Rules For Cats
1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think for several minutes. This is especially important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
2. Chairs and Rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag will work good too. When throwing up on a carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
3. Bathrooms: Always accompany your human to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything......just sit and stare.
4. Hampering: If one of your humans is involved in some close activity and the other one is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping" otherwise known as hampering. Follow these rules for hampering........
* When supervising cooking, sit just behind the heels of the cook. You cannot been seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
*For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the eyes and book, unless you can lie on top of the book itself.
*For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on as much of the work as you can. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles.
* For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim....to hamper ! First, sit on the papers being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens and pencils off the table, one at a time.
* When your human is holding a newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of your human, especially when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first wake up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
Bedtime: Always sleep on top of your human at night so he/she cannot move around.
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