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Forever More

Part 1 - Hope

Chapter Nine

 

   Scott heard Rebecca’s car start up. By now the argument between him and Linda had escalated. Not only was he so angry that she had come bursting in accusing everyone and embarrassing him in front of Becky and the children but now Becky had left and he wasn’t sure what to do.

He found himself repeating over and over again that there was nothing going on like she was insinuating. The boys just wanted to go swimming. They don’t have a pool. This was a special thing for them. He heard the words as they flew from his lips. He was denying everything that he knew in his heart was true, but he continued on. Right now this was the current situation.

They were both so angry and even though he knew that what she was thinking was true he had to defuse the argument. He knew what had happened and maybe that was part of the reason that he was now trying his best to deny it all and get Linda to calm down. He would deal with his problem later.

Linda took off up to the bedroom. He went back outside. Becky was really gone. Going back inside he headed down into his studio. In the last few moments things had changed. The boys must have been scared to death. All he was thinking now was that Becky must hate him. She must have heard me telling Linda that nothing happened, he thought to himself. What she must think!

What had happened? Why had he felt that way? Why was he drawn to her? Right then, as he sat in the dim light of the studio, he was more worried about what Becky was feeling than Linda. Why? What was he doing to Linda? Why did he have to lie to her again? Confusion and guilt collided in his head as he sat, with beer in hand, until the room darkened around the edges.

 

He heard the door open at the top of the stairs. Still groggy he pulled himself up as Linda appeared at the foot of the steps. He checked his watch, nearly one o’clock in the morning.

The fight was over. Linda was there to talk. She apologized. He was right, she had no business going off the deep end like that in front of anyone. She was sorry. She had no idea why but she had a strange feeling about that woman and just assumed the worst. If he said nothing was going on then she believed him and didn’t want to fight anymore.

Oh, god! What had he done? Linda believed in him. She loved him. How could he have done this to her? Remorse crept through his whole being.

They went upstairs to their bedroom where they made love.

As he drifted off to sleep thoughts once again filled his mind. The guilt was still there. It had not gone away as he had hoped after making love to Linda. No, this was different. He had made love to Linda. That was the problem. He felt he was now lying to Becky.

 

Rebecca was up getting a cup of coffee when the phone on her desk at work rang. Scott was on the other end. She had told him where she worked and he had tracked down the number. He sounded very down. "Look, I just want to tell you how sorry I am about what happened."

Rebecca had spent that Sunday night and all of following day in tears but today after not hearing from him until now she had started to realize that this was wrong. Whatever she was feeling for him could not happen. He was living with Linda and as much as she wanted to believe that he felt something for her she could not forget how quickly he denied everything. She felt so hurt and ashamed that she had even let things go that far.

No, he and Linda weren’t married but that did not make it right. She did have every right to be angry. Rebecca, herself was the one who was wrong. Whatever had happened, whatever she had felt was over now. It had to be. She spoke into the phone.

"Scott, its OK." Trying very hard to sound uninvolved she went on. "You know, those paintings are done. You should probably get them." It was all business now. "Or I can run them out there when its convenient for you."

He sensed her matter-of-factness. She heard him take a deep breath. "Oh." A pause, another breath, "Sure." He knew he had hurt her. He started another apology but she interrupted.

"Ah, I’m really sort of busy right now. So when do you think I can drop those off?" Rebecca’s heart ached and she felt tears welling up in her eyes as she cut him off. "How about next Saturday morning?"

He knew it was pointless to try to talk. "No, I won’t be here on Saturday. Maybe some evening this week?"

Rebecca’s mind raced ahead and she agreed on the following evening after work.

Scott hung up and sat a long time with his head in his hands.

 

All day Rebecca wondered how she would handle seeing him again. She knew this would probably be the last time she ever would. He had come into her life and touched it so deeply in such a short time and she was grateful even for that much, but this had to be done. She had to deliver those paintings. She would have to say good-bye.

She pulled up the drive all the while thinking how truly lovely it was there and that she would never see it again. She stepped out of the car and for the first time had to ring the doorbell. Scott opened the door. A touch of embarrassment swept over Rebecca as she remembered their last encounter and she could not bring herself to meet his eyes. He followed her out to the car and they carried the oils in and he set them on the kitchen counter. She could tell that he was alone again. Awkwardness filled the room as they stood next to each other. Just standing so near him and having her arm brush his sent a shiver through her. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She had to leave.

They stood outside near the door. He couldn’t just let her go like this. He wanted to tell her how he felt, what he felt. Standing together the feelings crept over him again. He had so wanted to bring his lips to hers to pull her close and feel her body in his arms. He knew that they both had things to say but the words weren’t coming. He was not ready to say good-bye.

"You know, I never took you riding down by the river like I promised."

