Have dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all the crumbs. If you don't have a dog, you are in trouble.....go find one roaming the neighborhood quick!

Call for a demo from a salesman...Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house....insisting that the carpeting looks the same....but really is different in all parts of the house. Tip for success: Don't always call the same company...keep a chart and rotate.

Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag quickly over everything (don't even waste time on the Pledge or Endust....that's just minutes away from your computer....and that's just unacceptable!) For the illusion of using these products, spray a few squirts into the air like air freshener.

First find a good place to hide it! If you have to do it....like if you have no clean underwear....(heck, who needs underwear anyway) Ok, ...let's say it's time to fold those clothes.....run the dryer again...and again and again. When the utility bill comes in.....have a stroke!!

Close the lid.

Close the shower door or curtain.

Close the door. Again....for the illusion of a clean bathroom, pour some lysol into the trash can....that illusion will stay until you finally get someone to empty the trash can for you....Speaking of which....

If you can't find someone in your house to do it....bribe a neighbor....you can say that you hurt your back or something....it might even be good for getting a couple of sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Don't use it too often....they might get suspicious.

Dishwasher....if it doesn't come off the first time, run it again and again. If that doesn't work, throw the dishes out and start with fresh ones. Better yet....paper plates, plastic cups and plastic utensils are a better way to go.........(as long as your neighbor is taking out the trash.)

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