
I can't believe I'm sitting here wasting my thoughts and energies on the likes of you. Guess I just felt like it. On behalf of anyone with any intelligence, may I please be allowed to say you're worthless. How in the hell you ever managed to eek your slimy little self into the major newspapers of the U.S. I'll never know.
You're so stupid and worthless I think I'll stop here. Actually, you're not worth a stamp.
By the way, what DO you think of women anyway? You refer to them primarily as two-four-six breasts. Or occasionally as "broads," etc. etc.
Did you ever see Elephant Man? Remember when he says "I-am-not-an-animal--I am a human being!" I feel like that a lot.
You're a mean man.
And so damnably STUPID. (Can't seem to say that enough). I know you're incorrigible. You're hurtful.
I'm not a gun-toting, bra-burning, sign-bearing feminist. I'm just a woman (very young and beautiful and smart, too, by the way--so don't write this off as a dried-up, humorless, hung-up letter writer).
But don't you ever get whatever hatred--of an entire gender--you have out of your system? You've got talent. But why not write so you hurt fewer of us?
I'm studying to go to medical school. It's a lifetime dream. I think. I feel. I love. And I don't hate an entire gender.
Please consider this.
Know that you could still keep your wit and "je ne sais quoi" without cruelly referring to an entire sex as basically worthless. Whew. I've gotten it out of my system.
Wonder what TOMORROW will bring. I hate being intelligent.
P.S. FLASH! Teenage girls have hormones too! Actually, teenage girls are more than teenage boys can handle. Theoretically, of course. And... girls are turned on by the same things boys are. The very idea of sex is just as sexy to a girl. (They don't really just lay there!) Thought you'd like to know that. Or not.
A fellow human being
Dear fellow human being:
What article did you read anyhow?
I LOVE women.
Hey Joe Bob:
I just recently received a copy of the review for "Killing Spree" from the guy I lifted up into a "whirring ceiling fan" and just wanted to commend you for being able to sit through the entire film. I also would like to thank you for the "glowing" review you gave to all of our acting abilities and the entire film in general. Hopefully, soon there will be another "screen gem" to please your senses. Thanks again, love to hear from you. Let's do lunch . . . I'll bring the innards.
Here's to blood in your spleen,
Boca Raton, Fla.
Can't wait to see you in a film where you have an actual STORY. I'm sure you can rise to the challenge.
Dear Joe Bob,
I read one of your recent columns in which you responded to a letter from Pam Mozier of Derby, Connecticut, regarding Avon products and animal testing. I did not read the original column which her letter responded to. However, I did read your response to Ms. Mozier.
Just for your information (not a personal attack on Joe Bob), bunny rabbits do "scream." It is not a "scream" per se, but it is a noise not usually made by a happy bunny. (I know, we had "Alice" the white rabbit once and I heard her do it, although I don't recall why she "screamed"--probably after watching one of the movies reviewed in your column.) The noise is analogous to the "scream" made by a lobster when dropped into a pot of boiling water.
The reason rabbits are used for a lot of testing is that they do not have tear ducts. The excuse used is that "humans" using products may accidently get mascara, hair spray, household cleaners, detergents, etc. in their eyes, thus the effects should be known. Rabbits are strapped in place and the substance is put into their eyes. The rabbit cannot produce tears; therefore, it cannot wash the substance out of its eyes. Then researchers judge the damage to the rabbit's eyes (if there are any left), and companies put "AVOID CONTACT WITH EYES" on the container so they can reduce their liabilities when "humans" get it in their eyes. If these products are so dangerous, do we really need to be using them? Nuff said.
Thanks for your time. I know your eternal vigilance keeps you quite busy.
P.S. Sorry for the big words and proper grammar. I am somewhat anal.
Which would you rather have, a screaming bunny or a screaming dancehall full of frosted-blonde line dancers on a Friday night?
I rest my case.
© 1993 Joe Bob Briggs All Rights Reserved
For more of Joe Bob's pre-TNT reviews in Grapevine, Texas, go to his Drive-In Reviews Archive over yonder at Joe Bob Briggs.com
Elvis has left the building, and he took Joe Bob with him.