A small smile came to Rebecca’s lips as she recalled sitting in the grass one afternoon with him as he told how beautiful it was down by the river and how they would go riding and he would show it to her. But no, she looked up at him, "Scott, I don’t think that is a good idea."

"Please," his voice had a slight tremble.

She forced a smile and looked up into his eyes.

They walked quietly across the drive and to the barn where he opened two stalls and proceeded to saddle up one of the horses. Rebecca started to do the same. They had started to talk now, about the horses and which one he thought she would like to ride. A few moments later they were walking them slowly down the path on the far side of the barn toward the wooded area that lay passed the open fields.

They rode side by side. The sun was going low beyond the trees but there was still plenty of light. Rebecca felt sadness as they rode on. She wanted desperately for this ride to never end. If only she could keep this moment forever, riding quietly together as we were. She had not wanted things to change but they already had. She had to face that reality.

As they rode along the stillness was interrupted only by birds singing or the horses snuffing as they shook their heads. Corky was already far ahead down the path and would stop and look back every once in a while to make sure they were still following. Scott pointed out where his property line was as they turned and took another path closer to the woods. Rebecca could tell that they were headed in the direction of the river.

The St. Joseph river runs up through Indiana and Southwestern Michigan before emptying into Lake Michigan at the city St. Joseph near the bluff where they had first met. It is a beautiful river and very wide in spots. His property on the east lay along about a quarter mile stretch of it.

They eased the horses down a winding path that brought them to the level by the river. Keeping to the trail a bit longer he then turned off and Rebecca followed him ending up in a clearing right along the water’s edge. The large willows and maples overhung into the water. They swayed in the breeze of the evening. She could hear the water gently rush by. This was more beautiful than he could have ever described. They got down from the horses and she turned to convey her thoughts.

He felt the same. "Oh, I know. This is my favorite place. I love to just come here and sit and think. Sort of helps to clear out the cob webs or put your life back into perspective." He moved closer to the water and threw a rock out as far as he could. "Maybe I should spend more time here," he looked toward her.

Rebecca sat down on a grassy spot near the water’s edge. She said nothing and drew her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them. He stood a while longer and then moved onto the grass near her. They sat quietly for what seemed a long time just watching the leaves float by as they softly drifted down for the trees above.

Rebecca felt him turn to her and she raised her eyes to meet his. It was almost as if there was nothing to say. They had shared a moment but knew it was over yet as they sat together on the grass in this tranquil setting she felt closer to him than she had before. She looked back toward the water.

The sun was now below the trees and the shadows that it created edged their way out into the water. Scott stood up and put out his hand to help her. Her hand was soft and warm in his. The smooth feel of her skin upon his made his body quicken and ache. Standing face to face looking deep into her eyes he saw himself reflected in them. He reached up and cradling her smooth cheek gently in his hand brought his lips to hers.

Nothing mattered any more. Whatever was so complicated was gone. She felt herself sink into his arms. The feel and the taste of his lips pressing against hers was intoxicating causing her to let out a low moan deep within her throat.

She felt the tip of his tongue as it gently began to caress her lips and she opened them slightly. As his tongue moved about her mouth she met it with her own. His mouth was hard upon hers causing her body to bend backwards. He held her waist tight and she could feel him hot and hard pushing against the flat of her stomach just inches from where her own body hungered for his touch.

She felt as though she might fall but he held her tight moving his mouth down along her chin, throat and onto her breast still covered by her blouse but full and yielding to his touch. Her hands instinctively moved to clasp the nape of his neck.

With his lips upon her he could feel the hardness of her nipple under the cloth. The sensation only caused him to want her more. "Oh, god, Becky! I want you." His words were low and husky as he continued to bite at the nipple, one hand hard against her rounded bottom, kneading it and pushing her into him.

Suddenly he felt her body tremble. Loosening his hold he let her go. Standing before him she looked so vulnerable. He knew what he was doing to her. He also knew that what he felt was more than just physical desire. He wanted her more than anything but to act on that now would be denying her the love that he so wanted to freely give her.

Scott took one of the horses by the reigns and helped her up. He pulled himself up behind her. Moving to the other horse he grabbed those reigns and they headed up the path away from the river with the other horse in tow. All the way back Rebecca laid her back onto his hard chest as she felt his breath upon her neck. As the horse walked on the gentle motion rubbed his body into hers. She could feel him straining against his jeans.

Back at the barn he dismounted and pulled her off to him. Once again they stood locked in embrace, lips gently caressing the other’s.

As much as Rebecca had wanted this moment to last, as much as he had wanted her to stay they knew that she couldn’t. So many emotions and thoughts raced through their minds and bodies. They knew what they wanted but they knew it wasn’t right. She could have given in so easily, if he had but asked. If he had known that he would not have let her leave.

Rebecca was in her car and he closed the door after her. Bending down he rubbed her arm as he leaned in to kiss her one more time. They knew this was not good-bye. Neither of them wanted it to be.

~
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Chapter Ten