Brad and Greg arrived at the SOI complex just shy of
8:30. It was true that Brad had slept over at Greg’s
place last night, however, nothing came of it. It had
been a quiet evening, and both men had been
concentrating more on the mission than on each other.
They still had limited ideas on how they could use their
prop to defeat the Trinity of the Unfunny, but today was
briefing, and surely Clive could offer some guidance.

Greg stopped in the lobby of the building, intent on
getting some coffee. While he waited for the pot to drip,
he poured a little packet of cream into a styrofoam cup
and took a plastic stirring stick from a small
compartment where other plastic utensils were located.
Finally black liquid streamed down from the machine,
and Greg poured himself a steaming cup of the drink.
Carefully mixing together the contents of the cup, he
took a sip, and sputtered painfully, as he had misjudged
the temperature of the coffee.

“Are you all right?” Brad asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Greg responded, putting a hand on his
chest and catching his breath. “Hot,” he said, indicating
the cup he held.

“I would imagine,” Brad laughed. “Come on, we have to
get up to Clive’s office.” The two men then made their
way to the elevator, took it up to the eighth floor, and
walked down the long corridor to their boss’ work suite.

They knocked on the hardwood door, as they were a bit
earlier than Clive had asked them to be for briefing, and
weren’t sure if he was expecting them. No answer
came. Greg knocked again, and once more there was
silence. Greg met Brad’s gaze and shrugged.

“Let’s just go in,” Brad suggested, and when Greg
nodded in agreement, he twisted the door’s handle and
walked into the room.

The first thing they noticed was that it was strangely dim
in the room. The next thing that caught their attention
was the smell of musk, and as their eyes adjusted to the
murky lighting of the office, they were startled -though
slightly amused- by what they saw.

Clive was sitting behind his desk, wearing his usual
clothes (though he had removed his suit jacket, his
dress shirt cuffs were rolled up to his elbows, and he
had visibly loosened his tie). The scene didn’t look so
much out of the ordinary, until you noticed the strange
expression that the bald man had on his face, and the
fact that he had some sort of leather cord wrapped
tightly around his hand. Greg moved in closer, and
realized the leather cord was actually a leash, one which
Clive had quite a strong grip on. However, Greg couldn’t
see what the leash was attached to, as it seemed it was
hidden behind the desk.

Still oblivious to the fact that Brad and Greg had walked
in on him, Clive began to talk to whoever -or whatever- it
was on the other end of the leash.

“Who’s your master?” he asked in a low voice, gritting
his teeth together, and jerking the leash a bit. “Say it.”

A slightly familiar voice replied, timidly, “You are, Mr.
Anderson.”

It took Greg a while to figure out who the voice belonged
to, because while it was familiar, he didn’t recognize it
belonging to the person whom it did, because that
person hardly *ever* spoke timidly.

Clive continued to pull on the leash, and as he brought
his victim closer in, Brad and Greg got a clear view of
the top three inches of the person’s head, dark brown
hair slicked back, and an unruly lock of it slipping down
into the person’s eye.

“Oh my God,” Brad whispered, stifling a giggle.

“Yes, my fluffy donkey,” Clive went on, gasps emanating
from Brad and Greg, “Get on all fours and--”

Greg and Brad erupted in laughter. Clive looked up,
taken aback as he hadn’t noticed these intruders. Tony
poked his head out from behind the desk, eyes wide.

“Jeez Clive,” Brad started, “I didn’t know you were into
the dom thing,” he cleared his throat in an attempt to
stop the rabid giggling.

“And yes Clive, we *do* have that in America,” Greg
offered, advancing a few paces toward the desk. “Tony,”
Greg shook his head, “Who would’ve guessed you were
the submissive type?”

“I, well, oh, bugger off Greg,” Tony said as he popped
back underneath the desk to retrieve his clothes.

“I see Clive already took you up on that offer,” Greg
cracked. “Anyway, I’m sure it was all in good fun, eh
macrodome?” he ribbed Clive.

“You never saw this,” Clive said, as he regained his
composure and put his suit coat back on, and unhooked
the leash from Tony, replacing it in his desk. Tony
reappeared, clothed in a red plaid sports coat, black
undershirt, and black dress pants. He ran his hands
through his hair as he stood up from behind the desk,
and joined the two men on the other side.

“Of course,” Brad said, holding up his hands in front of
him, “We won’t breathe a word of this to anyone. Our
lips are sealed.”

Just then, Ryan burst into the room. Everyone spun
around to look at him.

“Hey Ryan,” Brad called, “Wanna hear something
funny?” To this, Greg jabbed him in the ribs, which Brad
responded to by throwing him a hurt look, something
along the lines of, ‘what did you do that for?’.

“No time,” Ryan gasped, he had evidently been running, “I
have... new infor... mation... about the... Trinity... of the...
Unfunny...” he stammered in between gulps of air.

“Tell us then,” Clive demanded, straightening out his tie.

