1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year and spent about $400.00. I haven't lost a pound. I guess you have to show up.

4. I'd have to exercise early in the morning before my brain could figure out what I was doing.

5. If God had meant for me to touch my toes, He would have put them further up on my body.

6. I like long walks....especially if they're taken by people who annoy me.

7. My thighs are flabby but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If I'm going to try cross- country skiing, I'd have to start with a very small country.

10. I don't jog.....it makes the ice jump out of my glass.