Forever More
Part 3 - . . . And The Greatest Is Love
Chapter Thirty Two
While they were both so grateful that Sarah had no actual recollection of the accident Scott remembered it all too vividly. He had confessed to Becky late one night how he felt responsible for the whole occurrence. Nothing she could say would convince him of anything contrary. He was driving and therefore he was to blame. No amount of circumstances surrounding any of it could change that, at least in his mind.
He kept reliving that day. All he could see was the terror in Sarah’s face and hear her screaming before the impact of the ditch. There wasn’t any time to do anything, then he was totally helpless to come to her aid. That was what had hurt him the most, not his own injuries. His little girl, his baby that he loved so much was hurt and God forbid, dead, and he could not even get to her. He could only pray that someone would help them. When she needed him most he was not there for her.
He anguished over that powerless feeling. He had known it before. There in the hospital the evening that their son was born. He could do nothing but pray. Then the night that he had rushed Becky to the hospital when their precious little baby girl died, he was helpless. Was not their care and safety what his family depended on him for? In his eyes he was constantly failing them.
That nightmare continued to haunt him. Rebecca felt so much for him as he spoke. She wanted to sooth away his pain but he would not let her. Little by little he was starting to withdraw into his own self pity.
Christmas came and went and though Rebecca tried to make it a joyous time because they were all home and together it was very difficult for her. She had wanted this holiday season to be so much better than the previous year’s. They had been through so much the year before that the holidays held little peace as they went through the motions. Only in the few months following would she and Scott really start to work through all the emotions and indiscretions that had plagued them.
Now she found herself nearly back to the same spot in her life. Scott was home but he was spending most of his days alone now. He had so much on his mind.
His cast was taken off right after Christmas. Up until that point he seemed worried at best, but the realization that this was more serious of an injury and one that he had tried to put out of his head was beginning to take root.
The sight of his own hand was enough to sicken him. It seemed a foreign object as he looked at the mass of scar tissue which seemed to cover his entire hand. The accident had rent the flesh from it. The new growth appeared a shade of gray or purple most of the time. The pins that had been inserted to insure the proper healing of his bones had yet to be removed.
The whole process was very painful and he was relying heavily on medication. The second surgery healed fairly quickly and he was due to start therapy to work the muscles and tendons.
Until the time that the cast was removed he had clung to the hope that everything would eventually be fine. Sarah, though her injuries were much more serious, had bounced back and by the first day after Christmas break was back in school. But Scott was becoming painfully aware that this object at the end of his arm that he had come to rely and depend upon for his career was no better to him than a brick, weighing him down and of no use.
Not one person had ventured to say anything. Not one friend had the courage to tell him that they did not think that he would ever perform again.
By the end of the year the band was looking further ahead into a contract for a new CD due out the next summer. Before the accident Scott had also been offered a solo contract with the same label. Where did this leave him? He could not even get his fingers to work to tie his own tennis shoes.
The doctor had talked of therapy but he was not stupid. He knew that his life as he knew it was over, just when things had started picking up with his career and the band. Things had been moving so great and fast. He had been writing and all of the guys had been riding on this wave of new found recognition. They were not just a band from the past throwing together some old songs and taking their outdated music on tour. They were alive and fresh and better than ever. They had been received well and their older fans as well as newer ones filled venues to see and hear them.
This accident had left him on the outside looking in. He saw no where to go.
Rehabilitation on his hand was due to start shortly after the first of the year. He had to drive into Saginaw three times a week and spend an hour in therapy. Rebecca would take him.
The process was very painful. They were trying to get his hand and fingers to do things that he knew they wouldn’t. It wasn’t long before he dreaded the days that he had to go. The day after the therapy was worse as he was in so much pain from all the exercises that they had put him through that had brought tears to his eyes. Then he had to turn around and go back again the following day.
Rebecca and the therapists tried to encourage him. This was the only way that he would ever be able to use his hand again. But for what? Did it really matter?
After the first two weeks he was able to flex and grip but it was still very painful. At home alone he had even tried picking up one of his guitars. The object felt almost foreign in his grasp. Pain, anguish and humiliation took over his mind as he realized that he was not in the least bit able to master even simple movements that had been second nature to him.
His career was over and he had to face it. No one else would. They were all lying to him. Was he the only one who could see that? Did they not even care enough for him to tell him the truth?
Rebecca had been so worried about Scott. He had retreated into their bedroom where he was now spending most of his days. He never went out to the studio and very rarely wanted to talk to anyone on the phone. He was not even talking to her.
The frequent trips to his therapy in Saginaw were strenuous as he was so quiet and almost brooding on the way there and in much pain on the drive home. It hurt her terribly to see him suffer like this. Her only consolation was that he would be improving as the surgeon had deemed it necessary for yet a third surgery to remove bone fragments that had dislodged and with continued therapy it was only a matter of time before he was able to regain the use of his hand.