Ryan took a moment to get his breathing back to
normal, and began again. “I think I’ve found out where
the Lake of the Unfunny is,” he said as he pulled up a
chair next to the other men.

“Where?” Greg pressed.

“Well, the theory hit me on my way here, and the more I
thought about it, the more sense it made.” Ryan pulled
out a road map showing all the major highways of
Britain. “See this stretch of road?” he pointed to place
on the M-25 motorway.

“Dear God,” Tony exclaimed, “You don’t mean to say that
their base is near the M-25?”

“Not *near* it, but beneath it is where the Lake of the
Unfunny flows,” Ryan took a marking pen from Clive’s
desk, and highlighted the part of the M-25 that he
suspected. “This is the exact place where the most
traffic gets backed up.”

“Interesting theory Ryan,” Clive started, “It just might pan
out.” He paused before continuing, “And you’ll have a
better time investigating, of course, with another
partner.”

Ryan, Greg, Brad, and Tony looked up from the map at
Clive.

“A new partner?” Ryan asked, tapping the pen on the
desk, “This is highly irregular.”

“He’s not new, he was simply out of contact when I
called you all up here yesterday. He’s another of my
best agents, and you all know him well.” Clive pressed a
button on his desk telephone, which sounded a buzzer.
“Dorothy,” Clive spoke into the speaker, “Send in Colin.”

As soon as his name was mentioned, Ryan perked up.
All too noticeably too, he realized after the fact. The
other men were staring at him.

“Hey, come on,” Ryan said in response to the looks, “You
guys can’t be thinking *that*. He’s just my best friend,
and we’re both married, anyway,” -to this Greg scoffed,
and Ryan raised his eyebrow at him.

“And why are you smirking so, Greg?” Ryan started, in
an attempt to divert the pressure the others were
placing on him.

Greg raised his index finger, readying to answer, when
there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Clive called. Sure enough, Colin had arrived.
“All right, Lieutenant Dino,” Clive addressed Colin, with
approval from Tony for using Colin’s Super Hero name,
“We all know what the problem is, please take a seat,
now, let’s figure out a method of action.” Colin sat down
next to Ryan, and winked suggestively at him.

So, as they settled in, all six men began offering their
suggestions of possible ways to infiltrate the Lake of the
Unfunny, and to defeat the Whoser Losers.




“We really need to think of a plan,” Colin said, reaching
forward to grab a handful of chips off of the coffee table.
After the meeting had proved un-fruitful in Clive’s office,
Colin had suggested they take the whole thing back to
his home, sans Clive.

“I say we just ambush them,” Tony advised, “You know,
send in a decoy, and then do a little sneaky-attacky,” he
popped a twiglet into his mouth, “It could work.”

“That’s a thought,” Ryan agreed, rubbing his chin and
pondering, “We could have one or two of us distract all
of them by offering a truce or something.”

“And then the rest of us could totally lay siege to the
place, I love it,” Greg added.

“How do the props factor into all of this?” Brad
questioned, and for a moment there was silence.

“Well,” Greg began, pulling out his and Brad’s large pair
of sunglasses, “I’m sure these are big enough to take
out a average sized guard dog...” he demonstrated by
whacking Brad with the glasses.

“And these?” Colin produced Ryan and Tony’s foam
fingers.

“Hmm,” Ryan tried, “Well if I do this,” Ryan took one, and
placed it in front of his pelvis, “It looks like I have a really
big--”

“And that helps us how?” Colin interjected.

“Screw it,” Ryan said finally, throwing the fingers across
the room. “Let’s just get to work on that ambushing
plan.”

“Alright,” Tony began, “First, let’s split into two teams.
Two of us will be the diversion, while the other three will
do the combat. The two decoys, however, will need to be
able to keep the Whoser Losers occupied using
whatever means possible.”

“Who’s most believable at being serious?” Ryan asked,
knowing that the two who would be the distraction would
have to keep a straight face when suggesting a truce to
the Whoser Losers.

“Colin can be serious,” Greg perked up.

“Definitely not myself or Tony,” Brad laughed.

“So it’ll be me, and who else?” Colin inquired, placing his
hands on his knees.

“I guess I can do it,” Ryan said, trying not to seem too
eager about working with Colin.

“OK so it’s decided, Ryan and Colin will be team A- the
diversion, while Brad, Greg and myself will be team B-
combat.” Tony affirmed, looking around the room for
approval.

“Good,” Greg said seriously, “Now, let’s get into detail.”

“Sure,” Colin started, “Here’s what I’m thinking: Ryan
and I will arrange a meeting with Ron West, and
hopefully some of the other members of the Trinity, far
away from the base,” he cleared his throat, and went on,
“Then, Greg, Brad, and Tony will lay in wait just off the
M-25. When you guys see Ron leaving, that’s when you
attack.”

“With the prominent members of the opposition away, it
shouldn’t be hard to overtake the Lake of the Unfunny,”
Ryan finished for Colin.

“It sounds great,” Brad said excitedly, “I hope we can pull
it off.”

On to Phase IV