But Scott did not feel that he had time. There had been deadlines to meet and already he knew that the band had postponed meetings until he felt well enough to join them. The tour that had been scheduled for summer was now moved back to the winter months at the end of the year and the following spring. But what difference did it make if he was unable to play or join them on-stage? He was just a burden to them now.
The third week in January had, as of the last several years, held a most welcome event. Ethan’s and Kyle’s annual Super Bowl Party. The tradition had been started a few years before and had grown with every passing one. Everyone looked forward to it as the lower level family room was wall to wall teenage boys who came to party and be loud and disgusting and generally have a wonderful time. The football game seemed to dim in the process.
When the Sager boys threw a Super Bowl Party it more than not lasted at least two full days, sometimes longer. Rebecca even wondered why they didn’t cancel school that following Monday since everyone knew where at least twenty boys were if they were not in school. They were sleeping the following day after staying up all night. Rebecca would give out about eleven p.m. but Scott of course, being the nocturnal animal that he was would be right up there leading the charge till at least six o’clock the next morning. Just the year before Scott and Kyle’s friends had spent several hours in the studio jamming before sun up.
This year Scott did not seem to be in the spirit as he had been in the past. She was hoping that would change and that once the boys had descended upon the house he would be fully into back to his old self. Maybe this is all he needs, she thought to herself.
As the party grew closer Rebecca was having second thoughts. Not about Scott but about the party. Kyle was now in college and things had changed. He had wanted beer at the party and Scott had more than obliged him. Rebecca was not happy.
She was now seeing that what had been just a bunch of teenage boys getting together had become, in her estimation, one more reason to get together and drink. Most of the boys were under age and she did not think that they should be encouraging it. But as it got closer to the actual day of the party she was realizing that what she felt or said was having little or no effect on the outcome of the events. Scott had ordered a keg of beer and that was that.
Rebecca still tried to make the best of the circumstances. Her concern now was that Scott was very heavy into his pain medication and therefore should not be drinking. He was not at all pleased when she brought that subject up with him. Does she think that I’m so stupid as to know that I can’t drink while on the medication?
The night of the party he decided not to take his full dose. Half will do the trick and maybe he can have a beer with the guys.
Rebecca had vowed to stay out of the way for the most part. She would stay in their bedroom only coming out to help with the food that was being consumed in large quantities.
It was after the half time show that she showed her self in the family room. Scott was no where to be found. He had already drank so much that she found him nearly passed out on Treage’s bed. The effect of the medication and beer was taking its toll and he had already been sick once. But when she tried to get him to come upstairs he wouldn’t have anything to do with her. She was worried about him and if she should take him to the hospital but his offensive insistence drove her upstairs crying.
Her concern for him turned to anger as the night wore on. He had blatantly done something that he knew he shouldn’t and was now paying the price. He deserved every thing he got.
The following morning Rebecca woke Treage up for school. She had managed to get him to crawl into bed with her about midnight when she found him asleep on the floor amongst the revelers. Sarah had stayed at a friend’s the night before since she did not want to even be in the same house with the likes of all of her older brother’s friends.
After returning from taking Treage, Rebecca went down to find Scott still dressed and lying across Treage’s bed. Evidently he had not moved all night. Well, he had to now, she thought to herself. It was time for him to get up and get cleaned up. They had to drive into Saginaw for his therapy. She didn’t care what he felt like he had to get moving.
He outright refused to go. That angered her even more, but what upset her more than anything was that he was being almost mean in his tone.
Later Kyle tried to talk her into letting it pass. So he missed one appointment? They all had missed something. So many had not made it back to the dorms and Kyle himself had not gotten up and driven back that morning. The consensus was for his mother to lighten up.
She tried. Things remained strained as Scott refused to have much to do with anyone. The day after next he had another therapy and doctor appointment. He refused to go again. Rebecca was at wits end. He would not go to therapy and he would not tell her why. He was acting like a child as far as she was concerned.
The following Friday he had another standing appointment. Another big argument in the morning found Rebecca trying to get him to come to his senses and go and he became more ad more enraged at her insistence. He gave no reason after all of her pleading. In fact he didn’t even want to talk to her anymore. He retreated out to his studio where he spent the whole day alone. He came in the house late that evening but spent the night on the sofa.
The next morning was Saturday and he got up and went right back out to the studio.
Rebecca had had it. She could no longer reason with this man who would not even talk to her. How could she know what he was feeling if he wouldn’t stop shutting her out? The only words that they had spoken to each other in the last few days had been in anger.
Rebecca reached out to the only person who she thought might be able to have some impact on her husband, Tom.
